


Bonded in Blood

by LittleCrimsonOne



Series: Place me in your sense of care [2]
Category: Argyle Goolsby, Blitzkid (Band)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Violence, Bondage, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Sex, Established Relationship, F/M, Falling In Love, Femdom, Gentle femdom, Healing, Light BDSM, Male Submissive, gfd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-10-23
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:07:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 91,469
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22789204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleCrimsonOne/pseuds/LittleCrimsonOne
Summary: A continuation of A self Made collar. Almost a year after her first attack the past catches up with Cherish, Goolsby now in the crossfire. How much does he really know about the woman holding his keys? And is trust enough?Warnings for violence, blood, death, stuff gets dark guys, M'kay?If you’re here for just the sexy bits:Ch 1: BDSM Scene, bondage, pain play, interrupted aftercare. Message me if you want to read a non interrupted version.Ch 8: Vanilla, romanceCh 13: Vanilla, emotional comfortCh 14: BDSM scene, bondage, blindfold, flogging, painplay, aftercare
Relationships: Argyle Goolsby / OFC
Series: Place me in your sense of care [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1638343
Kudos: 2





	1. Bondage and Blood

He was spread out on the bed, the chain on the cuffs making a clicking sound every time she made him squirm. The music coming from her speakers not loud enough to cover the noise, but effectively drowned out the rest of the world. Cherish kissed up his ribs lighty, knowing how ticklish he was there. Trying to scramble away from her was fruitless: pulling up from his wrists dragged him up the bed only two inches before the restraints around his ankles stopped him short. Smiling against his skin she dragged her nails down his other side, the sting from the red lines forcing him to twist back toward her lips. He groaned from the sensual duality of the feelings, half of him wanting the pain to stop and the other needing it to chase away the sensitivity from her lips. Any time pain was involved the taboo nature of allowing her to harm him turned him on so much it never mattered how much it hurt. He’d always ask for more, and seeing, or having to hide, the evidence of it days afterwards made him tuck away secret smiles. 

Sitting up she looked down at him, enjoying the way he looked all stretched out for her. Easing her hands over his torso and up his arms she smoothed away his discomfort. Relaxing again he let his arms drop, the soft cuffs holding his wrists up. She had gotten him to the edge twice already and he was feeling tense and boneless at the same time.  
“Colour?” Cherish’s voice was smug.  
“You know it's green.” He stated, exasperated and amused. He loved being trapped and at her mercy, and at this point he still didn’t understand why, only that he did. She knew it too, and was playing with him as happily as a cat plays with the mouse its about to murder.  
“Don’t sass me, you’ll regret it.” Sliding down him she bit and licked her way down his chest, letting her lace covered breasts tease over his boxers. Last time he had enjoyed the feeling of her skin on his cock, but apparently he had been too distracted. That evening he had been instructed to wait for her: coming into the apartment the first thing he had seen was a wrapped present, “Open Me” written on a tag, containing the black satin boxers, the set of black leather cuffs, and a note of how she wanted him that evening and over the next two days. He had grinned reading it, wholeheartedly on board with her plan to make this visit as far from vanilla as they could get. She had kissed him after getting home, seeing he was sitting on her bed as she’d asked, only cuffs and boxers on, and immediately hooked him to the metal bed frame before going to change. When she had come out wearing the negligee he had been thrilled, now he wished he could rip it off her.  
A particularly hard bite made him groan and arch up so she didn't let go, grinding her teeth and making sure it would bruise for him. He couldn't wait to see them all later.  
“I know.” He sighed with pleasure and she smiled again. Pressing herself down into him he pushed back, chasing the pressure against his cock. Not one to give him what he wanted Cherish sat up again. She offered him her fingers and he sucked them into his mouth, knowing what she wanted. Bringing her panties to one side she stroked over her clit, letting him watch. Dipping her fingers inside she curled them to touch her G spot and moaned for him, feeling his eyes on her.  
“You’re so hot. Let me touch you.”  
“Nope, I’m touching myself right now, you’ll have to wait.”  
Watching her was another one of his favourites: she leaned back a little so he could see what she was doing. Alternating between running her fingers up and down her slit, rubbing her clit and thrusting her fingers inside herself, she quickly got herself to the edge. The rattle of the cuffs sounded as he strained to sit up further. She had taken away the pillow earlier to make him work for it.  
“I want to taste you.” He whispered, still not comfortable with anything close to begging, but she was always happy to hear when he could say what he wanted. Smiling she brought her fingers out and held them above his lips, making him reach up to lick them, trying to convey what he wanted to do to her until she took her hand away. “That’s not what I meant.” He said as he let himself drop back down to the bed.  
“Mmhmm, but it’s what you get.” Touching him for the briefest of moments she moved his cock so it laid flat up inside his boxers and he hissed from the contact, overstimulated from her edging. Fixing her panties so they covered her she straddled him properly, and began sliding herself along his shaft, the satin making the glide smooth. Closing his eyes at the delicious pressure for a moment earned him another drag of her nails, this time down the center of his chest and his eyes snapped open.  
“I'm sorry Angel.” She nodded to accept that, giving him a smirk.  
Reasserting his attention on her she braced her hands on his stomach, grinding along him.  
“I think I’m going to make myself cum like this, would you like that?” The heat over her clit starting the familiar coil inside her, the bed creaking as she sped up.  
“Yes.” He hummed and grabbed the metal bar above him for something to hang onto, trying to focus on her.  
“You like it when I use you like this, don’t you?” She smirked at him, knowing that would both turn him on and make him embarrassed. He was getting better at admitting things though. She was expecting a forced nod but instead he answered haltingly, voice breathy, looking right at her.  
“Yes, fuck, thank you. Use me. Please cum Angel.” Digging her nails into his skin she bit her lip as she stared into his eyes, seeing he was feeling close as well, knowing that he liked the pain.  
“Mmm that's hot. You’re such a good toy for me.” He nodded and his eyes widened when he saw her start to tense up. Cherish moaned, the confirmation he liked it pushing her over the edge, her clit pulsing and wetness leaking from her pussy. She kept moving on him until she couldn’t handle it anymore, loving getting herself over stimulated as much as she liked doing the same for him. When she took her hands away, she saw the marks she had left and smiled, leaning down to kiss them before mouthing over the fabric along his cock. She breathed hot air onto him, warmth spreading out and he groaned. Not taking him out of the boxers she started to pump and he writhed, fighting the restraints.  
“I like these.” She said, referring to the boxers, enjoying the silky glide over him. Pressing her other hand under his balls into his skin she stroked him faster. His breathing sped up and he squirmed, already quickly approaching the edge and gasped, trying to stop himself until she said he could. She leaned down and bit into his stomach, sending exquisite pain across his abs. “We need to break them in though. Be good for me and cum in them. But I’m not going to stop until I feel like it. I like playing with my toys.” Her words sent him over, finally getting permission, moaning her name and pulling against the cuffs. The swirl of pain into pleasure made his eyes roll back into his head and he saw stars as he exploded.  
“Thank you, thank you Angel.” He knew how much she wanted to hear him, but he was only able to get those words out before his brain short circuited.  
“You're welcome.” She purred. “So polite.”  
True to her word, she didn’t stop, continuing to stroke him quickly until he was quivering: knowing what she wanted from him he forced words out for her.  
“Please stop, Angel, I can’t, fuck. Please.” Face turning red, jerking his limbs trying to stop her, and losing the ability to articulate his pleas turned into non verbal noise, he saw her smile. Finally she slowed her pace, letting the ache become more bearable. Adjusting him inside the boxers made him twitch, but she made his cock lay more comfortably and smoothed her hands all around the fabric. “Thank you.” He breathed.  
“So good for me.” She crooned to him and he let his eyes close, needing to collect his brain cells again, letting the light touches bring him down. Her hands danced over his stomach, thighs and arms, traced the bite marks and scratches she had given him, brushed his hair out of his face, and he sighed with pleasure.

He felt her freeze, her whole body going rigid, and forced an eyelid open to look at her. At first all he saw was her eyes, wide and full of terror, making his own snap open fully. The second thing he saw was the knife, glinting under her chin, and he followed it up the arm to a man he didn’t recognize, the other hand fisted in the back of Cherish’s hair, holding her head up. His whole body jerked as his body went into fight mode, brought up short by the cuffs, only managing to jostle Cherish, who hissed as the hand in her hair tightened.  
“Lookit this. I gotta say, I’m surprised. In all the times I’ve watched you, you’ve never had anyone over. I get the signal to come get you the one time you have someone with you, and there I was, having to wait for backup on for a one man job.” The man's voice was pleasant, conversational and amused. Hearing footsteps Cherish realized there was someone else behind her. “But now, that time was wasted, you took care of him for me.” The man leered down at Goolsby. “Shitty luck man.”  
“Fuck you let go of me.” Cherish spat at him. She froze again when he used the knife to flick her hair off her shoulder.  
“You’re gonna wanna watch that mouth, Missy.” Her eyes went even wider, trying to see the face of the man holding her hair. She saw a bearded, dark haired man. “Oh, rings a bell? That’s what he called you wasn’t it?” The colour left her face and her legs trembled for a moment. The knife dragged a light path across her collarbones and went back to resting against her throat. He leaned in close and whispered in her ear. "Shh don't say anything."  
Unable to stay quiet seeing her fear Goolsby growled at him. “What the fuck do you want?”  
The other, and much larger, man came along the same side of the bed to stand next to his partner, cocking a gun and pointing it right at Goolsby’s chest.  
“I don’t want to hear another word from you. Got it?” Icy fear raced through him, and he nodded once, hoping the man would move the gun but he didn’t.  
“You play your cards right and you’ll walk away from this, assuming someone finds you.” The first man said to Goolsby. “Our business is with the lady here.”  
“What do you want?” Cherish said between her teeth.  
“Straight to business? Alright then.” The bearded man taunted her, his voice playful and friendly. “You are the reason a certain individual is in jail. And you sent him to jail before he could pay off his debts to the boss. A man who owes money and disappears is always going to get some attention. We finally tracked him down, and he didn’t even get a trial did he? No, somehow you were good enough to get him to not pass go, don’t collect two hundred dollars. He told me what happened, and I gotta say, I was impressed. So was the boss. He wanted us to take a look at you, and aren’t you the perfect little treat. So we figured we’d let you work off his debts.” The man leaned closer into her ear and licked a path up the side of her face, making her try to twist away and then grimace in pain when her hair pulled.  
“And the best part is, you’ll go quietly, or we’ll kill your boyfriend here.” Cherish’s eyes flicked to Goolsby’s, whose face was contorted with fury.  
“Don't fucking touch her-” His threat was cut off as the large man cracked him across the face with his gun, splitting his lip and making the inside of his mouth bleed as his teeth sliced his own cheek. The man hit him again across the temple, opening his skin in cuts across his nose, cheek and eyebrow. His brain pounded, ears ringing, literally seeing stars in his vision, he tried to blink them away to look up at her.  
“No!” Cherish couldn’t help it, and the man holding her grinned at her before turning back to Goolsby. He shushed her gently, holding her chin up with the knife, looking at her but spoke to Goolsby.  
“You’ve gone and upset the lady, if you know what’s good for you you’ll shut the hell up.”  
Spitting blood out of his mouth at the big man got him a punch to the gut, knocking the wind from him. He coughed, trying to breathe, displacing Cherish enough that she had to brace her hands against him. The bearded man dragged Cherish sideways, making her fall off the bed with a cry as a clump of her hair was pulled out. He pulled her to her feet by yanking her arm behind her back, ignoring her shriek of pain, bending her forward until her face was pressed against the bed. Untangling the hand in her hair he pulled the bloody clump away and tossed it onto Goolsby’s stomach, making him feel sick, a pit of guilt forming in his chest.  
Cheerfully the man spoke. “I don’t think you understand. You’re acting awfully bold for a man tied to a bed with someone threatening your girl. Smarten the fuck up.”  
The man ran his hand over her back, crooking a finger in her lingerie and letting it snap. She thrashed in anger, only managing to make herself gasp in pain from her arm and he laughed.  
Forcing Cherish to stand straight again he twisted her arm until she cried out, pushing her head so she could look down at Goolsby, and to her horror see the knife pressed against his chest. With a flick he made a shallow cut: Goolsby breathed in sharply, blood immediately welling up and running down his side. 

“We’re gonna go downstairs, and my friend here is gonna stay with your boy toy. You gonna be smart and go quietly, or are we gonna have to show you his insides?” She nodded once, too afraid to speak and risk anything else happening to Goolsby. His cuts had bled enough that blood was dripping down his face, staining the pillow. “That’s a good girl. You be quiet and compliant, and when we’re done, we’ll call the cops and have them come find him. You just remember that.” Keeping her arm twisted behind her the man used the hand with the knife to yank her head to the side by her hair. He stared right at Goolsby as he kissed up her neck, running his hand down her front and cupping her breast. Cherish screwed up her face and gritted her teeth to suppress her revulsion but didn’t fight him. The man winked at Goolsby as he jerked against the ties, seething with rage, deadly threats in his eyes. Grinning the other man took the knife and traded the gun, which was then pressed into her side. The behemoth stabbed the knife into the mattress next to Goolsby’s ribs, who winced. The men nodded to each other, the large one leaning against the wall as the bearded man adjusted his grip on Cherish. For a moment the couple's eyes locked, a million things could have been said but the one that stood out on Cherish's face was an apology to him. Goolsby had no idea why, and stared back, his body cold in fear for her. A split second that felt like an eternity passed before her brown eyes hardened and peeled away from him. The arms holding her tightened and the man moved them. Turning her he began marching her towards the door.

Cherish’s mind had been racing, making the 3 minutes that had passed seem like an hour as she tried to come up with a plan. As soon as she saw the gun being taken off Goolsby and pressed to her, she made up her mind. They clearly were sent just for her, and had been instructed to get her somewhere alive. Meaning she was the chess piece she could play with. She knew her best chance was now, before they took her somewhere unknown.  
Getting to the doorframe she let her legs go wobbly, bracing a hand on the door to catch herself and she let out a quiet and shaky, “Please.” He let go of her arm to grab her around the waist to haul her upright.  
Cherish used the motion wrench all her limbs up, putting her full weight on his arm, planted her hands and feet on the door frame and shoved herself backward, slamming her head up into the man’s face. The back of her head exploded in pain as it met his teeth.  
They toppled to the ground with Cherish on top of him, he fell flat on his back and the wind left his lungs with a grunt. She rolled across the arm with the gun, pinning it under her as he tried to point it back at her and it fired into the floor. She landed her foot into his groin as hard as she could and he bellowed. The other man pulled the knife out of the mattress and started towards them. Managing to grab the gun she ripped it from his hand and pointed it at the large man. The knife slashed through the air and hit the gun just as she pulled the trigger, making it fly across the room, the bullet missing its mark. 

From his vantage point Goolsby couldn’t see Cherish or the bearded man on the ground, and was only able to watch in horror as the tall beast moved from his place next to the bed towards his girl.  
Cherish made as though she was going to scramble backwards and when he bent to grab her she launched herself away towards the bed, ending up back at the side of it and moving her head and shoulders under it as she reached out. The man laughed at her, kicking at her thigh making her yelp and stepped on her calf with his heavy boot. “Where you going princess? Can't let you hide under there, too pretty for that.”  
He yanked her part of the way back by her ankle and then grabbed her around the waist.  
“You’re a fighter and I like it.” The man said smugly as he stood, lifting her bodily. What he didn’t see, and Goolsby saw clearly, was when Cherish cleared the bed she had a baseball bat, using her full weight and the momentum of him picking her up to slam it fully backwards. The bat came up in an arch and she smashed it across his head behind her. He dropped like a stone, out cold before he hit the ground and Cherish landed on her knees. 

The bearded man was wheezing but had gotten to his feet. Cherish scrambled up and held the bat out before her.  
The enraged expression on his face was terrifying but Cherish stood firm.  
“One down, wanna try your luck?” Her voice was steady, surprising even her. The man lunged and grabbed the knife off the floor. Cherish swung for him but he dodged it and they glared at each other. She held it sideways, ready to hit a home run, her feet planted, standing behind the unconscious man and directly in front of Goolsby.  
“You fucking bitch.” The wrath in his previously friendly face made her tremble but she held firm.  
He moved towards her and she swung, clipping his arm as he feinted and she fell for it. Grabbing the bat with one hand he punched her face with the hand holding the knife. She hung on to the bat as she saw stars but he wrenched it from her. He swung it across her middle and she doubled over in pain. Goolsby watched as the man shoved her to the floor, her head at the foot of the bed. The man dropped the bat to back hand her across the face as he sat on her stomach. He brought the knife down, intending to stab her shoulder. At the last moment she raised her hands, the blade slicing down her forearm, deflecting off the bone. Goolsby shouted when he saw the knife come back up dripping blood. Not knowing what else to do Cherish punched him in the groin again and he dropped the knife, as it fell it clattered and rolled under the bed.  
The man snarled and seized her neck, cutting off her air.  
“I am going to kill you, nice and slow.” He said dangerously as she clutched at the hands at her throat. Just as her vision started to go black he let up and she gasped in a breath. With an evil grin he tightened his hands again. “You know how long I can keep you alive like this? A long time, so long you’re going to wish each time is the last. You’re going to regret not going quietly. Eventually you’re not going to be able to fight back, just fight to breathe.” He let up again and she coughed and got a small inhale before the vice came back. She scratched at him and beat at his arms, getting weaker with each moment. It didn’t seem to bother him. Her nails snapped and bled as she dug them into his skin but his grin never wavered. Her hand smeared blood across his face from trying to push him away, but he didn’t even flinch.  
“And then I’m going to find that gun and shoot your boyfriend in the stomach and let you watch him bleed out. A gut shot is a slow way to die too. All because you just couldn’t go quietly.” Cherish’s face was red, her eyes streaming tears as she looked up at him. 

Goolsby heard every word. Since she had taken out the large man he had been pulling and straining at the cuffs with no results. He had tried to reach the strap with his mouth, pull his wrist through, twist his hand to reach the release hook, anything. Hearing the man say he was going to kill her made him redouble his efforts. He couldn’t see Cherish at all, only the back of the demon choking the life out of her on her own bedroom floor, the place she felt safest. The sounds of her beating against the floor with her legs was breaking him, knowing she was just as trapped now as he was. Staring at the chain attaching the cuff to the bedpost on his left hand he put all the force he could muster into it, but neither it nor the bed frame gave in any way. Tears leaked out of his eyes as he heard her take another agonizing breath, his soul screaming at him to do something. Panic started creeping into his mind: he thrashed, no longer making a coordinated effort to free himself, pulling with desperation at every restraint. 

Cherish stopped beating at the man’s arms, knowing it was useless. She didn’t want to look at his face anymore, didn’t want that to be the last thing she saw. Her eyes went under the bed and saw the knife, she reached for it: her fingers touched it but pushed it away. His hands loosened and she drew in another lungful of painful air. Looking up and away from him she saw the edge of the bed, and Goolsby’s foot. She watched as it twisted and jerked, trying to escape, and she wished she could apologize to him. Reaching a hand up she couldn’t touch him, her fingers brushed the chain of the cuff, red lines filling the edges of her vision.

“Giving up yet bitch?” The man snarked at her. “I want to see your eyes, whore. Look at me.” He leaned forward and pressed his face close to hers for the next breath he let her have, enjoying her feeble attempts to kick her legs and her bleeding arm grabbing at the bed next to her. His smile became even more sinister. “Maybe I’ll take you back anyways. Let them play with you, toss you around like a ragdoll once all the fight is out of you. Then I’ll kill you after everyone’s had a turn. How does that sound?”

Goolsby froze, feeling the cuff around his right ankle tug, his eyes going wide. Another tug made him stretch out as far as he could, trying to give it as much slack as possible. He heard it jingle and pull, and then he felt the chain swing against his heel. Skeptically he yanked on his leg: it was free. Sitting up as much as he could to see the man he took aim, and lashed out with all his might at the back of his head, his heel connecting. The man fell forward onto Cherish, releasing his hold to catch himself. Hearing Cherish gasp in a breath, Goolsby kicked again, getting in a glancing blow on his back. The man screamed with rage and threw up a hand as he turned towards the bed. This time when Goolsby kicked it hit his arm but didn’t stop the man from sitting up. Getting to his knees freed Cherish’s stomach enough that she could move. Turning as much as she could she reached under the bed.  
Goolsby kicked the man again across the back of the shoulders, pushing him back towards Cherish as her arm thrust forward, knife plunging into his stomach. Their eyes locked as he stared at her incredulously for a moment, watching her pull the red blade out before the next kick sent him collapsing on top of her and the knife went in again. The man wheezed, reaching between them, trying to reach the knife. She felt him try and pull himself up, and twisted her hand. He went limp after a minute, weight pinning her to the ground, feeling his blood spreading around them. Utterly exhausted, lungs burning, throat on fire, blunt handle of the blade digging into her chest, she focused on each shallow breath she was able to take, mind too stunned to move.

Goolsby couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t see them. He felt with his foot, finding the man unmoving, but unable to reach far enough to feel Cherish.  
“Cherish?” A lull in one of the songs allowed him to hear her laboured breaths. “Cherish? Baby, answer me.” He pleaded. Hearing a rasp from her and feeling the man’s body shift he realized she was still trapped. Hooking his foot under the side of the man he pushed hard, letting out a scream from the effort and pushed him off her. "Cherish? Can you hear me?"

Cherish laid on the floor, staring at the ceiling. The weight of him off her made her realize she had lost feeling in her legs and the pins and needles as the blood came back felt like an ironic gift. Each inhale felt like her guts were being pulled on and the muscles in her neck were burning. Her mind swam, unable to comprehend the mix of agony slicing through her body. Finally the room stopped spinning, and through the pain she heard him calling to her.  
“Cherish you have to get up. Cherish please answer me. Can you hear me? You can’t die on me. You've gotta get up. Cherish. Baby. No.” His voice was frantic, repeating her name, and she could see his foot, still searching for her. Against the metal of the bed frame she heard the cuffs clinking, her mind latching onto the need to free him. Raising her knee made her ache, but she got it high enough so it touched him, wanting to let him know she was alive. He grabbed at her with his toes. “Cherish! Get up, please, you can do it. Come to me hun, I need you.” He heard her wheeze and another sound that could have been a word. She tried to say his name and couldn’t. Reaching out with one hand she swiped at his leg, he held it out to her as much as he could. The blood from her forearm made the hand too slippery, too weak, and she couldn’t grip him. He felt the wetness and looked down at his foot, somehow unprepared to see the blood smeared there. “Oh god Cherish. We have to call for help. You have to get up. I’ll help you just grab onto me.” Her other arm was farther away, and he was moving his leg around slowly, not sure where she needed it to be, feeling blindly for her. The first time it came close enough she missed it, but she held her hand out and touched him next time.  
“That’s it. Hold on to me.” He held still until he felt the grip on his ankle was strong enough, bending his leg to try and pull her up. Only getting up halfway she cried out, a white hot stab of pain through her abdomen, and letting go she flopped onto her side, lying in a vee, partially propped up on the dead man beside her. Goolsby could see the top of her head now, blood caked in her hair, could see the movement from her breathing. The wounded sound she had made tore into his heart.  
“Baby it’s ok. Just breathe, just stay alive ok?” She saw his wrist, still attached to the bed, white knuckled hand clutching at the metal frame. His legs thrashed as he tried again to free himself, chains clinking. Using the man under her as leverage, she used her uninjured arm to start to turn herself, legs sliding under the bed. Crawling sideways on one arm she stared at his hand, knowing that she just had to get close enough to reach the snap hook. Blackness had started to creep into her vision, she gritted her teeth, willing herself not to pass out. He felt movement against the bed and saw her bloody hand coming up, the horrible slash down her arm gaping, unable to help a gasp from seeing it.  
“Oh fuck.” He whispered as her arm cleared the bed. Gripping the mattress she pulled herself closer. He couldn’t use his leg anymore to help, she was too far up.  
“Yes. You can do it. Help me Cherish.” Stretching, stomach screaming at her, her finger touched the bolt, slipping off the first time. Listening to his voice she made herself focus, holding herself off the ground higher with her good arm, feeling the weakness from blood loss increase with every moment. Goolsby held the cuff as still as he could, holding his breath. He watched her grab the hook, slide the bolt down and stick a finger in it to stop it from snapping back up. Slowly she twisted her hand, fighting the hurt from her arm, and the D ring fell from the loop, freeing him. Immediately he flung his hand to free his other arm and then sat up, having to fumble with the cuff at his ankle to turn it enough to reach the hook. He heard her slump back onto the floor and let out a gurgle.  
“I’m coming baby just hold on. I’m coming.” Launching himself across the bed he dropped down beside her, feet skidding in the pool of blood on the floor, falling onto his hands and knees jarringly. He could finally see her, leaned across the legs of the man, surrounded by blood, from her arm and coming from under the body. Crawling over he wiped his hands off on the man before he touched her face, coming close to hover above her slumped form, fear racing through him seeing her closed eyes.  
“Cherish. Cherish look at me sweetheart.” Her eyes opened, bloodshot and unfocused as she looked back at him, right eye already starting to swell shut, lip bleeding, face red. She wasn’t holding her head up at all, its full weight resting in his hands as he held her gently. “Hey you’re ok, I’ve got you, it's ok.” Sliding his hand around to the back of her head to hold her she flinched so he froze, taking his hand back he saw blood on his fingers. She whimpered and managed to grip at his leg. “I’m sorry, you’re ok.” 

Her breaths were raspy, laboured and wet sounding. Taking a moment to assess her he decided if she was still breathing he had to stop her bleeding, the long slash running from the back of her wrist to her elbow was deep enough to be a big problem. Grabbing the pillow off the floor he pulled the case off and wrapped it around her arm tightly. 

“Hold this for me hun.” He brought her good hand over to hold the fabric, freeing his hands.  
Feeling over her stomach he began looking for the stab wound he was sure she had. Her belly and chest were covered in blood, each pattern on the black lace a potential laceration to his eyes. Not finding one he raised his eyes to his face, cautiously hopeful.  
“He just got your arm?” At her nod he changed his focus.  
Her phone had been sitting on the bedside table and he snatched it. Dialing 911 with one hand and holding her arm with the other he quickly gave her address and shouted desperately for cops and an ambulance. Once he heard the woman say they were on their way he dropped the phone. 

Knowing her bedside table had rope in it he wrenched open the drawer, finding a short length and tying it tightly around her upper arm, before taking her arm back. Cherish was turning grey, clutching at her stomach. He touched her skin over her abdomen and felt it was hot and hard, watching as she struggled to breathe. Making a decision he eased her into his arms and picked her up, gently sitting her up against him on the bed. Getting her legs stretched out took the pressure off her stomach, making her whimper but he could hear her breathing improve almost immediately. Scrambling to remember anything he’d learned in first aid he tilted her head back, hoping there wasn’t anything blocking her airway. Trying not to touch the injuries on the back of her scalp he held behind her neck, supporting her as best he could.

“That’s it just breathe, it’s gonna be ok. Help is coming.” Cherish let out a strange noise and then grimaced. He heard it again and realized she was trying to talk. “Don’t try to talk sweetheart you’re gonna hurt yourself.” Feeling her give a very small shake of her head in reply he shifted her so he could see her face a little, frightened by how pale she had gotten.  
“Ssshhss. Orr. Ssssry.” Finally she just mouthed at him and shaped the word, lip spit reopening sending more blood dripping down her chin.  
“Shhh you have nothing to be sorry for.” He kissed her forehead and then winced, he had forgotten about his own face. Looking down he saw he had left a bloody kiss mark on her face. Gently he tried to wipe it away, seeing new tears forming in her eyes as she looked back at him. She rasped again, trying to say his name, and he realized she was looking at his injuries. “I’m fine hun we need to worry about you.” She shook her head again and brought her good arm up to where he was holding her other arm across her chest, keeping the cloth tight and hoping it was elevated enough to help. She clutched at his arm, wheezing again, her lips formed his name. He shushed her, holding her close, listening hard for sirens. Her breathing was getting more shallow and her eyes fluttered closed.  
“No Cherish open your eyes, you have to stay awake.” She squeezed his arm and nodded but couldn’t open them. “Can you hear me?” She nodded again. “Can you look at me?” His voice shook. He watched her eyes crack open before shutting again. “Ok, you’re ok, just hang on. Can you hear the sirens? That’s for us. Don’t fall asleep, baby just listen to my voice. I've got you.” Her hand went limp, releasing his arm and falling to her lap. “Cherish, no you can’t fall asleep. Hey, no, look at me, open your eyes. No no no. Wake up sweetheart.” Her head lolled to the side and he scrambled to hold her head up. "No, Cherish!” While he could see her chest rise and fall he couldn’t help the panic that came into his voice. He slid his legs under hers and rolled backward on the bed, trying to elevate them to bring blood back to her head.  
The sound of her front door smashing open startled him but he managed not to jostle her.  
“In here, help me!” He screamed and three cops came in guns drawn. Sizing up the situation in an instant one of the cops radioed for additional busses. Another felt for a pulse on the larger man, and finding one cuffed him. The third came and started running vitals on Cherish, who didn’t move, Goolsby continuing to ask her to wake up.  
“Tell me what happened son.”  
“They broke in, tried to take her somewhere, she fought back, please help her!”  
“Gonna do everything we can.” A duo of paramedics walked in and the gruff older officer waved them over.  
“Can you tell me about her injuries?” The man said.  
“Choking, he was killing her….” Goolsby swallowed hard and continued, needing to help any way he could. “He got her arm with the knife, back of her head, hit her with a bat, her stomach is hot.”  
While he was speaking a neck brace was put on her, the medic shone a light in her eyes, and felt her stomach. "She was awake a minute ago. Cherish?"  
“Ok, we're going to put this between you so we can get her up.” He felt a gentle tug on his fingers and realized he’d have to let go. He nodded and helped make space while keeping her still. Another group of paramedics had come in and were loading the large man into a stretcher. Shifting Cherish onto the back brace and then onto a stretcher the medics started strapping her in and Goolsby moved to get up with her. The officer placed a hand on his shoulder keeping him sitting on the bed.  
“They gotta look at you too son.” The man said, not unkindly.  
“No, I need to go with her.” He shook his head at the younger man. Cherish’s good arm slid off the stretcher and Goolsby jolted, again trying to get up. The officer put a hand on his other shoulder and bent down so he had to look him in the eyes.  
“You’ll be going in your own ambulance.”  
“No, I’m fine.” But the look on the man's face made him pause. A medic came over and shined a light into his eyes, making him wince, the pain in his head brought back to his attention. She went to take the cuff off his wrist and he pulled his hand away from her but the officer intercepted it, guiding it back to her.  
“No Cherish takes them off. I have to go with her.” When they went for the strap again he shook his head and tried to tug away, surprised when he couldn't break the hold.  
The medic and cop exchanged a look and she nodded, not touching the buckle.  
Taking his pulse around it the medic shook her head at the officer.  
“Sir you need to try to calm down.” Goolsby watched the stretcher with Cherish leave the room and started hyperventilating. He stood up, fighting past the officer and managed to get to the door frame before his legs gave out, the cop catching him under the armpits before he hit the floor. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shocking enough for you? Tell me what you think :)


	2. So many questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goolsby and Cherish are taken to the hospital.

He hadn’t fainted but relented and stayed where they put him, too dizzy to get up. Head between his knees he sat on the floor and fought nausea, his stomach rolling and his skin clammy. The paramedic had to make him sit back to dress the cut across his chest: he had forgotten he was even bleeding. When he saw the gauze the medic used to clean the cut come away red he turned just in time, vomiting on the floor next to him. He saw himself in the mirror on the closet, the right side of his face almost completely obscured by lines of blood dripping from his cuts, the blood from his mouth and lip running down his chin. In confusion his brain wondered where his contacts were, so close was the look to some of his stage performances.  
His eyes took in his chest and stomach marked with lines and splatters, his own hand prints in blood on his knees. Sitting back again he went to tuck his hair back and saw his palms for the first time. He couldn’t remember whose blood was on his hands, staring at them a far away part of his mind watched them shake in sick fascination.  
The medic touched his shoulder but he jerked away, turning to lean against the wall and the touch left. 

People we were in and out of the room, sometimes talking to him but he had no idea what anyone was saying. Anytime someone came to touch him he jolted, eventually they stopped trying to get him to sit back again. Numbly he remembered a blanket being put around him. The officer crouched in front of him finally, through fog he watched him speak, making out words like hospital and ambulance. Shaking his head he said “Cherish” as the room spun. It was several minutes before they could talk him into getting on a stretcher, since he fought them every time they tried to move him to it, the officer finally telling him if he could stand on his own he’d believe that he didn’t need one. His legs were trembling and wouldn’t hold him up, shivers shaking his frame as the shock made his blood feel cold, pounding painfully through his head. Standing with the officers help he could see the pool of blood again, knees giving out and he retched, a bucket thrust into his hands this time before he threw up. 

When he had nothing left they pulled him up again to lie on the stretcher, this time he was too out of it to protest. Feeling the straps come around him he panicked, afraid to be restrained again and started throwing punches, through the haze in his mind the weakness of his limbs was alarming. Luckily he didn’t hit anyone before the officer grabbed his arms, wrapping them across his chest so the medic could throw the blanket back over and secure him. The man stayed, talking him down the stairs, Goolsby stared at him not understanding what he was saying but his voice was something to focus on. Not realizing they had even left the building he stared at the sky in confusion, followed by alarm when he remembered he didn’t know where Cherish was. Thrashing did nothing, he was stuck. Once again the cop came over and spoke to him but he was past understanding, his brain completely fogged. In the ambulance the whine of the road calmed him, and he stopped fighting long enough for the paramedic to get an oxygen mask over his head, making him slip into oblivion. 

When he woke to the sounds of beeping and other hospital sounds, the first thing he noticed was that the cuffs were gone, and he panicked again, sitting upright too fast. His body reacted to the head rush by retching again, but this time with nothing in his system he just dry heaved and hacked painfully, his bruised stomach muscles protesting. Throwing the blanket off he swung his legs down, hearing the frantic beeping of the monitor as his heart raced, alerting the nurses. By the time they flew into the room he was standing, ripping the IV out and the cords off of him, the beeping turning to a flatline now that it wasn’t connected. The shock wasn’t gone and he was rapidly using up his energy, and couldn’t fight the team of nurses wrestling him back into his bed.  
“You aren’t going anywhere mister, stop this nonsense.” The motherly looking nurse regarded him sternly.  
“I need to see her.” He rasped and tried to sit up again. The nurses pushed his chest back down easily but adjusted the bed so he wasn’t lying flat.  
“She’s in observation right now, you wouldn’t be seeing her even if you weren’t a patient. You’re in no condition to get up.”  
“I’m fine, I need to know if she’s ok.” Talking made him cough again, clutching his stomach. The nurse handed him a basin but he didn’t have anything to come up. His body still wanted to expel something and by the time the heaving stopped he was pale and sweating, breathing heavily.  
“Yes you look completely fine.” He squinted up at her seeing her sarcastic face and crossed arms.  
“Please.” The younger nurse still kept a hand on his shoulder, holding him in place, her hand feeling like fire on his icy skin through the thin fabric covering him.  
“She is going to recover. The doctor can give you an update when he comes around, alright? But it’s going to be a while and you need to rest. You can’t do anything for her if you won’t take care of yourself. Understand?” He nodded, his fight going out of him.  
“Are you done trying to go for a walk?”  
“Yes.” He mumbled, not wanting to admit how weak he felt.  
She nodded to the other nurse, who left after she saw him lean his head back down, allowing the older nurse to hook him back up to the monitors. She didn’t make him get a new IV, instructing him firmly to sip every few minutes or it’d go back in. Clucking at his ashen complexion she produced a warmed blanket, tucking it around him tightly. With instructions to keep some pressure on his new IV wound dressing under the covers she breezed out of the room. 

He didn’t fall back asleep, too cold and restless, though the nausea had started to let up with the water. The heat from the blanket felt good but his mind rejected the comfort. His head hurt, and running his hands over his face he felt the rough edges of his cuts covered by stitch tape. Something felt wrong, his head pounded and his skin was crawling. Touching his face hurt, so he dragged his fingers through his hair trying to ground himself. Getting to the back of his neck he froze. Groping around his throat with both hands it still took a minute to sink in. The collar was gone.  
“No.” He whispered out loud. Squeezing his eyes shut he curled forward into a ball, gripping his own hair as he tried to breathe. He tried to think through the icy sludge that had become his blood running through his veins. Either they cut the lock or the chain. It’s not gone, it has to be somewhere, it’s wherever the cuffs are. You can get it back.  
What if you can’t? His mind asked in fear. Clenching his fists against his head he breathed like Cherish had taught him to center himself. Then we will get a new one, it’ll mean the same thing. 

Forcing himself to calm down he leaned back, covering his face with one hand. Going through the relaxing meditation they did together he made his muscles relax, one by one, working up through his body, not letting himself think of anything else. When his mind was empty he opened his eyes to stare at the wall, listening to the hospital sounds around him, trying not to feel the missing weight at his throat. 

About an hour later the officer who had helped him came back with a partner, holding out his hand to shake, introducing himself as Sgt Wilson before pulling up a chair.  
“You feel up to the whole story son? You’re still lookin a little green, shock’ll do that to ya.”  
Goolsby nodded, feeling less embarrassed hearing the man's words, grateful for something to do. He gave the man his details for the report, and a few for Cherish.  
“How long have you and Ms. Byrne known each other?”  
“Almost a year.”  
“And what is your relationship to the lady?”  
“We’re together.” It was the simplest answer. They never actually talked about it, never had the relationship talk. Whatever they were was untitled.  
“But you don’t live there.” The man confirmed.  
“No, I was visiting for the weekend.”  
“Did you know she listed you as her emergency contact?” Goolsby raised his eyebrows and shook his head. Wilson produced a card and handed it to him: it was an in case of emergency wallet insert, he stared at the neat handwriting with his legal name and number. “Do you know of anyone we should notify?”  
“Um, as far as I know, she doesn’t have any family, her parents died, she doesn’t really talk to her foster family.”  
“Does she have anyone who looks after her affairs? A proxy?”  
“She has a friend who looks after her building when she's away, we should probably let him know but I don’t know who that is. The students on the second floor are away on break, maybe the old lady on the first floor. And her boss I guess. I could figure it out if I had her phone.” He paused for a moment to collect himself. It really hit him now, when she had said months ago that she kept to herself. She had never seemed lonely, just independant and busy.  
“A close friend she might want to know?”  
Goolsby shifted guiltily. “I don’t know.”  
Wilson regarded him thoughtfully, tapping his pen against the pad.  
“Would you describe her as a loner?”  
“No, a workaholic, she knows a lot of people, networking and connections, but she’s a private person.”  
“Does she keep a strict schedule?”  
“Her work was all over the place, every assignment would require different things.”  
“What about lately?”  
He thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess her hours are pretty normal right now. That’s why we picked this weekend, cause she was working week days.”  
“Would she have told anyone you were coming? Or that she’d be home.”  
“I don’t know.” The questions were making him realize how little he knew about her. He had never thought anything of it, enjoying how they usually spoke about concepts, art, and music. The touring schedule, his shows, what he was working on, who he was seeing. His interests. She always said she liked hearing about everything, asked questions, was content to listen, rapt with her full attention on him. She was confident, focused. He felt like since the conservatory they had been acting like a couple, they were certainly exclusive, talked almost every day, even if they hadn’t put a label on it. They certainly knew each other intimately. But, a couple knew who each other’s friends were, who they talked to. Eight months, and he didn’t know who she considered her best friend.  
The Sgt made a few notes and then turned the page, bringing Goolsby back to the task.  
“Did you notice anything strange while you were there? Can you tell me about your evening?”  
“No, nothing strange. I got there first, just after four I think. I have a key. Everything looked normal. She came home about 40 minutes after.”  
“Is that the regular time she gets home?”  
“Earlier I think.” Goolsby opened his hands apologetically. “That was when she told me she’d get home.”  
“And then you were in the bedroom.” Wilson stated.  
“Yes.” Goolsby felt a little awkward but the Sgt moved on.  
“Did you hear them come in?” Goolsby shook his head. “Was the door unlocked?”  
“No way. Cherish always locks it behind her. The deadbolt.” He thought for a moment, “And then they must’ve locked again, cause you had to break the door right?”  
“That’s right. Any idea how they got in?” At the shake of his head Wilson made a note.  
“The, um, one with the beard. Is he dead?” His voice quiet as he asked.  
The officer nodded. “Yep. Wanna tell me how that happened?”  
“Well, I need to give you some context. About a year ago Cherish was attacked, and he went to jail. The bearded guy said that her attacker owed money to his boss, and that they decided Cherish was going to pay for it since she put him in jail. Said she was going to work it off.” The words felt like vinegar in his mouth.  
The officer made a note and then asked. “Any names?”  
Goolsby shook his head. “No. But they called Cherish “Missy”, which means they talked to her original attacker. That’s what he called her. I don’t know his name, she didn’t like to talk about it.”  
He closed his eyes for a minute, feeling sick when he remembered how afraid she had been after hearing that name. More afraid after that than with a knife to her neck. Instinctively he reached for the lock and groped at nothing, rubbing the spot at the base of his throat.  
“So you were in the bedroom, you didn’t hear them come in, they surprised you I’m assuming?” Wilson prompted.  
Clearing his throating Goolsby nodded. “Yeah. We were, um, I couldn’t see the door.”  
He glanced at the ceiling, not knowing how to explain the situation properly, cheeks turning red.  
Wilson also cleared his throat. “Would Ms Byrne had seen them come in?”  
“No. I mean, the bed faces the door, we were... Cherish was sitting on me, her back was towards it.” He took a deep breath as the two officers made their notes. When they looked back at him he cringed. “Um, I closed my eyes for a few seconds and then she reacted. When I opened them the bearded guy had her by the hair with a knife at her throat.”  
Remembering the fear on her face made his anger come back, washing away his embarrassment. “He said he had been called to get Cherish but since I was there he’d had to wait for backup. That he was surprised I was there cause she never has anyone with her. Then he told me I had shitty luck. Cherish swore at him and he had the knife, that’s when he called her Missy.”  
He waited until the men were done writing before continuing.  
“I swore at him and the other big guy came and pointed a gun at me and told me to be quiet. They told me if I “played my cards right I would walk away” from it. They explained about how Cherish was to blame for that guy being in jail. When they... insinuated... what was going to happen to her I spoke again and the big guy hit me with the gun. I spat at him and he punched me in the gut. I was coughing and Cherish couldn’t balance on me so he dragged her off the bed by her hair onto the floor. That ripped out a piece of her hair and then threatened Cherish by doing this.” He pointed at the bandage on his chest, then realized it was covered by his gown. “Sorry, he cut me. And said that if she didn’t go quietly they’d kill me. They traded so the guy who had Cherish had the gun, the other stabbed the knife into the mattress next to me as a threat. It looked like he was going to stay in the room with me. The bearded one towed her to the door and then she fought like hell.”  
The partner spoke up finally. “And you didn’t do anything?” The older officer rolled his eyes at him as Goolsby flushed, embarrassed and angry.  
“He was restrained, Martin. He couldn’t do anything.” Turning back to the bed he cleared his throat. “Now, I do need to verify, were you restrained before or after they broke in? I just need the facts.”  
Turning a darker red he muttered. “Before.”  
“And was that consensual?”  
“Yes.” He said immediately, not liking what they could be thinking about Cherish. Wilson made a check mark in his notebook and he relaxed a little, but looked away before asking the officer about them. “Where are they? I need them back.”  
“Where are what, son?”  
Clearing his throat he muttered. “The cuffs. They’re Cherish’s, she’ll want them back.”  
“Ah. They are evidence right now, but I’ll see about getting them back. Alright?”  
Goolsby nodded, looking at his wrists in his lap. He tended to bruise pretty easily, and they never used metal cuffs to avoid marks he wouldn't be able to hide, but there was already a dark shadow circling both arms from how hard he had pulled against the leather. Judging by the ache in his ankles he had them there as well.  
“So he hit you with the gun, hence the face.” Wilson pointed at him, making him wonder what he looked like. “Looks like more than once?”  
“Yeah, twice with the gun, just once in my stomach, but that was his fist. And the cut. That’s it, they ignored me after that.” Martin was looking at his own book and raised his eyebrows.  
“Where on your stomach?” Martin asked. Looking at him quizzically he touched the spot above his belly button, feeling the soreness there.  
“Doc says you have multiple crescent bruises and scratches on your abdomen and legs. How did those happen?”  
Saving him from answering Wilson turned and glared at his partner. “Martin you need to live a little.” Squinting back at the red faced Goolsby he raised an eyebrow. “Consensual?”  
Looking at the ceiling, wishing he was anywhere else, he muttered. “Yes.”  
Wilson gestured back to his book. “Tell me about the fight.”  
“I couldn’t see a lot of it.” He admitted, grateful to change the topic.  
“That’s alright, tell me what you know. What you heard, what you thought might have been happening when you couldn’t see.” Repeating what he could of the fight he confirmed two shots were fired, the second injury to her scalp from the headbutt, that Cherish had hit the large man’s head with the baseball bat, that the bearded man had hit her across the stomach with it and punched her in the face.  
“They were on the floor after that, he was sitting on her, I could see the back of his head and shoulders. I heard him hit her again, then saw him go to stab her and the knife came up red, I heard it hit the floor so he dropped it or something. That must’ve been when he started choking her, I couldn’t hear her breathing anymore.” Goolsby picked at the blanket with his fingers, not looking up. “He told Cherish he was going to kill her slow, keep her alive for a long time, and that when she couldn’t fight back he was going to shoot me in the gut and make her watch me die. I could hear him letting her breathe every few minutes but, he was killing her. She was thrashing with her legs a lot at first but the longer it went on the less she could. I couldn’t...” He furiously rubbed at his face and cleared his throat again, keeping himself in control.  
When he did glance up he saw the kindness come back into the older man’s face as he nodded for him to go on. “Then he told Cherish he wasn't going to kill her right away. He said he was going to take her back and she would be, um, passed around. Sorry." Goolsby stopped, feeling nauseous again. Taking a drink he coughed and retched a little. Wilson reached out to catch the cup if he dropped it, and grabbed the little basin but Goolsby shook his head, swallowing and clearing his throat. "Sorry."  
"It's ok son. You need a minute? You're green again."  
"No I'm ok." He took a sip to try and settle his stomach.  
"Did they mention a place? Any other names?"  
When Goolsby shook his head the man sat back. "Alright. What happened next?"  
"Somehow Cherish unhooked my leg and I kicked him in the head, and then as many times as I could. When he started to get up to deal with me Cherish must’ve been able to grab the knife. I didn’t see how it happened, but he died and was crushing her. I rolled him off her with my leg. I helped pull her over and she got my arm free and then I called 911.” Looking out the window for a moment he blinked rapidly as the image of her lying on her floor filled his mind. “I really thought he had stabbed her badly, I have no idea how she isn’t dead. I don’t know how she got the knife but she did.”  
“And if she hadn’t stabbed him, what do you think would have happened?” Goolsby looked back at him with wide eyes.  
“I think he would have gone and found the gun, and he would have shot me. And then he would have done what he threatened Cherish with, then killed her.”  
The Sgt nodded and closed his book. “Alright. Well, I’d say you were very fortunate to walk away from this. We might have to ask you for more details after we speak with Ms. Byrne, but that’s all for now. Martin can you go check in on her status?” The younger officer nodded and left the room.  
“Do you know how she's doing?” Goolsby implored. “No one has told me anything.”  
“Martin will report back for you. Last I heard they were stitching her up. That knife wound was pretty deep, lost a lot of blood. She's getting a transfusion.”  
Staring into his lap he breathed slowly, trying to calm himself. He heard the man speak softly, “Stop that son.” Looking up he realized he was gripping his wrist and squeezing the ring of bruises and let himself go. “You’re gonna feel guilty, she’s gonna feel guilty, it’s a waste of time. Don’t let it eat ya. You did good.”  
“He said they’d been watching her. We didn’t notice anything.” Goolsby mumbled.  
The man stood, twisting to crack his back. “And by the looks of it if you hadn’t been there she’d be dead or missing.” He handed the younger man two cards out of his wallet, his own and one with a woman's name.  
“My wife’s a counsellor. I think you’re both gonna need it.”  
Weirdly Goolsby let out a breath almost like a laugh. “Prolly.”  
Martin, a doctor, and his skeptical looking nurse came in, she handed Goolsby another tall cup of water with a straw. When the doctor smiled he let himself relax a little.  
“Good to see you awake. I hear you’ve already been up and about a little.”  
Goolsby blushed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, sorry.”  
“Not to worry, I imagine you were disoriented. How are you feeling now?”  
“Okay, sore, nauseous I guess.”  
“I'd like to keep you overnight but if you continue to keep that down I’d say you’re just coming down from shock. We ran some tests and they came back negative so I have no other concerns with you.”  
Goolsby frowned. “What tests?”  
A cough made him look at Wilson. “I advised the doctor that you and Miss Byrne were both exposed to the deceased's blood, and you were also both cut with the same blade. I was concerned and ordered a full work up for you both.”  
Turning white Goolsby swallowed, eyes wide. The doctor flicked a finger against the chart in his hand. “Good for peace of mind at least. All clear for you both. We did a scan of your abdomen as well, no internal bleeding.” Goolsby’s hand went to his neck, finally knowing why they had cut off the chain, feeling numb.  
Seeing that the younger man was still reeling from what could have been, the officer addressed the doctor. “How’s the lady doing?”  
“Stable, reacting well to everything so far."  
Goolsby looked up. "Can I see her? Is she breathing ok?"  
"Her scan to check for further bleeding in her stomach also came back clear. The damage was mostly absorbed by her solar plexus which was why she was having trouble breathing. It’ll be a nasty bruise but I think she avoided anything worse. I haven’t seen anything that would warrant surgery.” The man’s pager went off: he checked it and nodded to Goolsby. “I don't see why you can't go sit with her once we move her to a room. For a while at least. You need to get checked again: no arguments with Janet this time, alright?”  
Goolsby nodded sheepishly, seeing his earlier panic had clearly marked him as a fighter in her books.  
As she got set up the officers said their goodbyes, and the doctor left her to it.  
Even though the nurse was nodding at all the numbers as she went he made a point of being cooperative.  
After his vitals were taken and she was writing in his chart he cleared his throat for her attention as politely as he could.  
“Can I get up?”  
An owl-like eyebrow arched. “To use the bathroom.”  
“Yeah that’s what I meant.”  
“Mmhmm.” She stood back and gestured for him to try. He was relieved when the only shakiness he felt as he got up seemed to be tiredness and not the awful weakness from earlier. Grateful that she wasn’t hovering he looked up at her watching him.  
“I’m not dizzy or anything.”  
“Good.” 

He didn’t hear her leave until he had closed the door behind him, leaning against it to appreciate the moment of privacy. It was tiring to be polite and cooperative when he was upset and embarrassed. The solidity of the door was finally something he could appreciate. Glancing down at himself he scowled at the hospital gown, mortified that he didn’t even have boxers anymore. Needing to change his train of thoughts so he didn’t break down he pushed off the wall to get a move on. 

The face that looked back at him in the mirror made him wince: he was bruised and cut up all over the right side, his temple, cheek, and the bridge of his nose sliced from the gun, each one covered with see-through tape instead of stitches. His lip had felt swollen but it looked worse than he had thought, the corners of his mouth had blood dried in, his teeth stained from the slice inside his cheek. Washing his face made everything sting like a bitch but he needed to get it off him. Rinsing his mouth made him suppress a scream as the cut inside protested. The water he spat into the sink was disgusting and he shuddered, spending extra time spreading water around to make sure it was all gone. When he came out there was a tray for him and he groaned at the thought of hospital food but made himself eat it, remembering they hadn’t had dinner. The cut in his mouth made every bite painful and the food taste like rust. Cherish had said she made something special for that night, it seemed like a small thing to be upset about considering. He was mostly sad for her, how the plans she made for them had been ruined. Waiting for someone to come back he used his nail to draw in the styrofoam of his cup, making a pretty decent wolf man in a forest, trying to keep his mind from thinking about anything. 

The doctor and Janet returned with a wheelchair and a no nonsense expression and he knew better than to argue with her. The doc chatted to him along the way, giving him some details about next steps but he was too distracted to listen. Seeing that, the nurse put a hand on his shoulder before they went into Cherish’s room.  
“We gave her something to keep her asleep and to reduce inflammation. She’s bruised and sore, but everything came back clear, ok?”  
While he was grateful Janet had tried to prepare him, seeing her was still like a kick in the gut. She was hooked up to monitors like he had been but her IV was accompanied by a blood bag, dripping steadily. Janet very thoughtfully parked him on her left side where her good arm was, and he arranged the wires enough so he could hold her hand. Her face was also better from this side, since her right eye was completely purple and swollen. Looking at it, he wasn't sure she'd be able to open it. Her cheek and right side of her chin had a smattering of bruises that went up into her hair and down to her neck. The left side was almost mark free, although her face had dots on it like chicken pox, and the split lip that matched his. Her head was resting on a weird pillow ring, and he had to think about it for a minute before he figured out it was to keep the weight off the back of her head where there must be stitches. Her right arm was fully wrapped in a thick bandage and laid across her body, a loop in the blanket keeping her from moving it in her sleep. For the second time since he had known her his eyes rested on her neck, ringed with angry bruises in the shape of hands.  
His eyes burned and he closed them, but the inside of his lids showed him the view he had had on the bed, hearing her fighting for her life, gasping for air. The sound of her breathing now was so easy and peaceful he choked up as he sat with her, listening to it helped him calm himself.

Taking her hand in both of his he squeezed it, mindful of her fingertips which were wrapped as well, making him frown: he couldn't remember her hurting them. “Hey Cherish. Fuck our luck right?” His voice soft. Leaning down he placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist, feeling her pulse beating. “Thank you for not dying on me.”  
Not really knowing what else to say but wanting to let her know he was there, even if only a small part of her could tell, he talked about the conversation with the sergeant. Speaking aloud he made a list of everything he was going to do, everything he wanted to ask her when she woke up. When he ran out of things to say he dropped his head to rest on her thigh and closed his eyes, stroking along her hand with his thumb, the rhythmic dripping and beeping lulled him to sleep. That was how Janet found him an hour later, and she softened a little towards him, shaking him gently to wake him and take him back to his room.  
He was surprised, thinking he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and said as much to her as she wheeled him along. She asked for an update on his body and he admitted to his pain for the first time.  
Once he was in the bed Janet gave him pills to swallow, making him raise his eyebrows.  
“What are these?”  
She pointed to each one as she spoke. “Ibuprofen, anti-inflammatory, anti-nausea, that one will make you drowsy.”  
“Thank you.”  
She nodded briskly after he downed them, slipping a monitor on his finger and sticking one to his chest. “I’m not going to hear that you’re walking around tonight am I?”  
He shook his head at her as she turned the beeping volume off on the machine. “No, sorry about that.”  
“Alright then. Get some rest.” She handed him the control to the bed and left.  
Alone he set himself up: reclining the bed and arranging the covers, trying not to think about where he had been expecting to go to sleep that night. His heart hurt, overpowering any pain he felt in his body. He stared at the ceiling, afraid to close his eyes, but eventually the drugs kicked in and he was pulled into dreamless darkness. 

***  
The next morning after breakfast came the return of Sgt Wilson, carrying Goolsby’s duffle bag that had been in Cherish’s living room.  
“Heard you were being let go today, I cleared your stuff through evidence, figured you could use some creature comforts.”  
Goolsby nodded, needing to swallow before answering, moved by the man’s thoughtfulness. “Yes, thank you, I appreciate it.”  
The man sat with a groan, rubbing his knees. “Can’t walk around in a gown." He reached into his jacket and brought out a large envelope, clearing his throat. “I uh, cleared this for you too. Thought you’d want it back.” Goolsby frowned as he reached out to take it from the man but as soon as he felt it he knew. He tore open the seal, tipping it into his hand. The thick chain pooled like water into his hand, the lock plopping out to sit on top, Cherish’s key sticking out of it and trailing it’s fine silver necklace. Mouth open he glanced up at Wilson, a question in his eyes.  
“Docs gave me her personal effects when she was admitted, just figured it would save the techs from getting the bolt cutters out.” Wilson gestured at him vaguely.  
For a brief moment Goolsby considered waiting to have Cherish put the lock back on, but decided it didn’t matter: he needed it. Quickly slipping it around his neck, the lock clicking into place gave him a small piece of himself back. Putting the bag on the tray table he held Cherish’s key necklace in his fist, squeezing it tight. Cherish normally didn’t wear the key in sight, it was always under her clothes. He was embarrassed briefly at being caught with their little symbol but he supposed it was innocent enough. “Thank you.” He said quietly, the familiar weight of the chain grounding him immediately.  
“Don’t mention it.” The man nodded at the bag on the ground. “Got your wallet and phone in there. Got a bag for her too. Building is roped off for now, I spoke with the lady on the first floor, she’s pretty hard of hearing, didn’t notice anything.”  
Goolsby nodded, having met the sweet old woman a few times and had been loudly pronounced as charming by her. “I’m glad, wouldn’t have wanted her to need to get involved.”  
“True, but a witness would have been nice.” Wilson leaned back and stretched his legs out, taking his book out but not opening it, raising it and his eyebrows at Goolsby, who nodded. He needed a distraction: when he had woken he had forgotten, both where he was and what had happened. When it came crashing back to him his monitor had brought a nurse into the room from his racing heart. He was twitchy and unsettled, just wanting the time to go faster so he could go see Cherish.  
“Our investigation has been mostly focused on Ms Byrne, since she was the target according to the perps. But is it possible this is an attack at you? Is there anyone you know of who has a vendetta against you?”  
“I really doubt it.”  
“I read up on you last night, is it possible you have a stalker or any fans that might want to hurt Cherish to get to you?”  
Shaking his head Goolsby cleared his throat. “Um, no, I mean I’ve never been contacted in a way that would make me worried. And no one knows I’m here, so how could they?”  
“You don’t tell anyone your travel plans?”  
“No. I don’t like to call attention to myself, and definitely not to her. I turn off my phone, I use my real name to book things or she does. And I’ve never posted anything about Cherish, we’re not like, um, no one knows about her.”  
“What about friends and family?”  
“No. But I never tell my family about... girls... that’s normal for me.” Goolsby shifted. “I guess technically my bandmates have met her, but that was way before… before we started seeing each other regularly. And then after that, she was there with me for her work, so... it’s all professional. I suppose they could assume but we don’t give any indication when we’re in public, and no one asked me.”  
“Is your relationship a secret?” Wilson’s face was carefully blank, but his eyes were sharp.  
He rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah I guess it is.”  
“Whose choice was that?”  
“Um, it wasn’t. That’s just… what happened naturally.” Goolsby frowned at him, starting to feel like he was missing something.  
Wilson made a note in his book, then glanced up again, his eyes still intense. “Is there a specific reason?”  
Goolsby stared at him for a long moment. “Privacy. I’m used to being in the public eye but that’s my life not hers. She’s a private person, and I get to be a normal person around her. That’s why I don’t tell anyone I’m here: it’s an escape. It’s our time.”  
Wilson nodded, the intensity fading from his face, to Goolsby's relief.

“How often would you visit? Would you have been able to tell if someone was out of place? A strange vehicle? Someone who didn’t belong?”  
“No, I hadn’t been by in a while, I’m on tour a lot, so when we got together it was either a halfway between or she would join me wherever I was. Hang out during my off time, and sometimes she would do photographs or interviews at shows.”  
“How long have you had a key?”  
“Umm, three months maybe.”  
“And no one else has a key? Forensics only found the force we made to get in, no sign of lock picking or double damage.”  
“Like I said yesterday, she has a friend who must have one for all of the units for when she’s away. Other than that I don’t think so, not to her unit at least.”  
“Any idea how she finds her tenants? Or how long they’ve been in there?”  
Goolsby shook his head, shamefaced. “I have no idea, the only thing I know is that she inherited it. Honestly, I was thinking about how little I know yesterday. And yet she listed me as her contact, another thing I didn’t know.”  
“Well it does mean they can’t kick you out of here once you’re discharged. Considering you aren’t related or common law you wouldn’t have been allowed to see her yesterday without that. Privacy laws and such.” He continued as the doctor came into the room and nodded to him. “We notified her employer already. He said she’s never listed a next of kin so you’re the best we’ve got.”  
“Wait, like I might have to make decisions for her?” Goolsby asked, eyes wide.  
The doctor answered. “That shouldn’t be necessary. She’ll be awake soon.” He visibly relaxed, and the doctor pointed at him. “You're all set though. They have your paperwork at the nurses station.”  
After sliding the duffle across the floor with his foot Wilson stood. “We’ll meet you out there. I need your report Doc.”

Closing the bathroom door he blew out a breath and pulled the stupid gown off. He had noted yesterday he didn't have any blood on him but he still felt gross, staring at his bandaged chest in the mirror, checking his body more thoroughly. A shower would be heaven, but he knew he couldn’t leave, not if Cherish had to stay longer. He wondered if he would have to, and the thought of checking into a hotel or something away from her was not comforting.

Taking inventory he looked at his stomach in the mirror and shook his head seeing the purple spreading above his belly button. The bites he usually loved to see across his chest and stomach were glaring in stark contrast to the gut punch. Frowning at them in the mirror for a moment he pulled his shirt on, not liking seeing her marks on him together with something so awful. Rolling his shoulders out he pressed a hand into the muscles, feeling achy like he had done an intense arm/chest day. Remembering how hard he had been pulling trying to escape he figured it made sense and sighed. Finding boxers and pants he put them on quickly, feeling uncomfortable naked, something he almost never felt. He saw that the wrist marks were true bruises now, dark and angry, matching his ankles which ached. There were bruises on his knees when he checked them for blood, relieved when he didn’t find any. Still, he frowned, then remembered that he had fallen when he got off the bed, pressing his palms together he felt it there too and nodded, glad it made sense at the very least. He didn’t like that he had found other marks he had no idea how he had gotten.

Not able to express how good it felt to be back in his own clothes he sat for a moment before straightening to look in the mirror, frowning at his face. His bruises had darkened but the slices across his face were still just angry red scabs. There were distinct lines and shapes in the bruising from the metal, highlighting his bones. The toothbrush in his bag peeked out at him and he sighed, knowing for the next little while he’d be thinking of it as a medieval torture device he had to use on himself. At least the blood came off his teeth easily he thought, trying to stay positive as he held his cheek away from them and scrunched up his face in pain.

As he left the room he saw his last name on the white board outside his room, wiping it off quickly with his sleeve. Joining the men at the counter he listened to their chatter as he signed the forms. Asking for a pair of scissors he removed the patient wristband. Without it, wearing his hoodie, knitted hat, and a pair of sunglasses he felt much less exposed. Not that he thought he’d be recognised, but he didn’t want to feel like people could tell something had happened, even if they didn’t know who he was.  
“Mind if I tag along, unabomber?” Wilson asked. It wasn’t a smile, but it was the first positive expression his face had formed since the drama had first started and it felt awkward. Wilson didn’t comment on it, giving him an encouraging slap on the shoulder and just listened as the doctor spoke.  
“Her recovery care is going to be mostly light rest, making sure she doesn’t try and exert herself until her internal bruises heal.” Goolsby nodded. “I’ve prescribed her some anti-inflammatories and antibiotics, and painkillers, of course. She’ll have an outpatient nurse to change the dressing on her arm, and they’ll let her know when to come back to have the stitches taken out.”  
“Does that mean you’re discharging her today?”  
“We’ll see. With manual asphyxia our main concern was trauma to her heart, lungs, and brain from lack of oxygen. We scoped her throat for laryngeal injuries and that came back negative apart from swelling. Actually the lack of injuries to her neck was very telling. Based on your statement she was able to breathe every few minutes, so I don’t think we need to worry about more complications. But I will verify once she wakes up and we can run a view more tests. Comes down to blood loss, managing the risk of infection on her arm and scalp, and internal bruising, which will just take time.”  
The scholarly, blaise tone the doctor was using was grating on Goolsby’s nerves and he had to force himself not to comment on the man’s indifference to her almost dying. Luckily they had reached her room and after checking that she wasn’t awake, he ambled off to another patient.  
Slinging his duffle beside the small bag already on the floor he grabbed a chair and dragged it over to where he wanted to sit at her side. Wilson leaned against the wall, opening a chocolate bar.  
“Smarts for days, that one, but his attitude leaves something to be desired.”  
Glad that the man agreed he nodded. “Yeah, well... better for me to know all that I guess. Do you know what he meant about her neck?”  
“I do. It’s not going to be comfortable to hear though.” Goolsby looked back at him levelly, nodding for him to go on. “With strangulation, you can make someone go unconscious in about 10 seconds if you press on the veins to the brain. He wasn’t doing that: he was only cutting off her air. You can hold your breath for a lot longer than you can go without blood to your brain. Killing someone that way with your hands is actually quite difficult: it's tiring, people give up and switch to another method. And the amount of force you need to close off the airway vs actually damaging the trachea isn’t that much different. Besides the bruising, he didn’t break any bones or cartilage.”  
Goolsby rested his forehead on his knuckles for a moment before looking back up. “You’re saying he’s a professional.”  
“I’m saying he knew what he was doing. And he was purposefully not killing her.”  
“That’s not going to cause a problem with self defence is it?”  
“No no, he was endangering her life after all, she was stabbed, he stated he was going to kill her. You told me what he said to her. He also threatened you, so she’s also got the “in defence of another” justification. It just puts him into a different category for us.”  
Goolsby paused, regarded the man.. “He’s a torturer.” Wilson made a gesture at her prone form, shrugging in a way that said he agreed but couldn’t say. Looking over at her Goolsby sighed. “She’s going to figure that out faster than I did.”  
Pushing himself off the wall he tossed his wrapper in the trash and hooked his thumbs in his belt, his face grim but his voice was kind. “And she’s going to be alive to do so. You sticking around?”  
“Yeah, I’m clearing my schedule. She can’t even go home, I couldn’t leave.” Goolsby glanced back at Cherish, face set. “They better not make me leave if they’re keeping her another night.”  
“Alright. I’ll see you when she wakes up then, give me a ring when she’s feeling up to making a statement.”  
“I will, thanks.” Wilson regarded him for a moment, seeming to make up his mind he nodded and left.  
He waited until the man’s footsteps were out of earshot before taking her hand again. “Hey Cherish. You gonna wake up for me soon hun?” He didn’t expect her to react, just wanted to be encouraging, rubbing his thumb along her skin. Her bruises looked worse today, but at least the blood bag was gone. Fishing the silver chain out of his pocket he gently eased it around her neck, clasping it and moving the key so it rested in its normal spot on her chest under the gown. Gently he touched her face, leaning down to kiss her forehead lightly. Not wanting to wake her he sat back, half of him hoping she would wake up, the other half wanting her to heal as much as she could. He didn’t know what the next few days would have in store for them, he didn’t know how badly she was hurt internally, not to mention mentally. Guilt rose in his chest as he worried for her, wishing there was something he could be doing. She had completely hit the nail on the head when she identified his need for acts of service, and he knew that was what was making him anxious: he had no way to help. Unconsciously he held the lock at his throat, sticking his fingernail in the keyhole as he thought. 

Finding an outlet he plugged in his phone and took care of some business, calling home and then his boss, to whose credit was extremely accommodating. He had been lucky enough to reach his father, who after agreeing to go check on his place accepted a simple “I’m fine and I’ll explain when I can.” It wasn't much but the actions helped ease some of his anxieties, freeing his time to devote to her, to whatever was needed. Repeating his plans from the night before in his head he made himself calm. Letting his mind drift as he stroked her hand he relaxed, listening to her steady breathing and the beeping of the monitors. Eyes feeling heavy despite his good sleep he shook himself and then shrugged, taking off his hat and glasses. It wasn’t like he didn’t have a reason to feel worn out, he told himself, shifting closer to put his head in her lap and draped his arms across her, falling asleep quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my chapters in this fic are choppy. It is what it is. For a lot of my time spent writing this I wanted to title it "Untitled", to reflect their relationship. I grumpily have named it something else, but yeah, they've never had the relationship talk. Thank you for reading!


	3. Tough conversations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We start to learn about Cherish.

In his dream the beeping turned into birds chirping as they lounged on his back porch in the summertime. They had purchased the outdoor L couch together and were stretched out on it, talking about nothing as the breeze drifted by, fuzzy and glowing from a play scene. He loved it when they could relax where no one could see him, lying on his stomach he had his head in her jean clad lap, holding her around the middle as she praised him. It was so easy to forget about the rest of the world with her. Legs propped up on the table she looked out on the lawn, happy to hold him. Her words soft in his ears, telling him what a good job he had done for her. She told him he was sexy and he smiled, hiding his face in her belly. The thin top she had on rode up letting him feel her skin. Her fingers stroked through his hair, pulling all the way through and then using her nails along his scalp. Sighing he closed his eyes, the sensations on his head making him want to purr. She tucked his hair behind an ear and traced it, starting another trip from roots to ends….

“That feels so good Angel.” He mumbled, hugging her legs.   
“I’m glad.” She whispered. “How are you?” Her voice sounded far away.   
“I’m good.” He said with a smile against the blanket as she felt along the back of his head. Like he had anything to complain about: her aftercare always made him feel like the most important person to her.   
“I’m so sorry hun.” The raspiness of her voice cut into his mind and he frowned a little.   
“For what?” He felt her fingers smooth out the lines of his forehead and he smiled again.  
“That you got hurt.” Her voice broke on the last word.

His eyes snapped open, feeling her hand moving through his hair and he lifted his head, seeing her brown eyes looking back at him.   
“Cherish.” He sat back and stood, turning to sit on the bed so he could gently cup her face. Her arm came up to grip his bicep. He looked into her eyes, seeing them full of tears. “Hey. It’s ok, you’re ok sweetheart.” 

Tugging on his neck she pulled him closer so she could lightly touch their sore lips together. When he pulled back she touched his face, eyes darting to each cut and bruise.   
“I’m so sorry.” He had never seen her cry before, it stunned him to see the tears rolling down her cheeks and fill up her eyelashes. With his thumbs he tried to wipe them away as gently as he could, mindful of her bruises.   
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You’re going to be fine, I’m fine, it's ok.” She shook her head and more tears spilled out. Watching her face for pain he pushed an arm behind her and cradled the back of her neck with his other hand, holding her close. She sobbed into his chest as he shushed her, his heart breaking. 

They sat like that for a long time before she cried herself out. He rocked her as she slowly soaked his t-shirt, apologizing every few minutes and he responded each time, telling her she was ok. Each heaving shake of her back made him clutch her closer, wishing he could help. He wasn't sure what it was that had her so devastated, he tried to whisper things to her, tried to figure out what she needed to hear.   
A nurse popped her head in and he shook his head at her, she nodded sadly and left them alone, closing the door for them without making a sound.   
“You’re ok hun, you’re ok, you’re safe.” She made a pained noise and let go of his arm, reaching behind him and fisted his hoodie to pull him into her tighter. Smoothing her hair he tried to see her face but she wouldn’t let him. Deciding to change tactics he kissed her forehead. “It’s ok Cherish, I’m ok, we’re safe, I’ve got you. Shhh.” This seemed to be working and the deep, racking sobs calmed into more gentle weeping. Rubbing along her shoulders and back and tucking her head under his chin he held her, making no move to get up until she was ready.   
Eventually her tears slowed and her death grip in his sweater relaxed.   
“I’m sorry about your shirt.” He heard her say wetly.   
“It’s all good.” This time when he put fingers under her chin she let him raise her head up, the swirling brown of her eyes made bright. “You’re lucky. Some girls look like wet fish when they cry. You look beautiful, just kinda damp.” He kissed her and felt her scoff a little. She sniffled, a few stray tears fell, but the big waters were over. Brushing her hair out of her face he held her head gently, deciding to voice his thought from the night before. “Thank you for not dying on me.” He whispered.   
She stared back at him, opening and closing her mouth to speak a few times. Finally she said, “You’re welcome.”   
Checking in with her before he got up he went to grab tissues and wet a face cloth for her in the bathroom, returning to sit back on the bed. He reached out and freed her bandaged arm from its loop in the blanket for her and raised the bed so she could sit easier.  
He watched her try and put herself together, wiping at her face and wincing with her when she touched a tender spot. Blowing her nose she grimaced and stopped, her hand going to her stomach.  
“Do you want me to go get the nurse? Are you in pain?”  
“No, I don’t want it.” She said flatly.  
He frowned. “Are you in pain hun?”   
She managed a watery glare. “I’m fine.”  
“Sweetheart you don’t have to be tough. It’s been established that you’re a badass. If you’re in pain they want to help you, you need to heal.” Rubbing along her leg with one hand as he spoke, he made sure she was looking at him. Holding his gaze for a moment she sighed, and then nodded.   
“Ok, go get her.”  
He smiled, squeezing her leg in encouragement before getting up and opening the door. The nurse was standing at the chart station and saw him right away, joining him as he went back into the room.   
“Ms. Byrne, how are you feeling?” The nurse started checking all the monitors, asking her to breathe deep to listen to her back, and then her chest.   
“I’m fine.”  
“No she’s not.” Goolsby was leaning against the window and she glared at him again.   
“Where does it hurt dear?” Cherish closed her eyes for a moment, and he knew she was counting to ten so she wouldn’t snap at the woman for calling her that. He hid a smile, she had outright told him he was the only one she would tolerate pet names from.  
Mumbling she spoke, “Everywhere.”   
Touching her neck and stomach the nurse went through her procedure. “Ok, I’ll get you something stronger and then the doctor will be right in.”  
“No narcotics.” Goolsby’s eyebrows shot up, and the nurse glanced at him before addressing Cherish.   
“Is there a specific one you don’t want?”  
“None of them. No opioids.”   
“You’re on a morphine drip right now dear.” Cherish’s body jerked suddenly, but then she froze, and slowly held out her arm.   
“Please take it out.” The nurse stared at her for a moment before nodding, and carefully removed the IV from her line, leaving her with only the saline.  
“Alright, I’ll check with the doctor and see what he recommends.” 

After she left Goolsby sat back on the bed, and waited for Cherish to look at him. When she didn’t he brought her chin up so she had to. “Hun? Can you please explain that to me? I’m not judging you, I just need to know.”   
There was steel in her gaze as she held his eyes. “I’ve lost too many people to them. I don’t want to know why people get addicted, I don’t want it. I won’t take them.” Now that he had heard her say a longer sentence he could hear her voice was different, lower with a raspy rattle.   
He nodded. “Ok. You don’t have to, but you’re pretty banged up. I don’t want you to be suffering.”   
She sighed and rubbed her temple. “I know. Did they give you any? I don’t want it around me.”  
“No, just normal over the counter stuff if I need it.”   
She nodded stiffly, going back to fidgeting with the blanket when he released her chin. He watched her, avoiding his eyes and physically seeing she didn’t want to talk about it. Well tough, he thought to himself, having made up his mind yesterday. It’s time we talked about her. His shirt was still wet from her breakdown, and in a strange way it had made him feel good. He felt like that was the closest she ever let him get to her. He wasn’t willing to let that door close. Folding his arms he cleared his throat so that she looked at him, and seeing his face she gave him her attention.  
“You said you were fine when I asked if you were hurt. You can’t lie to me like that, Cherish. I’m going to be helping you and you need to be honest with me. And I know you. You think I can’t tell when you’re upset? Did you not want me to know you were in pain? Or did you not want the drugs to come up because you didn’t want me to know about something that hurts you?”   
She stared at him. Even though his voice was soft, the fact that he meant business was clear, and this was new for them. “Yes.”  
He raised his eyebrows, not satisfied with a one word answer.   
“Which one?”  
Scowling at him now she said. “Both.”  
He dug his nails into himself, hand hidden by them being crossed, trying to stick to his guns and pick his words. “Why is it a problem for you if I know that you’re hurt? You listed me as your contact but you don’t want me to know? You can’t have it both ways.”   
She didn’t answer, although she opened and closed her mouth a few times.   
“Do you think I don’t care? Do you think I can’t handle it?” He purposely put some anger in his voice, even though he didn’t feel any.   
“No.” She said firmly.  
“Do you not want me to know things about you?  
“I, no, I don’t… that’s not it.” She squeezed her eyes shut.   
“Remember way back when you told me you liked me?” She nodded, looking at him again. “You told me that you didn’t know how people do relationships outside your scene. That it was hard for you to talk about feelings and don’t let people in? I think that somewhere along the line you fell back into old habits.”   
She considered this and he waited until she nodded. He glared at her, voice lowering to a growl. “Is that what you want? Is that how you think of me? We have an arrangement? We just meet up and have a good time and that’s it? And when it’s not convenient anymore you’ll just drop me? Do you want this to just be about sex and power games? Because that doesn’t work for me, Cherish.”   
Halfway through she had started to shake her head and her eyes welled up again. “No, no I swear I don’t see you that way. You’re right, I don’t know how. I just….. I know I’m fucked up ok? I just, never want to drag you down with me.” A tear fell but her voice stayed strong. “I'm sorry. I promise I want you even when it's inconvenient. I'll work on it. Please just be patient with me, I have a lifetime of habits working against me. Please let me show you.”

Taking pity on her, he took her hand, reaching out with the other to wipe the tear away. Her eyes pulled him in, leaning towards her he kissed her gently. When he spoke next, he let his voice go back to normal, his concern clear. “Alright, starting right now, you need to tell me things. I want to know, and there’s a lot now that I have to know. Yesterday I had to answer all sorts of questions for you and I couldn’t. That’s a problem and I want to fix it.” She nodded, looking deflated.   
“Ok, so why didn’t you want to admit that you were in pain then?” He said, as kindly as he could. “There’s something there that’s upsetting you. So we’re gonna deal with that right now, cause that’s going to hold you back.”   
She angrily swiped at her eyes. “I feel guilty ok? You got hurt because of me, you were trapped because of me.” She touched his bruised face and tears fell again. “I dreamt that you died, and it would have been my fault. Because I was too stupid and proud….” She stopped and shook her head, starting again. “You couldn’t even defend yourself. And when we do that, I’m supposed to make sure everything is safe and I didn’t. I’ve never been a sub, but I understand how it feels to want to be punished. That's why: I deserve to feel it.”   
When he brought his hand up to cover hers on his face the sleeve slid down enough for the cuff bruise to be seen and she made a strangled noise, taking his arm and pushing the fabric up to look at it.   
“Stop that. You know what the Sergeant told me? That we’re both going to feel guilty and sorry and that it's a big waste of time. We’re alive, which is a miracle.”  
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” She said,   
“Neither do you. It was out of your control.”  
Seeing her shake her head again he frowned but before he could speak the doctor arrived, annoyingly cheerful and oblivious to her mood, greeting her.   
“Look who’s up. How are we doing?” He held out a hand to her.   
“Fine, thank you.” Unfailingly polite she reached over and shook his hand awkwardly with her left hand.   
“We’re gonna take a look at you. Mr. emergency contact, do you mind stepping out?” Goolsby went to stand but Cherish stopped him.   
“No, I want him to stay.” She may have just been proving her point from earlier, but even still, he was happy she wanted him, wasn’t hiding from him.  
“Alrighty then. I will need to get by you though.”  
Goolsby went to lean by the window again as he spoke to her and did his assessment, listening to her breathing, palpating her stomach, checking her eyes, feeling her neck, making her blow into a tube to test her lungs, asking her to rate her pain. Her eyes darted to the man who had just told her not to lie, and he gave her an expectant face with his arms crossed. She answered honestly even as she shifted uncomfortably.   
“Your chart says no narcotics. You recovered?” Goolsby rolled his eyes at the man’s back.  
“No, personal choice.” Her voice was clipped.  
The doctor shrugged. “That’s your call I suppose. There are a few combinations of over the counter meds I’ll put in a prescription for you, and in the meantime you can have Ketorolac. That should help but really you’re in for a rough couple days.” She nodded, no change in her expression. The doctor shrugged. “I’ll send some in. We did an ECG while you were out but I want to do another before we discharge you. You’re on antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and then its rest and home care. You can do epsom salt baths, start with soft food, avoid red and complex food, high processed stuff but don’t go crazy on the fruits and veg, gas isn’t gonna feel good. Yogurt for the biotics. You can use ice every few hours, rest for a few days and then light duties, take your time. You’re the judge of when you can return to work but take ‘er easy. We’re gonna keep you until the evening but if nothing changes you can go home. Any questions?”  
Cherish shook her head, an unimpressed look on her face, and the doctor took his leave.   
“I think we’re on the same page when it comes to him.” Goolsby said as he sat back on the edge of the bed, feeling immense relief at the thought he wouldn't have to leave her overnight.   
She hummed in acknowledgement and closed her eyes for a moment. “I half expected him to whistle as he left.” Goolsby snorted. Quietly she said, “Thank you for staying.”   
Leaning over he pressed his lips to hers, and then to her forehead.   
“Whatever you need hun.” She smiled, keeping her eyes closed. 

The nurse came back with a small paper cup of pills, a plastic bag, and another styrofoam cup of water for Cherish. She winced but swallowed each one, thanking the nurse, but then balked when the nurse moved to add the bag to her drip.   
“What is that?”  
“It’s a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, an alt to opiods, since you didn’t want those. It’s a painkiller but not like ops do, not addictive at all. You might not even feel anything since we’re getting you on it late in the game. But long term, it’ll make your swelling go down faster.”   
“Is it going to make me fall asleep?”  
“Drowsiness is a potential side effect of a lot of drugs, dear. Hard to tell. You might just get sleepy because you feel better.”  
Cherish sighed, looking at Goolsby’s face for a moment before nodding, watching her fit the line into her IV.   
Goolsby squeezed her hand and then looked up at the nurse. “Thank you.”  
Finished, she glanced over at Goolsby. “I’m going to need you to step outside for a moment.”  
“No, I want him to stay.” Cherish repeated, sitting up straighter.   
“He can come back, a few minutes, for protocol.”   
Wanting to be compliant Goolsby stood and stepped outside, the nurse followed him and closed the door. He could hear their voices but not what they were saying. Standing awkwardly in the hallway he nodded at another nurse as she passed, sticking his hands in his pockets. It couldn't have been longer than five minutes but he felt huge relief when the nurse came back out, nodding at him as she left.  
Looking at Cherish he was relieved to see no stress on her face, questioning her with his eyes. “She was making sure there was no concerns with you being here. Battered woman questions.”  
Rather than getting offended Goolsby felt a grin come over his face, he tried to smooth it away but couldn’t.   
“What?” Cherish asked.   
“Sorry, the irony.” She cocked her head so he raised his hands. “I was the one in handcuffs. The cops had to ask me yesterday if that was consensual.”   
“Oh jeez. That must’ve been awkward.” Her smile was weak but real. He repeated the little story to her, glad to see her smile, wanting to give her some humour through the situation. She reached her hand out to him as he talked to hold, only to take it back to adjust the wires on her other side. He watched her fidget with everything for a minute, trying to hide her yawn from him as she looked the other way.

“If you want to go back to sleep that’s fine, I’ll hang out.” He said softly, watching her face as she rolled her head to look at him. She looked exhausted, pain making her pale and drawn.  
“I might. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck.” She appeared to be stealing herself and asked, “What’s your plan? Leaving tomorrow still?”  
He smiled. “No I’m not. I called work and took time off. You’re stuck with me. Your place is a crime scene, so we’re gonna get a hotel and pretend we’re on vacation.” She smiled despite herself. “When you’re feeling up to it, Sgt Wilson wants to ask you a few questions. But that can wait.” She nodded, eyes heavy. “Go to sleep, I’ll wake you when they bring more meds or lunch.”   
“Call him anyway, I want to get it over with.” She mumbled, and waited for him to nod before she let herself relax.   
Once she was asleep he stepped outside and called Wilson, who said he’d come by in the afternoon. Getting directions to the cafe he got himself a coffee and then said fuck it, and added a doughnut. Taking it back to her room he propped his feet up on the sill and indulged. Digging in his bag he grabbed his sketchbook and doodled the time away. A few hours later the dreaded hospital food arrived, paired with a little cup of pills. He was tempted to let her stay asleep when she slept through its delivery but decided to keep his promise and touched her arm gently. She winced swallowing the pills and was grateful the meal was soft, joking with him about how it was not as nasty as it looked. Teasing her he took a bite to prove that it wasn’t bad and then made a face at it, making her laugh. With her right hand out of commission she complained about having to use her left hand, and he took mock offence to that, stealing the spoon to spin it around his fingers like a drumstick. He scoped a spoonful and fed it to her and she rolled her eyes at him but smiled. She couldn’t finish it, and he sat next to her on the bed and shared it with her, happy to feel her leaning against him. She shifted over and pulled on him, he stretched out next to her, smiling as she arranged him so he could have his arm around her as they laid together.   
They lapsed into a comfortable silence. He kept his free arm over his stomach so she could reach it and she drew with her fingers on the back of his hand.   
“Why do you like to do that?”   
“What?”  
“You draw on me all the time. I like it. I just wondered if you picked up that habit somewhere.”  
“If I’m psychoanalyzing myself I would say I like to do it because for a lot of my life I didn’t have a source of “good touching”.” She made air quotes with her left hand before tracing him again. “I guess I like to be a source of touch, of comfort. And it's a form of communication, I want you to feel good.”   
“You do to make me feel good.” Kissing her temple and squeezing her lightly, reminding himself that he'd have to be gentle with her. A snort escaped him when he realized how rough they were with each other normally, even when they were failing on the vanilla side of things. Thinking back, he remembered the first time he had agreed to try pain play and he recalled his surprise when he liked it. That was the first thing he had asked for the next time they were together and now it was something he craved from her. Gentle wasn't really how they rolled, and he relayed the thought to her making her smile. Raising his shirt he took her finger and traced one of his bite bruises with it, the pressure on it making him feel the warm, pleasant ache. “Everything you do feels good. I like it when you leave these and I can feel them for days when you’re not around.”   
He had meant to make her smile, and she did, but she sat up and turned, pulling his shirt up to look at him, running her hand lightly over his bruise from the punch he’d received. She frowned seeing how purple it was, and how it was still hot to the touch. He didn’t stop her from running her fingers over it, watching her face carefully, her cool fingers soothing on the skin. Pushing his shirt up further she got to the bandage on his chest. The gauze over his knife wound was itchy and he made a face when she touched it, moving her hand to scratch at the tape.   
“Did you need stitches?” She asked softly.   
“Actually I don’t know, it was there when I woke up. I haven’t looked at it. I don’t think so, I feel like it would hurt more than it does if that was the case.”   
She nodded, smoothing her hand down the length of him before putting his shirt back.   
“Why were you asleep when they did it?”   
“Oh. Umm, after they took you away, I kinda freaked out. I may or may not have thrown some punches. They gassed me. It was a whole thing.” He waved his hand dismissively but she giggled and poked him. Sighing, he told her what happened, she winced in sympathy when he admitted he threw up.   
“I don’t get it. I’ve never had a problem with blood. I’ve literally been covered in it, hell I was in a crazy car accident and watched them stitch me up. I didn’t let them cut off my shirt, I wanted to keep it. Lost my shoe.”   
“Well, there were more factors than just blood. Weapons, he threatened to kill you, then there was a dead guy on the bedroom floor. You know, totally normal stuff.”   
“True. I’m thinking it was because it was your blood.” She nodded, lacing her fingers with his as she laid back again, rubbing her cheek into his shoulder. “You knew he was dead?” He asked quietly.  
She nodded slowly. “I kinda had to make sure of it, didn't think our chances were good if he wasn't.”  
“You Ok?”   
“I haven't had time to process it. Already at my emotional capacity.”  
“Yeah.” He said, not knowing what to say. Cherish went back to running her hands along his skin.   
A familiar voice came drifting down the hallway.   
“That's Wilson.” Sitting up and leaning over her he kissed her softly, craving the solid physicality they normally shared but knew he'd just have to be patient. Sliding back into his chair he smiled at her and saw she looked nervous.   
“What's up?”  
She sighed. “You're not going to like this conversation very much.”   
On cue Wilson walked in, tapping the door frame. “Hey kiddo. Good to see you awake.” He thoughtfully didn't offer his hand, instead tipped his police hat before removing it and sitting down on her other side.   
“Hey Carl. Thanks. I seem to have missed quite a bit.” Goolsby’s eyes darted between the two of them.   
“You could say that. Thought your daddy taught you to stay outta trouble better.”  
She smiled at him. “Yeah, well I seem to have gotten his bad luck.” Wilson grunted in acknowledgement and fished out his notepad.  
“How you holding up, kid?”  
“I’ve been better.”   
“Don’t bullshit me. You up to this right now? I know you’re not letting them drug you properly.” Wilson regarded her under scruffy brows.  
Cherish sighed. “I’ll live. My whole body hurts. I welcome the distraction.”  
“I called your employer, so they know you’ll be off for at least a week.” Wilson’s voice was mild but his expression was firm, as though expecting her to argue.   
“Thank you.” Cherish nodded to him sincerely, which seemed to appease him.  
“Is there anyone else I can notify for you?”   
“Does Mrs Lakes know?”  
“Yes I spoke to her today, she was concerned for you but as a witness she didn't know anything.”   
“Then no.” Glancing at Goolsby she added, “I stayed with Mrs Lakes a lot as a kid. We lived in the unit above, she would babysit me, and then she looked out for me. She's kind of a surrogate aunt. Her son Matt takes care of my building when I'm away, I'm sure she's told him by now.”   
He nodded, trying to convey he appreciated the information with his face, and she held his eyes for a moment before turning back to Wilson.  
“Alright. Would you mind telling me about your evening?”  
“I came home just before five, and we were alone until they broke in. I'm guessing that was about 6.”  
“Any idea how they got in?”   
“No. Only my tenants, Matt, and Goolsby have a key to the main entrance. I change the locks every time we have someone move out. And only the Lakes and Goolsby have one to my attic.”   
Wilson made a note. “When was the last time you changed them?”  
“Eleven months ago, right after my first attack. And my tenants haven’t changed.”   
Wilson nodded his head towards Goolsby. “When they broke in they said that you had been watched. Have you noticed anything suspicious or ever felt like you were being watched?”  
Cherish turned and spoke directly to Goolsby, remorse plain on her face. “A month ago I reported numerous suspected stalking activities including the description of a man that matches the guy I hit with the bat.”   
Goolsby had been slouching, and sat bolt upright. “Cherish what the fuck!” He hadn’t meant to shout but he had strong lungs and it came out loud.   
“I’m sorry.” She said, opening her hands, her face a mixture of chagrin and exhaustion. “I wasn’t sure. And I didn’t want you to worry. Don’t say anything to that, I know that's fucked. You have every right to be mad at me. You were right before, and I’m not going to do it again. But this is what I meant. It is my fault, I’m sorry. And I didn’t say anything earlier because I don’t want to go over it more than once. We’re gonna get everything out right now, ok?”   
Covering his face for a moment he pressed into his eyes in frustration, dragging his hands up and into his hair trying to compose himself. His heart had dropped into his stomach, and the mixture of fear and anger made him feel sick. Looking into her regretful brown eyes he repeated her words in his head. Part of him was screaming at himself that he had missed all the signs, that he had done something to make her feel like she couldn’t tell him things.   
She knew him, and shook her head, pointing to his forehead. “This is on me, ok? Do not do that.”   
Blowing out a breath he stared back at her, finally saying softly, “For fucks sake Cherish. Alright, but you are in so much trouble.”  
She nodded, an odd wistfulness in her face. “I know.” Turning back to Wilson, who had watched their exchange in stolid silence, she gestured for him to continue. Wilson had his arms crossed though.   
“Why didn’t you call me? Or Davis?” He was glaring at her.   
“I didn’t want any special treatment.” Pointing her thumb at Goolsby she glared back at the Sgt. “I couldn’t even tell him, I clearly have issues asking for help. Can we move on and you can berate me later?”   
Wilson pursed his lips and grunted. “What were these activities? And tell me what you reported in order.”  
“It started two months ago. At first I noticed a grey van often parked across the street at strange hours, or not moving for too long. I verified it didn’t belong to any of my neighbours but I didn’t report that yet. I went away for three days during the week on an assignment and didn’t see it when I came back. I saw the same van at my work the next time I went in, and then it was back, parking outside of my building. Then I started paying attention. After a while I noticed him, tall, built, shaved head, workman's clothes, big brow ridge, dark eyes. At this point I was feeling uncomfortable: I changed my routine and took an assignment so I could leave town for a few days, and I stayed with Goolsby. That was when you were in Salem.” She said to him, and he just stared at her, remembering being thrilled about the last minute visit and they had had such a nice time. Now he saw her in his mind’s eye, checking behind them, wearing sunglasses and a big hat when it was cloudy, ordering in instead of going out when she was working. They were always very touchy feely when they slept, but she had specifically asked him to spoon her all three nights. He had loved holding her all night, and there she had been: feeling afraid while he was happy. Bile rose in his throat.   
She continued when he didn’t react. “The same thing happened when I came home. Didn’t see the car or the man until I went back to work. So I guess that’s where they were watching when I was gone. The next week I was gardening and I found boot prints under all of the downstairs windows. That’s when I went to the police.” Cherish’s expression darkened. “They told me I was paranoid. Specifically, I was referred to a support group for people with PTSD because of my history. I made them take the report anyway. And the next three times I saw the van, I made a note of the parking bylaws and called to have it towed. It was given three parking tickets. And then I didn’t see it anymore. That was a month ago. I have the report number in my phone if you need it.”  
“No that’s alright, I can look it up. And the badge numbers of whoever didn’t take you seriously.” Again he fixed her with a look. “You could have asked for one of us.” Cherish rolled her eyes in frustration, not answering that. “Had you noticed anything since?”  
“Only in retrospect. I did a bunch of research online and tried to be vigilant. I made a point of speaking to my neighbours, tried to be as random as possible. I started taking ubers and left my car at home a lot. And the effort paid off, because I can tell you every time I saw him and I bet you any money he saw one of my students return the hide-a-key.”   
“Who did?” Goolsby asked.   
“The bearded guy. He told me his name was Chris.” Goolsby threw up his hands and then looked at the ceiling. When he looked back at her she looked positively miserable. He gestured for her to keep talking, going back to slouching and bracing his head on his fingers in frustration. She swallowed, then smoothed her face out and turned back to Wilson.   
“I would see him all the time, walking his dog, carrying groceries, said he had just moved here. He got a flat outside my building three days ago and I lent him my jack and tire iron. I never thought anything of it. I guess since I called out the obvious creep they sent in the friendly neighbourhood stalker to watch me.”   
“Did you mention to him that you'd be away in the past or that you'd have a guest this weekend?”   
“No. I tell Mrs Lakes though, she likes him and always asks. Plus Matt needs to know when I’ll need him and I always go through her.”   
“Anyone else? Maybe post on social media?”  
“No. That was part of the safety suggestions. And I don't post details about my life, it's mostly work related promo, I have no personal details, certainly no relationship status. No one should be able to tell we’re together, or where he is when he's here. Most of the time we’re not at each other's houses anyway. But, I had been leaving town a lot and we wanted a weekend to spend at my place, I was tired of travelling. It had been a month and I wasn’t worried anymore. I was wrong.”  
A light flicked on in his head as he realized that was why she thought it was her fault. Wilson beat him to it though. “Cher, you couldn’t have known that something was going to happen. These men were waiting for orders, and you’re caught in the middle of something you have no control over. I received their dossiers this morning: this is a major crime family. I believe they were planning on making an example of you to spread fear, you just happen to be the perfect target.”  
She just shrugged, taking a moment to adjust the blankets over her legs. Wilson glanced at Goolsby, who was frowning at him in confusion and then carried on, asking her to describe the fight in her own words. Even though he had been there and repeated it himself yesterday it was still hard for him to hear it from her perspective, and it filled in the blanks for him. He had thought she had seen the baseball bat and taken advantage, but she stated that she went for it on purpose, having kept it there for that reason for years. The more she talked the more she started to sound like a reporter, just giving the facts. He interjected a few times when she would skip over her injuries, telling her she needed to be specific and Wilson nodded each time.   
“Then he took the bat and got me on the floor, sat on my stomach, he backhanded me and that’s when he tried to stab me.” She raised her arm to demonstrate her block. Goolsby had to close his eyes for a second, but seeing the knife red on the back of his eyelids made him snap them open. Cherish continued to speak in a detached way, not quite looking at either of them.  
“I knew I wouldn’t be able to block it a second time so I punched in the groin again and he lost his grip on the knife. That’s when he started choking me.” Cherish looked away, then remarked thoughtfully, “He had been angry about me fighting back up until that point.”  
“What changed?” Wilson prodded.   
She regarded the wall as if it would tell her the answer. “He looked happy. He was smiling. Every other time I hurt him he reacted, but once he was choking me, nothing.” She turned back to Wilson and held up her left hand to show her bandaged fingertips. “I was making him bleed, I clawed at his face, arms: he never wavered. I’m sure that’s noted on the autopsy.”   
Goolsby’s skin was crawling, and he was grateful Cherish wasn’t looking at him.   
Wilson finished his note and then she continued stonily.  
“I tried to reach the knife and touched it but couldn’t get it. He told me as soon as I stopped fighting he would kill Goolsby by shooting him in the stomach and make me watch him die before killing me. Then he told me he’d take me somewhere to get passed around before killing me. Specifically, he said once everyone had a turn. I think he got distracted by the idea, because he was leaning really close to me and asking me to look at him. I was able to reach the cuff and got Gools’ leg free. He started kicking and then as soon as he got off me a little I could reach the knife and I stabbed him. I guess he wasn’t expecting it cause he froze long enough for me to get in another one.” She looked at Goolsby’s pained expression, seeing it her face softened slightly. “You kicked him I think and then he collapsed. I could feel him trying to get up, and I knew if he did we were dead, so I twisted it and dug around with it.” She moved her wrist to explain what she meant, looking green and making a face. Then she sat up straighter and looked right at Wilson with her most serious face. “I killed him, and if I hadn’t he would have killed me and my partner. I don’t know what the process is but I will get a lawyer and I will plead self defence.”   
Wilson raised his eyebrows and gave her a rueful look. “You’re not under arrest, and I happen to agree with you. Get your feathers down kid.”  
Cherish looked a little less stern but she held her ground. “Where are you with the investigation? I’ve been informed my home is inaccessible right now, I need to know what is happening so I can advise my tenants.”   
“Forensics will only be keeping your unit locked down after this afternoon. Mrs Lakes went with her son last night, and she told me the students aren’t due back until next Sunday. I don’t know when we will be able to release yours, I’ll check in on that tomorrow.” Wilson put his book away and sighed. “I do have to advise you not to leave town, and it is possible you will have to defend yourself in court, if you want to seek legal council you certainly can. However, I know that Monday I’ll have more information for you.”  
“What has to wait until Monday?”  
He looked at the ceiling. “Them fancy folk get weekends off.” She nodded to acknowledge that. “If you don’t have any questions for me I’ll get out of your hair. Just let me know where you’re staying.” Wilson pointed at her again. “You are going to rest, you hear me?”  
“As if I can do anything else.”   
“As if I don’t know you.” He retorted back.   
She sighed. “Carl, I know when I’m benched.”   
Regarding her he smoothed his mustache down. “Alright. I’ll be seeing you both soon.”  
Standing once she nodded her head, he put a hand on her shoulder. Cherish looked down, covering his hand with hers for a moment. Wilson nodded, clearing his throat, then he shook Goolsby’s hand and left. She heard Goolsby flop back into his chair and saw him slouch low out of the corner of her eyes.

After the sound of his boots retreated she let out a breath and then stole a glance at her man, who had his head propped up on his fist as he looked at the floor. “Do you have any more questions?” She asked softly.  
“Yeah, I probably do.” Their eyes met for the first time in several minutes, hers unreadable, his cautious. “Are you ok?”  
“Yes, I’m happy that's over with, although I imagine I’ll have to say it all again at some point.”  
“It looks more like you’re just repressing everything.” He commented, the calmness of his own voice surprising him.   
Swallowing, she nodded. “I just wanted to get through it. I’m good at not letting my feelings get involved.”   
“Yeah I noticed.”   
She took in his defeated posture and looked down at her lap. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”   
When he didn’t answer she looked up. Slowly he watched the stone mask come off her face. She searched his whole body for a sense of what he was feeling and came up empty. “Can you, will you tell me what you’re thinking?” Cherish asked finally, her voice betraying her worry.

“Right now I’m just mad at you.” His voice was quiet. “And I don’t want to be mad at you. I can see that you’re sorry and I accept that, I think I just need to be mad for a bit.”   
She nodded. “That’s fair. I deserve it, I fucked up. You could have died, I’d understand if you never wanted to see me again.”  
He sighed and sat up, leaning towards her with his elbows on his knees. “You only messed up when you didn’t tell me what was going on. And it hurts that you didn't.”   
“I'm sorry.” She felt herself start to get impatient, hating sounding like a broken record and then told herself to get used to it. “I never meant to hurt you. Is there anything I can do to show you how sorry I am?” 

He nodded and stood, seeing a worried look cross her face, so he brushed her hair away from her forehead and stroked her cheek. “I need a minute, I’m going to get you a coffee cause you’re an addict, and then I’m going to come back and you’re going to talk for the next three days straight. You’re going to tell me when you’re upset and scared. You’re going to show me that you’re not afraid of letting me in. You’re going to tell me everything about your life, if you want me to be in it.”   
Reaching a hand out to him he took it and let her stop him from leaving. “I want you in my life.” She said.  
“Ok.” She searched his face before letting go of his hand. He knew he still needed a minute and left, closing the door for her and walked down the hall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It is weird that I'm kinda proud of them? It was hard for me to figure out how to write angry Goolsby, he seems so chill. So I liked exploring that. Not done either, ;)


	4. Cut the lock of your heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hospitals suck. But luckily they are adorable.

As he walked the replay of her in his mind started and he sighed, kicking himself. To be honest he had known they still had walls up around themselves, and purposefully ignored seeing them. She had told him that she was bad at relationships in a joking way months ago, but he understood now. It was hard to get close to her, she held everyone away because she knew what loss felt like and didn’t want to feel it again. He totally got that, having felt it himself when his brother died. That was why he hadn’t minded when they never had “the talk” and never defined their relationship, happy that she was trying and not wanting to pressure her. The closest they had ever come to any admission of longevity was within dirty talk in the middle of kinky sex. It had been fine with him, but now it wouldn’t work. And if he was being honest with himself, there was no doubt in his mind he wanted it to work. She had basically lied to him and all he was thinking about was how they were going to move forward and take care of each other better. Another sigh escaped him as he went into the washroom and splashed water on his face, knowing he was royally fucked. He knew he was better at feelings than she was but that didn’t mean they were easy for him to admit. They had been operating without taking that step, assuming but never going there. They might have gotten there eventually, this extreme situation throwing a wrench into his slow game of getting to know her, getting her out of her hidden shell.  
The last part of her conversation with Wilson wafted through his head, her voice like steel. “I killed him, and if I hadn’t he would have killed me and my partner.”  
Partner. That was the first time she had ever used a definitive term for them. And earlier she had gotten more upset hearing him tell her she was ok, and calmed down hearing he was. She thought she had failed him. The only other time he ever thought they were on shaky ground had come from her trying to protect him, and this was no different. 

Standing in line for their drinks he shook himself out, wanting to go back to her in a more positive headspace. Hearing her injured voice describing everything in an emotionless monotone had made him want to kill that man himself. She was already so bad at dealing with her own feelings, he could only pray he’d be able to help her deal with this. Letting that be his focus he thought about how she always hid things, when he’d realized he needed to pay close attention to pick up on things from her. Remembering her tell him she had no family, or anytime something negative came up, how she’d change the subject or distract him from it. He sighed, knowing he had work cut out for him.   
The first thing he saw when he entered the room was that her face was scrunched up in pain, and he started towards her before he saw the nurse looking at the back of her head. He was able to change course and go back to his seat without either of them noticing his reaction. Cherish heard the chair and opened one eye to make sure it was him and he gave her an encouraging smile. Her lap was covered in gauze, a basin, and various tools, and she had a towel around her shoulders. A new, and empty, pill cup was sitting on the table next to her water. The nurse held her hair out of the way and clucked.   
“Well dear, this is going to hurt like a sonuvabitch.” Cherish snorted. He had clearly missed their rapport building session if she was amused by that.  
Cherish reached a hand out to him and he took it. “You don’t have to stay for this.”  
“That’s ok, what are you doing?”  
The nurse answered to the back of her head. “This is a bite, the risk of infection is too high to not clean it more than once. This is betadine. You’re going to hold her hand?” She glanced at him and he nodded. “Ready?  
“Yeah.” She mumbled.   
Seeing the syringe he balked a little but the nurse held it just over the wound and sprayed it. It did look pretty nasty, but he wasn’t going to say anything. Even though she didn’t get pricked it must’ve hurt because her hand clamped around his in a vice. He rubbed her hand as he watched the nurse dab over and clean out around it using the solution and pressure from the spray, the towel making sense to him now.   
When she finished she gathered all the soiled cloths and threw them out, patting Cherish on the shoulder then handed her a hair brush in plastic with a bottle of disinfectant.  
“Don’t use your own, this one is sterile. And spray it afterwards and before each time you use it. I recommend having him help you with that. I'll be back in about an hour after the meds kick in and we'll change your arm, after that you'll be free to go. ”  
“Thank you.” The nurse smiled at her and packed up, wheeling out a machine, making him realize he had missed her follow up ECG.  
Once the nurse left Cherish looked at him cautiously. “Hi.”  
He smiled at her, “Hey.”  
“Did you, get the minute you were needing?”  
“Yeah. I needed a minute to remember who you were.”  
She frowned at him. "What do you mean?"  
Goolsby held out his hand for hers which she gave him immediately. He leaned down and placed a kiss on the back of her hand and then held it in both of his.   
“I always liked that you were strong and composed. I remember thinking how your attic was a reflection of yourself, orderly and put together.”   
“Ok?”  
“I know who you are. I just don’t know details. I want to hear them, so I just want you to know that you don’t have to worry about not looking strong. I know you are. Ok?”   
She nodded, a little confused but relieved. “Ok.”  
Wanting to lighten the mood he smirked at her. “You’re a strong, independent woman who don’t need no man.”  
Shaking her head at him she smiled. “Alright silly.” Goolsby squeezed her hand once more then let go to hand her the coffee. “You’re the best.” She took a sip and hummed with her eyes closed, making him smile.   
Still, he didn’t like her colour: her face was tight and drawn, and she stared into the cup for a long moment.   
“That looked like it hurt. Are you ok?”   
Sighing she held the cup with both hands in her lap. “It did but that’s not it. We were chatting, the nurse I mean, and I mentioned I was surprised I didn’t have to, you know, get naked to be examined. Cause of the investigation and whatever. She told me they did that while I was out. Pictures and everything, for evidence.” She looked up at him with a worried face. “They did that to you too, she said.”  
He nodded, but when she didn’t continue he frowned. “Yeah that's... awkward I guess. You’re feeling exposed? Or worried about them being seen?”  
“Yeah I guess. It's... violating.” Her fingers picked at the edge of the cup. “Because we were both out when we arrived, I guess when you can’t say what happened, they do a pretty thorough exam.”  
When she trailed off he got up to sit on the bed, facing her. “I know, they did blood work on us, so we don’t have to worry about diseases or anything. We could go to the club and say we’re super clean right now.” She tried to smile at his attempt to make things lighter, but it wilted away. “Tell me, what’s bothering you?”  
“She was explaining, and she was nice about it, but they had to do a rape kit. That’s like, when they-”  
“I know what it is hun. I’m so sorry.” She nodded gratefully for his interruption, and a small part of him was soothed knowing he could still read her needs.  
“She said they could tell right away that I hadn’t, we hadn’t, um, anyway. I just feel gross about it. I guess I’m glad I wasn’t awake, but it’s just another thing that happened to me I didn’t have a say in. At least it was a woman, and a professional.” With a sigh, she took another sip of coffee. “I know it’s not reasonable: it’s all medical, they are helping us. I had to be bare chested for the ECG’s too. Doctors see everything right?”  
Frowning he reached out to touch the back of her free hand, carefully since it was the hurt one. “Cher, you’ve been through big trauma. You can feel however you feel, it’s not unreasonable. No one likes to feel exposed. I’m pretty sure it’s totally normal to feel that way about anything that happens at the hospital. You don’t have to like it and you don’t have to rationalize that away.”   
Watching her shrug his brow furrowed even more. “Thank you. I’ll be happy when we get out of here and no one is going to be touching me.”   
He had been resting his hand on her leg, realizing he hadn’t checked in with her he lifted it off her and let go of her hand.   
Setting the cup down on the table she took his hand back before he could speak. “Not you hun. I only want to be touched by you, I meant not by strangers. I want your touch more than ever.” He nodded and reached out to cup her cheek, watching her lean into it and smile a little. “You’re the one who said you can tell when I’m upset. You were holding me earlier, was I upset?” At his head shake she ran her fingers through his hair, staring at him thoughtfully. “I get these weird moments of fear, touching you helps a lot. That you’re here with me for real, and we’re ok. You thanked me before but I feel the same way: thank you for not dying on me.”   
“I wasn’t in danger of dying the same way you were.”   
“I’m going to disagree with you on that. You were a loose end. I didn’t believe they we’re going to let you live even if I co-operated.” She swallowed hard. “I feel bad that I risked you by fighting back. I just felt like if they took me somewhere I wouldn't have a chance.”   
“No, don’t feel bad,” He whispered, then gathered her in his arms until he could tuck her head against his chest, needing to hold her. “I would have felt guilty if I had lived and you were, harmed, or let things happen to you because you were worried about me. This feels strange to say, but the outcome was the best we could have hoped for. I know you’re hurt, but...” He swallowed and tried again. “I mean…”   
Her voice came to his ears softly, finishing the thought he couldn’t voice. “It could have been a lot worse.”   
“Yeah.”   
They sat like that for a few minutes, taking comfort in the other, even the annoying beeping sounded soothing to him. Before she woke it was a constant reminder she was alive, but in his arms she was so much more real. Holding her he could feel how fragile she was, her grip on him so much weaker than normal, a small tremor in her limbs even while she was still. He smoothed a hand down her back. “You’re trembling.” He whispered into her hair.   
“I know.”  
“Are you ok?”   
“I guess. Kinda overwhelmed by everything.”  
“How much pain are you in right now?”   
“Probably a 7 out of 10.”   
Tilting her chin up so he could see her eyes he frowned at her. He didn’t want to pressure her into something she wasn’t comfortable with, but couldn’t bear the thought of her in pain. Finally he said, “That’s a lot.”  
She sighed. “I’m ok. The painkillers are helping, they take the edge off at least. I’d rather be in pain and aware than drugged up and out of it. I’m compartmentalizing it, a useful part of my bad habits at least.” She smiled at him weakly.   
“Is there anything I can do to help?” He asked.   
Tucking her head back down she snuggled into his shirt again. “You are helping.”   
He sighed and kissed the top of her head.   
“So can you tell that I want you to be touching me?” She said as squeezed him.  
Pulling back he smiled into her eyes. “Yes I can.” Placing a kiss on her forehead he heard his phone buzzing, making no move to get up.   
“Go get it, I’m good.” The small but easy smile on her face was what convinced him. Sliding off the bed he checked the call display then swore loudly.   
“Fuck.” She looked at him curiously until he answered. “Hi Mom.” Covering her smile with a hand as he rolled his eyes. He let her talk at him for a full minute, hearing her berate him for the cryptic message he left with his father. Finally he interrupted her. “Mom, I’m at the hospital with a friend, I’m fine.”   
Cherish raised her eyebrows at him and mouthed at him, “You are not fine.”  
Waving her words away he interrupted his mother again. “Mom, it’s not your business why she’s in the hospital. I only called cause I was supposed to come by to help Dad with the garage and I don’t know when I’ll be back…... Yes she.…... Why would you need to know if it’s a she or not?”  
Cherish was grinning at him now so he turned his back on her. "I'm being a good friend…… I don’t know when I’ll be back…….I’m not answering that. I'm gonna let you go now…. Yeah, love you, bye."   
Sighing he tossed his phone on top of his bag, turning back to Cherish, who winked at him.   
"You gonna tell your mom how good of "friends" we are?"   
He rolled his eyes at her, crossing his arms. "Trust me, you don't want to live that nightmare. I made the mistake of bringing a girl home for dinner once, it was brutal. She had us married in her mind immediately."  
Cherish snickered. "So you're an adult man who hides his relationships from his mother. Nice."   
Goolsby sat back down on her bed. "You're goddamn right I am. It helped for a long ass time too. Now it might be backfiring, though. In her mind I've been "single" for long enough she thinks she can set me up with anyone without a dick." He fixed her with a look. "She's caught on that I lie about it, even told me I don't have to hide who I am if I like men."  
Just barely keeping a straight face she nodded. "Well that's very progressive of her."   
Goolsby leaned close. "I'm hoping I can call on you if my straightness is ever called into question."  
"Actually, I searched you on the internet once. There are absolutely theories about you being gay." She replied with a grin.   
"I'm ok with that. Grows the fan base."  
"Oh yeah, "grows" is the right word for some of them."  
Smirking he sighed dramatically. "Can you just be sympathetic about my crazy mother? Hmm?"  
"Sure hun." She patted him on the head as awkwardly as she could.  
He smiled and handed her the coffee again, referencing his old joke of distracting her with caffeine. Winking at him she took a sip and put it down as he smiled at her.

Reaching to the table she unwrapped the brush carefully and started to lift it to her hair but he snagged it out of her hand.   
“Nope, scootch up, I’m doing that.”   
“I can do it.” She said even as she moved forward so he could sit behind her.   
“You’ve only got one hand, and I’m a pro.” He started at the ends and held the hair above it, making sure it didn’t pull. She sat quietly while he worked slowly and gently around the injury. Once he had moved on to the safe parts of her head she sighed, enjoying it despite herself, and he could hear the smile when she spoke.  
“I think if girls figured out that long haired guys knew how to do this none of you’d be single ever.”   
“Nah I know plenty and they just rip it through.”   
“Shame.” To which he hummed in agreement.  
She was quiet for a minute and then said tentatively. “I don’t think someone other than a hairdresser has brushed my hair since Mrs Lakes did my hair for my mom’s funeral.”  
The brush paused for a brief moment, he was sad from her words but she was clearly trying to take his desire of knowing about her seriously which made him feel heartened.   
“She never did it after that?” He asked softly.  
“No, I cried cause that’s such a mom thing to do and it made her cry.”  
“Is that when you started this habit of not letting people see you upset?”  
“I think it may have cemented it but it was there before that.”  
“Where would you say it started?” He had finished but didn’t want to stop touching her so he kept going, making the passes of the brush gentle and rhythmic.   
“Well, Mom would get upset when I was, and then I wanted to avoid attention, so over the years I just learned that it was easier to pretend everything was fine.”   
“How old were you when she died?”   
“14. But I lost her a long time before that.”   
Goolsby set the brush down and pulled her backwards to lean against him, wrapping her in his arms.   
“I appreciate you taking me seriously but I also don’t want you to get upset.”  
“I’m good. But was there something you wanted to know?”  
He kissed her temple. “I want to know everything you want to tell me.”   
“Kay, well this ties into today’s events and then we can switch to something else. You heard Wilson say I’m the perfect target for a crime family?” He nodded. “Dad was a cop and got killed in a shootout between two drug gangs. I was nine.”   
“Oh. Well shit.” He didn’t know what to say about that, but it did clarify what he had witnessed between her and the officer. “That’s how he knows you?”  
“Yeah. My dad was in his precinct. Anyway, the irony in that was that mom turned to pain pills and alcohol after he was gone and then stopped functioning. That’s why I don’t want them.”  
“That makes sense. So you tried to take care of her?”  
He felt her nod. “Yeah, for years. And then she OD’d.”  
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but how is it that you own the building? I don’t normally hear about, um, addicts, who are able to keep jobs. Sorry.”  
“It's ok. That was Dad. When he died the insurance money paid off the mortgage and put away a school fund for me. After that there was enough that Mom didn’t have to work for a little while. She did go back at first, we also had the rental income. I think she stopped working when I started grade 8.” She leaned forward and grabbed her coffee, settling back against him.  
“So what happened to you after she died?”   
“I had to go into the system. I got lucky: because of Dad I got a good placement, my foster family was chill, dads friends would check in on me, brought me out to cop picnics and stuff. Wilson took me fishing a few times, said Dad would’ve wanted me to learn. I just focused on school until I went away for college. I earned a scholarship so I used the trust money to renovate the attic while I was gone, moved in when I graduated. Mrs Lakes checked in on me a lot, we had tea about twice a month before I moved back, I go visit once a week now. She’s a gem. Also she really likes you. She thinks you’re handsome.”  
He laughed. “Do you talk about me?”  
“Sometimes. I think she always wanted a tattooed bad boy and is living vicariously through me.”  
Goolsby snorted. “How long have you known her?”  
“She’s lived there since before we owned it. My dad bought the duplex and she was already there. I think I was five. Matt was in college, he was definitely my first crush.” Cherish rolled her head to look at him. “He had long hair too.”   
As he laughed she moved to get up, getting her legs off the bed and stood slowly. He held his hand out for her if she needed it but she was stubborn. Bending to grab her bag she made a face and stopped short. She grimaced as she straightened, glaring at the innocent duffle, then looked at him with a sigh.   
“Can you bring my bag up here for me? I want to change.” Her voice barely more than a mumble.   
“Yep.” He reached down and pulled it up onto the bed. She dug in it and pulled out a t-shirt, underwear, and yoga pants, he got up and closed the door. When he went back to her he stood right in front of her, raising an eyebrow as he watched her trying to reach the back of herself and failing.   
“You’re incorrigible.” She scowled at him and he smiled in return.  
“Sure I am. Turn around.” Cherish huffed but compiled so he could undo the ties on her hospital gown. He slid it off her shoulder and kissed her skin where there were no bruises. “Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe I’m looking forward to all of it. Think about it.” He said as he took it fully off her and helped her get the t-shirt over her head. “If I get to help you get dressed and shower, that's so many opportunities to see boobs. I’m gonna take advantage.”   
It worked and she laughed as her head poked up through the hole. “There goes any future claim at philanthropy.”   
Navigating her bandaged arm through the sleeve he winked at her. “Yup, I’m just a man.” He crouched to help her put her feet into the panties and she braced a hand on his shoulder. Checking with her first he stroked a hand up the outside of her leg, placing a gentle kiss to a bruise on her thigh. “Actually screw showering. Let’s get a hotel with a giant jacuzzi tub and chillax for hours.”   
“Sounds good.” She smiled down at him as he rolled up the pants for her to step into then pulled them up her legs.  
“Socks in there?”  
After he stood she pulled him close for a kiss. “Thank you.” Her voice was soft, and he knew she wasn’t just thanking him for the clothes. He kissed her back.   
“You’re welcome.”   
She sat back onto the bed gingerly as he opened the door then and pulled her shoes out of the bag. “I wonder how long I’m going to be sore like this. It sucks ass.”   
He stood in front of her and smirked, then brought up his phone and waved it at her. “Want me to webMD that for you? Baseball bat plus stomach plus healing time?”  
She snickered. “It would just say I have cancer.”   
He grinned up at her, sliding her converse onto her feet and tying them. “Yeah probably.”  
Sorting through her bag she found a toothbrush and other toiletries with her travel set. “Half of me is weirded out that Carl went through my bathroom, but the other half is just trying to appreciate his forethought.” She stood up and kissed him on her way to the bathroom. 

Goolsby flopped into the chair and assumed his customary relaxed slouch, bringing up his app to look at hotels. He had been dead serious about the jacuzzi tub: it sounded amazing. And sexy, but he shoved that down, knowing she was probably too sore and he didn’t want to be worried about hurting her. If he was honest with himself he wasn’t ready either, considering that the whole fiasco had happened right after they had been intimate last.   
On the other hand, he thought to himself, maybe they needed to get back on the horse.   
He shrugged, deciding to let her initiate and then rolled his eyes at himself: that was their whole dynamic. Feeling a little flustered he swiped at his face as he thought about them. If anyone ever found out how they were together he’d be mortified, but he couldn’t deny how she made him feel. Knowing the minute she crooked her finger at him he’d walk through whatever fire was in his way to get to her, even if she put it there. And then he’d feel compelled to thank her for it, since it would have been her intention to empower him. They had talked about what it was to be a submissive in abstract, and she had referred to herself as a Domme, his Domme in fact, but they’d never put a label on him like that. Again the closest they would come would be during play. In a scene he could handle being called a toy, and in fact loved it. Early in their exploration he had called her Angel and it stuck, using that instead of more traditional declinations. Cherish had said she had never been called that and he liked that it was just for him. It was in the way she spoke to him that made it true: she could be merciless even when her intention came from a place of benevolence, just as in mythology she had been the bearer of knowledge to him about himself, and he was under her wing, cared for.   
Having the opportunity to care for her in return now wasn’t about to change that. Helping her wasn’t going to put her into a different category in his mind or lessen his opinion of her. He knew that’s what she was afraid of, knowing he’d just have to show her that she didn’t have to worry. Thinking about what he had in mind made him blush a little but he pushed it away and smirked, letting himself off the hook for being eager. Who was he to argue against what made him feel good? And dammit he was going to worship her.

He was still smiling when she came out and saw it. “What are you so happy about?”  
Tossing the little bag of toiletries onto the bed she perched on the edge to face him.   
“You.” He said, standing and taking her head in his hands and kissing her gently. Cherish melted against him, wrapping her good arm around his back to grip his sweater. When the kiss finished he rested his forehead against hers and hummed.   
“I thought you were mad at me.” She whispered.   
“Can’t stay mad.” He said, matching her quiet tone, rubbing his nose against hers, then caught her lips again.   
The sound of a throat being cleared made them break apart. The nurse had returned with another tray of tools and gauze.   
“I kinda want to see it.” Goolsby said to Cherish.   
She made a face at him. “Gross. But whatever, free country.”   
He laughed. “Not if you don't want me to.”  
She shrugged as the nurse took her arm. “I don't care. I don't really want to see it, I’m glad it’s on the back.”  
The nurse was smiling at them as she unwrapped. When she got down to the last layer she grabbed scissors and cut it away. Cherish hissed as it pulled the skin.   
The cut was long and nasty, running the full length along the bone of her arm. The stitches made it rise in the middle and look raw, despite the fact it had been done with precision.   
Goolsby put a hand on her shoulder. “Damn Cherish. I can call Troma and you could be an extra, save them on special effects money.”   
“Yes that's exactly what I feel like doing, call them.” Her voice dripping sarcasm.  
“See, even that was convincing, could get you a speaking role.” She elbowed him behind her.   
The nurse cleaned it and spread cream over it, and a second later Cherish’s eyebrows shot up and she looked at the nurse gratefully.  
“Oh that's amazing. Thank you.”  
“What?” Goolsby asked.  
“Numbing, if she's not going to take heavy meds this will help her not murder you.” The nurse smirked at him and then started wrapping her again. “You're a trooper, having to put up with him.” Cherish grinned at her, looking like a weight had been lifted off her.   
“I guess it would look suspicious if I killed him right after this incident. I’ll wait a little bit.”   
Nodding with a smile the nurse finished. “Alrighty, don’t get this wet, get a plastic bag when you take a bath. Your head will be fine under water, just use simple shampoo and only condition the ends. Get your stuff together and we’ll sign you out.”  
“Thank you.” Cherish said.   
After she left, he helped her put on a hoodie from the bag and they did a last sweep of the room before heading to the desk. Goolsby insisted on carrying both bags, ignoring his own sore muscles, and to her credit she only argued a little.   
Cherish started to fill out the paperwork clumsily with her left hand and then sighed, sliding it across the counter to him, dictating her info. She still had to sign and the look of concentration on her face was adorable to him.   
On their way out of the hospital Cherish paused seeing the convenience store. She gave him an odd look.   
“Do you need something?” She nodded and led the way into the store.   
She picked out the biggest, darkest sunglasses and tried on a hat but put it back, the wound on her head protesting, so she pulled up her hood instead, arranging her hair to cover more of her skin. He ripped the tags off the glasses for her and smiled as he slid his own on, taking her hand.   
“Can you still see it?” She said quietly. Goolsby looked at her black eye.  
“I mean, I know it's there, I can see it. But a random person would just think it's a shadow from your glasses.” He squeezed her hand. “You ok?”  
“I don’t want to see anyone I know.”   
They stood in a corner of the lobby, his body blocking her from view, until his phone buzzed and he got them into the uber quickly, fielding all the conversation with the driver as she looked out the window. In the hotel he pulled her to stand behind him as he checked in.   
Waiting for the elevator two other guests stood with them, and when they got on he put himself between her and them and then heard her giggle. As they exited he looked at her quizzically.   
“You’re taking this so seriously. You don’t have to be my human shield hun.”   
She was smiling but when she saw his face it slid away. He waited until they were in their room before he took off her glasses to hold her face.   
“I am going to take you seriously. You told me what you needed and I’m happy to do it. And... I need this too. I had to watch you get hurt, and I couldn’t do anything about it. You were literally my human shield: you stood in front of me and saved both our lives. So you’re going to get taken care of now whether you like it or not.” Stroking along her cheeks with his thumbs he looked into her eyes. The bruises would be worse tomorrow and they already made him want to punch the wall, but he had been pushing that down and wanted to keep it that way. He didn’t want her to see his anger and start blaming herself again.   
“I’m sorry.” She whispered. “Please don’t think you can’t talk about it just cause I’m a mess. I want to help you be ok too.”   
“I know. And we will, later.” He kissed her and then unzipped her hoodie. “Right now we’re gonna go soak in that tub.”   
Walking to the bathroom he flipped on the light and smiled: he had requested a big tub and they delivered. He had also asked for housecoats, extra towels, and bath salts to surprise her. From their sessions he knew it satisfied something deep inside him when he did things for her and chuckled, thinking that he was about to overdose on service pride. But he was right, he needed it.   
With the water running he hadn’t heard her follow him but he did hear it when she spoke.   
“Damn that's big.”  
“That’s what she said. I asked for a big tub, I think we’re lucky it’s not heart shaped.”  
“Oh, yeah that’d be corny.”   
She watched him work from the doorway, putting the salts in, piling towels and face clothes on the toilet lid, checking the water, arranging cups of water on the edge, and opening all the soaps.   
“I’m getting deja vu.” Cherish said, and he smiled when he remembered how she had set him up for a shower their first night together.   
Coming up to her he helped her out of her clothes and slid her arm into a plastic bag, securing it with the medical tape the nurse had given them. He carefully took the gauze off her fingers on her left hand, seeing the bloody and broken nails he kissed her knuckles. He didn’t get in with her right away, making sure she didn’t slip and then double locking the door to their room, grabbing his phone.   
“What do you want to listen to?” He asked, signing into the wifi.  
“Whatever, just no rap, pop, or country.”  
“You are the perfect woman.” He stated and she laughed, watching him get undressed and join her, arranging them so he could sit behind her.   
Leaning into him she sighed, pressing her face into the skin of his throat, feeling him kiss her forehead and wrap his arms around her. They didn’t talk for a while, just enjoyed the warm buoyancy, the closeness, and privacy. When the water started to cool he simply popped the drain for a minute and then added more, joking to her about becoming prunes. Taking the soap he used it like oil and rubbed her back and shoulders, trying to loosen the muscles that were affected by her neck. He smiled hearing her sigh and kissed her temple.   
Goolsby helped her wash her hair, wincing when she did from her bite wound. He peeled the wet bandage off his chest, finding no stitches, tossing it and complaining to her about how itchy it had been. The tape on his face didn’t come loose in the water so they left them on, figuring it was designed to stay on for a while. Again he caught her staring at his cuts and kissed all over her face until she laughed. She insisted on washing his back, and then spent a good five minutes tracing all the lines on his tattoo. He had been wrong when he thought a shower would be heaven: this was definitely better. Once they were clean he switched out some water again and got her to stretch out as much as she could. He played with her hair and hummed along when a song he liked came on.   
Noticing she was nodding off he smiled, gently rousing her. Wrapping her in the big fluffy housecoat, he sat her on the edge of the tub to brush her hair out for her. He set them up on the bed with a movie, and wasn’t surprised when she fell asleep 20 minutes in, cheek pillowed against his chest.   
It was early still and he wasn’t tired, they hadn’t even had dinner, but he was content to hold her, loath to let go. At about 9pm his stomach growled so loudly he thought it would wake her but she was out cold, curled towards him, looking tiny in the coat. Carefully extracting himself he ordered chinese, his rationale being it usually tasted better the next day, and if she was hungry later they had a microwave. Even though he had given instructions for the delivery person to not knock they did, making him scramble to the door, stepping outside to do the talking. With relief he saw she still hadn’t moved when he came back in. The little table had a view of the city, looking out at it as he ate he thought about their next few days, not really knowing what they were going to do and not caring. The world could go fuck itself as far as he was concerned.   
Not wanting to dwell on things he got ready for bed after putting the food away. He dug in his bag, finding sweatpants and a loose shirt, hanging up the robe in the bathroom and then brushed his teeth. Coming back into the main room he saw Cherish shift a little and he decided to wake her to take their pills on time, his own stomach bruise was aching. Sleepily she took the water from him and sat up with a grimace, and then asked for her pj’s, declining his offer of food. Finished helping her pull the shirt over her head he went to turn off the bedside light and she stopped him, not saying anything, but he nodded and didn’t touch it.  
Settling in beside her felt like coming home, he brushed the damp hair away from her cheek and she stared into his eyes. She frowned at him and tugged on his shirt: he normally slept naked or in just boxers. He shrugged in reply, and she nodded, understanding in her eyes, smoothing the fabric down his stomach.   
“Were you scared?” She asked, voice raspy.   
“I was terrified.” Goolsby answered honestly. “I’ve never been more afraid.”   
“I’m sorry.”   
He kissed her. “It’s not your fault that it happened Cher.”   
“I put you in danger.”   
“No you didn’t. Unless there’s something else you didn’t tell me?” When she shook her head a small knot he hadn’t known was in his chest loosened. “Good. Like I said, we’re both going to feel guilty, and that’s just gonna have to run its course. You’ve apologized for the only thing you did wrong, which was not telling me about the stalking. I’ve already forgiven you. Everything else is just... fucked up.”   
“What do you feel guilty about?”   
Part of him wanted to ask if she was kidding, but decided maybe she was just giving him an opening. “That I couldn’t help you. That you got hurt and I walked away with barely anything.” He ran his hand up and down her side for a moment and she waited for him to go on. “I feel guilty because you felt that you couldn’t tell me when you were afraid. That I’ve done something to make you keep things from me." She shook her head again. “Well, it’s still there. I should have been proving to you that you could lean on me. That I didn’t notice we weren’t, I don’t know, open with each other? And in retrospect, I can totally see the walls we both had up.”   
Turning he rolled them so he could hover above her and captured her lips, careful to keep his weight off her. Their split lips prevented a full make out session, but he pressed his hips into hers and gently tangled their tongues together. Bracing himself on his elbows he looked down into her warm brown eyes.   
“Cherish.” His voice was soft, but she could hear it full of passion.  
“Yeah?”  
“I don’t want there to be anymore walls. I want to tear them down and see all your skeletons, show you all the bodies piled up behind mine. You’re all wrapped up with chains around your heart, you’re locked away. Will you let me come inside?” Her mouth was open a little and she stared at him. “If you’ve lost the key I’ll cut my way in.”  
“I think that’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard.” She said before pulling him down to her, not caring that it hurt to kiss him hard and heard him groan. Grabbing at each other and sliding hands under shirts they moved together, bodies aching for two reasons now.   
Goolsby broke the kiss and pulled up, breathing hard, but it was Cherish that spoke.   
“I want you so bad.” She whispered to him.   
“I do too. I just don't think that's a good idea.”  
“I know. Fuck.” She pecked his lips softly so it wouldn’t hurt them, feeling him move to press harder she stopped him. Internally, she was amused by his need to chase the pain, but she didn’t think injury pain would be good for him. With a finger she traced his lower lip, touching the split gently, then seeing his pupils blow up she shook her head. She pushed his hair out of his face and sighed. “I don’t know who started it, but just promise me we’ll finish this later?”  
After a few steadying breaths he nodded.  
“Of course.” Dropping a hip to one side of her he draped an arm over her as she resettled on her back. “You want the light on?”  
“Yeah, sorry.”   
He squeezed her lightly. “No problem. You promise me that you’ll wake me if you need anything?”  
“I can’t have what I need right now, so I won’t be waking you for sex.” He snorted at her joke, but then she snaked her arm under his neck and squeezed him back. “I will. Go to sleep hun.”   
Not answering he hummed, making himself still, and waiting until he could tell she was asleep before letting his mind drift into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Humming "Blood on her Gown" over here. Works for the next chapter too I think.


	5. Eyes wide open

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A nightmare gives Goolsby his turn to talk, their first night out of the hospital anything but restful. Wilson gives them an update on the plan.

Blackness gave way to a view of a softly lit bedroom, everything about it familiar and comforting. The sound of dripping, liquid hitting the hardwood floor was unceasing and relentless. He couldn’t understand why it was bothering him when he was in one of his favourite places, waiting for her. Time passed, measured by the drips, and he began to worry, so he started to sit up to look around and was stopped. Sharp metal on his wrists and ankles cut into his skin and he cried out, feeling them get tighter. In his mind he could hear her voice calling to him. Somehow he could see her lying on the floor, and strained to get to her. The muscles in his arms and chest ripping apart as he struggled, screaming her name as he fought to get to her. She didn’t answer as she lay draped across a body, arm reaching towards him, brown eyes blank and unseeing as they stared at him, blood dripping methodically from her limp fingertips onto the floor. 

Hands touched him and he jerked, trying to get away, to fight back against the painful vice on his wrists. He thrashed, limbs flailing and suddenly he was falling and hit the floor, a weight pinning him to the ground. 

“Hey. Hey look at me hun.” His eyes finally opened and saw her brown irises, saw her kneeling on the floor over him, felt her hands on his arms. “It was a dream. You with me?”   
“Yeah.” He managed, breathing hard and staring at her, wide-eyed.  
“Are you ok?” When he didn’t say anything, she rubbed her thumbs along his skin and her face changed from worried to tormented.   
“I couldn’t wake you. I was shaking you. You were all over the bed. I’m sorry you fell, I tried to grab you but you’re too big, and you had hold of me and I fell on you. I’m so sor-”  
Arms snapping out he yanked her back down on top of him and wrapped her in a bear hug. Closing his eyes he breathed her in, holding her tightly against him until his fear and confusion subsided. When he came back into himself more and he squeezed her again she let out a whimper. Quickly he let go and sat them up, holding her shoulders.   
“Shit, sorry, did I hurt you?” Sitting on the floor together in the dim light he finally felt aware, the pained expression on her face clear. Cupping her face he made her look at him.   
“Yes, but that’s alright. Are you ok?”  
“It’s not alright. I’m sorry I didn’t remember to be gentle with you.”  
She smiled briefly. “I forgive you. Now answer me.”   
“I’m ok, I guess. Just a bad dream.”  
“Tell me about it?”   
“Isn’t it obvious?” She waited and he sighed. “Your bedroom. I couldn’t get to you and you were dead.”  
“Were you fighting someone?”  
He frowned. “No, maybe, right at the end, that was probably you trying to wake me but I thought it was them.” He had a horrible realization and held her at arms length to look her over. “Did I hit you?”   
“I wasn’t trying to scare you. I’m sorry.”  
“Cherish! Did I hit you?” She winced at his tone.  
“It's okay. You didn’t mean to.” Her voice trailed away as she saw his eyes fill with dread, his face going white.  
“Where? How? How many times?”   
Her resolve to not tell him vanished seeing the anguish on his face.   
“You were thrashing, I don’t know how many times. You didn’t know it was me, it's ok.” He turned her head to look for new bruises, seeing a red mark on her jaw, her split lip reopened. Turning her arms he saw where he had grabbed her, his finger dents in the bandage, and a new mark on her shoulder. Letting go of her as though her skin burned him he put his head in his hands, drawing his knees up to his chest as he leaned against the bed.  
“No.” He whispered. Cold nausea washed over him and he felt crushed, hit from every angle. He hadn't had a panic attack since high school but as his mind raced out of control his emotions ran with them and he was pulled under. Pins and needles lit up in his limbs, his heart swallowed by black ice as his stomach dropped. It was all he could do to breath, each inhale now requiring him to think about it.  
“Hey, look at me. Gools, it's ok. Hun.” She was pulling on his arms, trying to peel his hands away from his face. He pushed her hands away and then pressed his palms into his eyes, fingernails digging into his scalp.   
“Get away from me.” She had her hands on his neck and he shook his head. “No.” Shame was rising in his throat and he retched, swallowing bile. “I’m going to hurt you again. Don’t touch me, I ruined it.” His voice sounded foreign to him, broken and grating. The muscles in his chest constricted, his breath coming in shallow gasps. 

“No hun. It was an accident, it's ok. Stop it, Goolsby, look at me.” Raising her voice didn’t work, she shook his shoulders, knees and held his head, trying to get through to him. He was lost, mind reeling and contorted. All of the emotions from the past 48 hours hitting him at once and he couldn’t handle it. Dropping into a pit of despair he could barely hear her.   
Cherish watched helplessly as his own mind attacked him, she could see the torment physically in his body language. Knowing he couldn’t hear her she tried to touch him and every time his body jerked away.   
Finally she pushed his knees down, climbed into his lap and reached through his arms to grab his chain, pulling him by it until his back wasn’t leaning on the bed. This touch he didn’t fight, and he let himself be towed up. Twisting her hand she tightened the chain around his neck, fisting pressed into his throat, and he whined, chin lifting, his body following the instinct, wanting to listen.  
“Tell me your colour.” She said in her most authoritative voice and it cut into his mind.   
“Red.” He managed, voice breaking.  
“Tell me what happens when you say that.” Her tone left no room for him to do anything other than answer her.   
“Everything stops.” He felt the chain digging into his neck and let her peel one of his hands off his face, but his eyes stayed squeezed shut. She put his hand on the lock and he gripped it until his knuckles were white, the edges sharp on his palm, giving him something to focus on.   
This time when she spoke it was softer. “That’s right. Everything stops. Let it stop. It's over when you say that. Say it again.”  
“Red.”   
“Everything stops. It's over, you’re okay. Come back to me.” Letting her take the other hand she laced her fingers with his and kept talking. As he responded she let her voice get gentler, more encouraging, letting the grip on the chain relax with it. When he opened his eyes and saw her they brimmed over and tears ran down his face. Kissing their fingers where she had them woven together as she held his gaze.   
“Tell me you didn’t mean to hurt me.”  
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I swear. I’m so sorry.” Pulling him forward she pressed his face into her neck, he let go of the lock and wrapped his arms around her, trying not to squeeze her, body shaking with sobs.  
“Shhh. I know. I’m ok. You’re ok.” Somehow he had slipped into something like a subspace. He couldn’t not answer her, not when he knew what she wanted.   
“Tell me you feel guilty.” Once again she was guiding him to where he needed to be, giving him words, a place to start untangling each poisonous thread in his mind.  
“I hurt you, I couldn’t stop you from getting hurt and then I hurt you.” She rocked him, holding his head and back.   
“I know. Tell me that makes you feel guilty.”   
“I feel guilty. I feel horrible.” He squeezed his eyes shut as his face twisted, hating himself. Her hand held him tightly at the back of his neck.   
“I know. It's ok. I’ve got you. What else, tell me.”  
Now that she had peeled back some layers for him he knew what the deeper issue was. “I failed you. I was useless before and now I made it worse.”   
“No you didn’t. You are not useless: we got out of there by working together. You didn’t make it worse. You just had a nightmare. You got hurt, and saw me get hurt. Even though we’re okay it was a horrible, hellish night and you are allowed to be affected by it.”   
She let him cry himself out, holding him tightly, gripping the back of his neck. After a few minutes he was starting to calm down. In her head she compared how long she had cried and hoped he wasn’t trying to stop before he was ready.  
“Do you trust me?” She asked once the shaking in his shoulders was subsiding.  
“Yes.” He breathed. “Yes I trust you.”   
“It goes both ways: I trust you too. You haven’t done anything wrong. It was an accident.” Goolsby nodded even though he didn’t agree, focusing instead on hearing her side of it.   
“Tell me you were scared.” She asked softly.  
“I’m still scared.” He whispered into her neck.  
“I know. So am I. But you know what I’m more scared of than anything?”  
“What?” He pulled back to look at her, refocusing himself.  
“I’m scared of losing you because of this.” She pushed his hair out of his face then held his cheeks, wiping tears away. “Don’t get lost in guilt my love, stay with me right here. Get through this with me. We need each other. I forgive you, and I’m not going to stop waking you if you have a hundred other nightmares. Do you hear me?” He nodded and swiped at his eyes. Gently she tapped on his forehead. “You can’t control what you do in your sleep. You’re not going to be afraid to sleep next to me, because I need you. You make me feel safe. Are you going to take that away from me?”  
“No.” He sighed, looking into her eyes and let the protectiveness he felt overshadow his guilt a little.  
Cherish reached over to the nightstand, handing him the box of tissues and he got himself together. Leaning back against the bed he looked up at her, feeling her trail her fingers all over him: up and down his arms, across his chest, into his hair, tracing the lines of his face, letting it ground him. As was his habit he replayed her words in his head, and he realized she had breached another first for them. Two actually, they hadn't ever used the L word before, or said they needed each other. More than anything she had said these words poured into the wounds in his heart.   
Starting to feel calm he touched her in return, and she kissed him softly. Sliding off his lap onto the floor she put out her hands, and he stood to help pull her to her feet. She crooked a finger and he followed her to the bathroom, where she handed him a face cloth and put toothpaste on both their brushes. They went through their normal bedtime rituals again, even changed into new clothes to sleep in. Watching as she cautiously bent to fix the covers on the bed his cheeks burned with shame again. With a hand on her shoulder he stopped her, moving her to fix it for them. Carefully he picked her up under her knees and back, laying her down gently. Walking around to the other side he had to pause before getting on the bed. Under the covers she tangled them together on their sides, holding his cheek to look at him.   
“You ok?”  
He sighed and tucked her head under his chin. “No. Are you?”  
“Not really.” She squeezed him. “I think that was overdue.”  
“What was?”  
“I already had my turn, you needed to get it out too and we didn’t do that. I feel bad we didn’t talk more today.”  
“It’s ok. I don’t think I suffer from toxic masculinity, but I still didn’t want you to see it.”   
“Are you upset with yourself?”  
“Not for that. You’re probably right, had to happen.”  
She nodded, rubbing her face into his arm and sighed.   
“I’m afraid to close my eyes.”  
“Me too.” He kissed her forehead. “What time is it?”  
“I have no idea. Late I think. Or early, depending on how you look at it.”   
“Did you dream?”  
“Yes but I don’t really remember, just that you were there and then you started talking and I realized that wasn’t a dream and woke up.”  
“What did I say?” He cringed and she ran her hand down his back, trying to soothe him.   
“It didn’t really make sense. You said my name, no, blood, don’t. And then you just kept saying no or my name.” A long pause stretched between them as he recalled the dream.  
“Did I ever tell you I hate hospitals?”  
“No, but I’m pretty sure no one likes them.”   
“Yeah. The first time I visited you and you were asleep you were still getting a transfusion.”  
“Ok?”   
“I fell asleep and I could hear it every time it dripped. That first night they gave me a sleeping pill and I didn’t dream. Maybe it got repressed. Somehow my brain turned that into you bleeding out.”   
“I see. Well I didn’t. Dreams suck.”  
Humming in acknowledgement to answer her was easier than talking about it anymore, running his hand over her side. They were wide awake and just laid together. Eventually they heard birds start to sing through the curtains. He thought about all the different times they had spent together, sleeping in the same bed with her, the dreams he had of her in the past.   
“I don’t mean to bring up old stuff.” He began. She leaned back a little to look at him and nodded for him to proceed. “When we met and I stayed over twice, part of me rationalised it by saying if I was there maybe you wouldn’t have nightmares about your attacker. Did you ever have nightmares about that?”  
“A few times. I don’t dream a lot to be honest, or I don’t remember them. I think you do all the time though, right?”  
“Yeah, pretty much every night. I write a lot of my songs that way. Or I end up drawing them.”   
“That makes sense seeing as you have such a vivid imagination. They probably go hand in hand. It’s just shitty now.”   
“Yep.” He sighed and then felt her shift.   
“If you want we can go ask for something to help you sleep.” Brushing a hand through her hair he smiled at her gently.   
“No that’s ok. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable. Plus what if you need me and then I couldn’t wake up?”  
“Not hard core stuff. Like melatonin.”  
“We’ll see. Not right now though.”   
Smiling still as he watched her yawn hugely he rolled them, shifting onto his back and put her partly on top. She snuggled into his shoulder, draping her bandaged arm and leg over him. “I might fall back asleep.”  
“Good. You’re healing, you need to.”  
“Will you sleep again?”  
“Maybe. I’m not worried about it if I don’t.”  
“Ok. Promise me you’ll wake me if you need me. For anything.”  
“I will, promise.” Taking a page out of her book he ran his fingers along her back and felt her relax, breathing changing. He didn’t let his mind wander, focusing on each inhale she took, and he let her rhythm lull him to sleep, and didn’t dream. 

****

The morning hotel sounds had already started to wake him, but he felt her tapping on his arm and whisper his name. “Hey. What’s up?” He said groggily, cracking a lid open.   
Her voice was small. “Can you get me my pills?”   
“Yeah, which ones?” He sat up and looked down at her, a worried look crossed his face when he saw the pain on hers.   
“All of them.”   
Padding to the bag in the bathroom he brought it to her with a cup of water.   
“I can’t sit up.” She said with chagrin, her voice gravelly, “I tried.”  
“Your stomach?” Placing the pills and water on the table to free his hands he hovered over her.  
“Yeah, it’s worse today.”  
“Kay, go limp, let me do it, breathe out on the way up.” Holding her at the biceps he pulled her up slowly when she nodded. After helping her get her legs to the edge of the bed he sat behind her, leg on each side, opening the bottles in her lap. She took each one as he handed them to her: the antibiotics, anti-inflammatories, and then paused at the two painkillers in his hand.   
“How many of these can I take?” She asked.   
“She said two, those are extra strength.”  
After a minute she spoke again. “Can I take three?”   
“Take two now and if it's still really bad in an hour then yeah, you probably could.”   
“Okay.” He watched her swallow and put the cup down, then pulled her to lean against him.   
“Where is it the worst?”   
“Where you’d expect. My stomach and arm are throbbing. My neck too, my eye. But I’m sore all over. It woke me up.”   
“Did I hit you any of those places?”   
Turning her head she kissed his cheek. “Stop it, I’d be sore either way.”   
“I still want to know.” He mumbled.  
“How would that help? You feel guilty enough already.”  
“Please? My mind is assuming the worst.”  
“You grabbed my arm pulling me off the bed, my jaw, and yes one of your arms smacked into my stomach. It hurt everywhere when I fell on you. Everything else was either on an area that wasn’t already hurt or didn’t make an impression on me with so much going on. There. Now you don’t have to make anything up in your head.”   
Goolsby laid his head on the side of hers and kissed her hair. “I’m sorry.”  
“Thank you, you’re forgiven. We’ve already done that. No more torturing yourself.”  
Sighing he wrapped his arms around her. “Fine. Can I get you anything else?” He didn’t want to let go but if there was something he could do he wanted it, needed to help.   
“Ice.”  
“You got it.” Extracting himself gently he piled all the pillows behind her and found his pants and shoes, going in search of the ice machine. He felt stiff and sluggish, the interrupted sleep and his own hurts making themselves known. Together they figured out how to arrange everything for her, and ended up double bagging her arm in plastic, the ice between the two layers to keep the bandage dry. She didn’t want to lie down again but he convinced her it was the best way to keep the ice on her stomach, and she relented when he said he’d lie with her. Hoping to keep her warm he fitted up right against her, his arm across her chest and a leg thrown over hers.   
“Anything you want to do today?” She asked him, staring at the ceiling, right eye covered with an ice-filled face cloth. Feeling the coolness seeping into her aching neck, arm, and stomach she sighed with relief.   
“Yeah, this. Take care of you.” He propped himself up so she could see him and smiled at her.   
“I feel bad, like I’m keeping you from something.” Pain made her face pale, her eyes dark and weary. So far that had been the hardest for him: seeing in her eyes how beaten she felt.   
He stroked her cheek. “There’s no way I’m going anywhere without you right now.”   
“Ok. But if this works and I feel less shitty, was there anything?” He thought about it for a moment.   
“We could go to that diner you mentioned on the water, have all day breakfast. Get drinks and read out by the pier. Nothing crazy. But that gets us out.”   
Cherish smiled weakly. “That works. I have a book on my phone. Do you have one?”  
“Pfft, I always have a book.”   
“Right.” She smiled at his scoff. “My bookworm. What is it about?”  
They lay together and talked about books, settling into their normal conversation style. After 20 minutes she felt the pain meds kick in and she asked to get up. He dumped all the ice out and helped her up again, telling her firmly when they got back they were going to ice her again. The difference was small but her wince was less pronounced as he pulled her up to sit. Relief flooded through him when he saw her eye was even open more than it had been. As they got dressed he touched her as much as possible, needing to for himself but also to make sure she felt comfort from him. Erasing his shame from last night would take time, but his mentality was that it would help if he physically replaced bad with good. Despite the ice and improvement she asked for another pill. Getting her more water he glanced at his own reflection, his face was puffy from the cuts and bruises, feeling the soreness in his muscles. Gathering his own painkillers he took them with a grimace.  
They waited for an uber in the lobby again, hoods up, sunglasses covering their faces even though the day was cloudy. Cherish had her hair down and turned a shirt into a scarf to hide more of her neck. She brought up the address on her phone. “I wish we could walk there. It’s not that far.” Her stomach and leg bruises made her move cautiously but he didn’t mind keeping pace with her.  
“I know. This is good though; we can make a list of everything you want to do when you’re better. A good excuse to carpe diem, appreciate the small stuff.”   
Her eyes drew him in and he leaned down to touch her lips with his lightly.  
“I like the way your brain works. Want to make a real list?”  
“Sure.”

Arriving at the restaurant the young, purple-haired hostess greeted her by name with an easy grin.   
“Cherish! Girl where you been?” She led them to a table by the window right away, it was still early enough that the brunch rush hadn’t started yet.   
“Hey Kate, sorry I’ve been crazy with work.”  
“Excuses, excuses.” The woman smiled warmly at Goolsby and handed him a menu but not Cherish. “How are you hun? You’ve never been here right?”  
“I’m good, no I haven’t.” She flipped through the menu and pointed things out to him and rattled off the specials.   
“I’ll give you a minute.” Looking at Cherish she asked. “Usual?”  
“Yass Queen.” Cherish said and Goolsby snorted after Kate ambled away.   
“Come here often?” He teased as he took off his hat and glasses, running his fingers through his hair to push it back.   
“Used to come here with my Dad, his highschool buddy owns it, so I just always want to show support. I’d bring work here when I didn’t feel like working from home, or I hadn’t seen the living in a while.” He laughed. “I was coming every other week regularly, until I switched up my schedule last month. I haven’t been by in a few weeks.”   
Sighing he reached across the table to take her hand, blue eyes stormy.  
“Cherish, why didn’t you tell me?”   
“I thought about it, but every time we talked or were together, it was like an escape and I wanted to pretend everything was fine. Just wanted to enjoy being with you.”  
Not able to see her eyes behind her sunglasses he pulled them off, setting them on the table. The starkness of the bruises in the bright sunlight verses the dim hotel lamp made him want to hide her from the world, feeling guilty he had suggested they go out to a place where she knew people.   
“You’re done with that now, right?”   
“Well, everything is decidedly not fine anymore, but yes.” She smiled a little. “Also I have no intention of not enjoying time with you, so no to that.”   
The arrival of Kate prevented him from answering, but his small smile turned into a grin when he saw she had brought coffee and was setting a pot to leave with them at the table.   
“Oh they do know you here.” He teased.   
Kate grinned at him. “My girl bleeds caffeine. Know what you want hunny?” She tucked her hair behind one ear and cocked her pencil at the ready. She joked with him for a minute while taking his order and then turned to Cherish with a wink.   
“He’s a cutie, you- What the fuck girl?” Kate stared wide eyed at her face now that she could see it, and then whipped her head back to Goolsby with a deadly glare.   
“What happened?” She demanded. “Do I need to bust some balls?”  
“Katie, no, there’s all kinds of drama but it’s a long story. I’m fine.” Kate looked back at her skeptically, so Cherish went on, voice softly urgent. “You’ll notice he’s hurt too. I’ll tell you about it another time ok?”  
Looking him over her face morphed into sympathy, seeing the side of his face that had been turned away from her. She turned back to Cherish. “Ok. ok I’m cool. Sorry. Damn hun, what a shiner. You’re sure you’re ok?” Cherish held her good hand out to Kate, who took it.  
“We’re just hungry and tired. I don’t want to get into it right now, please don’t say anything. Don’t tell anyone we’re here. Can I trust you?”   
Kate's eyes were still worried but she nodded. “Yeah, I won’t say anything. I’ll be around though, k? Tell me if you need anything?”  
“Of course, I appreciate that. Say hi to your Dad for me if you see him.”  
Kate nodded and left after squeezing her hand one more time. Cherish watched Goolsby put milk and sugar in her cup and turn the handle towards her, then fixed his own, smirking.   
“What?” She didn’t understand why he was looking at her with amusement.   
“I’m just realizing you have the same effect on everyone that you do on me. You should be careful who you put spells on.”  
She made a face at him. “Oh shut up. I’ve known Kate forever, I just wanted us to have privacy.”  
“Doesn’t matter.” Pointing at her with the spoon he raised his eyebrows. “You phrase things so perfectly the only option is to agree with you. You gave her information that didn’t actually tell her anything, and gave her something to do by asking her to keep a secret.”   
“I’m a writer, and I would be a shitty one if I didn’t know how to talk.” Still scowling at him she took a sip. “I wasn’t trying to manipulate her.” She mumbled.   
“I know. I’m just saying you’re effective when you want something. You’re a force to be reckoned with.”   
The smile he was giving her melted her concern away. “Fine, I’ll take the compliment.”   
Her phone buzzed, she looked at it and then raised her eyebrows at him as she answered. “Hello... At the diner… yeah that’s fine... Ok see you then.”  
“Wilson?”  
“Yeah, he’s going to come by here in a bit. Says he has news for us. Dude is such a small town cop in the city, it's cute.”   
Kate swung into view, dropping off their meals and a stack of waffles that she insisted would go to waste if they didn’t eat them. Cherish just smiled and thanked her and she left. They dug in, eating in silence and enjoying the view over the water, the busy diner helping them both feel some semblance of normalcy. A reminder that the world went on around them in peace and they could have a part of it.  
“This is definitely a nice spot. Freakin good too.” He said around a mouthful as he re-filled her cup. Cherish hummed in agreement, touching him under the table with her legs, making him smile. She asked Kate for a container when she came back, and put half her food in it, pushing it to the side. Smiling she watched him clear his plate as she sipped her coffee, tossing a waffle onto it once there was room with a wink.  
While her teasing made him smile he watched her closely. “You’re not going to eat more?”  
“My stomach hurts, but I can never finish the amount they give me. Normal people can only eat half of it.” He rolled his eyes at her. “I’m always entertained by what a black hole you are. Seriously where does it go?”   
“I honestly have no idea. I keep waiting for it to catch up with me but it doesn’t.” He said with a shrug, pouring syrup out and shoving a piece into his mouth. With a groan he continued to talk with his mouth full. “Shit, this is the real stuff too.”   
Cherish smiled and shook her head at him, watching him decimate the entire stack.   
A bus boy was clearing their table when Wilson arrived, sliding into the booth next to Goolsby.   
They got the preamble out of the way, the officer asking how they were holding up, asking what their plan was for the day.   
“So what was your news?” Cherish asked, wanting him to get on with it.  
“This morning I spoke with a federal agent, inquiring about your home invaders.” The couple exchanged a look. “The decision has been made to keep the information that one of them is dead a secret. They have undercovers in place that think they can use this to their advantage. If they think we’ve got not one but two members in custody and are puttin’ the screws to them they might get somewhere.”   
“Ok, what does that mean for us?” Goolsby asked when he saw Cherish was thinking hard.   
“We released your building today, I’ve already advised Mrs Lakes.” Cherish nodded in thanks. “The lab will be done with your place by Monday, and then the crime scene cleaners are going to be there on Tuesday. To be honest though, you’re going to want to replace the floor. To recover the two slugs we had to make some holes. Did you call your insurance company?”  
“No but I can.”   
“Yeah, do that and then get them to call the police adjuster, part of it is covered by the investigation. Tuesday afternoon I’ll take you over there and you can get whatever personal effects you need.”  
“I can’t return home?” She regarded him levelly.   
“No. The active investigation means that you’re still in jeopardy. We’re going to set you up in a safe house disguised as a rental, and we’re assigning you a tail.”   
“Excuse me?” Her face was starting to morph into a glare.  
“Cherish hear him out.” Goolsby said, her glare softening when she met his worried eyes.   
“Things are moving faster than I thought. The DA is not going to press charges for the death in order for the feds to keep up this ruse that they're both alive. Also, it would be a waste of time, it was clear self defence. We need to cover our bases, and one of those is you. You are in danger kiddo. If they think you know anything you can bet your stars these people will want to take you out. We can’t allow you to leave town since that would look suspicious, but having you appear to be in protective custody would be too obvious.”  
Cherish put her face in her hands for a minute. The men glanced at each other but waited. When she looked back up she shook her head. “Fine. Goddamnit, I just wanted this to be over.”  
“So do I. I assume you’re not planning to return to work tomorrow?” At the shake of her head he nodded and turned to Goolsby. “Based on the report Cherish was expected to be alone on Friday, and when you arrived back up was called. We don’t know how far up the chain that information went. However, you’ve been seen together, and it might be best for you to lie low. I’m not suggesting you need to leave, cause I’m assuming you won’t.” Goolsby gave him a look. “Yeah, thought so. Well, after we get you set up tonight you’re not to accompany her when she goes to the station or to her building. Wear stuff that covers you, all the tats, sunglasses, hat. It’s possible you haven’t been identified and we’d like to keep it that way. Stay off social media. Who booked the hotel yesterday?”  
“I did, credit card under my legal name.” Goolsby answered.   
“Alright I’ll look into that, see if it's an issue. I don’t want you to feel like you’re under house arrest, but it’s safer if you limit your exposure.”  
Cherish was about to speak but he interrupted. “That’s fine. An apartment will be more comfortable anyway, we can hang out. How long are these measures supposed to be in place for?”   
“I estimate three days until we have to make a new plan.” Wilson brought a bag onto the table and handed them each a smart watch. Cherish took it looking like she was sucking a lemon. “These will give us your locations, hook them up to your phones and use it like a normal smart watch. We can send you messages to them if we need to and it will look like normal activity to an observer. If you press the buttons on both sides at the same time, that will send a panic signal.” After demonstrating the buttons he looked at Cherish with a serious expression. “I hope none of this is necessary. I hope this is all useless and unneeded. But I’ll be damned if anything happens to you on my watch. You’re smart, and we’re going to do everything we can. But do not get the bit between your teeth and do anything stupid, you hear me?”  
Sighing, she put it on. “Yes Carl. Thank you.”  
The officer nodded grimly. “Alright, let me know when you’re back at the hotel and we’ll send a car to take you to the new place, and they will leave it with you to use. Your tail started this morning, do not look for them, take normal routes, no back alleys or shortcuts. I’ll be in touch.” Wilson shook Goolsby’s hand again and rested a hand on Cherish’s shoulder for a moment before making his exit, nodding to Kate as she passed him on her approach with two to-go cups on a carry out tray.   
“Jeez guys, way to make me worry.” She put their leftover containers on the free side of the cardboard and slid it to Goolsby’s side.  
Cherish forced a smile. “Sorry hun. We’re heading out. Can we have our bill?”  
“Nope, not today. And you’re taking these, and promising me to take care of yourself. No buts.”  
“Aright. You’re the boss, thank you.” Cherish said, and the woman left promptly to leave no room for any further argument. She opened her wallet and placed a bill on the table anyway. 

Goolsby watched her put her hood up and sunglasses on, her face pinched. “Cherish?”  
“Can you help me up? I just want to get out of here.” Her voice was lifeless, but she kept a tight hold of his hand once she was standing and he led the way outside, navigating through the busy restaurant, holding their tray in his other hand. 

On the street Cherish looked up at him, her face smooth and blank. “Do we need to get more clothes for you? I have a couple things at my place I can grab when I go, but how long are you going to stay?”  
“I’m not sure. But I’m not leaving until you’re safe, even then I’m not sure. I’m fine for now, let’s not stand here like fish in a barrel.” She nodded and he hailed a cab. 

She stared straight ahead for the entire drive. Arriving at the hotel she went to the concierge, politely advising them they’d be checking out that afternoon, giving them two hours until checkout. Goolsby suppressed a yawn, the early rise and nightmare hadn’t given him much rest, but watching her walk gingerly in front of him was sobering enough to put it out of his mind. In the hotel room she sat at the table, setting up her phone, wallet, and hotel stationary while he put away the food. Joining her he opened the tabs on the lids and took a sip, it was some sort of fancy French vanilla dessert coffee.   
“That was nice of her.” He commented as she took cards out of her wallet. “What are you doing?”  
“I’m going to be on the phone for the next two hours probably.”   
“Ok, can I help?”   
“Yes, you can take notes, I’ll be too slow.”   
“Alright, I’m getting you some ice first.” Watching her nod, her face completely void of emotion, he began to worry. “Cherish? Where’d you go on me?”  
She sighed and rubbed her temple. “I need to be productive; I’m shutting everything down or I won’t be able to function.”   
“Ok, later then? You promised not to keep me out.” He reminded her sternly.   
“Yes, I promise.” After kissing her forehead he left, setting up an ice towel for her arm to rest on and draping one over her neck.   
With the phone on speaker they endured calls to the hospital, arranging Cherish to go in for out-patient dressing changes rather than having someone come to them, her insurance company, her lawyer, and finally Wilson, telling him to meet them at the hospital that evening. It took much less time than they thought, and for that he was grateful.  
Goolsby insisted that she lie down and ice her stomach while he gathered all their belongings and did a sweep of the room. In the bathroom he took a minute to think, sitting on the tub.   
Going back over to the bed he saw her hand over her face.   
“Cherish? You ok?”  
“Nope.” He sat next to her and waited. Keeping her face covered she continued. “All of my instincts are screaming right now. I’m putting you in danger. You’ve already been hurt because of me. Half of me wants you to leave and the other half can’t bear to be away from you. I’m torn up.”  
“I know. You want to know what the difference is this time?”  
She slid her fingers open to look at him, seeing his sincere blue eyes set under determined brows. “Yes.”  
“This time we know we’re in danger. This time I’m going in with my eyes wide open. And I’m choosing to stay regardless.” He took her hand off her face and held it, mindful of her fingertips, her brown eyes tortured but free of tears. “This time we have tools and resources and knowledge on our side. Odds are we’re gonna be fine. But if I left I would just be worried about you, and you’d be worried about me. We might as well be worried together.”   
“Ok, thank you.” Holding his gaze she tried to tell him how grateful she felt with her eyes, words failing her. He brought her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles and then held it to his face. “What’s the game plan?” She asked him.   
“You’re gonna take your meds, then we’re going to check out and kill some time, I’m thinking we go get some supplies. Then hospital, then safe house.”   
After he pulled her up she held his face in her hands to kiss him.   
“What kind of supplies?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things that gets glossed over in D/s relationships is their ability to compartmentalize and communicate with each other. It's my experience that these relationships are stronger, and you're more in tune with your partner's needs. Cherish might have trouble talking about her own emotions but not his. And he has trouble voicing his concerns and thoughts until the added incentive of her wanting to know is there to give him the push. 
> 
> I'm not saying they are an example of a perfectly healthy relationship, but I'm enjoying what they can pull out of each other that wouldn't happen on their own. gives me hope.


	6. Safe house

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All fluff. Laughs and feels. enjoy!

The keys Wilson had given them jangled from his hand as he reached out to unlock their new home. The rental was a section of a large house backing up onto the park, access to it by a flagstone walk through a hedge. Cherish thought it was actually quite lovely, with the rain that had started that afternoon dripping through the greenery on the quiet street. She wondered if all the cover was wise, the high hedges, fences, access only around the back, but figured it was a safehouse for a reason.   
The light pine screen door creaked against Goolsby’s shoulder, holding it open while he tried to balance several bags across his arms and back, not allowing her to carry anything.   
“Chivalry is going to kill you, you know?” Cherish said to him as the main door opened and he stumbled inside the kitchen.   
“Shhh.” Was his only reply, dumping their stuff and pulling her in out of the rain. The beeping of the alarm system was strangely reassuring, making her smile as she watched him punch in the disarm code. He changed the setting to indicate they were home and it chirped to let them know all the doors were closed. Once the door was locked, he bent to take off her wet shoes, hung up their coats, and then picked her up, gently but playfully depositing her on a chair at the table. 

Smiling she watched him put things away in the fridge and cupboards. Earlier at the store he had taken her up and down every aisle, asking her what her favourites were, if she had memories attached to weird items or things she never treated herself to, telling her the same for himself. The result had been several bags of groceries, almost equivalent to what she would buy in a week. They had turned it into a game that branched over to a department store. He knew that she hated spending money but reminded her that everything would be used and what they didn’t finish over the next three days would last and they could still enjoy it. He had watched her face carefully for tiredness and pain, getting her to rest with the ruse of lunch at a cafe. Originally, he had planned on hiding his own pain from her, but he discovered if he took his pain medication, she took hers without hesitation. Even so, she had started limping in the afternoon, making his guilt flare anew.

The diversion had been a welcome break from the stress, and carried over to her dressing change at the hospital. That combined with fresh numbing on her arm made her smiles come even easier, despite her exhaustion.   
Finding a serving platter he loaded it up with several items.  
“Alright, this will be a several course meal, and for starters we have,” He paused for dramatic effect. “All the lunch snacks we were never allowed to buy as kids.”   
Cherish laughed as he set the platter in front of her and he winked before going back to the counter. “Why wouldn’t we do this for lunch tomorrow?”   
Goolsby returned to the table with wine glasses and a pitcher of green kool aid. “Where’s the fun in that? Plus I’m pretty sure we’re going to sleep in so late that lunch tomorrow will be breakfast anyway. Or brunch, I’m pretty sure you ladies find something sexy about brunch.”  
He peeled open the lunchable and all the packets inside for her and slid it across the table. As she made the first mini pizza he opened everything else.   
“It’s true, I don’t understand it myself.” Grinning at him she made him a little pizza and arranged the pepperoni in a smiley. Nodding at him as he poured them green sugar water she asked, “What’d you call that again?”  
He took a sip, making a show of savouring it. “Depends on the colour. Green was usually alien blood, blue was for antidote, red was actual blood for when I was a vampire, and purple was mana, like to replenish magic. Which it kinda does, awesome sugar high. Then my mom banned it, cause I did not need any more energy.”   
“When I picture you as a kid, I think of a quiet nerd.” Cherish said, reaching for the cheese sticks.  
“That came after, but yes. Skateboarding was a good energy outlet. But I learned pretty early on to hide my inner nerd.”  
“So at school you’d be the skater punk and then at home you’d geek out. All about the image, right?”  
“Yeah but I was lucky, had a solid group of weirdos.”   
“When did you make the jump over to music?”  
“I tried to learn on and off in my teens, but I wanted to play left handed and I didn’t know anyone who played left. Didn’t really stick with it until the guys wanted to start a band. I just wanted to do the artwork, and then he couldn’t find a bassist so I figured it out. And then I got obsessed and started pouring all that nerd into the band. If you turn classic literature into lyrics, scream it into a microphone fast enough and throw some angst in there, it turns nerd into punk. Still not sure how I pulled that off. But here we are.”  
“Such a dark past.” She teased. “You should write a book, the hope for nerds everywhere is to pick up a guitar. Ladies love artsy musicians, plus you’re hot.” He snorted and rolled his eyes at her so she shook her head and pointed at him. “Don’t act like you don’t know. I definitely saw pictures of you almost naked on stage. Doing that sex appeal thing. Taking off your shirt and getting tats to show off. Probably didn’t hurt that you had abs.”  
“Hey, I still have abs.”   
“Not if we keep eating like this you won’t.” She held out a cracker dipped in cheese spread out to him and he ate it out of her fingers playfully.  
They traded stories and snacks, making each other laugh and touching feet under the table. For dessert he produced dunkaroos, and she pointed to something behind him and stole a good chunk of his icing for her last cookie.   
“Hey!” He pouted.  
“Awh I’m sorry. I’ll give you some sugar.”   
Cherish moved over and straddled his lap, bringing his head up to kiss him.   
He grinned up at her when it ended. “I’ll take it, fewer calories.”   
“Very health conscious.” Cherish replied seriously. “What now?”   
“House tour.” Wrapping his arms around her he stood, making sure her legs were hooked tightly into his hips before he started walking them over to the kitchen.   
“What are you doing?” She laughed.   
“Weight training, burning calories, giving you a break, providing a superior caregiver experience, take your pick.” He said, setting her on the counter and then bringing the dishes over. With no dishwasher he quickly whipped up the few items they had used, passing them to her to dry. When they finished he backed up between her legs and she laughed again, letting him pull her into a piggy back. He waited for her to tap him lightly on the chest, letting him know she was ready and not in pain.   
“Alright so we’ve got the very trendy open concept kitchen and dining area.” He carried her in a circle around the table, gesturing like a tour guide.  
“Mmhmm.” She said into his ear, kissing it.   
“Moving on, note the double French doors into the living room, very nice, clearly renovated, with high ceilings. Lovely view of the park.” Taking them to the window she reached out and demonstrated opening and closing the curtains, playing along with him. They surveyed the room, wood panelled walls in light pine, pale green couches, chunky wood furniture, with a decent entertainment system. Heading through the room took them to a hallway, he poked them into the bathroom.   
“Not as big of a tub but see the features; claw foot, restored tile, and his and hers sinks.” His voice had taken on a bit of a sales pitch and she giggled.   
“I guess we’re not fancy enough for an en-suite.”   
“These classic homes have a different charm, it's true, hard to have it all.” He replied, not missing a beat.   
“Is this hurting you? You were stiff today.” She asked, worried about his back.  
“No. You weigh nothing, not even getting a workout. Shh.” He said and hiked her up higher making her giggle.   
The next room had a desk and a twin daybed, clearly a guest or kids room. “Always nice to have options.” He commented before closing the door and taking them to the last room. “And here we have the master. Nice queen bed, cedar chest, walk in closet. And patio access.” Opening the sliding door he stepped outside, the rain was just a mist now, and the little deck was sheltered by the trees.  
“Feels like we’re up north, except for the highway noise.”   
“Exactly, a little retreat, just minutes from exciting nightlife.”   
“Pffft, like we’re going out.”   
Taking them back inside he closed and locked the door. “That was my thinking.” Eyeing the bed he turned his head back so he could see her. “Gonna take it easy. Which sucks cause if you weren’t hurt I’d totally suplex you into the mattress right now.”   
Another laugh escaped her. “Well thank you for not doing that.”   
Gently he deposited her onto the bed, leaving and returning with their duffle bags. Cherish smiled watching him put their stuff into drawers, leaning back on her hand and letting her feet dangle. “Is that necessary?”  
“Why not? My woman likes things to be organized.”   
“She does, you’re scoring points. However, this isn’t my space so I care a lot less. We could trash it.”  
It was his turn to laugh. “Well we’re not. Also duffles are tripping hazards and you’re messed up enough.”   
Trying to keep a straight face she nodded. “Well so far I haven’t walked anywhere in here so really you’re just looking out for yourself.”  
“True.” Goolsby said and quickly scoped her into his arms. Wrapping her arms around his neck she shook her head at him.   
“Getting a little excessive now isn’t it?”  
“No.” Heading back into the living room he sat on the couch, slouching down to lean into the corner, cradling her against him.   
“There’s nothing wrong with my legs you know.” Despite her tone she snuggled into his shoulder and breathed him in. “I can absolutely do this myself.”  
“I know. You can also get yourself off but it's way more fun when someone does it for you.”   
Cherish burst out laughing, bringing a hand up to cover her face, laughing too hard to answer. He grinned at her. “I’m not hearing any argument, so I win.” She laughed even harder, and her stomach protested, trying to stop herself laughing made it worse and soon tears leaked out of her eyes as she clutched at her belly. Seeing she couldn’t stop he started kissing her, feeling her shake against him and smiling at her attempts to kiss him back. Knowing it always turned her on he started nipping and kissing at her ear and neck, her laughs turning into shivers. When she had control over herself he stopped, not wanting to get them carried away.   
“No argument.” She managed with a snicker, and he booped his nose against hers with a smile. They were quiet for a minute, relaxing, Cherish running her fingers over his face. “Your woman?” She kept her voice light, looking up at him levelly. Goolsby shrugged and raised his eyebrows.   
“Yeah.” Part of his mind actually felt nervous, and inwardly he rolled his eyes at himself. They were eight months and several traumatic experiences in, they had just gone out of order and never been adult enough to have this talk before. He was surprised she had brought it up, knowing her aversion to relationship discussions, but maybe she was feeling the same way he was, and wanted it to be said.   
It was enough for her though, she just nodded and tucked her head under his chin. Shifting so he could prop his legs up on the coffee table he laid his cheek on the top of her head, content to hold her. They lazed together, not talking, just enjoyed the cuddle for quite a while. 

“So what do you want to do tonight?”  
“I’m going to do your nails.”  
“What?” She sat up and looked at him with such surprise on her face he laughed. Taking her hand he turned it so they could see her cracked and broken fingertips.   
“We gotta do something about these.”   
“I never pictured you for a nail guy.”   
He laughed. “I’m not. But they look painful, polish will help protect them and hold the cracks together, you can’t do it with your arm, and also you’re gonna be my art project.”   
Cherish stared at him for a moment and then shrugged. “Alright, what the hell. Fill your boots I guess.”   
“Cool.” Giving her a peck he gathered her up again and brought her to the kitchen table. He had done some research while they were waiting at the hospital and set up his operation. Cherish couldn’t help but smile at everything he had thought of, wondering how she had missed him slipping things into the cart. They soaked her hands, letting the nails and cuticles soften. She had tried to clean them up a little but with her right hand too weak to hold the clippers she had given up and just continued to wrap them. Goolsby was extremely gentle and apologetic as he worked, a little pain was unavoidable and she just nodded for him to go on. Once the damage was minimized he produced nail glue, using it for the cracks that went deep into the nail beds. Waiting for it to dry he massaged her hands with lotion.   
“You're a sweetheart. What made you think of this?” Cherish couldn't help asking him and he blushed.   
“I want to take care of you.” He said, “I’m hoping fixing these will make it hurt less to use your hands. And I know you're worried about needing help: you don't like being seen like this. I want to do as many things as I can for you, so you know it doesn't change anything between us. And because I need a way to contribute. We could have died, we should enjoy every little thing, appreciate life. I'm grateful and my male default way of showing that isn't in the cards right now. So I decided at the hospital you deserve to be pampered. And I want to give that to you. I need to.” Not able to maintain full eye contact for his little speech he glanced up at her a few times, turning redder with each word.   
“Thank you.” She said softly, turning her hands over she put her fingers under his chin to guide him to her for a kiss. He surprised her by continuing and meeting her eyes.   
“You deserve everything. I need to show you, Angel. Will you let me?”  
She cupped his cheek and he leaned into it, angling himself to look up at her. Stroking her thumb along his face she drank in the look of longing in his eyes. Struck by how his eyes were lit up in the setting sunlight, his need clear on his face, she cleared her throat before answering simply.  
“Yes.”   
Lifting his head he pressed his lips to hers again for a long moment. Nodding he went back to his work, brow furrowed in concentration. She let him work in silence for a while, enjoying his touch and how adorable he looked. Once the base layers were dry he started making designs on each nail.   
“If you were trying to impress me you’ve succeeded.”  
Smiling he answered without looking up. “I’ve actually done this before. I used to paint my nails for concerts, and got bored a lot so I made skulls and crosses and shit on them. This is my first time going for pretty though.”   
Goolsby’s stomach ruined the sweet moment with a growl. Letting the designs dry they decided to finish the leftovers they had assembled over the last few days. She had thought they were done but he gestured for her hands back after she had taken a bite and did a top coat.   
“You’re very thorough. Thank you, they are quite pretty.”  
“You’re welcome.” He watched her admire them, feeling proud and gratified. Hoping that replacing some of the evidence of her ordeal with something from him would help her he kissed her fingers. Softly he added, “Thank you.”   
She leaned over and kissed him. They finished the meal, changed into pjs, and ended up back in the living room. Finding a storage tub of movies they figured out how the system worked and soon the room was lit only by the flickering silver light from the screen. Needing to feel him she had him stretch out on his back and fit herself between him and the couch on her side, snuggling into his neck and walking her fingers along his chest. Fingers trailed up and down her back and she sighed happily.  
“I’m totally going to pass out.” She commented with a yawn and felt him chuckle.   
“Good. You need to rest.”  
“There are so many other things I’d rather be doing.” Her hand slid south to the top of his pants but he intercepted her, bringing it to his lips and then holding it against his ribs firmly.   
“Behave. Don’t start something you can’t finish.”   
“This one time I’m gonna let that sass slide.” She propped herself up a little to smile down at him, taking in his smirk. “Do not let it go to your head.” She warned, booping his nose with her finger.  
“I won’t.” He said softly. She kissed him, moving her body against him, and he felt himself start to get too interested. Breaking the kiss he looked up at her with longing, wishing they could but knowing she was still too fragile to risk it. “Please don’t tease me. Lie down, please Angel.” She stroked his hair and kissed the tip of his nose, making him smile and relax.  
Settling back against him she fell asleep in record time. He smiled listening to her breathing change, loving the feeling of her against him. In the end he barely paid attention to the movie, thinking about her, relishing in how she made him feel. He was both her protection and under her orders. He imagined she was a general, and he was assigned to her squadron, to serve and protect, fight under her, for her, with her. After they had played the first few times he made the mistake of looking for Domme porn and hated almost all of it. The exception was one video where the sub called his Domme “My Queen”. At the time he was just happy to find one that didn’t turn the dude into some sort of pitiful slave. Even though he had a name for her he liked thinking of her as his Queen, but they were born into it: not all those with power should have it. She had earned her spot as someone to be admired, followed, and fought for. If he replayed the fight in his mind, now that he wasn’t terrified for her, watching her fight for him was something he’d never forget. Faced with the proof she would have literally taken a bullet for him was humbling.   
The part of him that hated himself for not being able to protect her surged up. Something about her having to defend him instead of it being the other way around felt horribly wrong. Knowing that they weren’t out of the woods yet frightened him. They had to trust the system, that some faceless agents were protecting them, and hoping that the target on her head was either made irrelevant or the threat itself removed.   
Staring out at the room he sighed and made an effort to calm himself. There was nothing they could do except lie low and hope. He had already promised himself if anything came at them it was his turn. There was no doubt in his mind how far he’d go to protect her.   
Kissing her forehead she didn’t stir. They hadn’t truly used any big words yet, but lying in the darkness he felt both hidden and empowered. “I’d die for you Cherish.” He whispered.  
Her eyelids flickered but she didn’t wake. Smiling, he wrapped his arms around her more and closed his eyes. 

***

The menu of the DVD playing on repeat woke him. Fumbling for the remote he managed to turn it off and it plunged the room into full darkness. The forest outside the window was quiet, the noises of night creatures floated on the breeze. Cherish hadn’t moved at all, still sprawled on top of him, her breathing telling him she was truly asleep. Slowly he shifted and slid out from under her onto his knees beside the couch, waiting to see that she’d stayed asleep before he got up. Walking through the little apartment he turned on a few small lights and turned back the covers on the bed before going to get her. She hummed as he turned her, gathering her in his arms again and lifting her off the couch. Clinging to him she let him carry her to the bed and clutched at him when he let go, eyes still closed.   
“I’ll be right back.” Goolsby smiled at her as she made a noise in reply, barely awake. He tucked her arms under the covers and waited for her to settle a bit before checking their place. Even though the system was armed he double locked the front door, even propped a chair under the door handle. Closing every blind, testing each window felt paranoid but he figured he was entitled, and kicked himself for not doing it earlier. All the lights out except for the bedside lamp he stood in front of the patio doors and frowned. Inspecting them he saw a bar that fit into the track and slid it into place, nodding as he closed the thick curtains over them. Safe house, he reminded himself and took a few deep breaths.   
Even still he felt a little uneasy as he turned off the light and laid down beside her. Not wanting to wake her he turned onto his stomach, facing her but not touching, stretching out until his feet could flop off the edge. Cherish was curled on her side, a small ball compared to him.   
Lying awake he tried to let his mind drift but every shift of the house brought him back to alertness. His mind kept imaging an invader, he strained to hear and identify each sound. Reminding himself that he would encourage her to rest and could nap with her if he needed to he tried to not be annoyed. It was totally normal to not sleep well in a new place, he rationalized. His body ached and tiredness in his muscles kept making them spasm, waking him more. Time passed and he started to toss, trying to not shift the bed too much. Rolling to his right side made the cut on his chest twinge. It wasn’t normal for him to wear a shirt to bed and as he flipped over it twisted and he had to sit up to fix it. The unfamiliar watch on his wrist digging in, a dog barked in the distance, his cheek protested when he laid it onto the mattress.  
He sighed and rolled to his back, staring at the ceiling. Starting with his toes he went through the relaxation meditation again, trying to push everything else away.  
Just starting to drift off he heard a whimper: his eyes snapped open. The bed moved and he realized she was twitching. Reaching out he turned on the light then rolled to see her face. Her brow was furrowed, the fingers by her face clenching, another sound escaped her, lips moving.  
He smoothed the hair away from her face, shifting closer so he could wrap himself around her, sliding his arm under her neck to pull her into him. He heard a mumble that sounded like his name.  
“Hey. I’ve got you, it’s a dream. Everything’s ok.”   
She uncurled and fit her body to his, fingers clutching at his skin. With a grunt she pulled her head back like she was going to look at him, not opening her eyes as he stroked her face.   
“Don’t guilt.” She muttered.   
Not able to help a little huff of a laugh he kissed her forehead and decided to keep talking softly to her. “I know. We’re both going to feel a little guilty. We’re ok though. Just means we care about each other.”  
“Yeah.” She nodded, and then said something that sounded like “I’m a mutt.”  
Tucking hair behind her ear he shushed her. “I’ve got you, have a different dream hun. I’ll stay awake, right here if you need me.”   
Letting out a sigh she shifted, getting closer to him.   
“No, you sleep.” She mumbled, making him smile.  
“Ok, I’ll sleep right here.”  
“M’kay. Love you.”  
He froze, staring at her relaxed face, his hand paused in its motion through her hair.   
Forcing himself back he finished the movement and then settled his arm across her back. Her lips quirked into a smile briefly and she hummed. Soon she was fully out again, he watched her eyes move under their lids and listened to her even breath.   
After a while he found himself truly relaxing and smiled to himself: they had both gotten in a little late night confession. Finally he fell asleep, the calm air around her soothing his anxiety. 

***

Cherish laid on a lumpy floor made of something that felt like half mud and half stone. A fire crackled in front of her in a huge open hearth. It was cold and uncomfortable on the floor, the uneven surface digging into her sides and stomach painfully. Looking up towards the hearth, she started to pull herself up and couldn’t. The fire looked so warm, shivers shook her frame. With resolve she started dragging herself towards the heat, her legs dead weight behind her. Despite the struggle she smiled as she got closer, the heat warming her face. The muscles in her arms and stomach started to burn with the effort, her face breaking into a sweat. Without warning the fire popped, a log shifted and rolled out of the pit towards her. Shielding her face from the sparks the log hit her forearm, burning and searing her flesh. The heat on her face rose from pleasant warmth to a horrible burn, stinging her eye. She coughed and choked on smoke, neck throbbing, unable to back away, legs trapped under a man, evil eyes grinning at her as he reached for her throat. Unable to move, skin on fire, she cried out, the sound getting louder until it turned into a shriek.

“Cherish!”   
The sound she made woke them at the same time. She felt him untangling blankets beside her, scrambling to sit up. As he freed her legs she sat up and turned to get off the bed, her legs were truly asleep and it hurt to put weight on them, causing her to slump to the floor. Catching herself lit up the nerves in her gash, the stitches protesting, a gasp of pain escaped her as her head spun. Goolsby followed her off the bed, crouching beside her, hands on her arms.   
“I’m gonna be sick.” She croaked. Lifting her under the armpits he helped her stumble to the bathroom, getting there just in time. As she heaved the pain in her stomach flared with each convulsion. For a few minutes she wasn’t aware of anything except the awful feelings in her body, resting her head on her arms on the toilet seat, but as her body calmed she felt a weight settle on her shoulders, a clip being put into her hair to hold it back, a warm wet cloth on the back of her neck. She tried to talk to him but only whimpered instead. Feeling his hand rubbing her back over the towel he had wrapped her in would have made her smile if she wasn’t hurting so badly.   
“Are you ok if I go get a cup for you?” She opened a bleary eye and nodded at him. While he was out of the room she fumbled to flush the toilet, taking the cloth off her neck to rub at her face. He returned with water and her toiletry bag, sitting down with her on the floor.   
“Thank you.” She said to him, an apology in her eyes as he offered her the water.  
He didn’t let go of the cup as she drank, worried it would slip from her fingers.   
“What do you need?” His eyes were full of worry.  
“Stay with me.”  
Sliding in close he settled behind her so she could lean against him. Adjusting the towel around her he held her loosely so she could get forward if she needed to again. Kissing her cheek he felt how feverish her skin was.   
“Can you tell me what you’re feeling?”  
“Baffled.”   
Frowning he turned her chin to look into her glassy eyes, “What do you mean hun?”   
“I’m baffled at what I feel. It’s a lot to sort through.”   
Truly worried now he felt her forehead, her skin was hot and clammy. “I think you have a fever.”   
“No I’m just burning.”   
Shifting her in his arms he pulled her face up so he could see her clearly. “What hurts?”  
“Everything.” Her voice was detached.   
“We should go back to the hospital.”  
“No. I’m fine.”  
“You are not fine Cherish.” He said angrily, more out of fear than anything.   
“I’m going to wait five minutes. If I don’t throw up again I’ll take my pills. If I have a fever the acetaminophen should make it go away. I’m already taking antibiotics. If we go back to the hospital all we’re gonna do is sit in uncomfortable chairs and wait and they’re just going to want to drug me. I won’t take them.” The logic she was presenting helped with the fear from hearing the nonsense in her previous words. She raised an eyebrow at him when he paused in answering her.  
“What if you need them, Cher? What if you’re making it worse?”   
She stared back into his worried eyes. “I threw up cause I had a nightmare and my body was scared and in pain. It's also not used to the routine, the bed, or the amount of chemicals I'm putting into it. Now I’m just nauseous and uncomfortable and in the same pain I was in before. It will pass.”   
Fixing her with as stern a look as he could muster he replied, “You will tell me if it doesn’t.”   
She nodded, “I will.”  
They stared each other down for a moment until he nodded in return, kissing her forehead. He held her close, not caring about the cold floor, worry spiralling through him.

When he estimated it had been five minutes he asked if she still felt nauseous.   
“Not really, just after effects I think. You brought my pills?”   
After taking them, she leaned back against him with a wince.   
Resettling her into his shoulder he signed. “Do you remember the dream?”  
“I didn’t really make sense. It was like a Picasso abstract but I could tell what it was drawing from.” She explained it to him the best she could, how the fire was the pain, the floor was her aches in her body, she couldn’t move her legs because of how she was laying which caused the pins and needles, which her brain was remembering from being trapped.  
"I don't dream often but I'm not surprised. I'm sorry I woke you up again." She looked into his tired face until he kissed her forehead again. "You carried me to bed? How much sleep did you get?"  
Goolsby glanced at his watch. "Probably four hours."  
"I'm sorry. You can go back to bed. I'll be ok."  
"I'd rather be with you than asleep. Are you any better?"  
"The water helped, I’m not going to throw up again. My legs are back to normal too. I'm cold now though."  
Sighing, he hugged her closer, the cold tile floor making him shiver too. He felt her skin again, the sweat from the nightmare turning cold. The line of the tub digging into his back gave him an idea.   
"Let's have a bath."  
"In the morning? The sun is barely up."  
"Who cares? You're cold and sweaty, the salts will help your muscles feel better, and it will relax you."  
Despite his suggestion he hadn't moved them. When she shrugged and nodded he still didn't get up, simply reached behind him to push the metal tab in the drain and flipped on the hot water. They sat together on the floor as it filled the room with steam. Eventually he asked if the meds had kicked in and she nodded, the burning and aching settling to a manageable level. Sitting her on the tub he found the salts and a bag to wrap her arm in, testing the water before helping her strip and get in.   
He suppressed a groan as he settled in behind her: the water feeling excellent on his tired body.   
Cherish wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head into her favourite spot at his shoulder.   
“You’re not taking care of yourself.” Her voice was mild but he knew she was serious, he kissed the top of her head.  
“Yes I am. Yes I’m tired, but we’ve been resting. Plus I need to help you. It’s helping me feel better.”  
“What are you feeling bad about?”  
“Keeping you safe. Wishing you weren’t in pain.”  
“My hands feel better than yesterday thanks to your manicure.” She held her hand up to show it off.  
He could hear the smile in her voice. “I’m glad.”   
Cherish lightly rested her forearm along the edge of the tub, the coolness of the metal making her sigh with relief. He still had one dry hand so he released her hair from the clip, running his fingers through it to drape it over his shoulder so it wouldn't get wet yet. He loved her hair, playing with it always relaxed her. Feeling it's softness through his fingers normally helped him relax too, but he couldn't, too upset seeing her sick. Wanting an excuse to touch her more he washed her hair, spending extra time on her scalp. Wanting to reciprocate she had him turn to wash him in return, turning to face away since he always found it difficult to hide his thoughts from her. When they were both clean she laid down on top of him, wrapping her arms around his neck, her legs bracketing his. They floated in the warm water, letting his eyes close he focused on her even breaths, trying to just enjoy her touch, her breasts on his chest, the warmth of her around him. The plastic of the bag on her arm was a constant reminder of her pain though, and he couldn't snap out of it.  
When the water cooled he got them out and began to towel her off, she smiled indulgently, letting him do it without protest. Unable to help himself he stared at her bruises as he touched her, his already low mood dropping. He kissed the place on her thigh where she had been kicked, looking up at her as she ran her fingers through his damp hair. He resolved to try and push his dark thoughts away, or at least continue to hide them. Standing back up he wrapped a dry towel around her and held her for a moment.   
“How are you doing now?”  
“Not nauseous anymore. The meds are working. I’d like to ice my arm after we’re dressed.”  
When he released her she ran her hand down his bare chest to his bruise. “This looks better.”  
“Yeah it's not bad actually.” Grabbing the sterile hair brush he stepped behind her and worked her tangles out carefully, the task finally soothing something in him.   
“I think my eye is more open today.” Cherish was peering at herself in the foggy mirror.   
“Lets see?” She turned towards him as he leaned close. It still looked puffy and purple, but he had to admit the swelling was going down. He let that improve his mood a little and smiled at her.   
“Yeah that’s unfortunate. Now you’ll see more of my ugly mug. Must’ve been a nice break.” She swatted him playfully as he went back to her hair.   
“You know how many ladies watch hockey and other sports because they like seeing dudes all scraped up? Or all those superhero movies? You’re fine.”  
“Yeah why is that? You ladies are weird. Seems sadistic.” Cherish burst out laughing, surprising him.   
“You are not one to judge why other people like seeing pain when you like receiving it.” She poked him hard in the center of his chest. “You are the M in BDSM hun.” Grinning now he shrugged.   
“Yeah but a sport could cause serious injury. I get to tap out if I need to. Quarterback doesn’t get to yell “Red” as the linesman is running him down. What’s he supposed to do? Stop and “respect his boundaries?””  
Cherish dissolved into giggles as she pictured it. As he watched her laugh the pain lines in her face smoothed away, his heart felt better. Kissing her cheek he pulled her by her hand to the bedroom for clothes. 

In the kitchen she sat at the table to watch as he made coffee then dug out the pop tarts they had bought during their shopping session, tossing two into the toaster. Emptying the freezer of ice he set up a towel for her arm, having just enough time to fill the trays again when the toaster popped.  
“We’re starting today with a sugar high then I guess.” She smiled at him as he set the plate in front of her. Holding the hot edges carefully she watched him tear open a package and bite into both pastries at once. “I’ve never seen that before. You gonna heat that up?"  
“No, I like them cold. We kept them in the fridge.”  
“Ew. Not even doing one at a time?”   
Taking an unreasonably large bite he smiled proudly at her, face covered in crumbs. It had the desired effect: she snorted, then took a very dainty bite out of her own piece in reply. There were still napkins on the table from the take out they’d finished so she threw them at him.   
“Savage. Who raised you, a pack of wolves?”  
“Surprisingly chill parents and a riotous older brother.” He commented absently as the coffee beeped. Bringing it back to the table he brushed all the crumbs he had made into his mug and drank from it, making her roll her eyes.  
“I thought your mom was all up in your business?”   
“She is now because I became a globe trotter she can’t keep track of. Also I said overly supportive. It can be a good thing. She makes her knitting group buy all my merch. Thursday knit’n’bitches are punk as fuck now.”  
“Oh my god, tell me there are pictures.” Pulling out his phone he showed her the group of ladies all wearing various prints of his black tour shirts, throwing up devil horns and making faces next to pink couches with doilies on the arms. Cherish laughed so hard she almost cried, clutching her stomach again.

Watching her laugh was quickly becoming his therapy. He pulled her chair over by the seat and wrapped her in his arms. Pressing his face into her hair he breathed her in as her giggles faded away. “Thank you.”  
She pulled back to look at him. “For what?”  
“For being ok. I was upset in the bathroom because you were hurt. I love seeing you smile and laugh. I needed that.”   
“Well, you’re welcome hun, but we can talk when you’re upset, you don’t have to-” He put a finger on her lips and then kissed her.   
“Sometimes talking about it doesn’t help. Sometimes talking about it makes it worse. We have to move past it. That’s what I was seeing when you were laughing. That we’re going to be ok.”   
She looked back at him for a long moment before nodding, slowly at first but then she sat straighter and gave him a firm nod of her head in agreement. “We are.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> set up set up set up


	7. On Watch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Together they piss off Wilson, Cherish is forced to relive the incident and Goolsby gets some good advice. Once he starts peeling back some layers of hurt, he starts to notice something he hadn't before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No sex in this chapter, but he's thinking about it. How do you get back on the horse after this?

The bright living room was quiet except for the light background music they had put through the speakers and the sound of her typing. Not wanting to resort to just watching movies she set up her laptop and checked on her projects. Goolsby had worried, not sure that she should be working, but relented when he agreed it wasn’t going to stress her body. Cherish reminded him that it would make returning to work easier if she stayed up to date and doing something normal would help her feel less anxious. He stretched out on the long couch, calves over her lap supporting the pillow her laptop rested on, making it higher for her. Reclining with his sketchbook he doodled, glancing up at her every few minutes, reassuring himself. Mostly she was reading or doing small edits, nothing big, and when she didn’t need to type she rested her hand on his knee. He loved it when she touched him without being aware of it, the absentmindedness of it brought him into her little work bubble without distracting her. Eventually his eyelids started to droop, feeling her warmth on his legs, the house peaceful.   
The sketchbook slumped against the pillow on his stomach, keeping it propped up as he drifted off.   
The pencil hitting the floor made her look up from her reading in confusion. Hearing his sleep breathing then seeing him passed out made her smile. She had been hoping he would nap: the circles under his eyes had been getting darker every day. Not wanting the book to hit the floor and wake him she slowly rescued it, careful to not let it rake over the pillow and make a noise. On the open page he had drawn his usual assortment of spiderwebs, bats, symbols, and little creatures, but he had also drawn her. Right in the middle of the page she was sitting, not on a couch but a winged armchair, stone steps leading up to it, looking out across the page in profile like she was sitting now. For something that couldn’t have taken him longer than 20 minutes she was amazed. She had seen his art before, he was often doodling, but usually he only showed her silly things, finished projects, or things he was confident in. This was raw, and it showed her more of his natural talent then she had ever gotten to see.   
Smiling she set it on the side table next to her, wondering if he’d let her send some of his work to some of her contacts. Putting that in the back of her mind she leaned her head along the back of the couch, closing her eyes and listening to his even breaths. 

Three loud knocks jolted them both awake some time later. Cherish seized her laptop before it got dumped on the floor as he pulled his legs off her. They looked at each other with wide eyes, momentarily frozen. He grabbed his phone off the ottoman, not sure what he was intending but it buzzed in his hand.   
“Hello?” He spoke in a low voice. "Yes?... Oh shit." He looked over at Cherish and nodded, relief washing over his face. “Yeah one sec.” Hanging up he stood, raising his eyebrows as he looked at the phone. “It’s Wilson, he’s about to yell at us because we’re not wearing the watches. I have six missed calls from him.”   
“Oh thank fuck.” Cherish said, letting her head fall back to the couch. “Why didn’t we hear it ring?”  
As he walked away, he answered. “The ottoman was absorbing the vibration, plus the music.”   
Cherish frowned at the innocent suede, picking up the remote next to her to silence the stereo.   
Opening the door and seeing the glare from the officer he gestured apologetically.   
“Go get them. Right now.” The man said gruffly as he came in the door.   
“On it. We’re sorry. She’s in the living room.” Goolsby called as he made his way to the bathroom.   
Turning the corner Wilson frowned at Cherish. “What the hell kid?” She held her hands up in concession.  
“Totally innocent oversight. Neither one of us wear watches. We took them off to shower and forgot to put them back on. Then we passed out on the couch.”   
Goolsby came back into the room, still attaching his own and then sat next to her, motioning for her wrist. Once it was clasped Wilson pressed his cell phone. She felt it buzz against her skin.   
“Feel that? That’s me calling to let you know I was coming to check on you after you took them off and then I couldn’t reach you. Leave them on. They are water resistant.”   
“I’m really sorry Carl. Honest.”   
Grumbling he sat across from them in the low armchair. “You’re gonna be the death of me kid. You idjits have any coffee on?”  
Goolsby nodded and headed into the kitchen, finding the pot still hot. Cherish called out after him. “He’s a cop, he takes it black.” He stifled a snicker, the nervousness and relief making him giddy for a moment. Seeing Cherishs phone on the table he brought it to her, noting she also had missed calls.   
Handing the officer the mug he found himself under the scrutinizing gaze once again. "Sorry. Won't happen again." He mumbled going to sit next to Cherish.   
"It better not. I'm disappointed. You're supposed to be taking care of her." Goolsby winced, trying to hide the reaction by shifting in his seat.  
"Carl." Cherish had sat up straighter, her voice imposing. "We heard you. It was a mistake. We're very happy to have you on our side. But do not start throwing blame around. Or I will ask you to leave."   
They stared at each other across the coffee table for a weighted moment.   
Goolsby cleared his throat.   
"It's ok Cher, it was-"  
"Not your fault." She held up her hand.   
"That's not what I was going to say."  
She peeled her glaring eyes off Wilson and looked at him with openness. "I'm sorry. What were you going to say?"  
Goolsby gestured to Wilson. "He said that because he cares about you and he was worried. Don't get all offended cause we're men and we say dumb shit when we're upset."  
Wilson cocked an eyebrow as the corners of her mouth twitched. She glanced over at Wilson who shrugged and made a weird head movement, acknowledging he agreed.  
“Fair enough.” Cherish sat back into the cushions. “Can you explain to us what we should and shouldn’t do with the watches then?”  
“When they are off of you for a certain amount of time it pings the monitoring system. The server can tell you’re still here, and the house can tell us how many people are here. So based on that it didn’t fire an alert yet, because it didn’t identify an issue. When it was off for a longer time it sent you a message to remind you to put it back on. You obviously didn’t see that, so after that failed it alerted the switch board. Which tells an operator to call you. When we couldn’t reach you, protocol sent me here to check on you.”   
“Ah. Well I’m sorry you had to make the trip. We are fine.”  
“Yeah I got that.” The man let out a huff of a laugh.  
Goolsby fiddled with the watch. “What kind of things can it tell you?”   
“Sudden spikes in heart rate will alert the system if the stress indicators don’t go down in a reasonable amount of time. If you were startled by something, it will begin to monitor but if you relax it won’t alert a real officer. If you were to stay stressed, then it would buzz you to check in and notify the switch board if you don’t acknowledge it. At the same time it knows the difference between physical activity and stress. So if you went for a run or did a workout it doesn’t care.”  
“How can it tell how many people are in the house?”  
He gestured to the smart thermostat on the wall. “Heat signatures. Handy little thing. If you were both stressed and the monitoring system detected a third or more people in the house, we’d be called in. That combined with the alarm system on the doors and such, tells us quite a lot. But the techies have all sorts of algorithms that differentiate between normal behaviour and concerns. I don’t speak computer. I just have the gun.”   
Cherish shook her head at him, quirking a smile. “And I was starting to feel reassured.”   
“Smartass.”  
Goolsby smiled, clapping her knee as he stood. “Anyone need anything? I was going to put more coffee on.”   
When they both nodded, he left, hearing them start to chat in a more relaxed way. He spent some time cleaning up the kitchen, wanting some time to himself. The man’s comment had stung, and classic Cherish, wanting to protect him, made him sigh. He appreciated her championship of him, he did, he just didn’t like other people to see it.   
At this point though, Wilson had seen enough of their very personal details to not be surprised by it, and he clearly knew Cherish and her tenacity. Goolsby wondered what the man assumed about them, if anything. As a cop, he probably over thought and saw through things naturally, but as a caring figure in her life, he might ignore those things all together for peace of mind. 

The coffee wasn’t finished so he retreated to the bedroom, making the bed, finding a hamper in the closet for their dirty clothes. His duffle was getting quite empty, he had resorted to wearing the loose sweatpants he had been sleeping in as pants for today. Cherish had at least one change of clothes for him at her place, that much he knew, maybe more. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he shrugged to himself he wasn’t too concerned: it wasn’t like they were getting dirty.   
Following that train of thought made him look at the bed. For a weekend that had been planned specifically for dirtiness he was uncomfortable with the idea. He hoped Cherish didn’t think he was disappointed: she had enough things to worry about. Still wondering if he should bring it up or not the machine beeped, drawing him back into their space, unable to help a yawn from escaping. Eyeing his mug he added a bunch of milk to cool it off and then downed it, pouring himself another the way he liked it and carrying all three into the living room.  
Cherish smiled seeing him carefully balancing the three mugs, thanking him as she took hers.   
He settled next to her, listening to them chat about people he didn’t know, enjoying their stories.   
By the time he finished the cup he was bouncing his legs, the caffeine running through his veins making him jittery: there was no chance he’d fall asleep on watch again. 

“Well, if you kids are agreeable, I’d like to have you both come down to the station for your formal statements, if you’re feeling up to it.”   
Cherish nodded, “That’s fine, but I thought you didn’t want him to be seen with me.”  
“You’ll ride with me. You’ll take the rental.” He addressed Goolsby, who also nodded and stood. Cherish reached a hand up for him to help her out of the deep couch, something Wilson picked up on immediately.   
“You sure? We can do it another day.” He scrutinized her face, but she waved him off as she started towards the kitchen.  
“I’m just sore, I will appreciate the change of scenery. Give us a few minutes.”   
Smirking Goolsby followed her, rolling his eyes at the officer, who was amused despite himself. As if she’d back down, he thought to himself as he found his hoodie.   
Still he glanced up at her as he did up her shoes. “You doing ok?”  
She reached down to touch his face, pushing his hair back. “Yeah, I’m good.” She leaned down for a kiss, rested her forehead against his and whispered to him. “Thank you.”  
Kneeling in front of her as she sat on the bed, he slid his arms around her waist. “For what?”  
“You’re taking care of me a lot. I just wanted to tell you I’m noticing. And I appreciate you.”   
He chuckled as he brought them both to their feet, cupping her face to kiss her. “You’re welcome.”  
“This is stupid, I don’t want to be away from you.”   
“Don’t worry, it’s mutual.”   
Taking her by the hand he led her to the bathroom for painkillers and then met Wilson in the kitchen.   
With instructions to wait twenty minutes before following he watched them leave with a sigh, nerves humming. Although it could be coffee, he admitted to himself. 

***

Giving her statement again made a headache form behind her eyes. A lady cop who introduced herself as Lieutenant Vasquez took her details, starting at the beginning of the stalking, asking her to repeat certain sections, having her close her eyes and talk her through it using recall and memory techniques. Cherish did the best she could, her writer brain had captured everything in vivid detail, but this was a lot and had to ask for a break. The techniques were designed to break through her barriers, and she was feeling the terror all over again. Vasquez was kind but determined, and clearly good at her job, since Cherish was remembering things she hadn’t even been aware of.   
“How did they interact together?”  
With her eyes closed she watched them trade weapons. “They didn’t have to talk. They were a perfect team. When Goolsby first talked the tall one came up to deal with him without Chris even needing to say anything. They communicated with looks, they smiled at each other, knew what was happening, what was needed.”   
“Would you say it was rehearsed or practised?”  
“Practised. They were too relaxed for it to be rehearsed. They knew each other well. It was obvious.” Cherish opened her eyes to reach for her water. “When I started to fight back, they were confident about it too. He smiled at me when he came at me with the knife, he wasn’t worried at all. He laughed at me when I went for the bat. But I guess he just thought I was running away, cause he didn’t know it was there.”   
Vasquez gestured, which at this point Cherish knew was the signal to close her eyes again. “Once you were on the floor, and he knocked the gun out of your hand, what was Chris doing? He was on the floor with you.”   
“He was... holding his balls. Kind of just lying there.” She heard the pen move. “What does that mean?”  
“I think it means he was confident in his partners ability to apprehend you. Did he react when you picked up the gun?”   
“I don’t know, I can’t see him.”  
“Can you hear him move?”  
“Yes.”   
“What is he doing?”  
“I was still sitting on his arm. When I sat up, he took it out from under me.”   
“He didn’t reach for you?”  
“No.” Cherish heard the scratching of her pencil and waited.  
“Then what happened.”  
“I fired the gun. The knife hit it, it missed, and I dropped it.”   
“Where did it go?”  
“Into the hallway. It hit the edge of the bathroom door frame and skidded in, then I couldn’t see it anymore.”   
They went back and forth until the point where she stabbed him, at which point Cherish asked for another break, feeling nauseous.   
Bracing her head on her fist she sighed. “Not that I ever thought I’d know what that felt like, I’m surprised how visceral it felt. I can’t ever un-know that.”   
“Are you planning on talking to someone about it?”  
Cherish nodded, looking at the table. “Wilson’s wife. I already know her.”  
“Good.” Vasquez sat back, crossing her ankles and lacing her fingers together on her stomach, waiting for Cherish to compose herself. “Why did you pick something that he couldn’t get out of?”  
Cherish glanced up at the woman. By this point she had been asked several very personal questions, and knew it was to gage her thought process and decisions. It was also a topic that kept her mind in the same area they were working in while giving her a break. “Because that’s what he likes. He’s a lot stronger than me: he works out, he’s tall. He’s broken out of a cheap pair, so I ordered those ones.” She picked at the paper of the cup. “It’s so that you don’t have to have any inhibitions. He can thrash as much as he likes, doesn’t have to hold back. I never thought we’d need to test them to that degree. I guess I should write them a good review.”   
The woman snorted agreeably, making Cherish try on a smile of her own. “If he’s fighting to get out what’s the point?”   
Cherish blushed. “He likes it when I hurt him. And he likes not being able to stop me. He can react in whatever way he wants to without being worried about hurting me.”  
“But you’d let him out if he asked.” She remarked.   
“Of course.” Cherish paused, drawing on the table. “Sometimes it’s hard to admit the things you like. As long as he isn’t telling me to stop, I know he wants it. It’s a strange concept. You see it in male dominated couples, when a girl says, “Make me”. He is stronger than her, so he can. She wants to end up doing it, just doesn’t want to admit that she wants it, doesn’t want to get there willingly. It’s harder with me as the one in charge because he’s bigger. When we have safe words, he can say the opposite of what he wants. He can pretend he doesn’t like it. He can say no, stop, he can struggle against it, but I know he doesn’t mean it. If he uses a safeword, I know for real. And we’ve talked about it all beforehand. I know it’s what he wants. I trust him to tell me what’s happening in his head. Because ultimately, it’s for him. I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t know for sure he liked it.”   
Vasquez nodded, tapping her report.  
“Why don’t you use metal cuffs?”  
“He bruises easily.” She said simply.   
The woman raised her eyebrows. "It's documented that he is bruised from it."  
Rubbing at her eyes Cherish took in a deep breath but her voice broke anyway. "That's how hard he was trying to get out. I can't stop thinking about it. I could hear him trying so hard." She swiped at her eyes and took the tissues offered to her. "I'm sorry."  
"It's alright. Take your time."  
"I don't think it matters. I'll just have to stop every two minutes."  
"Then we'll stop. We want the most correct information. And you need to be in a state where we can get that. If it takes a while that just means I get overtime."  
Cherish looked up into the woman's kind eyes, relenting with a nod. 

***  
"Why has she been in there so long?"  
Wilson looked up from his logbook to take in Goolsby’s agitated form.   
"The lieutenant is a specialist. She's going to want every detail. And unlike yours, her story starts two months ago. Will you sit down?"  
Goolsby flopped back into the chair, heels hurting from the path he'd been wearing into the linoleum. Unable to help a scowl from dominating his features he propped his head up on his fist and bounced his leg as he slouched low into the chair. Wilson regarded him for a moment, closing his book with a sigh.   
“You been talking to anyone?”  
Goolsby glanced up. “What?”  
“Have you talked to anyone other than Cherish about what happened?”  
“I’ve given my statement twice now.” His voice exasperated.  
“No, not the facts. About the trauma.”   
Goolsby’s eyes darkened. “No I haven’t.”   
“You need to. Not good to keep this stuff in.” The man looked uncomfortable, clearly out of his element. “My wife is always after me to share and be open and all that malarkey. So I go once a month and spill to a counsellor the force provides. It helps.”  
“I can talk to Cherish. I’m not going to keep secrets from her.”  
“She kept them from you.”   
Goolsby rolled his eyes. “We’ve already talked about that.”  
“Alright. You’re telling me that there isn’t a part of you that blames Cherish for trapping you?”   
“No. It wasn’t her fault.” He said forcefully, then closed his eyes and took a breath. Goolsby tapped his fingers roughly against the arm of the chair. “The only thing she did wrong was not telling me she was afraid. We’re going to work on that.”  
“So you’re blaming yourself.”  
“So what?” He frowned back at the man. “Of course I do. Again, we’ve already talked about this. Maybe from your perspective it looks like we don’t talk but we do. If we have to talk about it again we will.”   
“And you should. But there are some things she won’t be able to help you with, and you can’t help her with, because you’ll be worried about hurting her feelings if you say them, or worried about making her worried for you.” Wilson leaned back in his chair. “You also need to start taking care of yourself better.”   
Goolsby sat up straighter, glaring at him. “Why is everyone saying that?” He snapped.  
“Oh, so you have been talking to someone?”   
Goolsby scoffed. “No. Cherish said that this morning. I’m fine."  
“Are you?” Wilson tapped under his eye. “You aren’t sleeping. You look like hell. And you’ve got a short fuse now, I see. You going to wait until you blow up and the only person nearby is her?”  
Goolsby winced at the choice of words, his rubbed raw emotions unable to help bringing up the past. He stared at the floor thinking long before answering. Wilson waited him out, glad to hear a quieter voice when he spoke next. “I lost my brother in an explosion. My parents wanted to have group counselling sessions, and my mother said some stuff that my dad took offence to. It took them a long time to move past that, and we all went separately after that. So I do know what you’re trying to say.” Looking up he squinted at the officer. “Right now I just don’t like being away from her. I can’t decide if it was better or worse not being able to see what was happening. But I know right now not being able to see her is pissing me off.”  
“Why?” Came the simple reply.  
“Cause… she’s probably upset. I want to be there for her.”   
“She’s in good hands. I promise. She also is in there with a woman, something she probably needs that you can’t give her. I’ve known Cherish a long time: she keeps things buttoned up, this is forcing her to open all of those doors. She’s going to be exhausted when she’s done. And in the long run this is going to do her good. That’s what I believe, at least. So, in the meantime, is there anything you can do that will do you good?”   
“There’s nothing I can do here.” Wilson raised his eyebrow, making him jerk. “You want me to leave?”  
“I think it would do you good. Go do something productive. Or unproductive: just drive or walk. Hell, you could just go back to the house and take a nap, for God’s sake.”   
With a sigh Goolsby rubbed his face with one hand. “I’ve had too much coffee to sleep.”  
“Well, that’s something you can fix tomorrow.” Looking back up at Wilson he saw him nod. “Trust that she’s ok even when you’re not there. Think about the healing you’ll have to do separately, because despite being in the room together, you didn’t actually experience the same thing as each other. Maybe come to terms with the fact that you can’t magically make things better and she needs time away from you too.”   
“What if she comes out expecting to see me and I’m not here?”  
“I’ll tell her I sent you away. She’s a reasonable girl. If she’s worried I’ll remind her you have a tail. I’ll bring her back to the house just as we planned. If you’re not back I’ll stay until you are.”  
“I don’t even know what I’d do.” Goolsby admitted.  
"Start by getting up.”  
After a moment Goolsby nodded, standing and grabbing his coat. He lingered, fumbling with the zipper and digging for the rental keys. Finally after throwing one last look down the hallway towards Cherish he mumbled a farewell to Wilson and stepped out into the rain. Wilson watched him go, concern furrowing his brow. 

***

He didn’t drive aimlessly. Stepping out of the precinct his shoes had flooded, and in the annoyance of remembering he didn’t have any more dry socks, realized what he could do to help them both.   
Setting himself up at a nearby laundromat he propped his feet up with a book, feeling like he was back on tour. The place was warm against the chill of the damp air, and for a while he just watched the rain fall, thinking back to some of the laughs he’d had with bands over the years. Based on the photos of his shenanigans over the year he knew it surprised people when he told them he hadn’t been drunk since he was a teenager: having drunk an entire sixer of beer that had been sitting in a hot trunk. He’d laid on the floor and thought he was dying. The closest he’d ever gotten as an adult was tipsy, which was when he’d stop, not interested in continuing. 

For the first time in many years he considered it. Thought about going by a store and grabbing a case of beer just to drown himself and run away. He sighed, knowing he would hate it the whole time. Hearing his buddies and regular people talk about enjoying it always made him a little jealous: sometimes he wished for an escape like that. It was why he valued the scenes with Cherish so much. Finally having a way to turn his brain off and feel amazing. He was a little addicted to it. Thinking about how often restraints came into their play he shifted uncomfortably, not knowing if he’d be able to separate what had happened and be able to feel secure, rather than captive. 

Cherish didn’t want him to have to use his safewords, not anymore. They were in sync most of the time, really quite good at knowing what the other was going for in a scene. He let some anger fizz in his veins, hating what had happened for potentially driving a wedge between them.   
Changing the laundry to the dryer he sighed. At least he was doing what Wilson had suggested and was thinking about it. 

What they still had was the dynamic. They could talk about what they could do that would still be ok. They could have shorter scenes, start back into it small. Rubbing the back of his neck he felt unsure. Allowing his mind to wander through the past he tried to pick out what was the important piece and found it. It was every time he either said or did something to give her complete control. It was emptying his mind and knowing whatever happened wasn’t up to him, he didn’t have to think. The first time she had asked him to show her he wanted it, and the lock had snapped on that rope he’d felt it. Stepping into a space where all they needed was the other, where he was pleasing her just by being there, just by doing whatever she asked. It sent a shiver down his spine even now. Holding the lock at his throat he opened the door to all of the memories he had of her, letting himself drift in thought.

The buzzer on the dryer sounded brought him back. A smile came onto his face as he folded their stuff, wondering if thinking about just her counted as meditating still. It had been the way he'd learned to think of less, after all.

Pulling the rental car up next to the house he saw Wilson’s car parked on the road. Basket under his arm he opened the door to the kitchen, seeing no one, not hearing a sound. Frowning, he left the laundry on the table to look into the living room. Wilson sat in the armchair, legs stretched out with the newspaper in his hands. 

“Alright there?” The scruffy eyebrows raised looking at Goolsby. “You look much less pissed off now.”  
“Yeah. Where is Cherish?”  
“I put her to bed.” Folding the paper he tossed it down next to him, his eyes keeping Goolsby in the room. He sat across from the officer. “She was in fact exhausted and had no issue with you being gone.”  
“That’s good.”   
“I’m assuming you did something good for you?”  
“I did laundry.” Starting to feel a cringe in his face he squinted at the cop.   
Thankfully Wilson nodded, getting to his feet. “That’s good. Well, I’m off then, I said it to her but as a reminder: don’t take the watches off. And call me if you need anything.”  
Walking him to the door they shook hands. “Noted. Thanks again, for taking care of her.”  
With a grunt he nodded and was out the door. Locking it he leaned against it for a moment, then pushed off to the bedroom. 

Cherish was on her side in the middle of the bed, face on his pillow, hugging her own. Kneeling at the side of the bed he watched her breathing. Not wanting to wake her but needing to touch her he leaned close and kissed her forehead lightly. 

Her eyes opened, blinking at him.   
“Sorry.” He whispered, feeling guilty.  
Her eyes held his for a long moment, their faces close.  
“Take off your pants.” She whispered back.  
About to reply he stopped himself, just standing and undoing his buttons, letting the fabric drop to the floor. He glanced up at her, waiting to see if she would ask for other articles to be removed.   
Her hand came up to grip his shirt, pulling him onto the bed. He went willingly, easily, slipping under the covers beside her, like a moth drawn to a flame. Cherish rolled on top of him, her bare legs touching his, tangling them together.  
His heart had started to race a little, not knowing what she was thinking, but feeling her settle into his shoulder, wrapping her arms around him he relaxed, touching her back. Skimming his hands along her back he squeezed her carefully.   
“You ok?”  
“Now I am. I missed you.” He felt her rub her head into his chest.  
Smiling, he shook his head. “How are you feeling?”  
“I had a headache by the time I was done. If she wasn’t nice, I would have called her ruthless in her pursuit of details.”  
He hummed, running his thumb along her shoulder blade. “Ok, um, I guess I want to know if you’re hurting, but also if you’re upset because you had to relive that. That clear up what I’m asking?”  
“Don’t get sassy. I’m not going to say it was fun. I needed that nap.”  
“Did you want to sleep more?”   
“I don’t want to sleep the afternoon away. But you’re cosy.”   
“Ten more minutes? Cuddles and then food, then hospital?”  
“Sounds good.”   
****  
They had fallen into a light sleep, a car honk waking them both about an hour later. Smiling at each other they dressed, walking into the kitchen to scrounge up some dinner. On the drive to the hospital Cherish was more talkative than she had been in a long time, his gentle prodding easily accepted as she opened up to talk about places she’d spent time in her city. The relief that spread over her face after the hospital spread into him too. 

It was starting to feel like they were improving. As more time passed his brain was relaxing, making him think back to Friday. He leaned back on his hands, watching her from the bed as she put their clothes in the almost empty drawers. It pleased him to see her doing something normal, that she felt well enough to be up to her neurotic tendencies. 

The smile faded from his face. In his mind he hadn’t really been able to think about anything past her injuries, but now a thought rose up. Leaning forward he squinted at her, cocking his head. 

“Cherish.”  
“Yeah?”  
“Hun, have you lost weight?”   
She looked down at herself, simply answering, “No,” and turning back to her task.   
He watched the fabric of her thin shirt move, and came up behind her to feel her back, looking over her shoulder she smiled absently at him. She had always been slender, but he could feel her bones more clearly that he thought was normal. He slid his hand under her shirt, starting to lift it off her. Cherish whirled around, face suddenly guarded, holding his forearms.  
“What are you doing?”   
“I want to look at you.” Frowning at him for a moment she took in his pleading eyes and then relented, allowing him to pull her shirt over her head. Kneeling in front of her he ran his hands over her stomach and hips, eyes taking her in. The curves of her body were less full, and these were a pair of jeans he knew well. There was space in them at her waist and at her butt: they used to hug her perfectly.   
“I can see your ribs.”  
“It’s fine, I’ve always been skinny.” She smiled. “Itty bitty titty committee.”  
“You don’t have any weight to lose.” He looked up at her with worried eyes.   
She cupped his face with a smile. “You’re sweet. I haven’t changed anything.”   
“Are you sure?”   
“Yes.” Pulling away from him she put her shirt back on and fixed her hair. Still on the floor, he watched her move around the room, staring at her body. Thinking back on their last few days he pictured their meals in his head.   
“You have changed. You haven’t been eating as much.”  
“My stomach hurts. And I don’t eat when I’m not hungry. We’ve just been lazing around.”   
Squinting at her he shook his head. “No, you couldn’t have lost weight just from these last couple days.”  
“Right.”  
Following as she left the room, she moved into the kitchen, starting to empty the disk rack, avoiding eye contact with him. He hesitated by the edge of the counter, thinking about how easy it had been to carry her, despite the fact he was sore.   
“I can see you.”   
Turning around, she crossed her arms and scowled at him. “What are you trying to say Gools? Just say it.”  
“You’re lying. Or hiding. I can see it when you do this. So tell me what you don’t want me to know please.” He crossed his arms in return. “It was the stalking, wasn’t it? You lost weight because of that.”   
Her face darkened to what had to be the angriest face he’d ever seen on her. “Gee I didn’t realize you were such a stickler to what I look like. Remind me to skip the burger next time we go out. God forbid my weight fluctuates.”  
“Cherish!” He gaped at her. “No! I just want you to be healthy.” Searching for the words he opened his hands. “If I started to lose weight, you’d be worried wouldn’t you?” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Cherish, don’t make this conversation into something it’s not. I’ve always thought you were perfect. This is in no way me “commenting on your body”. We’re active, healthy, fit people. You are tiny. If you’re losing weight that scares me.”

With a sigh she uncrossed her arms, putting her head into her hands for a moment before nodding and looking up at him, only frustration on her face. “Hun, I didn’t try to lose weight. I forget to eat all the time when I’m working. I’m not hiding on purpose. I didn’t notice. I’m noticing now that you’re pointing it out.”   
Coming over to her he gathered her in his arms, feeling hers settle around his waist. Talking into her hair he held her close. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like I was accusing you. I’m just worried, and you have bad habits we’re trying to break.”  
“I know. It’s ok. I’m sorry too.” Her voice, muffled by his sweater, was sincere. “You’re right, I was being a bitch.”  
“I didn’t say that.”  
“That’s ok. I’m saying it. I’m sorry. I don’t think you’re a jerk: I shouldn’t treat you like one. It was a defence mechanism I guess.”  
“Can we talk it out? We can have a snack and work through it.”   
He felt her chuckle. “You’re just sneaking the calories in there, aren’t you?”  
“Yes.”   
Taking her hand he sat her at the table, kissing her softly before making his way to the fridge.   
“What are you noticing now?”  
She traced the wood grains with her finger. “I guess I’m surprised how the changes snuck up on me.”  
“I think it makes sense. You were on high alert, thinking about other things.” Pilling cheese, grapes, and crackers on a plate he brought it over to her. Waiting until she picked up a piece, he grabbed the wine glasses and poured juice for them.   
“So fancy.” She commented, giving him her half smile.   
“Thanks. Later we’ll go out and get dessert or something. Have a little date out.”  
A soft smile lit up her face as he sat. “Alright. That’d be nice.”   
“You said you changed up your schedule, stopped going to the diner.” He prompted.  
“Yeah.” Holding a little cracker sandwich she frowned at it. “Their portions are huge, so that was usually two meals, either lunch or dinner for the next day.”   
“Do you order in?”   
“All the time. Cause I’m working. I stopped doing that because… I didn’t like answering the door.” She shifted in her seat, when she spoke next it was in a mumble. “I was afraid. What if under the ruse of bringing food someone could get close?”   
Sliding his arm around her back he gave her a squeeze, but she didn’t say anything else, stabbing a broken cracker into a piece of cheese.  
“What did you eat instead? Did you grocery shop more?”   
“No. The same cause I wasn’t thinking about it. When I would go to order, like from habit, I would just stop myself. If I was really hungry, I’d just grab random things from the fridge.”   
Pausing to let her eat he ran his hand down her arm. “Sounds like little things adding up. What about when you went into the office?”   
“I think that was the same. I eat with a group of ladies, they all do crossfit and shit, so it’s like, kale salads, and protein bowls.”  
“Low calorie?”   
“Yeah. And you have to buy coffee there, so I usually just have the one I make in the morning. So office days have less calories.”  
“Were you working from home or from the office more?”   
Chewing she stopped to think. “Office. I wanted to be around people.”  
“Okay so at least there are clear reasons.”  
“Yeah. Bad habits plus stress.”  
Trying to be blasé he asked, “When things were normal, how many meals do you miss because of work focus?”   
She snorted. “How am I supposed to answer that? How do you keep track of things you’ve forgotten?”   
“Take a guess for me.”   
With a sigh she looked up. “Pretty regularly. Often. Especially If I work from home or on the road.”   
“How often do you work out?”   
“Five times a week.” She answered immediately. “That’s my schedule that I didn’t change…” She trailed off, looking up in alarm. “We should call Wilson.”  
He sat up straight. “Why?”  
“What if that’s how they found me?”  
“Tell me what your schedule is.”  
“I rock climb every Wednesday. Work has a yoga class that I go to on lunch on Monday’s. I did stop going for runs, I did stuff at home instead. But rock climbing. I always go and come home straight after.”   
She started to stand to find her phone, but he held her arm, guiding her back to her seat gently.  
“Cher, I don’t think having one thing you didn’t change is the crack that sunk the ship. I think you’re forgetting that they knew your name. You’re a writer, your name is searchable. You’re connected with a bunch of places. You said yourself they were watching the office when you went away on work assignments. That’s how they found you.”   
Holding her arm he looked into her worried eyes. “Do you tell anyone at rock climbing your schedule? That you’d be home this weekend?”  
To his surprise she was turning pink. “No.”  
“Why are you blushing?”  
“I jumped to a conclusion. The people I see there, all we talk about are the walls, grips, and related stuff.”  
“It’s ok.” She nodded, leaning forward to press her face into his chest.   
Looking at the plate he saw she still hadn’t eaten much. Pulling back from her he nodded at the plate encouragingly.   
She sighed. “I’m not hungry hun.” Despite that she reached for a handful of grapes and turned in her chair so she could lean against him more comfortably. “Do you think they know who you are?”  
Raising his eyebrows he thought for a moment. “I have no idea. I dunno how they would figure that out. Are you worried?”  
“I was just thinking about what is going to happen next. It’s weird.”  
“No. Not weird at all. Everything is up in the air right now, and we don’t have much to occupy us. Makes sense.”   
"I guess." Finished the grapes she carefully wiped her hands off. "I'm not really feeling up to going out again."  
"Ok. Don't have to. Want to watch a movie?"   
"Can we do that in bed? I don't want you to have to carry me again." Her lips quirked up. "At least until it's for a fun reason."  
"You have such a one-track mind."   
“Not sorry.”

***

Cherish made it halfway through the film, something he decided to bring up to her later, teasing her as a personal best. He sat through it, glad to just do something normal. Once it was finished, he frowned: he was not even mildly sleepy yet. Leaning up against the headboard he read by the light of the lamp next to him, the house quiet. Several chapters later he still wasn’t feeling the usually heavy eyelids he would be at this time. Dropping the book into his lap he sighed, looking over at Cherish’s peaceful face. 

Prone to insomnia as a teen he had turned to exercise to tire him out, and music to quiet his mind. His fingers itched for his piano or his acoustic. Reminding himself that this wasn’t the same thing he tried to not dwell on it. They had been lazing, as Cherish had put it, from necessity of healing, and of course his mind was unsettled. Counting on his fingers he figured it had been long enough that it wasn’t caffeine related anymore, though he wasn’t sure. For a brief moment he considered going for a run, but as though she heard his thought Cherish twitched then turned onto her back. With another sigh he brushed hair from her shoulder, deciding he couldn’t leave her alone. Her eyelids moved, so he turned onto his side, bringing his face close to watch for distress, hoping she wasn’t having another nightmare. The unfairness of their conscious mind having the potential to make things worse for them grated on him. 

After a few minutes had passed and he saw nothing to make him worry he rolled to turn off the light, hoping that the darkness would inspire his brain to shut up. Focusing on his toes he started the muscle relaxation Cherish had taught him. Telling each muscle and bone to relax, waiting until it was before moving up to the next one slowly. It made him feel heavier, as though he was sinking into the mattress. He liked it, and it often worked for him, but he didn’t have high hopes for tonight. By the time he got to his hips he was about to let out a sigh and give up when Cherish moved. The curtains blocked all light so he couldn’t see her but felt her roll towards him. Her arm draped across his chest, putting a smile on his face. Since her breathing hadn’t changed, he knew she was fully out still, her unconscious desire to touch him soothed something in him. Covering her hand with his own he closed his eyes again, pretending that they were connected and sharing relaxing energy through their touch. Finally, he started to drift off, a smile on his face. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little nod to alien in this one, comment if you know what it is :)  
> FYI, next chapter is going to be exciting, something we've been waiting for. :)


	8. Never done this before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goolsby finally tells Cherish whats been worrying him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cuteness, angst, healing, sex, and more. enjoy!

***

Tapping the smart watch for the time she smiled, surprised she was awake so close to her more natural body clock. She stretched luxuriously as she tried to keep her yawn quiet, seeing he was still dead next to her. They had clearly been tossing, the sheets were everywhere and pillows had been pushed onto the floor. She stared at him for a few minutes, watching him breathe peacefully: she loved watching him sleep. It always made her want to either watch over him and care for him since he looked so innocent, or jump on him and start some sort of shenanigans. She resolved to wake him with a pillow fight as soon as she was better, deciding to add that to their list. Her eyes wandered over his bare back and messy hair, longing to touch him but knew he hadn’t been sleeping well. Not wanting to keep lying in bed she tiptoed out of the room and closed the door, leaving Goolsby tangled in the blankets. Judging by the reduced amount of pain she was feeling today she was hoping that meant she was on the upswing, especially if her body wasn’t clinging to sleep as much. Her arm throbbed, but her stomach was only a dull ache if she didn’t touch it, twinging a little as she got up but comparing that to the day before she was thrilled. Bouncing to the bathroom she downed her pills and smiled at them, happy they seemed to be doing their jobs.

The kitchen was decently set up, making her want to take advantage and be productive, putting on an upbeat playlist quiet enough it wouldn’t travel to the bedroom. Her right hand was still weak, the slice throbbed when she gripped anything, but she wasn’t deterred. Using her left and sitting she used her legs to hold the coffee tin to allow her to open it. Dancing between the fridge and counters she assembled everything she needed, singing along to her music. Reminding herself to work slowly and be patient, she focused on slicing the veggies and fruit with care. She wasn’t rushing, wanting to set herself up for success, but she was too used to being independent. Reaching on her tiptoes for a large ceramic bowl on the top shelf her hand slipped, not prepared for the weight. She tried to catch it but when it hit her right hand she yelped, fumbling it, and it crashed to the floor, shattering on the tile, glass flying around the room.   
“Fuck!” Cherish put her head in her hands and rolled her eyes, thinking immediately that she had no idea where the broom was and that she was not going to view that as being unready to do anything.   
She heard a loud thump and thundering footsteps. Goolsby came flying into the room, fury on his face, wielding a thick wooden pole running towards her. She threw up her hands and yelled, “No!”  
He skidded to a stop just outside the zone of destruction, eyes wide. “What the fuck!”   
“I dropped a bowl, everything’s fine, there’s glass everywhere, don't come closer.” Cherish still held her hands up, seeing that he wasn’t fully awake yet. “I’m so sorry hun, everything’s ok.”   
He stared at her until the adrenolin haze in his mind passed. Letting the pole drop to his side he sat on a chair heavily, putting his head in one hand as he caught his breath. “Jesus Christ Cherish.”  
Seeing him holding the pole, his heavy breathing, the way he had looked tearing in wearing just boxers and socks, she couldn’t help a giggle escaping. Blue eyes snapped up to her face and she covered her mouth. He glared at her for a minute and she tried desperately not to laugh again, pressing her hands into her face, but her eyes betrayed her. Finally he rolled his eyes and smirked. Pointing to her feet at the circle of glass he raised his eyebrows.  
“I can’t help but notice that you’re stranded. If you’re going to laugh at me I could just leave you there.”   
Cherish grinned at him. “Awh come on, I couldn’t help it: you’re adorable. My hero, ready for battle, my knight in shining underwear. Come rescue me.”  
Goolsby snorted and then laughed outright, the tension leaving his shoulders. He found his shoes and searched for a broom, still chuckling. Purposefully starting as far from her as he could he began sweeping the glass. She watched him work, crossing her arms and pouting playfully as she leaned against the counter. He ignored her, moving all the chairs and meticulously checking each square foot in an arc before moving closer to her. The half circle around her got smaller and he stopped before he was within leaping distance and grinned at her.   
Not saying anything she looked at him expectantly, then held out her hand for the broom. He shook his head and went over to the opposite side of the counter where the coffee was, taking a swig out of her cup.   
“Hey! Not cool man.”   
“I think it’s only fair, I was awakened so rudely. Need something to pick me up. Somehow all the picking up of you I've been doing wasn’t good enough for you and you had to go and get yourself into a mess. You like this whole damsel in distress thing too much hun. You just had to go and make a new reason for me to come to your rescue. Probably some sort of complex I think.”   
“I was making you breakfast, letting you keep sawing logs, my dear.” She sassed back at him. “I’m gonna jump it if you don’t get me out of here soon.”   
“Good idea,” He said, grabbing the floor mat by the sink and laying it down for her, “You can jump into my arms and swoon at my heroism.”   
Biting her lip to keep from laughing she took his offered hand and stepped over to him, letting him pull her into his embrace. 

Bending her backwards Goolsby put them into a romance novel pose, making her giggle as she leaned into it, trusting him to hold her up. “My hero.” She said sarcastically. “However shall I repay you?”   
He kissed her before bringing them back up and made her walk backwards to sit at the table. Picking up the broom again he finished the job, going over it a few times as he regarded her, making faces to show her he was considering. “I don’t know, we’re working with a lot of layers here. You scared the shit out of me, woke me up, and now I’m starting my day cleaning.”  
“Thank you, and I’m sorry for starting your day off that way. I would have cleaned it myself if you had given me the broom.”  
“Yeah and it would’ve taken you forever, gimpy.” He threw over his shoulder as he put everything away. Sighing he propped his hands on his hips. “Gotta do everything for you, woman.”  
Cherish snorted as he joined her at the table. “Well you seem to be in the mood to do all the work lately anyway, so why are you complaining.” He shook his head at her, picking up her good hand and kissing the inside of her palm. Slyly she held his eyes as his lips pressed into her skin. “I think the typical way a maiden repays her hero is with her legs in the air, but that would still involve him doing most of the work. Seems unfair, but in our case unfortunately accurate.”   
Rolling his eyes at her he scoffed. “Yeah, I’ll just throw you over my shoulder and take you back to my castle tied to my horse. A valiant prize won.” Kissing her knuckles theatrically. “That’s chivalry for you.”  
Cherish paused, watching him. “Yes.”   
He put her hand back on the table, squeezing it. “Yes what?”  
“Throw me over your shoulder, take me to the bedroom, and fuck me.” She said bluntly.  
Swallowing he stared at her as he thought about it. Cherish let him think, looking back at him levelly. He leaned in and squeezed her hand. “No.” He said quietly. When she tilted her head he went on, “I don’t want to hurt you.”  
It was Cherish’s turn to lean closer. “What if I want it to hurt?”   
He shook his head. “Extra no. If you want to experiment with switching when you’re better, that's fine, but that’s different.” She searched his face, seeing his worry and wanting to comfort him.   
“How so?” She stood up and straddled his lap, pushing his hair back and lifting his face up to hers, invading his space but making sure he could see she only wanted to hear his thoughts. They often sat like that when she was trying to ground him, and it helped him keep his bearings when they spoke about things that made him uncomfortable. It was her way of saying they weren't going anywhere until they understood each other.  
He frowned, finding it difficult to describe, rubbing his hands along her thighs trying to steady himself as he looked up at her. “If you want me to hurt you because you like it, you want it, ok, I can try. You’ve asked for rough but you’ve never asked for pain before. You’re feeling that way now because you feel guilty, and I’m not going to be the cause of pain that you think you deserve. If it hurts a little by accident because you’re sore, I can live with that, but I want to be careful with you. I'm not going to fuck you. If we're going to, I want, there’s not, I don’t -" He stopped, meeting her trusting brown eyes was suddenly too much for him and he jerked his head away from her fingers to look down. She waited for him to gather his thoughts and when he looked up she was surprised to see how tortured his eyes were.   
“Tell me hun, what’s making you so upset?” She stroked her thumbs along his jaw, he held her waist and squeezed her lightly.   
“I know you don’t want to think about it, but this is the second time you’ve been assaulted. And not that the first one wasn’t bad enough, but this time was exponentially more violent. And both times, they were very clear about what they were going to do to you.” She closed her eyes, feeling a shadow of the horror she had felt in those moments. Waiting until she nodded he went on. “It still scares me, what almost happened to you. I never want to do anything that could possibly remind you of that. It makes me sick thinking about them touching you, and if, even for a second, you think it’s them when I touch you, I can’t stand it.”  
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Cherish whispered. “Honestly, I was just trying to be playful.”   
“Tell me I’m wrong then. Tell me that there’s not a part of you that wants it to hurt because you feel guilty.”  
“I can’t. You’re right.”   
Goolsby hugged her in tight, she rested her chin on his head and squeezed him back. “That’s why I’m saying no. We’re already going to have to fight against the memories. I won’t be a part of you wanting to punish yourself.”  
Pushing at him until she could see his face she nodded, kissing him softly, watching his eyes close before closing her own. “Ok, I’m sorry.”  
“Don’t be sorry. Just don’t make me. Don’t use me to hurt yourself.”  
“I won’t. You said no, that’s it. Thank you for helping me understand.”   
Sighing, he nodded. “It’s not that I don’t want you, there’s just a lot to sort through. Part of me is worried though. That the longer we wait the bigger build up there is.”   
Cherish shifted in his lap so she wasn’t looming above him anymore, letting her head rest on his shoulder. He crossed his arms over her back and stretched his legs out, the slouch helping her lean into him.   
“I think talking about it is a good first step. So we’re already doing that, being responsible and shit.” She felt him snort. “I was going to tell you that I feel a lot better today. Still sore but I was dancing around the kitchen before I clutzed out.”   
“Cute. I guess that’s a good sign. How’s your arm?”  
"Hurts like a bitch still, like a constant line of fire. That’ll probably take a while, I can’t grip anything without it acting up either. It's a conspiracy, they’re making me look forward to visits to the hospital cause I need that sweet numbing.”  
Goolsby smiled, running his hands along her back and kissing her forehead. “I’m glad it’s working for you, helps you sleep right?”  
“Yeah.” They sat together for a few minutes, enjoying the closeness. Cherish kissed his neck before speaking again. “So, when we do try, did you want to make limits for us? Or just come up with something vague and aim for a feeling?”   
“Do you mean starting with a scene? Like actually playing?” He asked, trying to sound nonchalant.   
“I didn’t.” Cherish hesitated, “But if you’re feeling like you need that I can do that for you.”   
He considered this, looking out the kitchen window. “I can understand you needing to be in control, considering. You need to prove to yourself that you’re still in charge of your own body. And I know you’re worried about me thinking less of you, and you want that affirmation. I’ve been trying to show you in other ways that you being laid up hasn’t changed how I feel about you. But if you need to reassert that dynamic we can.”   
Cherish sat up, making sure their eyes were on the same level. “Now we’re playing chicken. So let’s not do that. I meant that it might be good for us to talk about what might make us more comfortable or what would be bad, considering what happened. I need you. Just you. And I don’t want you to be anxious about it and all wrapped up in your head worrying. When I said limits I wasn’t talking about playing. Firstly, because physically I don’t think I can, secondly because I think that I need to be in a safer headspace, since our last play scene was when we were attacked. I’m still mad at myself that you couldn’t defend yourself. I might need a while before I consider doing that ever again.” She paused, and he was about to tell her he understood when she took his hands, lacing their fingers together.   
“But mostly because I was serious when we were talking at the hospital. You mean more to me than just that and I think that’s what we need. Just us, nothing fancy. I just want to make love with you and feel your heart next to mine. To be with you and to thank the entire universe that I didn’t lose you.”  
Untangling their hands he reached up to pull her face to his, kissing her softly, feeling her hands on his chest. He cupped her face in a large hand, smiling when she leaned into his palm. “Yeah. That’s what I want too.”   
“Okay. When do you want to?” She asked, honestly curious, trying to let him know whenever he was ready was fine with her. Goolsby shrugged, not feeling pressured.  
“I don’t know. Not right now.” The conversation about what could have happened to her was too fresh in his mind.   
“M’kay.” Cherish kissed the tip of his nose to make him smile before getting up. 

Together they finished making breakfast, taking every opportunity to initiate physical touch and be silly. Placing her in front of him he held her hand over the whisk and beat the eggs with their left hands. He admitted he was terrible at flipping omelettes so they settled on loaded scrambled, tossing all the veggies into the pan standing farther and farther back until she missed and he declared victory. 

While he was minding the stove she set out the orange juice and found the biggest cup in the cabinet, and then seeing a vase behind it brought that to the table instead. When he sat down and saw her tiny cup and the vase full of juice next to his place he laughed, going and plopping the coffee pot directly on the table in return. The meal passed slowly, smiling as they ate, touching feet under the table, holding up fruit to bite and licking the juice off each other's fingers. A low hum of sexual tension ran between them but neither of them made the leap. After cleaning the kitchen he helped her secure her arm in a bag again, and she opted to shower on her own, wanting to get back some of her independence.   
Goolsby knew she’d take her time, and took the opportunity to do a workout now that his stomach bruise was only a dull ache. He wanted to tell himself he was just going back to his normal habits, but in the back of his mind he knew he also wanted to be in fighting condition, adding in some punches, dodges, and kicks to his cardio. When he heard the water shut off he stopped and went back to body weight exercises, smiling when he heard that she was saying the words along to her music.   
In the middle of a set of one armed push-ups he heard her flop onto the couch next to his spot on the floor. Deciding not to acknowledge her he switched to the other arm and then heard her hum. Getting to his knees after the set he raised his eyebrows at her. She was reclined on her side, hair still wet, head propped up watching him, and winked.   
“Don’t mind me. Please continue.”   
Rolling to face her he started doing sit ups, seeing her smirk each time he cleared the couch. Wanting to tease her he took off his T-shirt and added a twist at the top. Seeing her bite her lip made him almost laugh but he held it together.   
When she reached out to touch him as he finished his set he rolled away, going to the door to do pull ups. There was no bar but the old frame was wide enough his fingers could get a decent grip.   
“You’re going to break it.” She said, sliding up the couch and putting her arms behind her head as she took in the show.   
“Oh is that another fat joke? Jeez Cherish. Body shamer.” He sassed as he worked.  
He heard her snort. “No, what are you, like 2% body fat? I literally mean the door is old.”  
“Solid construction hun.” Despite that he let go, deciding not to push himself too hard just in case.   
“Speaking of solid construction…” She pumped her eyebrows and leered, eyes roaming over him. He smirked at her and grabbed his shirt off the floor.   
“Keep it in your pants, woman.”   
“Ok we’ll just take you out of yours.”   
“I’m leaving.” Turning on his heel he left for a shower, waiting until she couldn’t see before letting the smile come on to his face.   
“Nice ass!” She called, her voice following him into the kitchen and he chuckled. 

***

The street was quiet since all the commuters were at work, but his eyes darted around, on alert anyway. Knowing he wasn’t supposed to act like he knew there was anything wrong he kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, trying to look chill, hoping it would be easier to feel anonymous once he was in a store. Cherish had been picked up by Wilson late that afternoon to retrieve personal effects from her place, and was going to accompany her to her dressing change and then drop her off. While he agreed with the plan since it kept up appearances he still hated it. It also meant that the tail was now free to follow him, since Cherish was visibly with an escort. He had argued that he didn’t need any protection, but one look at her face had shut him up. The trip would be emotionally stressful for her enough, and he knew that she wished he could come with her, so he relented to the protection hoping it would free her from worrying about him at least. Wanting to do something for her and avoid cabin fever he had begun his trek to the shopping area after she left, trying not to look for the detail following him. So far he hadn’t spotted it, half of him wishing he could tell it was there and the other half figuring he should be impressed. He checked his watch and sighed, willing the time to go by faster. Walking into a store he finally felt some form of normalcy, sinking into the familiar task. 

Cherish stared up at the windows of her attic as she and Wilson walked around to the front entrance, the glass panes seeming to peer back at her. During the drive she had indulged in his small talk, knowing he was trying to put her at ease. You could mentally prepare yourself all you want, but seeing the busted in door, chunks torn from the wooden frame splintered something in her mind. Not remembering walking through the hallway she suddenly saw the holes in the bedroom floor, feeling numb. Wilson had been right, even with the cleaners the spot next to the bed bored into her mind. She could hear him talking but wasn’t processing the words. Feeling him put her hands on the box they had brought with them brought her back to the task at hand, and a few words filtered into her mind. Glad they had had the forethought to make a list she went through her drawers, making sure to gather everything that they kept there for Goolsby. The bed had been stripped, even the mattress was gone, making her try to remember what it might have looked like.   
“Cherish. Come on kiddo, keep it together.” Wilson’s kind voice sounded muffled.   
Nodding she finished her bedroom list, as they left she closed the door. Waiting for her outside the bathroom and holding the box as she added to it, Wilson talked about the contractor arriving there and starting on the floor the next day, wanting to know if there was any other work to be done. She didn’t feel like she had her bearings until she was packing the rest of her work things into the empty laptop case.  
“I don’t know how I’m going to go back to work.” She said quietly.   
“Don’t force it kid. One day at a time, and today is not that day.” Cherish nodded, zipping the bag.   
“That’s it I think.”   
The officer carried the box down the stairs, leading the way, turning back a few times to make sure she was following. They were captured by Mrs Lakes, who pulled Cherish into her apartment for a long hug.   
“Oh Cherry, I was so worried.” The motherly hug was so nice she didn’t even mind hearing the childhood name she normally would have corrected. Wilson excused himself to place her things in the car and make a few calls, knowing the women needed some time. When the kind old woman finally pulled back she lightly touched Cherish’s bruised cheek. “Your poor face.”  
“It’s actually better today.” Cherish said, turning to look at the mirror in her hallway, “Yesterday it was more purple, they’re starting to fade.”   
“Matt told me what happened. I can’t believe it. An organized kidnapping attempt? In our neighbourhood! And Chris! He was such a nice man, he brought up my groceries last week. What is the world coming to?”   
She sighed. “I know, but don’t worry. It’s all being investigated, you should be safe because I’m not here.”  
“Do you need Matt to take care of anything dear?”  
“No, my insurance contractor is going to be in and out to replace the floor. I don’t think anything else is needed.”   
“Well I’ll have him come by anyway as your proxy.” Cherish nodded and squeezed the old woman’s hand.   
“I appreciate that.”  
“Did your “man” friend go home?” Mrs. Lakes looked at her pointedly, not using the word boyfriend on purpose. Cherish smirked at her, shaking her head.   
“No, he’s staying with me.”  
Mrs Lakes smiled. “I’m glad you’re not alone. Not just because of this, you’ve been alone too long, darling.” She squeezed Cherish’s hands in hers.   
Wilson cleared his throat from the doorway, reminding her of the outpatient appointment. With another hug and a promise to call if there was any news, Cherish bid her farewell and walked behind the cop deep in thought. They drove in silence, Wilson didn’t press her for chatter and for that she was grateful. 

When the coolness of the numbing spread down her arm she came back into herself fully, the relief making her close her eyes for a moment. It was odd how pain had become the norm so quickly, and a moment without it was almost strange.   
“Any news about the game plan?” Cherish asked Wilson as the nurse dressed her arm again.   
“No, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Everything is need to know. But I promise I’ll be in touch.” The man offered his hand to help her down, the paper crinkling as she slid off the table and thanked the nurse. “Let’s get you back to that rock star of yours.”   
She finally smiled, nodding her agreement and walked beside him back to the unmarked police car. They talked about people they knew as they went through the hospital, and she didn’t notice when Wilson hand signaled a woman in sunglasses on their way out. An ambulance and cop car sped up the drive as they walked to the car, and Cherish also didn’t see that they blocked a silver van from following the car out of the lot. 

***  
While it didn’t feel like coming home she was happy to see the safe house come into view. Wilson walked her around to the back and they found Goolsby sitting on the deck chairs looking at the sun going down behind the trees. Cherish was glad that Wilson was asking him a few questions, checking in, since for a moment she found herself speechless. She hadn’t known she was worried, and seeing him filled her with relief and something more. Watching him shake hands with Wilson and turn to her she didn’t react. Goolsby was smiling at her, which slid to quizzical when she just stared at him. Picking up the box with one arm he pulled her gently by the hand he led her into the kitchen, locking the door behind them.   
Cherish drew him close, reaching up to hold his face and slide her fingers into his hair, he dropped the box and wrapped his arms around her and rested his forehead against hers.   
She heard him let out a breath. “I missed you.” He whispered. “Are you ok?”  
Nodding made her skin slide against his. “Yeah, I froze up a bit but Wilson kept me focused. And it was nice seeing Mrs Lakes. And at least now we have some stuff that’s ours.” Looking up into his eyes she didn’t see any of the concern leave as she talked. “Are you ok?”  
“Now I am.” He squeezed her. “I was worried about you. Couldn’t help it. Had to distract myself.”   
Cherish reached up and smoothed the lines away from his forehead. Her fingers traced the fading bruises on his temple and cheek bone, touching the almost healed split on his lip. In the shower that morning he had peeled off the loosening stitch tape on his cuts and had been pleased how fast they seemed to be improving. Seeing the look on her face he knew she was still burdened by guilt.  
“I’m ok Cherish. I’m just sore at this point. You don’t have to worry about me.”  
She sighed and cupped his cheek. “I guess I see them as an extension of my guilt. Plus, they have to still hurt, mine do, and I hate seeing them. If it didn’t hurt so much to touch them I’d probably cover them. I grabbed my makeup bag if we want to go out later.”  
Goolsby frowned, searching her face, deciding to take the plunge. “I can understand you not wanting to look like a victim. But I hope you know that I don’t see you that way. They are battle marks, and victorious ones at that. You're not any less beautiful with them Angel. People forget that angels are warriors of heaven, you fought for me. God, Cherish.” He stopped, momentarily overcome. Her wide brown eyes stared up at him until he pressed his lips to hers and they closed, savouring the feel of him.   
She could feel herself melting, wanting to be carried away, but didn’t want to push him. When the kiss ended she lowered her hands to his shoulders, reminding her of their first night together. She spoke without her usual confidence, stealing herself to be turned down. “Are you still nervous about being together?”  
Stroking his hands down her sides he considered her question. “I’m nervous about hurting you. And I’m worried about doing something that will make you think about them.”   
Cherish looked up at him, eyes wide. “I feel good, my arm is numb right now and the meds are working. I promise to tell you if anything hurts.” Glancing down she ran her hands down his torso. “I really don’t think you could do anything to make me uncomfortable. You’re considerate and thoughtful, I love everything we do together, and I miss you. I want you, I feel safe in your arms.” She met his eyes again, seeing their blue smoldering with emotion. “I’d really like to be one with you tonight, only if you want though.” 

Cupping her face he kissed her slowly, gently licking into her mouth, pressing himself to her. Lingering with a few soft pecks he nodded. “I want you too. But give me a minute, ok?”   
“Okay.” He led her to the table and sat her down, kissing her again before disappearing down the hall towards the bedroom.   
Cherish could hear him moving around, smiling to herself as she leaned her elbows on the table. Guess he’s not “freshening up” if he’s not in the bathroom, she thought. She wondered what he could be doing but didn’t have to wait long. Barefoot he came back into the kitchen and approached her, looking nervous, turning off the lights as he went. Taking his offered hand she followed him down the hallway and stopped short in the doorway. The room was lit with candles, and in their soft light she could see the bed turned down with different sheets, very close to the teal colour of her old ones.  
“I didn’t like the idea of sleeping on sheets that weren’t ours anymore. You were going to need new ones anyway, and I wanted to get them for you. I wanted it to feel like home.” He said sheepishly when she turned to look up at him. “And I just thought candles would be nice. And,” She could see him flush even in the dim light, “I got us some lube, just, seemed like a good idea.” He rubbed the back of his neck, clearing his throat.   
“Hun, are you actually worried that I’m going to be offended that you did stuff for us, in anticipation of us doing it? Gee that was presumptuous of you.” She grinned at him and he reluctantly smiled, shrugging, the blush across his cheekbones not fading.   
Reaching behind the door he brought out the six roses he had hidden there for her. They were the darkest red he could find. “These are just for you though. I didn’t know when we were going to, um, try, so I just wanted to light the candles, I made the bed earlier, and these were in here for you-” While he was speaking Cherish placed the vase on the dresser and then seized him, catching his lips and cutting off his nervous rant.   
Goolsby wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She slid her hands up into his hair as she ran her tongue along his, devouring him, trying to swallow his nervousness and quell her own with it. He kissed her back hungrily, clutching at her, following her as she moved them towards the bed.   
When they broke apart, she traced his face with a finger. “You are the sweetest, most thoughtful, most beautiful person I know.” Cherish whispered. “I think it’s my fault that you’re still nervous, that you’re worried. And I want to apologize for being such a coward.”  
He frowned, staring into her eyes. “What do you mean? Apologize for what?”  
Holding his face she took a deep breath. “For not telling you sooner that I love you.” Not giving him a chance to react she pulled his face down and pressed their lips together. He made a strangled noise and kissed her back, slowly at first, but then suddenly grabbed at her, ramping up their passion. Lifting her up he took them the rest of the way to the bed, lying her down gently and sliding his body over hers without breaking the kiss. Finally pulling apart he looked down at her, hair in his face, but she could see him, and the look on his face was like a sunrise: full of light and hope. “Cherish I love you so much.”   
He could see her wrestling with herself, trying not to shy away from the emotions he knew she fought. When she spoke he could hear the effort she was putting into it. “I’m sorry that I’m not good at this. You deserved to know a long time ago.”   
Leaning down he let their lips brush when he answered. “I knew. I was just waiting until you did.” He smiled at her, touching her nose with his, stroking his hand along her hair. “We’ve loved each other for a long time now, we just never said it. That's not what I was worried about. I was nervous about the stuff because I know you hate gifts, and I got them because I needed to do something for you. I was nervous you’d take it out of context.” He kissed her again, pressing his body down into hers, shifting them to press his hips against her, fitting them together more, holding her close, speaking softly. “With everything we do for each other, I knew. You’ve shown me in so many ways. You told me already, just not in those words. I know you love me. You want me to love you. I’ve been trying to show you all the time. But I know that you don’t want to admit things, so you probably haven’t admitted to yourself that I love you. You needed to hear it for real. You’ve asked for it in so many ways. You asked me today.”  
Starting at her forehead he began kissing down her face, teasingly soft, before finally pressing his lips to hers, feeling her arch up into him.   
Cherish slipped her hands under his shirt to caress his back, pushing the fabric up with it. They moved together as their tongues met, Goolsby pressing her down, holding her tightly. Turning her head using his face he kissed into her ear, his hot breath tickling her. “Tell me what you want tonight. Say it.”   
The husky sound of his voice was soft but demanding. He slid a hand behind her neck to kiss her deeply, pulling her up into him, dragging his other hand down her chest. Cherish felt herself getting wetter by the second at this rare gesture of control from him. When his hand reached her stomach he pushed under her shirt to caress her skin, squeezing her breast over her bra.   
"Tell me." His voice ordered as he kissed down to her collar bone.  
"I want you to make love to me.” She whispered, her voice nervous despite her arousal.   
He stopped, bracing himself back up to look down at her, stroking her cheek, dropping his demanding tone immediately. “Hey, you ok?”   
She shifted underneath him, clearly uncomfortable but not looking away. “The tables have turned.”  
“How so?” His eyes darted to her throat where he saw her swallow and then take a deep breath.  
“I taught you about power exchange, you’d never done that before. Well, I’ve never done this before.” Blue eyes stared at her, his face changing from concern to wonder.   
Softly he asked, “You’ve never told someone you were with that you loved them?” Seeing her shake her head, vulnerability in her eyes so out of character for her, he felt even more warmth spread through his chest. “You’re building it up in your head, hun. It’s just us, same as before. You just know something new. But I’d be happy, honoured, to show you.”   
“Yes, please. I need you.” She whispered, pulling him back to her, wanting his weight to help ground herself. He wrapped her tightly in his arms again as he kissed her. Letting the moment drag on she felt herself relax a little. Saying the words had been terrifying but now her body was filled with relief and her arousal had a new edge to it. They moved together, slowly letting the fire between them build. When he kissed along her jaw to her ear she shivered, sighing as his tongue traced the shell. Cherish ran her hands under his shirt again, stroking along his skin softly, avoiding where she knew he was ticklish. Running her hands up his spine made him shiver in return. Goolsby slid down her body to ease her shirt up, kissing his way back up bringing the cotton with him. She lifted up to let him pull it off and then reached for his, watching his muscles move as he tossed it to the side, biting her lip. Dropping back to his elbows he kissed her neck, unsnapping the front clasp of her bra to palm her breasts. Arching up into his hands Cherish moaned softly, digging her fingers into his back as he pulled it out from underneath her, throwing it behind him. She fumbled with the front of his jeans, but he reached down to stop her.   
“I don’t want to go too fast.” He said softly into her ear, kissing it.   
Cherish pushed at his chest to look at him, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair and push it out of his face. “Sorry. Can’t help it. You’re driving me crazy.”   
Smiling he got to his knees to undo her pants. “I know. That’s the point.” Lifting her hips allowed him to peel them off her, leaving her in just panties. He put a hip down next to her, raising a hand to lift her chin to catch her lips. When he knew she was deep into the kiss he gently caressed over her stomach and down between her legs. Teasing her over the fabric made a mew escape her, they had barely started and she was on fire already.   
“Please, I need you.” She whispered, canting her hips up.   
His only reply was to rub over her clit, watching her close her eyes and moan. Goolsby could feel how wet she was for him, and as much as he wanted to move faster he was on a mission. Not stopping his hand he kissed her again on his way down, mouthing over her breast, sucking each nipple then breathing hot air on them to see them harden. As he played he hooked a finger in her underwear and she was quick to lift herself so he could remove them. He licked a trail from the hollow of her throat, slowly down her body, looking up at her. Cherish was panting, seeing the desire in his eyes, the anticipation of feeling him becoming overwhelming. When he bypassed her slit in favour of licking down her thighs she groaned, grabbing for his head but he moved away, putting a hand on her hip to keep her still. Holding himself right above her sex he paused to smile up at her.   
When she opened her mouth to speak he quickly licked a long stripe all the way along her, making her words turn into a cry. He loved the feel of her and took his time, avoiding doing what would take her to the edge and just explored her reactions. Savoring each sound she made, her fingers pulling on his hair, the way she was clutching at him. She tried to get him to come back up but he simply took her hand and held it. Kissing her thigh he met her eyes, she was biting her lips, looking anxious.   
"You Ok?"   
"I want you." She tugged on him again.   
"I want to make you feel good. Let me?"   
He waited for her to nod before flicking his tongue out to her again. Just like always she tasted sweet and he licked into her making her gasp. Kissing and sucking each part of her, running his tongue slowly up and down her, gently letting her pleasure increase. Trailing his hands to his thighs he opened her legs wider, squeezing her skin in his hands.  
“Oh my god.” Cherish groaned, tangling her fingers in his hair. Her eyes had closed and she started to lift her hips, trying to get him to where she needed it.   
He placed one finger on her opening and pushed inside a little, massaging but not going deep, just sliding along to drive her crazy. Lightly he pressed his tongue to her clit, rubbing more than licking, matching the slow pace of his hand. He smoothed his other hand along her thigh to keep her legs open, feeling her muscles start to tremble.   
Not stopping he swirled his tongue over her clit, sucking it, loving the gasp it produced from her. He kept his pace slow but still Cherish was breathing hard and writhing.   
“Cum for me Cherish. I want to see it. Let go, cum for me.” Sucking her harder and flicking his tongue across her clit sent her over the edge. She spasmed and twitched, letting out a beautiful cry. He couldn’t look away, seeing the flush on her chest, her lips open, the pleasure on her face entrancing. When she started to come down he pushed his finger all the way in and she cried out at the added sensation. Curling upwards he touched her G spot, feeling her clench.   
“Gools…oh my god.” Her eyes were wide looking down at him as he pushed another finger inside. This time when she pulled on him he complied, sliding up to kiss her, feeling her hunger for him. Starting to thrust his fingers deeply he invaded her mouth, swallowing her noises. Now that she could reach she undid his jeans and quickly brought his cock out. Her hands were shaky as she touched him, matching his leisurely pace and squeezing him. It was his turn to groan into her mouth. Stopping for a moment she pushed his pants down his hips, hooking one of her feet in them to get them down as much as she could.   
Another moan escaped her and she broke the kiss to meet his eyes. “Please, I need you. I want you inside me.” He kissed her softly, opening her mouth and tangling their tongues together hotly as he continued to stroke her, making no move to stop. Humming as he felt her pumping him, he felt her other hand pulling at his hip, trying to bring him towards her. Ignoring this he broke the kiss to bite lightly down her neck, sliding down to kiss her chest and suck at her breasts. Increasing the pace of his thrusts made her gasp and throw her head back. She lost hold of him as he moved down and tried to sit up, he gently pressed her back into the mattress with a hand on her shoulder. “Relax hun.”  
“No, please. Gools, please.” Her voice had changed, and for the first time ever he felt like she was begging him for something. Smiling, he sat up to kick his pants off the rest of the way. Reaching for the bedside table he opened the drawer to retrieve the little bottle he had stashed. Seeing it she bit her lip and held out her hand. Goolsby had been planning on doing it himself but her ideas were always better. He drizzled the lube into her palm with heavy lidded eyes. Settling back over her he propped himself up on his elbows as she touched him, her hand spreading it on his cock. Moving her arms he laid his body down onto hers to kiss her softly, letting his hardness press against her, feeling her tilt her hips up, wanting him. Instead of entering her he kissed her, wrapping her in his arms.   
She tucked his hair behind his ears, holding his face. Cherish had big, beautiful eyes and the need in them captivated him as he stared down at her. In the quietest whisper he heard her say please again.   
“Please what?” He whispered back, touching her nose with his.   
“Please make love to me.” Holding her gaze he slowly pushed into her, watching her mouth open as he stretched her. Needing to take it slow he didn't go far, gently thrusting an inch deeper at a time, eyes glued on her face. Cherish nodded to him, biting her lip as she looked back, feeling overwhelmed at the care he was taking with her. When he was flush against her she let out a breathy sigh and her eyes closed, the fullness satisfying one need but igniting another. Catching her lips again he stayed still until he felt her grind her hips and began to rock into her slowly. Her legs wrapped around his hips and she snaked her arms around his neck, fingers in his hair at the back of his skull. Dropping his head into the crook of her neck he made as much skin contact as possible as he started to thrust deeper. Each sound she made into his ear was like music. He let it build slowly, grinding against her for a minute and then changing to slow thrusts. They never sped up, stroking each other's skin, kissing whatever they could reach. Her fingernails dragged softly down his back, a shiver running down him. Returning the favour he kissed up her neck into her ear, letting her hear his breath. She sighed, pushing up against him, revelling in the closeness, the heat from his body sliding into hers. Kissing down her until he got a gasp from nipping at her collarbone he smiled against her skin, running his hand down her chest. Shifting he gave himself room to bend forward and kiss down, taking his time to kiss skin until he captured a nipple and sucked, feeling her arch into him. Moving to look down at her again changed the angle so he went deeper, sliding almost all the way out before pushing back to meet her again. He watched her try to curl in on herself, wince, and then let herself fall back, her hands coming to grip at his hips, clutching at him.   
“You ok?” Beginning to stop his movement she opened her eyes to nod to him.   
“Please don’t stop.” Digging her fingers into his hips she urged him on, her eyes reassuring him when he saw only pleasure. Nodding back to her he sped up, trying to hit her sweet spots.   
Soon she was gasping and crying out, her walls clenching him perfectly and he had to hold himself back. He slid up her body to hover higher above her, rolling his hips and sliding his cock to rub against her clit. He cupped her face and she leaned into his palm, and her name fell from his lips just for the pleasure of saying it.   
“Yeah?” The breathiness of her voice made him bite his lip. He could feel her legs trembling, her pussy was gripping him so tight it was hard to focus and he knew she was close.  
“I’m so yours hun. I love you. So much.” He whispered back. His words were her undoing and she came, pulling him in with her legs and calling his name. Watching her writhe and feeling her clamp on his cock took him right to the edge but he kept moving, his body speeding up, switching to thrusting. Her eyes kept trying to roll back into her head but she stared at him, and as she flew higher she fisted his hair, the gentle pain lighting up his nerves, pulling so their foreheads touched.   
“Make me yours then, come with me.” Groaning he thrust hard and shot into her, body spasming in ecstasy. 

Laying back on top of her, his face pressed into her neck, he held her close. She kept her legs around him and hugged him tight. Matching his breathing to hers, feeling her skin, her warmth, his cock softening but still inside her, he couldn't imagine a better feeling. For a while they were still, holding the moment. Eventually he felt Cherish’s fingers begin to make lines and circles across his back. Coming back to his elbows he saw her eyes looking back at him, her face peaceful. Hands coming up to his face she guided him down for a soft, lingering kiss.   
Stroking her hair away from her forehead he searched her face. “Are you ok? Did I go too hard?” His body had gotten away from him as he came.   
She smiled. “I’m good. It was perfect. You’re perfect.” Sliding her fingers into his hair she tucked his head back into her neck to hold him closer. “Thank you. I needed that.”   
“You’re welcome.” Came the whisper into her ear. “Anything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I loved this so much. Hope you did too.


	9. Getting Serious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goolsby is a sweetheart, Cherish is trying to not be guarded anymore. No surprises? Cool.

He had fallen asleep quickly, holding her in his arms. Hearing her say she was feeling better, seeing it in her face, the comfort from being able to touch her, the joy of hearing that she loved him, and his release finally pulled him under deeply. 

It hadn’t been that late in the evening when she had asked him to take her to bed but Cherish had no intention of waking him. Exhaustion from so many days of poor sleep, combined with stress and his body healing, his face had lines she wasn't used to seeing, dark circles under his eyes. His breath was moving her hair as she snuggled into his chest. She lounged in bed with him, tracing his face with her eyes, mind wandering. It must have been an hour before her bladder demanded she get up. She carefully pulled his arms off her, putting a pillow into her place. He didn’t move at all.   
Padding into the kitchen wearing his tank top, hoodie and some panties she stood looking out at the dark forest, feeling calm and relaxed.   
Her reverie was interrupted as his phone rang on the table. Quickly she dashed to it, terrified it would wake him, meaning to hit voicemail but instead her fingers answered. Cringing she lifted it to her ear.   
“Goolsby’s phone, can I take a message?” Her voice cracked and she cleared her throat.  
A woman’s voice came through, sounding incredulous. “Who is this?”  
“Um, a friend of his, can I take a message?”  
“Where is he?” The voice asked, her voice changing to sweetness which unnerved Cherish.  
“He isn’t available right now.”  
“Where is he?” The voice started to sound impatient. She pulled the phone away from her ear to look at the call display, which had only one word: Home. Ice flooded her veins as she realized who she was talking to.   
“Um, is this his mother?”   
“That’s correct. Please go get him for me.”  
“He’s asleep.” She said politely.  
“At 9pm? Or did he fly somewhere without telling me?” Cherish glanced at the oven, the green flashing light telling her they were in the same time zone.  
“It is 9pm here as well. You’ll have to call back tomorrow.” Her years of acting came through for her as she made her voice into a secretary’s.   
“I’d rather talk to him now. Last I spoke to him he said he was fine and then I hear he’s off on sick time. He owes me some answers. And I’d like to know where he is as well, a time zone doesn’t narrow things down where he is concerned.”   
“Respectfully ma’am, he needs to sleep. He is fine. I’m sure he’d rather tell you about it in his own way, I can’t give you any details. I can tell him you called first thing when he wakes up. I will leave a note even.”  
“You can’t give me details? What does that even mean?”  
“I mean I can’t, there are extenuating circumstances.”  
“Ok dear, give me a straightforward answer. Where are you?”  
“I’m not at liberty to say. But I know you live about an hour from him, and he’s about a 5-hour drive from his place, if that helps.”   
There was a long pause, making Cherish scrunch up her face in awkwardness.   
“Are you the friend he was visiting in the hospital?”   
“Yes Ma’am.”   
Cloyingly sweet she asked, “Are you alright dear?” Cherish suppressed a huff.  
“Yes, thank you for asking. I will - ”  
“What is your name?” The woman cut her off.   
Cherish just continued, “-have him call you back tomorrow.”   
“You won’t tell me your name?”  
“I can’t.” Cherish said, letting exasperation into her voice finally. “I will leave him a note to call you back.”  
“You do that and tell him he better be done with all this secrecy.”  
“You’ll have to excuse him; I know he’s only being evasive on my account. I appreciate his discretion and I apologize for any inconvenience that has caused you.”  
A short pause followed, “It sounds like it has been an inconvenience for him.”  
Cherish pinched the bridge of her nose with a sigh. “Yes, I’m sure it has been.”   
“I’m sure my son thinks you’re worth it then. Goodbye.”  
Hearing the dial tone Cherish groaned, tossing the phone back on the table.   
“Great.” She said aloud to no one.   
To keyed up to go back to bed Cherish found some herbal tea in a cupboard and put the kettle on. Slumping to the table she put her head in her hands. She had zero experience meeting anyone’s parents, but she was pretty sure that was not a good first impression. Even though she had only admitted to being a friend, she was pretty positive his mother already had suspicions.   
Sighing again as she dropped a tea bag into her cup, she decided not to let it bother her, hoping it didn’t bother him that she’d answered his phone. She sat for a long time, mostly just warming her hands around the cup, eventually dumping it out when she yawned.   
Sneaking back into the bedroom she carefully closed the door, shed the sweater, then tiptoed to the far side of the bed. 

Easing into bed slowly, trying not to wake him she gingerly settled in beside him, pulling the covers up around herself. She felt him shift and she cringed, holding perfectly still. His arm came up, draping across her stomach, fingers sliding over her once and then going still. Smiling, Cherish put her hand over his and closed her eyes. 

***  
A band of light fell across her eyes with the sound of curtains sliding. She grunted, throwing her arm over her face before complaining.  
“Why?”   
The bed moved as he sat beside her. “Breakfast.”  
“I am not even awake yet.” She grumbled. The air moved in front of her face, so she cracked an eyelid. Goolsby was holding a mug of coffee near her face and fanning his hand, wafting the smell to her. With a groan she held out her hand for it. “At least you know how to not die.”  
He chuckled. “I’m a Cherish tamer.”  
She giggled. “No you’re not. But you are cute.” She winked at him, enjoying the view of him leaned over her, wearing only boxers.  
“You don’t even know.” Confused, she started to pull the covers off, but he stopped her. “Just sit up Hun.”  
Handing him the coffee back she sat up against the headboard Leaning sideways put the mug on the side table and then he reached down, lifting a tray and setting it across her lap.   
Her mouth fell open. “Did you... actually make me breakfast in bed?” The tray was loaded with scrambled eggs, toast, cheese, fruit and juice.   
“Technically, I made us breakfast in bed.” Goolsby leaned close to kiss her, then stood and walked back around to his side, joining her under the covers. She was still staring at him incredulously. “Drink coffee, then your brain will start to work.”   
Scowling she did so, watching him snag a piece of fruit and pop it in his mouth. He apparently had stashed his own mug on his side already, holding it out and clinking it to hers.   
“Cheers.”   
Cherish’s cheeks had started to turn pink, so she looked down and grabbed a piece of toast.   
“Thank you.”  
“Are you blushing?” Watching her roll her eyes he grinned. “I knew it.”  
“What?”  
“This is another first for you.”   
Glancing up at his mischievous blue eyes she sighed. “Yes.”  
Settling closer to her he smiled and stabbed the eggs with his fork. With his mouth full he smiled at her, looking smug. “Sweet.”  
Stealing his fork she copied him, trying the eggs: they were perfect. “I have two questions: when did you start cooking, and what are you playing at?”  
He laughed. “Firstly, you’re just impressed, admit it. First part two, everyone knows how to make scrambled eggs. And secondly, since you apparently have skipped a rather large section of adult relationships, I’m taking it upon myself to educate you.”  
“On what?” She glared at him over her coffee.   
Sliding a hand behind her neck he turned her face up to kiss her. She melted against him, letting him deepen the kiss. Stroking her cheek when it ended, he looked into her eyes.   
“Romance.” She started to squint at him, but he put a finger on her lips. “Hear me out.” He waited for her to nod. “We skipped this. We went from being total strangers to super intimate partners really fast without actually dating. We skipped all the little things that make people fall in love. You’ve never let anyone love you before. And even though you let me in more than anyone else, you’ve still done a lot of things to hold me at arm’s length.”  
She opened her mouth, but he shushed her. “Don’t. I know. I know it’s been different. I can only imagine how it went over when a guy before me bought you flowers: you accepted them super well yesterday and it’s because you love me. You run from this stuff because you either think it’s a fake or you don’t deserve it. You don’t trust romantic gestures. But you trust me.” Her eyes had gotten huge. “I think it’ll be good for you. And I like doing things for you. It’s really not that different. It’s gonna be fun.” He released her with a kiss, giving her a little space and handing her the fork. “Eat. It’s getting cold.”   
Scooping some eggs she speared a piece of cheese to go with it, looking at him after she put it in her mouth, she saw him smile.   
“You don’t have to be so annoyingly happy about it.” She muttered.   
“Have you never met two people in love? They’re super annoying. Buckle up, Baby.”  
Despite her laugh she wrinkled her nose. “So your plan is to torture me?”  
“Not really, mostly I was thinking I’d give you a real girlfriend experience.”  
She froze, her hand halfway to her mouth. He gently guided her wrist forward, forcing her to take the bite.   
Softly he spoke, “I’d say, “too soon”, but that’s ridiculous. So tell me why you hate labels so much.”   
Taking a gulp of coffee, she nodded, knowing they would have to have this conversation now, resigning herself to it.   
“I had a “boyfriend” in college. And I went on some dates after that. For a long time I didn’t want to get too close to anyone, so it would end. And I stopped trying after only a few. When I discovered kink it was so freeing. I could get what I needed and prevent it from going any farther. I know that it was self preservation. But it worked for me. Now…” Brow furrowed, she thought, running her finger along the edge of the tray. “It’s a dumb word. It’s childish, and in kink I never liked calling someone boy, because I don’t have a little boy or mommy fetish. And I’m not a girl. I’m not twelve: gushing about my first crush and buying glittery, stick-on nails.” She sighed. “Sorry. It’s all tangled up for me.”   
Goolsby bit off some toast and chewed before answering. “Our language can be a bitch sometimes.” She nodded, biting some toast. “You called me your partner in the hospital.” Cherish’s eyes met his, a little guarded. “I needed a word. You’re more important to me than some overused… title.” She sighed. “I’m sorry.”  
He smiled. “It was fine, I loved it.”   
She nodded slowly, then leaned over and kissed him, holding him close with her hand on his cheek. “I love you.”   
When she tried to kiss him again it was hard because he couldn’t keep the smile off his face.   
“I love you too.” She was embarrassed, looking back down and grabbed some fruit for something to do.   
He watched her for a moment, then settled closer to her. They ate in silence until the tray was mostly empty.   
“Alright, so instead of boyfriend or girlfriend, I’m sure there's tons of alternate phrases.” She glanced at him sideways and narrowed her eyes, seeing the mischief in his. He pumped his eyebrows at her and let his accent come out. “I can be your main squeeze, sweetheart.”  
“Oh lord.” Cherish rolled her eyes.   
“How about your steady? Oh I know: your beau. Com’ere and gimme a smooch.”   
She covered her face in her hands, turning pink but a giggle escaped her. “Ewww, no.”  
Pulling the tray across her lap he set it on the floor next to him. She tried to get up, but he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back, getting on top of her. “You can be my number one lady, darlin’.”   
Cherish was laughing despite the grimace on her face, pushing at him. “Fuck off, that’s disgusting.”  
He kissed her too fast for her to turn away and then whispered in her ear, dropping his accent and making his voice overly sultry. “Paramour, only flame, lover boy.”  
She squealed in indignation. He let her push him off her, rolling to the side onto his back, laughing hard. Getting to her knees and grabbing a pillow she smacked him over the head. “You’re a dick.” He let her get in several whacks before catching it and throwing it behind him.  
“You’re stuck with me.” He grinned up at her.  
“Ugh, only if you stop being annoying about it.”   
He sat up to face her, pressing up to kiss her quickly then let himself sit back down, looking up at her under his lashes. “You can always take your frustration out on me later.”  
Smirking, Cherish grabbed his collar, forcing his chin up. “Oh I see, you want me to beat the brat out of you?”  
“Fuck yes I do.” He grinned. “I look forward to it, Angel.”  
She sighed, bringing her other hand up to push his hair back gently, caressing him while the other tightened the pressure at his throat, talking low. “See, those are the sweet things I want to hear.” Unable to help it he chuckled, still smiling. Kissing his nose she let go of his collar, pushing his chest. He let himself fall backwards onto the mattress, smiling watching her climb onto him. “You’re very happy this morning.” She commented, tracing his abs with a finger.  
“Yeah.”   
“I’m glad. Thank you for breakfast.”  
“Thank you for eating it.”   
“You’re welcome, silly.”   
Leaving him on the bed she got up, putting on a bra and finding her yoga pants. He rolled onto his side to watch her, head propped on his hand, wanting to pay attention in case she couldn’t bend or needed help. Seeing that she didn’t sent a wash of relief through him: a part of him still worried about he had been rough with her, even though he knew that was probably the gentlest sex they had ever had. 

When her head poked up through her sweater, she saw him smiling at her and winked at him. Picking out a pair of sweats from his drawer, she threw them at his head, sighing when he caught them easily one handed. Taking her cue he got up, pulling them on and going to stand with her. About to touch her face his watch buzzed, and turning his wrist he rolled his eyes, finishing the motion to cup her cheek.   
“What was that?”  
“Noah, asking about band practise next week.”  
“Ah.” Going up on her toes she kissed him and then a thought broke into her calm. Breaking the kiss she held him a little away from her.   
“Your phone rang last night, I didn’t want it to buzz and wake you, I tried to turn off the ringer, but I accidentally answered it. I’m sorry.”   
He smiled, “Whatever, that’s fine…” He trailed off at the look on her face. “What?”  
“Remember when you said I have that speech control effect on more than just you?”  
“Yeah?”  
“It didn’t work on your mother.”  
Goolsby stared at her for a long moment, making her realize who he got that from. “You, spoke, to, my mother?” Not waiting for her to answer he groaned. “Oh my God, tell me the entire conversation.”   
Cherish repeated it as best she could while he stared at her. She had been worried, but his face morphed into a smirk by the time she finished.   
“Damn.”  
“What?”  
“You’re wrong. That absolutely worked on her.”   
“I’m pretty sure I offended her and completely destroyed any hope of a good first impression if I were to ever meet her.”  
“No you didn’t.” He smiled at her, holding her shoulders. “You held your ground. She’ll respect you. She might not like it but now she knows she can’t walk all over you. This is good. Trust me.”   
Cherish opened and closed her mouth a few times, then shrugged. “Alright.”  
He pulled her close for a minute, tucking her head under his chin. “I’d be ok with her meeting you. If you want. If you’re not comfortable, that’s ok. But we could end this headache right now.”

Cherish pulled back searching his face. Softly she said, “I want you in my life, so who am I to step away from being in yours?”   
He looked down into her eyes for a long moment before pressing his lips to hers. When he pulled back he had a determined look on his face. He pulled on a shirt and his hoodie, grabbing her hand to lead her to sit at the kitchen table, setting up his phone on top of a cardboard box in front of her.   
She shifted in her chair. “What’re you doing?”  
“Facetime.” He said, sliding his chair over next to hers.   
Her hand went to her face. Taking it from her he kissed her fingertips. She reached out and touched the cuts on his face. “You’re beautiful. And she’s going to hear about the whole thing later, but right now we’re gonna use this to our advantage to earn sympathy points.”   
She still shifted in her chair but didn’t say anything. He opened the app and scrolled until he found a contact labeled Dad. As the video call rang he adjusted it so it was only him showing, though he sat back and slung his arm around her.   
A scruffy beard came onto the screen. “Hey sport. Hang on this thing is stupid.” The man backed up from the camera and lowered glasses to his face. Goolsby smiled indulgently. “There you are. You should have called your mother.”  
“Your tablet is bigger for video.”  
“Yup.” He squinted at his son, commenting conversationally. “What the hell happened to your face, boy?”   
“It’s a long story. Go get mom.” The man yelled off screen, making Goolsby smirk at her. They could hear her high-pitched voice already complaining before she came into the room, saying it was about time he called. She sat next to her husband with a huff and grabbed the screen ready to be angry and then looked at him in shock.  
“Your face!”   
“Hi Mom. It’s not as bad as it looks.”   
“You told me you were fine!”  
“Let the boy speak, woman!” His father answered, shifted the screen so they could both be seen. “Go on son, what happened?”  
“I can’t tell you all of it because I’m not allowed.”  
His mother interjected, rolling her eyes. “Oh I heard. I heard lots of bullshit phrases last night from some-"”   
“Virginia she’s right there.” His dad hissed at her, noticing how Goolsby had his arm. “Isn’t she?”  
Goolsby moved the camera a little so they could see part of her arm but not her face.  
“Yes she’s right here, I’m going to introduce her but first I'll tell you some of what happened.” His mother sat up with scrutinizing interest. “While we were hanging out her place got broken into and we were attacked.” The couple glanced at each other but Goolsby just continued. “We both got hurt, she’s worse than I am. I can’t tell you anything else because they are still investigating everything, and we’re in protective custody. So you can’t ask us any questions about what happened, ok? And you can’t tell anyone that I’ve called or what’s happening either.”   
They watched his father nod and his mother purse her lips. “But-”  
“No Mom. You can’t ask me any questions about it.”   
“Fine, then tell me how you’re hurt. Can you tell me that?” Cherish’s heart went out to the woman, the worry on her face softening her words.  
“You can see most of it right now. I have some other cuts and bruises. Everything is minor.”   
“You expect me to believe you just have some bruises from a fight?”   
Raising his arm off Cherish, he brought his hands up to the camera, showing her both sides were unmarked.  
“I wasn’t in a fight.” He glanced at Cherish, who looked worried, but her face said that she trusted him. He sighed, realizing he couldn’t get away from giving more details. He drew his sleeves down so they could see the dark ring of bruises, turning his face to show them the marks that couldn’t have been made by a fist. “I’m gonna need you to read between the lines on this one. Think about it.”  
Scruffy eyebrows drew in. “They were armed.” Goolsby nodded, but his mother was still frowning so he held his hands together and raised an eyebrow.  
“Oh my god.” His mother whispered in horror.  
“I’m ok Mom.” He said quietly.  
The man shifted closer to his wife, putting a hand on her knee. “How bad is your friend?”   
“She’s hurt but okay. She fought back, I...couldn't." He pulled his sleeves down and put his arm back around Cherish. "We avoided anything terrible, but it’s been a roller coaster.” He glanced at Cherish for a moment, who looked tense but nodded at him. “We might not be hurt bad, but we’re upset. We’ve kinda just been focusing on keeping each other together.”  
His mother leaned forward. “Are we going to meet her or not?”  
Goolsby smiled. “Yes, I just wanted to give you a heads up. She’s not going to answer any questions either, ok?”   
“No problem, son.” His father said, glancing at his wife, who was nodding.   
Goolsby turned the phone so Cherish was in the shot. She could see her own horribly bruised face in the little screen, and saw their eyes widen and the way they looked at each other. The camera was even picking up her split lip and the ring of bruises around her neck. They could also see his arm around her, draped casually down her arm. “This is Cherish. We’ve been seeing each other for about eight months.” His mother made a strangled noise but didn’t say anything.  
Cherish cleared her throat. “Um, hello. I’ve heard a lot about you, it’s nice to meet you. I’m sorry about yesterday Ma’am. I wasn’t lying: he really was sleeping, and he really did need it.”   
The two women stared at each other through the screens. Finally she said, “That’s quite alright. And stop Ma’aming me, it's Virginia. I’m sorry to see you’re so hurt.”  
“Thank you.” She looked up at Goolsby. “Your son has been taking care of me, and I’m sorry that we can’t tell you anything.”   
“Can you tell us if it was random? Are you involved in anything we should know?”  
Goolsby opened his mouth but Cherish beat him to it. “Unfortunately it wasn’t random, but not because of anything I’m involved in. I’m a writer and photographer for a magazine. There’s nothing shady about my life.” Goolsby smiled at her. “The night we met I was attacked randomly, and that led to me being targeted. I’m really sorry that he’s been dragged into this. But I also know I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for him.”  
His father spoke up. “Are you still in danger?” Virginia’s eyebrows shot up at her husband and then her eyes darted back to them. It was Goolsby who answered.   
“Yes she is. We’re in a safe house right now, we have a police tail whenever we go anywhere, but we’re mostly staying in. It’s safer.”   
His mother was stuttering, it was obvious what she wanted to say but of course there was no polite way of saying it in front of Cherish. “Mom, I know what you’re thinking. And we thought about it too. If I left, I’d be too worried about her to do anything, and she’d be worried about me. None of this is her fault.” Cherish couldn’t help looking down, but his arm around her came up under her chin and raised her head back straight as he kept talking. “Cherish saved my life on Friday night. She saved her own life too for that matter. And it isn’t over. There are men who want her dead, and because I was there, probably me too. We’re in this together, I’m not leaving until she’s safe.” He looked at her, the depth in his eyes surprising her. “Hell, even then I might be bringing her with me.” She swallowed at his soft tone. Turning back to his parents, he sighed. “I know this is heavy, and I know I could’ve called sooner. I didn’t want you to worry. Now you’re going to worry. I keep a lot of things from you because I don’t want you to worry. But at least this way you know what’s going on if something bad happens. And I wanted you to meet Cherish, because I don’t want her to be a secret anymore. I’m hoping the end of this story is that I can tell people about her, and I’m starting with you.”  
His mother was lost for words. It was his old man who finally spoke. “Thank you for telling us son.” They watched as his mother nodded sincerely and his eyes addressed Cherish. “It’s nice to meet you.”   
Cherish nodded because she didn't trust herself to speak. She tucked her hair that had fallen forward, bringing her bandaged arm into the shot.   
“I owe your mother 20 bucks now though. She said three months ago you were happier and bet me it was a girl.” They all smiled at that.   
Goolsby hugged her shoulder tighter with his arm. “When this is over we’ll come by for dinner, and it will be nice now you can stop pestering me about being single or gay.” Cherish smirked at him as his father chuckled. "Also don't get all weird about not telling you about us. We literally haven't told anyone so just be happy we told you first."   
His mother glared at him. "How did I raise such a brat?"   
Cherish snorted, glad for the lighter moment. His father pushed his mother a little. "By being so invasive he didn't even want to tell you when he found a nice girl. She looks pretty normal, don’t scare her away."   
"Yeah, we're going to go before you guys get all snippy." Goolsby teased as Cherish laughed.   
"Is there anything we can do?" His father asked, worry clear on his face.   
"No, there's not even anything we can do. We’re just laying low."   
"Please be careful." Virginia looked tortured now. "We won’t say anything we promise. Are you sure you should have told us? You're not going to be telling anyone else, are you? Maybe just your family?" She asked Cherish.   
Cherish shook her head. Goolsby looked at her closely, telling her she didn't have to share, but she answered. "Thank you. I don't have any family. I'm grateful to have your son here with me. I will do everything I can to make sure nothing happens to him."   
Rather than letting the moment get too serious Goolsby piped up. "Hey that's my line."   
"Yeah but you don't have anyone to say it to, so I called dibs." She teased back. “Too slow.”  
"Alright kids." His father said warmly. "We'll let you go. Take care of each other."   
"That's the plan. Love you."   
He disconnected the call after their chorus of "love you too".   
Cherish was sitting very still as he turned towards her, frowning at the wood grain of the table. Bringing his hand up into her hair he turned her head up towards him. She closed her eyes instead of looking at him. He waited, stroking the skin of her shoulder with his other hand.   
"Cherish." He whispered finally. Her shoulder twitched like she was coughing, then she changed how she was breathing, slowly taking deep breaths.  
"Hun. Talk to me." Goolsby pulled her closer, never taking his eyes off her face. He saw the wetness gathering under her lashes, leaning close to kiss her cheek. "It's ok to cry."  
As she opened her eyes big tears rolled down her face, the sobs she had been fighting wracking through her. "They seem really nice." She spoke through her tears.   
Despite her state he smiled at her even as he worried. "They are. I'm sure they can't wait to meet you in person."  
She pushed her face into his shoulder and started to cry in earnest.   
Pulling her into his lap he wrapped her legs around him and then stood up, carrying her to the couch. Cradling her in his arms he shushed her. "I'm sorry."   
"For what?" She hiccupped.  
"That was brave of you. I didn't really consider your feelings past you being apprehensive about getting serious. That's what introducing you meant to me. But you're sad now because you just saw something you've never seen. You feel jealous and that makes you feel guilty. Telling them that we’re in danger made it real, and now you’re feeling guilty that something might happen to me on their behalf. And when dad said kids to you that made you feel good. He meant it, and mom meant it when she said to be safe. She wants you safe for me. And they love you already because you love me."  
He rocked her as she cried. "And I love you so much." 

****  
Cherish was quiet up until lunch, introspective and subdued. He didn’t push her, knowing she was sorting through quite a bit in her head. When he suggested they take advantage of the warmer day she smiled and nodded. Lacing his fingers through hers, he led her onto the path behind the porch, showing on his phone that the park was well marked and would be a nice loop for them. It was cloudy but not wet as they walked through the trees, his open questions letting her share as much as she felt like it, offering his own stories in return since it seemed to help keep her talking. He squeezed her hand in support when she would pause or say something that he thought might be sensitive, and her smile came easier, relaxing as they enjoyed the leg stretch. Being cooped up was hard, especially when she wasn’t working, and as they walked she commented how much better she was feeling just from being outside. She smiled as they got back to the house, making a show of stretching and exploring her improved range of motion. 

He joined her on the floor and tried to follow along, her experience with yoga much more extensive than his. She was still going when he got up to head to the bathroom. A noise turned his head towards her, seeing her glance at her watch.  
“Can you hand me my phone?” She pointed to the coffee table and he passed it to her on his way out, hearing her answer calmly. Not concerned, he headed out of the room, one ear on her voice. Coming back into the room he saw her hang up and get to her feet, pocketing her phone. 

“That was Wilson, they want us to come to the station to look at photographs of other gang members. They want to know if anyone else might have been following me.” She sighed.   
“Ah, well, I guess that makes sense. They want me to come with you?”   
“Yeah, in case you saw someone that day when you got to my building.”  
“I doubt it, but I’m happy I can accompany you.” He smiled at her, but she shook her head ruefully.   
“I’ll meet you there. We’re not supposed to travel together. He told me to wait here, there's a deputy coming to get me. But you can head over now in the rental, he said that’ll change things up.”  
It was his turn to sigh. “Alright. I should switch into jeans then.”

Cherish followed him into the bedroom, leaning against the door frame. He looked up at her as he did up his pants.   
“You ok?”  
“Yeah, I’m not looking forward to watching you leave.”  
With a smile he held her by her waist, pulling their hips together. “I know, I was thinking about that last time. It sucks.”   
Taking her hand he took her to the door, where she hovered while he put on his shoes. To his surprise she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him hard.   
Softly she spoke into his ear. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.” He kissed her, holding their lips together for a long moment. Pulling back he smiled. “Look at us, being all cute.”  
“Don’t ruin it.” She replied, pecking him again and stepping back.   
With a wave he opened the door, the security system chirping. He rolled his eyes and disarmed it, knowing she’d be leaving shortly too. “See you in a few.”  
“Yep.” 

She walked to the fridge, knowing they might need to pick up a few things on their way back, listening to the car door slam and him pull away. With a sigh she took a breath, reminding herself she would see him soon. Rolling her eyes at herself for being so needy. That’s love I guess, her brain supplied. Not wanting to forget she sat at the table, pulling a pad of paper towards her and started writing a list. Hearing a car pull in the driveway she smirked: there was no way it was the deputy. He had to have forgotten something. Deciding not to look up when the door opened she smiled at the paper.   
“What’d you forget?”  
The door closed and the system beeped, asking to be armed again.   
“You.”  
Her head jerked up at the strange voice but before she could comprehend anything she was wrenched from the chair. Arms went around her neck, trapping her immediately. Pulling at the forearm under her chin she struggled wildly, but after only 5 seconds her vision was going, darkness pulling her under. The man dropped her to the floor, picking up her wrist and tapping it to dismiss the alert on her watch, smirking seeing it accept that as her heart rate dropped back to normal. He picked up the small woman easily, arming the system and closing the door behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is my chapter title too obvious? Or did I get you? ;) 
> 
> Tell me what you think. Also, you can come talk to me on Tumblr: Ana-thesia


	10. Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't say much here except that if you'll be triggered by trauma, stop reading.

Arriving at the station he signed in and sat in the waiting room. Every time the door opened he looked up, hoping to see Cherish. They didn’t make him wait long, Wilson greeting him and taking him to his office.   
Drinking shitty police coffee, he flipped through the book, shaking his head, making small talk with the officer.   
Finishing the book, he shoved it back across the desk.   
“Nope.”  
“Well, it was worth a shot.” Goolsby nodded to him. “Maybe Cherish saw something. It’s a long shot, helping the investigation.”   
“Yeah, we know.” He glanced at his watch and frowned. “How far behind me was she supposed to be?”  
With a groan Wilson lifted himself out of his chair. “Lemme call my dep, nice kid but he can be a scatterbrain.”  
Goolsby blew air out of his nose in a laugh as the man left the room. Getting up he stretched, walking to the bookshelf to peruse, twisting his back to make it crack.   
Hearing footsteps he looked over to see the cop come back, and the look on his face made ice wash through him. In the same instant, the phone in his hand rang.

“Hello?”  
“Do exactly as I say. Do not react in any way. Just answer in yes or no’s, do you understand?” A gravelly, menacing voice said into his ear.  
“What? Who is this?” Blood draining out of his face, Wilson cocked his head at his expression, already on high alert.   
“You’re failing at this, fucker, and you’re killing her.” In the background he heard a smack, and a female voice cried out. “Do you understand now?”  
Turning to the window he hid his face. “Yes.”  
“Good. Have you figured out what’s happening?” The voice growled into the phone.   
Part of him not believing it, the other filling with dread, he answered hoping to get more information. “No.” Despite that, he turned to Wilson, putting a finger to his lips and gestured for a pen.  
“Fucking dumbass. I have your worthless whore that the cops seem to value so much.”  
Goolsby winced, writing quickly to Wilson, who signaled for him to keep talking and then darted out of the room. “Why should I believe you?”   
The man laughed. “Wow. Ballsy. Alright dumbass.” Wilson came back into the room as he heard a scuffle on the line. Muffled he heard. “Talk to your dumbass boytoy, bitch.”   
To his horror he heard a zap, and a shriek. Breathing got louder and then he heard her voice, shaky and quiet. “Gools...don’t-” Another zap made her groan and sob.   
“Cherish?” Goolsby’s whole face had gone numb, his voice sounded strange to his own ears.   
Dimly, he heard the man in the background. “Prove to him it’s you bitch.”  
All he could hear was her breathing, a few times she sputtered, trying to say something. Another zap sounded and the noise she made was torture.   
Unable to take it he spoke quickly. “Cherish, Cherish tell me what I call you. Can you do that?”  
There was a longer pause, he saw movement and looked up to see Wilson nodding at him, pointing to his computer.   
“Angel. Gools, don’t-”   
With the zapping sound he heard the man laugh and come back onto the phone.   
“Touching. You two are too much. You’re going to get into a car and drive to the parking lot on Christian blvd and Robson. Then you’re going to wait until I call you back. By yourself. If you bring anyone with you or tell anyone I will know, and she dies. Do you understand?”   
“Yes.” Goolsby said thickly.   
The line went dead. Slowly he raised his eyes back to Wilson as he lowered the phone from his ear. The cop was loading all sorts of items to his desk. Plucking the phone out of his limp hand he shoved a chip into the bottom where the charge cable would go and handed it back. Goolsby stared at it blankly.  
“Take off your shirt son.”   
“What?”   
Fisting a hand in his shirt Wilson shook him. “Hey, snap out of it. You have to be able to drive. You with me?”  
“No. What the hell are you doing? He said I couldn’t tell anyone. What if they’ve got people in the force? You’re killing her!” Goolsby grabbed him and shoved him backwards. The man stumbled but didn’t fall.   
“Listen to me! I have intell you don’t. Unfortunately of the scenarios this was the least likely we prepared for, but we are prepared.   
“You knew they were going to take her?” Goolsby raged back at him, barely keeping his voice down.   
“I did everything in my power to make sure that wouldn’t happen. Relax for a goddamn second, ok?” Fuming, Goolsby nodded.   
“Martin! Davis! Get in here, and get Vasquez on the line!”   
Following the man to the computer he jabbed at the screen. “She’s wearing the watch.” He stared at the cop and then glanced at the program open, not knowing what he was looking at.  
“Why didn’t we get notified before this?” The other officers serged into the room, Martin grabbing the phone off the hook and punch in 4 numbers.   
“What do we got?” The woman’s voice came in immediately.   
“Bryne’s compromised. We need to evaluate the response.”  
“Alright, go.”  
Goolsby threw up his hands. “Starting fucking talking, Wilson!”  
“Her watch pinged forty minutes ago for elevated heart rate but she dismissed it and it went back to normal.”   
“That would have been right when I left.”  
Pointing at the screen it showed another time stamp. “The house system was armed and then she left the house. The deputy didn’t get there for another twenty minutes, and she wasn’t there. He called the server and it still showed her location at the property. These stupid things are only accurate to a point. He looked for her and couldn’t find her and then called it in.”   
“What are you trying to tell me? She just wandered off?”  
“No. Once he reported he couldn’t find her another unit was dispatched and the server ran another analysis. It’s showing her as not moving, her markers saying she’s asleep. Then 10 minutes ago her location jumped across town.”  
Goolsby frowned. “Asleep?”  
Vasquez’s voice crackled. “I just listened to the call and compared it to the readings. It’s overridden, there's no way it should be reading as calm right now if that was really her.”  
“That wasn’t her?”   
“You tell us. Was that her voice?”  
Swallowing, he nodded. “Yeah.”  
Wilson pulled up a map, showing a green dot in the center.   
Martin spoke. “I know that beat, it’s a warehouse.”   
“So we’ve got them, we can find her.” Goolsby’s whole body was almost vibrating, wondering why they weren’t running out the door that second.   
Wilson shook his head slowly. “He called you using her phone. It was automatically recording that call and transmitting location. He knows what it’s doing. He stayed on the line way too long, obviously long.”  
Davis left, talking into his shoulder walkie quickly. Martin and Wilson exchanged a look but it was the woman on the phone who spoke.   
“They don’t want just her. They want you too.”   
“What? Why?” Goolsby whispered.   
“My guess is more money.”   
“They think I’m worth something?”  
“Clearly.”   
Sitting hard, Goolsby put his head in his hands but Wilson yanked him back up. “No time for that. Take off your shirt.”  
Peeling off his layers he asked, “Why?”  
“Firstly, we’re wiring you. Secondly, vest.”   
“Jesus christ.”   
Wilson stuck a microphone onto his chest and then handed him a skin coloured earpiece.  
“Whatever you think will help.”  
Goolsby scowled at Wilson as he settled the thing in his ear “Fuck off. Just tell me what we’re doing.” 

***

He kept thinking each minute was the worst of his life until the next one started. Staring at the dash clock as he waited in the car, he fumed. Time had passed quickly between being briefed, driving and arriving at the location, but now with nothing to do… He couldn’t decide which was worse. He knew he wasn’t handling it well, and tried to breath deep to keep himself together. How could he not hate the fact that he was sitting safely in a car wearing a vest under his clothes when Cherish was god knows where, in unknown amounts of pain and stress? 

The phone rang in his hand. “Hello?”  
“Start the car, and drive south.”   
“Prove to me she’s still alive.”  
“Whatever man, you’re the asshole.” Goolsby winced before it happened, hearing the zap and a cry again. “Drive south.”  
He put the phone on the cradle on speaker, waiting until he was geared up before answering. “I’m on Robson driving south.”   
“I can tell. Convenient little things they gave you. Backfiring now isn’t it?”  
Goolsby ground his teeth and said nothing. Picturing the map in his head he knew he wasn’t heading to the warehouse her watch had identified. “Where am I going?”   
“You’re definitely not asking the questions.”   
Driving straight in silence he passed into the industrial part of town. It was several minutes before the gravelly voice came back. “You’re coming up on a car dealership. It looks like shit. See it?”  
“Yeah.”   
“Pull in there.”  
Heart pounding, he turned into the lot.   
“Park and walk around to the back of the building.”   
Exiting the car was harder than it thought it would be but he did. Once he was standing at the back he saw more junked out cars and litter. Looking up he saw a security camera.   
“Take off the watch, wire and vest and toss them.”  
Goolsby cursed himself. “I’m not wearing a wire.” In quick succession he heard three very loud zaps and a scream.   
“Wanna change your answer?” Followed by two more, the space on the other end filled with crying.   
“Fuck you stop it!” He spat furiously, hand balled into a fist.  
“Take it off.”   
Putting the phone on speaker he placed it on the ground, unzipping his hoodie and pulling off his shirt.   
“There they are. Nice tats.” The man said, making him glance up at the camera. Dropping the vest and wire to the ground he pulled his shirt back on, and bent for his sweater. “No hoodie. Leave it. Drop the car keys on top.”  
Straightening with the phone he put it back to his ear, holding the keys up and letting them fall so he could see it happen. “There’s a beige sudan 20 feet behind you. The keys are in it. Get in.”   
Goosebumps that had nothing to do with the cold ran up his back. Opening the car door made rust fall to the ground but he could see the keys in the ignition and a phone on the seat.  
“Answer the phone.” The voice said at the same time it rang. Picking it up he heard his phone disconnect. “Toss yours out the window. Drive out the back way and turn west.”   
Biting his tongue he turned on the car, trying hard not to say anything to make him hurt Cherish again. There was one thing he still had: the ear piece. Not knowing what it could possibly tell Wilson, he prayed it would help them somehow.   
Following the driving instructions he could tell they knew where he was but not how. The car must have something telling them. He had no idea where he was going, trying to picture the layout of the unfamiliar city was too difficult when he was this stressed. It occurred to him they hadn’t asked him to stop and take out cash, or anything else. His heart sank, knowing he had no bargaining chips. His back ached from tension, he forced himself to loosen his grip on the wheel. Wondering how long it would take Wilson to figure out what was happening, how far behind help was, he had been driving straight with no one behind him for too long. If he had had a tail, it wasn’t there anymore.   
“Turn into that drive on your right.” Pulling off the road he drove up to a building. They weren’t in the middle of nowhere, but far enough off the beaten path. The double story metal building looked like any other, no business name, only the numbers of the street, which he couldn’t remember seeing the name of. “Around to the back. Park in front of the second bay.”  
Turning the car off he stared at the number two painted on the black loading door.   
“Get out and walk in the door.” The line went dead.   
Slowly he stood, wanting his legs to stretch out a little before whatever waited for him on the other side.   
Opening the door he saw a hallway, lit with perfectly normal bulbs, there were even holders on the walls for files. Not knowing what to do he walked forward, trying the first door but it didn’t turn. An open door waited a few more feet, and he approached it cautiously. The unmistakable sound of a gun cocking met his ears so he raised his hands and stopped. A handcuff slapped over his right wrist, twisting his arm down and behind him. Gritting his teeth he let his other arm be pulled back and secured. A bag was put over his head, then a hand grabbed his shirt from behind and started pushing him. Whatever stress he felt in the car was now tripled, but he just put his focus into not tripping.   
A door opened that sounded like a hatch and they passed into a cold room, their footsteps now had an echo as the door swung shut behind them, clanging shut with finality. That wasn’t the worst sound he heard though.   
A broken, sad noise came from in front of him as he was pushed into a chair.  
“No.”  
“Cherish?” He asked, finally breaking his silence. His arms were pulled roughly to drape over the back of the chair. Hearing more metal clinking he jerked, feeling that he was attached to it by his arms now.  
“Reunited and it feels so good?” The gravelly voice asked. Hands touched him, making him wince, his legs yanked out straight. Shoes and socks gone unseen persons cuffed his feet to the chair, the ground wet and cold, soaking his skin.   
The hood pulled over his head, blinking against the light he saw her on the ground a few feet from him. She was sitting in what looked like a tiled shower stall, arms cuffed above her head, wearing only panties and a bra. There was water on the floor in a deep puddle, the facet overtop of her dripping steadily. She was soaked, looking exhausted, barely any emotion on her face. Even her bandage was gone, the red slice vivid against her too pale skin. Unable to stop himself he tried to go to her, the chair unforgiving and he sat back hard.   
“Cherish…” He wanted to say so many things, had been about to ask her if she was ok, but she so clearly wasn't that it died on his lips. He hadn’t known what he was expecting but it wasn’t this. 

Looking around at the cold white tile, hooks hanging from the ceiling he swallowed hard, noticing security cameras. There were only two bare bulbs hanging from the ceiling, casting long shadows. Behind him he could tell there were people, could smell cigarette smoke and clean human scents above the mildew and tang of metal. Under it all of that, despite wanting to reject the thought, he knew he could smell blood.

A woman wearing a full black plastic body suit came into view, holding a strange red rod. He had only ever seen something like her in a porno, and the sight of it stunned him silent in confusion. 

“And now the fun begins.” She brandished the red thing at Goolsby. “Know what this is?”   
“No.” Goolsby glared at her. “I’m here you can let her go.”   
“Nope, I’ll have more fun with you both here. Watch.” She approached Cherish, her thick, rubber soled boots making a squelching sound on the wet floor. Cherish cringed before it even touched her, the zapping sound echoing through the room. Her body jolted but she only whimpered, her head falling forward to stare at the ground. The woman poked Cherish again, making his mouth fall open seeing she didn’t even try to twist away from it.  
“Stop it! Leave her alone!” Goolsby thrashed, momentarily forgetting his restraints, trying to get up and stop her.   
“It’s not so bad, wanna taste?” The woman asked coyly.   
“Just leave her alone. Don’t hurt her.”  
“Awh that’s just what she said about you! Cute.” Walking back to him she tilted the handle, turning a dial. “We can start a little lower with you, your girl’s getting too used to it.”  
“What the fuck do you want?”  
“Lot’s of things, but first I want your screams.”  
The red rod touched his chest, his body seized up before he even felt the pain. Jolting through his body every muscle felt it, and despite his promise to himself he bellowed. “Fuck!”   
“Beautiful.” She watched him try to calm his breathing, head cocked to the side. His heart sank: she had given him less than Cherish’s last shock and he was already afraid of the thing. The chair he was on hadn’t moved at all, making him realize it was bolted to the floor.   
“What the fuck do you monsters want?”   
The rod touched him again: this time he was able to stop himself from speaking out, clenching his teeth and glaring at her.   
“Ooo, look whos’ tough already? I told you I wanted to hear it.” Walking away from him she moved back to Cherish, turning the dial again.   
“No!” He yelled at her, but she hit Cherish’s foot, her leg spasming. “Stop it you fucking bitch!”   
“Watch this.” She said to him, like a kid showing off a toy. She crouched and placed the tip into the water. Cherish spasmed again but he felt it too, horrible tingles running up his legs. She smiled, looking between them both. He could tell she was getting it worse than him from proximity and ground his teeth.   
Cherish finally whispered to her, teeth chattering. “Stop, please.”   
“Ok Dollface.” Sliding it across the floor toward him made him throw his head back, trying to yank his feet off the floor. The pins ran up to his chest now, lighting up all of his bruises and cuts.   
“No, not him.” Cherish whispered. With a smile she slid it back across the floor. The partial relief allowed him to open his eyes to see the rod circling around Cherish in the water, shakes wracking through her.   
“Stop it! Leave her alone!” Making eye contact with Cherish he saw the defeat in her eyes, but she shook her head, voice barely a whisper.   
“No, don’t hurt him.”   
“Let’s see how strong love makes you, you’ve done so good so far.” She crooned to Cherish, lovingly brushing hair from her forehead, then pulling a wail from her when she shocked her collar bone.   
“Fuck you. Get away from her.” He spat at her.  
“You two are so fun.” Standing she walked over to him, trailing a hand across his shoulders, a shiver of revulsion running up his spine. “So, handsome, what are you going to do to make me hurt you instead of her?”  
He stared at her incredulously, mouth falling open. Cherish made a sound like a whine and the woman turned to her. “Oh I know sweetie, you made an excellent case, don’t fret.” If he hadn’t seen it with his own eyes, the idea of Cherish making that noise would have been laughable. He stared at her as she looked at the woman, her eyes desolate. The woman patted her on the cheek and she dropped her head, letting herself hang limp.  
“What did you do to her?” He said through his teeth.   
“Well, I can either show you by doing it to her again, or I can show you by doing it to you.”   
Pausing only for a second he held his chin up. “Do it to me.”   
Cherish looked up and shook her head weakly at him but the woman was already smiling. 

Standing she walked around him, touching all different places on his torso, waiting just long enough for him to relax a little before poking him. Sometimes she would touch it to him without shocking him, laughing when he twitched. Dragging it around his torso leaving the current on was worse than the zaps, leaving him gasping.   
“How we doing?” The woman asked sweetly.   
“Fuck you.” He spat.   
“Such bad manners. Should I go and play with your girl? Teach you a lesson?”  
“No, leave her alone.”  
The smile on her face was ghastly. “Ask me for it.”  
Glaring up at her he knew if he got loose he would snap her in half with the amount of hatred filling him. “Leave her alone. Hurt me.”  
The woman flicked her fingers, a pair of long, metal shears were placed into her hand. Goolsby eyes went wide seeing them.   
“Don’t worry hun I’m just gonna get you more comfortable.” Placing the blade between his collar and skin she started cutting away his shirt. The metal against his skin made him nauseous, but she hadn’t been lying, and he almost felt relieved when she yanked the rest of his shirt away, passing the shears off. A rope dropped over his chest, feeling it against his skin he stiffened, but it pulled tight, forcing his back into the cold metal of the chair. He had no idea what was behind him, knowing there were observers was one thing, but knowing someone was there to help her made it worse. 

The room was already cold, with his shirt gone it was awful. He could see his breath, and starting to shiver he looked up at Cherish, realizing he couldn’t see hers, knowing that meant her body temperature was getting dangerous. She wasn’t shivering, her lips looked blue around the edges, and the water chilling his feet was soaking her legs.

Not paying attention he didn’t see the rod come up to his ribs, the shock forcing him to twist away. He groaned in defeat: it was worse on his bare skin. She moved in inches, up his arms, across his shoulders and down the other. He couldn’t help making sounds with each hit, but figured it was what she wanted. Crouching in front of him the woman blew him a kiss before stabbing it into his stomach. He wretched, his insides seizing, bile rising in his throat.

Cherish watched, arms long ago lost feeling, hanging dead from their bonds. She felt strangely glad: the cold had been painful, but now she couldn’t feel it as badly. The tile at her back was just supporting her now, when at first she had struggled to hold herself away from it’s icy presence.   
They hadn’t even asked for anything, she thought to herself. They’re just going to kill us. She knew he had a higher pain tolerance than her, and soon the demon woman had turned it all the way up to keep making him react. He continued to swear at her and ask what they wanted, asking them to let her go. 

She leaned close to him, squinting. The last three times he hadn’t made a noise. He glared at her. With a sweet smile she raised the tip to his eye level.   
“Do yourself a favour: clench your teeth for this one.” She tapped it to his spit lip.   
The loudest scream yet tore from him as his head exploded, and he couldn’t stop himself from trying to get away, knowing there was nowhere to go.   
“Oh that was beautiful.”  
“No!” Cherish’s voice was the loudest he’d heard, but was still pitiful. He squeezed his eyes shut, then opened them and looked at the woman.   
“Yes.”   
She laughed, tossing her head to look at Cherish. “How can I turn that down?”  
The cuffs against the wall clinked as Cherish pulled on them. “No, I did it. You promised.”   
Goolsby closed his eyes, having never heard her voice sound so awful. She sounded broken.   
“Oh hunnie, so sad. You were such a firecracker before. Would it make you feel better if I gave you some more attention?”  
“No.” Goolsby said loudly. “You’re not done with me. What did you do to her next? Do it to me.”  
He had never seen pure evil before, but now he was sure he was staring right at it. Coming too close to him and grabbing his hair she kissed him hard. He flinched but she had him tight. His lips hurt, but the last time he’d kissed with hurt lips it had been Cherish, and his traitor body started to respond to it. Praying she didn’t notice he didn’t move, letting her push into him. She ran her hands down his stomach, the right one zapping lightly down as it went. Getting to his waistband she undid his button and fly.   
“You want me to keep hurting you?”   
Through gritted teeth he answered. “Yes.”  
“Help me take these off then.” She challenged him. With a sour face he lifted his hips and she yanked them down his legs to his ankles. Waving the wand over his legs she watched him tense up waiting for it, faking him out and smiling at his reactions. Suddenly with a hard smack she hit his knee. His entire leg seized, bone aching immediately, squeezing his eyes shut. That was a mistake, because the next hit came on his inner thigh and he yelped.   
“Fuck, fuck stop, what the fuck?” Breath coming in hitched gasps now he was still writhing from that hit, something in him starting to come loose.   
She cackled. “Oh is there supposed to be body parts off limits? You want some kinda safe word?” Getting in his face again she grinned. “You have a safe word. You just have to tell me to hurt her instead.”  
“You bitch.”   
“Yes.” Flicking her wrist she hit both thighs over and over and he bellowed, squirming in his seat. “Oh my. What is happening here?”  
Face sweaty and starting to tremble he glared at her, knowing exactly what she was seeing. His stupid pain kink. The last thing he wanted was sex, but there he was, getting hard. “Ha! Sweetie did you know about this? Ohhh is that why you didn’t want me to hurt him, you knew he’d like it?”  
She practically danced over to Cherish grabbing her chin to make her look at his lap. “I need a girl’s scout outfit, look at the tent I made!” Jabbing the tip into Cherish’s bra, she made her scream. “Let’s see, do you like it on your thighs?” Alternating quickly she tapped Cherish’s legs, working her way up, grinning wider with each scream.   
“Stop! No! Fucking leave her alone! Hurt me!” His voice broke, tears finally forming in his eyes.   
“I will. I’m experimenting for a second, then it’ll be your turn.”   
Pressing the tip on top of Cherish’s panties she waited for the broken girl to look at her. “It’s not so bad over the fabric, ready?” Of course she didn’t answer, but her voice shattered when the zap came. 

Cherish’s eyes didn’t reopen, her head hung limp. Smacking her face did nothing.   
“Awh, not again, no fun.” Standing she turned on the facet, letting the shower douse her, still Cherish gave no reaction.   
Leaving it on she twirled back to him and sat in his lap, reaching between them and grabbed his now soft cock through his boxers. “Don’t touch me. Turn the water off.” He could feel the cold spray on his legs from where it was bouncing off Cherish.  
“You’re cute.” Jabbing the electrode into his stomach over and over again with one hand she kept hold of his dick. When that didn’t cause a reaction she kissed him again. He would have bitten her, but he was too afraid of what she'd do. She hummed when she felt him start to grow, getting up off him to hit his thigh again, feeling him become almost fully hard in her hand.   
It was short lived, the situation was not arousing to him in any way, so she just kept the pain coming to bring it back.  
It couldn’t last though, his body becoming exhausted, and eventually it stopped altogether. She pouted, “I know what always gets a man going: a little girl on girl action.” He was shaking so hard he couldn’t answer. “I’m not hearing a no.” When he opened his mouth she shocked his jaw, his teeth snapping together. “Oh look, she’s awake.”

While he was happy the cold spray was off of her, he was afraid to meet her eyes. Cherish wasn’t looking at him though, coughing and trying to blink through the water.   
It only took him three zaps on Cherish for him to get his voice back. Hoarsely, he called to her. “Hurt me.”  
The horrible laugh rang out again. “Your boy is ready for more. Probably for the best, you’re spent.”  
She turned the tip on so it would stay on and set it in the water making them both seize.   
“I’ll be right back, I’m parched my lovelies, wait for me. Oh hang on, this isn’t fair.” Grabbing a bucket she tossed ice water onto him, the cubes hitting him in the face, some even resting in his lap. The shock of that was bad enough, but now the current flowed over his entire body. “See you in a few.” 

They couldn’t talk even if they wanted to, feeling overwhelmed. Passively, he could appreciate it as less than the intense shocks, and it was easier to bear for a longer time, but soon he would have begged for it to stop if he could unclench his jaw. The current somehow felt like fire but was pushing cold into his muscles. Nothing was making sense about it, only that he would have done anything to make it stop. Feeling how much worse it was now that his body was wet, he stared at Cherish, wondering if he was even feeling half of what she was by now. He didn’t know how much more he could take, and it was clear she’d passed that point long ago. When their eyes met, hers looked unforced, confused, dreamy even. 

When the current stopped all he could do was pant, eyes closed, until her gloved hands were back on his thighs. Opening them he saw her grin.   
“Elegant, isn’t it?” Looking up into her eyes he stared at her, feeling murderous. “I can do all sorts of pain with this, and you will react without needing to get me all dirty with your blood. Looks really good on video. Helps it look fake. You're just such a talented actor.”

Holding out her hand to the side she flicked her fingers. Hearing movement behind him he held his breath, letting it out in defeat when a hand placed a second rod into her free hand. One tip on each one of his pecs she smiled sweetly at him.  
“Squirm for me.”

In his mind something broke away, and darkness pulled him under. It wasn't a comfortable relief, it was only cold blackness. He drifted, his brain was sending him alarms, reminders that something important needed his attention, but the thoughts washed over him and didn't stick. 

******

Senses came back to him slowly. The painful cold on his skin, feeling his body shivering. When his ears came back it took him a minute to identify what he was hearing. Zaps. Cherish. It's Cherish, Cherish crying, wake up, his brain urged him.

He forced a sound out of his throat, and he heard boots come his way. Another bucket of icy water dumped over his head. It wasn't as shocking as he was sure it was meant to be, but he opened his eyes, staring at his knees, watching the water run off him and drip from his hair.  
Hearing zaps but not feeling any pain he frowned, lifting his head to see it being pressed to Cherish rhythmically, her body writhing.

"I missed you. I've been counting the seconds, she's been helping. Take your time, she doesn't mind. Do you, sweet cheeks?" Cherish couldn't answer, head lolling, face towards the ground.

"Hurt. Me." He said, voice thick and slow, his eyes staring at the rod as it continued to hit Cherish, steady as a metronome. 

"Are you sure? She can take it for you a little longer while you wake up from your beauty sleep."  
Shaking his head he forced himself straighter, body shivering violently. "No. Come here. Hurt me." 

Looking behind him she asked an unseen person. “How much time do I have?”   
The gravelly voice answered. “Probably 20 minutes.”   
“Wonderful.”   
He had lost track of time and how many times she had shocked him a while ago, and he wasn’t sure what that 20 minutes meant. Was it the end of her torture or the end of everything?  
Singing a little tune she tapped along him to the beat, changing the levels on the rod from the lowest to the worst randomly. It kept surprising him that she could make it hurt more: now that he was wet it felt sharper, spread farther into him. He had bitten his tongue at some point and wasn’t able to swallow it back with the shocks as frequent as they were now. The quarter note beat had his body in a constant state of muscle tension. Unable to hold his head up anymore he drooled blood and spit onto himself as he tried to breathe enough not to pass out again. He had stopped shivering, couldn’t see his breath anymore.   
“Leave him alone.” Cherish’s voice said, almost too quiet to hear.   
“Baby Girl we talked about this. You play with your toy all the time, I’m having a turn. Sharing is caring.”   
“Burn in hell.”   
“I’ll see you there.” The woman smiled at her, turning back to her again. “Miss perfect target Cherish Byrne. My idea, you know. All those cop guys who love you so much, on their way to your location right now. I’m hoping for an amazing fireworks show once they trip the wires. Then all our problems go up in smoke at the same time.”   
Goolsby raised his head slightly, lips too cold to form the words properly. “Then why are you wasting time with us?”   
Her hand came up under his chin. “Fun.” Placing the tip on his spine right above his hips she wedged it between him and the chair where it stuck, leaving the current on as she walked back around to his face, crouching to look into his eyes. It felt like a hundred knives into his body, unceasing, slowly drawing sounds from him, until he couldn’t take it and he screamed again. 

It felt like much longer than 20 minutes to Cherish as she watched the woman zap each one of Goolsby’s toes, under his feet, behind his knees, any place she hadn’t already hurt. Darkness pulled at her mind, despite her will to be there for him. She knew she couldn't fight much longer, not really understanding what she was fighting for. Her body felt ridgid, but didn’t know why she would need to move anyways. She was fine, nothing to do, nowhere to go. The floor was comfortable here, except the water around her legs made her feel itchy...

Goolsby watched her keep trying to hold her head up, seeing her eyes flutter, the whites showing as she struggled to keep them open. When they stopped and her head was hanging fully he whispered her name.  
The woman glanced behind her at the frozen girl, clucking her teeth and going to crouch by her. The rod zapped into her three times, getting no reaction. A chill that had nothing to do with the cold ran through him. Holding her face in one hand their tormentor smacked her roughly, letting go to place her fingers on Cherish’s throat, then shrugged. When she turned back to him, she saw the tear running down his face as she walked over to him, crouching to his level. Gently she wiped it away, holding his chin up so he had to look at her, the genuine smile on her face frightened him.

“No tears Darling, you’re only halfway there. Don’t worry: she’s not going where you won’t follow. You’ll be together soon.”   
When she let go, he didn’t bother to hold his head up, letting his head hang in defeat, any shred of hope leaving him. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys.


	11. Extirpated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one moves fast, because if you were living it, it would.

The door opened, and he heard a whispered conversation. The woman stood up, putting the rods into the water again, the double shock leaving him writhing. She walked away from them to confer with the others in the room. 

A crackling noise came into his ear, and if he had felt normal, he would have jumped. As he was, he was just mildly surprised when a voice spoke to him. 

“Don’t react. We’re close. They set a trap in that warehouse for the cops. We know you’re not there. You can kick my ass later but we’re getting you out. Try to stay calm, get to cover if you can.”  
Barely any of it made sense to him. Hearing it didn’t make him feel any better. His girl was broken, he was broken, he couldn’t think anymore even when the current stopped. Leaning forward, he hung from his bonds, staring at the water on the floor, watching his blood mix into it.

A smack on his face knocked him backward into the chair again. He tried to look up and understand, his eyes blurry, but he was toasted. His brain felt like mush, nerves still firing in pain though no electricity was passing through him. Fingers snapped in front of his face, and the woman pulled his head up by his hair to see his eyes, then let him go with a scoff. Dimly he noticed his legs were uncuffed and the rope across his chest loosened. A shove into his shoulder tipped him off the chair sideways, head hitting the floor, eyebrow breaking open with a sear of pain. He thought that he should have tried to catch himself, having not even realized he was on the floor until it was too late. By his joined wrists he was dragged across the floor to the door, shoulders wrenched backward, but the pain felt dull in comparison to the rod. His pants caught on something, yanking from his ankles, skin pulling along the floor now that it was drier. Dropped onto the ground, he was grateful to be still, the cold floor pressing into his bones was oddly soothing. Left there on his stomach he tried to move his body, trying to get into a better position, but it didn’t matter. What mattered came a second later, when Cherish’s limp form was dragged next to him.  
“Cherish.” He whispered, not knowing why. She didn’t move, lying facing the ceiling, linked hands stretched over her head where they had dropped them. Her skin was so pale she looked blue, and no longer had goosebumps, but his heart leapt: she was breathing. Eyes closed, her head had rolled away from him, so he stared at her chest, counting her slow breaths, feeling blood dripping down his face. It was warm and felt nice: he found himself wishing there was more. As the minutes wore on, he imagined he was sinking into the floor, hearing their captors speaking in fast, harsh tones above them. It sounded like gibberish, and he stopped trying to understand, the blood in his veins slowing into icy sludge. 

The voice sounded in his ear. “If you can get down, get down.” 

A deafening bang sounded, a flash of light, and then smoke started filling the space. Using all his strength he rolled on top of Cherish, shielding her with his body, arms still cuffed behind him but he did his best. Shots rang out, voices shouted, and a body dropped to the ground beside them. 

He felt a pull on his shoulders. Not knowing if it was enemy or officer, he didn’t fight it: it wasn’t like he could fight back. Somehow he was on his feet, swaying and unsteady, feet almost useless blocks of ice. An arm gripped him across his back, a hand on his chest, and he felt a brief hope when no further pain came through that touch. 

The arm helped him stumble into the hallway, bent in half, passing moving figures and hearing more shots. Bursting out of the door he could finally see the black uniform and helmet of a swat member, towing him along. His feet on the gravel was not pleasant but the possibility of it being over kept him moving. They were passed off to another team, staggering towards a van, pulled as well as pushed inside. Turning to look back at the building he saw another officer with Cherish in his arms, loading her still form into the bench beside him. A medic was holding her up, she was slumping over, head hanging limply, a cop undoing her handcuffs and putting them in a bag.  
A cop in riot gear came to the door, giving a rough order through the mask. “Keep them together. Move.” Closing the doors on them.   
“Miss, can you hear me? You’re in an ambulance, we’re going to help you.”  
“Gonna take these off you ok, sir?”  
A comparatively gentle touch turned him to the side, feeling his wrists pull against the metal. The moment his cuffs were open he leaned forward to wrap his arms around Cherish, still trailing the other cuff. A hand reached out to touch her with a piece of metal, and even though he moved painfully slowly, he grabbed it and shifted the hand off of her, not wanting anyone touching her.  
“It’s ok, can you tell me what happened? We’re here to help.”   
Someone wrapped them together in a blanket as the van started to move. He didn’t care, couldn’t care about anything but Cherish. Her skin was cold even to his, and he clutched her in tighter, holding her head to his shoulder.  
“Two incoming, adults, male and female. Possible concussion on male, female unconscious. Hypothermia. Special instructions on transfer.”  
“10-4 Bus 5, ready to receive, bay 4.”

Hands came into his view, touching Cherish to move her hair behind her ear. Seeing that his eyes snapped up, glaring at a person in a uniform, softening when he saw the concern on her pixie-like face. She gently slipped a mask over Cherish’s head when his expression lost its hostility.   
“It’s warm oxygen, you should have some too.” She pulled up another blanket and draped it over their laps, tucking it around them.  
“Don’t… don’t let them separate us.” He wasn’t sure why he was even talking, but the stark contrast of this person to their tormentors pulled it out of him in a pathetic mumble.  
“We won’t. You’re ok now.”  
“Don’t make me sleep.” Staring at the mask in her hand he recoiled, remembering being put under last time, not ready for blackness, afraid to be unconscious again.  
“I won’t, just air, I promise.”  
Drooping, he nodded and she slipped it over his head. His death grip on Cherish didn’t relax, the officer next to him had to go under the blanket to remove the other cuff off him. He twitched away from the touch, but stopped when he felt heating pads placed around them.   
“Was she bleeding at all?” The woman in front of him asked.  
“I don’t think so.” He rasped.   
“Ok, you’re going to need stitches, I need to clean that, ok?” She pointed to his eyebrow and he nodded. Numb, he didn’t even flinch when the antiseptic touched him, a dull ache settling once she fixed gauze to it.   
“Can you tell me what happened?” He just stared back at her. “How did you get wet?”  
“Ice. Ice water.” He mumbled, cheek against Cherish’s hair.   
A voice spoke up, out of his sight. “They were in a freakin’ meat locker.”  
The pixie turned back to him to see Goolsby nod. “How long were you in there?”   
“Dunno. Not long as she was.”  
“Are you hurt anywhere else?” He squinted at her, and nodded. “Where?”  
“E’vywhere.”  
“Because you’re cold?”  
“No.” He was shivering now, which even as it hurt he knew it was a good sign.   
Again, a light was shined into his eyes, causing him to wince. “Can you follow my finger?”   
He had never understood when he saw that on TV, how you wouldn’t be able to keep your eyes on something, but it was surprisingly difficult.   
“Can you tell me your name?”  
Squinting at her he frowned, then shook his head.  
“Who is this with you?”  
“Cherish. Cherish Byrne.”   
“I need to take her pulse, is that ok?” The man next to him moved closer but Goolsby cringed and shook his head.   
“Can I do it? My partner can do yours?” The pixie asked. “Can you hand me her arm?”   
Fumbling under the blanket he pulled Cherish’s arm forward, holding it out to her. After she took it the man held out his hand to him and he relented, allowing the man to touch him.   
“Is she hurt the same way you’re hurt?” He nodded. “I can’t see it, can you tell me how you got hurt?”  
Once their vitals were taken he pulled the blankets around them clumsily, both to try and get warmer and to enclose Cherish more. The two medics reached out and helped him, the man gently lifted their feet to place more fabric underneath.   
“Shocks.”  
“You were being shocked?” Another nod. “Where?”  
“Everywhere. Long time.”  
“Both of you?”  
“Yeah.”

“Update on Bus 5, possible cardiac, trauma and psychiatric centre to respond. ”   
“10-4 Bus 5, clarify on psych and cardiac.”  
“Crime victims, electrocution.”  
“10-4. Units standing by, ready to receive.”  
His limbs were shaking violently now, and he could feel goosebumps on her skin. He whispered to her but she stayed out, bonelessly leaning into him. 

The ambulance pulled to a stop, the doors opening making him flinch.   
“You’re going to the same room, ok? Just a few minutes apart. You’re going to help warm each other up.”  
Trusting this girl, he nodded, letting Cherish be pulled out of his arms onto a gurney. Seeing her be wrapped up in blankets made him nod tiredly, making no move to get up. Hands moved him onto his own stretcher and he didn’t fight it. He watched the ceiling moving in a detached way.   
He could hear voices talking about them, hearing his own name and Cherish’s, the words “trauma” “ICU” and “victims” flowed over them. He closed his eyes against it, not really ready for anyone to mention it but they were anyway. The paramedic pushing him was talking full speed to the doctor, an officer filling in details that were only partially correct.   
The blanket under him moved, shifting him onto a bed, rolling his head to the side he saw Cherish there already, eyes still closed. He reached out and found her cold hand under the sheet covering them. He watched hands change their masks to different ones, felt warm blankets pulled over them. Pins and needles were starting to flow through his veins, his muscles would spasm and jerk, shooting pain down his nerves. 

“Can you look at me?” Dizzily, a doctor came into his vision, shining a light into his eyes again, making him wince in pain. Seeing wires in their hands, his hand shot out and grabbed them, startling the doctor.   
"No. No shocks."  
"Nothing is going to shock you. I promise. These are only for checking you out."   
Goolsby was still glaring at him when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye: a nurse putting a thermometer into Cherish’s ear.   
“Stop. Stop. Don’t touch her.” He sat up, making his head spin. Thankfully, everyone in the room paused, looking at him. Taking a few deep breaths, he looked at the doctor. “Stop touching her.”  
A woman with a kind face backed the doctor away, taking his place and looking Goolsby in the eyes seriously. “We’re here to help you. She needs help, but we can go slower, ok? Please lie back. You need to keep the blankets tucked beside her.”  
She helped him lay back down, and had a brief, whispered conversation with the doctor.   
When they came back they moved much slower, which allowed his eyes to follow them as they moved. They talked him through everything that was happening, telling him what they were doing for Cherish before they did it. The man waited for him to nod each time before administering IVs, taking their temperature, attaching wires, filling the room with monitoring sounds. The nurse took a towel to both of their heads, talking about drying them off. She carefully cleaned and rewrapped Cherish’s arm, telling him it was loose for circulation. He was asked to let go of her hand, watching them run an ECG on him first and then moved to Cherish. When he voiced a protest the nurse took over, asking the other staff in the room to leave, checking in with him and explaining herself before removing her bra, keeping her covered as much as possible and talking him through it. He helped the nurse get her arms into a gown, tucking it around her under the blanket. 

His eyes were drooping despite his shivers: he kept jerking himself awake, staring at her face, willing her eyes to open.   
A familiar voice next to him spoke. “You should let yourself sleep, son.”  
Scowling, he considered his odds of being able to punch accurately. Instead, he asked hoarsely, “Why hasn’t she woken up?” He made a face hearing his own voice through the mask, pulling it off.   
“Medics told me she was unconscious before they got her. You both have hypothermia, but I think she’s staying asleep because her mind knows it’s safe now.”  
“You can’t know that.”   
Wilson sighed. “I’m guessing. Her colour is coming back, her temp is up, and she’s got you next to her.”   
“I didn’t think this was a thing.” Goolsby said, referring to the fact they were in the same bed.  
“It’s not. You’re both on trauma watch, I made the suggestion. Thought it would help.”  
“Well that’s one point in your favour.”   
“I’m sorry. You know this was never what I wanted to happen. I wanted to keep you both safe.” When he didn’t respond, Wilson sighed again. “It’s over now. It’s finished. You’re both safe. We got the perps, we didn’t lose any officers or personnel.”  
“Tell that to someone who cares. I don’t give a fuck. You can all go to hell.”   
“It doesn’t seem like it now but you will be ok, you both will.”  
Goolsby turned his head fully towards the man standing over him. “Fuck you. You don’t even know what they did yet.”  
“I do. I’ve seen the footage.”  
He sat bolt upright, and reached out to the officer, yanking him forward by his vest. Two medical staff surged forward but the officer held up a hand.  
“No.” He had forgotten the cameras, forgotten the people behind him. His stomach dropped, the beeping from his heart rate increased. “What?”  
“Calm down, kid.” Hands touched him from behind and he shook them off. Wilson grabbed his bicep, looking him in the eyes. “We had to watch it.”  
“Get rid of it.” Despite the room spinning, he managed to have venom in his voice.   
“It’s evidence. No one who doesn’t need to see it is going to see it. We have these people on so many counts. I promise we’re going to do everything we can.”  
“You think you can fix this?” Goolsby growled.   
Wilson shook his head sadly. “No I don’t. But I can put you in witness, I can pull every string here for your and her recovery, and I can keep as much of it away from you as possible.”  
He couldn’t keep his grip on the kevlar, letting himself slump backward. A nurse pulled the blankets back up, glaring at the Sgt.   
“You can’t do shit. Look at her. You had one fucking job.”  
“Look, she’s like my own kid. You think I wanted to watch that? What I’m damn grateful for is that it isn’t the snuff film they planned on it being. You don’t have any idea what those people…” Wilson turned green, and then glanced down at him again with resolve. “You can hate me as much as you want but I swear to you we did everything we could. She can hate me too but you know she won’t. I just need you to help her through this. I’m assigning an officer to your room, this whole ward is locked down. So believe me when I say you’re safe.” He glanced up at the monitor and then back down at Goolsby. “At least you being pissed brought your temp up.”  
“Just get out.” He replied finally.   
“I will.” Handing a card to the nurse he said to her quietly, “If they need anything, call me. I’ll get it for them.”  
After the door closed behind him, Goolsby looked at the nurse. “Can I have that, please, miss?”  
Letting go of Cherish’s hand he took the card from her and ripped the card in half and then quarters. She nodded, taking the pieces from him and trashing them.   
Shifting in the bed he found her hand again, moving closer to her on the pillow.   
He heard the nurse speak quietly. “Would you like me to have him banned from returning?”  
Goolsby sighed. “No. I’ll yell at him more later. It might even make me feel better.”   
“Alright. Other than being angry, how are you feeling?”  
“I can feel my toes again, fucking hurts everywhere.”   
“I know. We can’t give you anything until you’re warmer and your blood is flowing better.”  
He nodded, closing his eyes for a moment. “That’s ok. It hurts less than…than it did. Don’t give her any opioids, she doesn’t want them.”  
“I know, it was in her file. She’s doing ok. You should try to sleep, too.”   
His grip tightened on Cherish’s hand, wishing she could squeeze him back. Slowly he shook his head, eyes darting around the quiet room. She moved into his line of sight and he sighed.  
“Not to offend you, but I don’t trust anyone here.”  
“There is an officer standing right outside, the hospital is on lockdown. I promise you you’re safe.” She pulled a chair closer, sitting on Cherish’s side of the bed so he could have both of them in view, which he appreciated. “I’m the psychiatric nurse, I’ve been assigned to you. My name is Mary, I’ve lived here my whole life, I have two kids, only a little younger than you. And I can’t imagine what you’ve been through.”  
He was quiet for a moment. “Are you asking me to tell you?”  
She shook her head. “I've been briefed about what has happened to you both.”  
“God damnit.” Closing his eyes, he went to touch his face, stopped by the wires.   
“We needed to know so we could treat you. Other than that you’re protected by law. No one who doesn’t need to know will be advised. I can understand you not trusting anyone. I can only ask you to trust me. Even just a little. Can you tell me something that might help you relax enough to sleep?”  
He thought for a moment, looking at Cherish. “I don’t want anyone touching us while we’re out.”  
“I can’t promise that.”  
“Then I can’t sleep.”   
“I can promise we can try to wake you before we do anything. If you wake up, then we will tell you what’s happening. If you don’t wake up, then we know something is really wrong.”   
“What would you need to do?” He asked hesitantly.   
“Check your vitals mostly. You need a scan of your head at some point. And we need to give you stitches, but we would wake you for that regardless.”  
“You can check us. But I don’t want to be away from her.”  
“Ok. Unless we can’t wake you, I can promise that.”  
“Thank you.” He whispered.   
The nurse nodded to him. “We’re going to keep the door closed for you.” She walked around to his side and put the call button under his thumb. “Try and rest, call us if you need to.”

He spent the next few minutes pulling and untangling the wires attached to his wrist, focusing on his breathing. Feeling Cherish twitch he glanced over at her, seeing her body moving like his had been as the blood flow came back into her limbs. Hoping she couldn’t feel anything, he rolled to face her, draping his arm and leg over her. She didn’t feel as cold as she had and she definitely wasn’t blue anymore. Breathing deeply, he tried to close his eyes and drift, but the tingles in his body would wake him, and every time Cherish moved his eyes opened to check on her. 

Giving up he stared at her face for a long time. Eventually, he started actually feeling warm, and though he knew he was ahead of Cherish, he felt hope that she was feeling better too.   
It was suddenly too much for him: he squeezed his eyes shut as tears formed, unable to help them falling. He stopped fighting them and let them come, the terror and pain washing over him again. Even though the door was closed, he made himself silent, tears rolling down his face into the pillow as he looked at her. Feeling anguish deep in his heart he cried, despair filling him and weighing him down. 

Sniffing, he wiped at his face, digging into his skin. When he went to put his arm back across her, he saw her head turned towards him, her forehead drawn into a frown.   
“Cherish, it’s ok. We’re in the hospital. We’re safe. I’m right here.” His voice a whisper. She made a noise so he kept talking. “Just trying to get you warmer. No one is touching you but me. I promise.”  
She shifted again, forehead creased, her hand coming up to touch the mask.   
“You gotta keep that on hun, it’s helping you.” He took her hand off her face, holding it under the blanket on her stomach.  
Her eyelids fluttered, “Gools.”  
“Hey, yeah, it’s me. We’re ok. You don’t have to wake up. I’ve got you. ”  
Groggily, she opened her eyes, blinking a few times before finding his face. Unable to help himself, seeing her eyes made new tears fall, a small piece of relief going through him. He squeezed her hand, and a sound that was half laugh half sob came from his lips when he felt her squeeze back.   
“Hey.”  
“Hi.” She searched his face, seeing his tears lighting up the blue of his eyes. Letting go of his hand she pulled her arm up to his face, touching him softly, shakily wiping a tear away. “I’ve got you back.” Her voice was barely a whisper, scratchy and her lips struggled to form the words.  
“Yeah, I know baby.”  
He watched her frown, but she slowly shifted, and when he figured out what she was trying to do helped her roll to face him. Touching their foreheads together she slid a cool hand onto his neck, he snaked his arm over her, their other hands lacing together between them.   
Her eyes closed, the darkness pulling her under again. Kissing her forehead, he closed his eyes too, slowly his mind let go, drifting into sleep. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did a stupid amount of research for this chapter, hope it shows. but either way, I hope you enjoy it.


	12. Whirlwind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another aftermath. What else can I say?

The only good thing about their experience was that their injuries were minimal. When he woke, Mary suggested they stitch his eyebrow, and he sat on the bed for the doctor to do it, Cherish asleep beside him. He had been cleared from hypothermia and accepted the numbing and pain killers for his eyebrow, although his whole head throbbed. The rest of him felt basically unhurt, a few small bruises and soreness, which struck him as odd, almost wishing for something external. He picked at the hospital food, only really putting any in his mouth when Mary said something. Taking pity on him she left the room, coming back with a smoothie and a gatorade. She asked him to do the best he could and left. He finished it, thinking mostly about Cherish skipping meals, and wanting to be ok for her. She looked normal now, the mask no longer needed, her skin a natural pale instead of cold pale. Mary had checked in with him before taking her vitals, having him help her turn her onto her back again. Cherish didn’t react at all, making him frown, but tried to believe it when he saw the numbers, all signs pointing the right direction. 

Initially, he refused an MRI until Cherish was awake to go with him, but she explained that Cherish wouldn’t be allowed in the room with him while it was happening anyway. She asked him if she wanted her to go with him or stay with Cherish, and he chose for her to stay, worried about her waking up, or being touched. Taking the key from Cherish he left his collar in the room with her, wanting part of him to stay. He didn’t say anything to the orderly who pushed him to the exam, although he noted that they saw almost no one on the trip. Quietly he told the technician not to touch him, asking everything to be explained to him and doing what he was told so they wouldn’t have to adjust him. 

Mary looked up as he came back into the room. “The Sgt was here, he dropped off some clothes and effects. I thanked him and asked him to leave.”  
“Thank you.” He muttered, both to her and the orderly, who nodded and left. Leaving the wheelchair he stumbled over to the bag on the empty bed. He glanced at Mary, who hadn't moved but nodded to him, turning to touch Cherish's monitor. Pulling the curtain across the track, he shrugged out of the gown and the boxers he had been wearing, finding clean ones and his sweatpants. Hesitating he held a shirt in his hand for a moment, opening the curtain to stare at Mary.  
“Up for another ECG?”   
“I guess. Why do I need another one?” He asked, voice void of emotion.   
“Making sure there are no lasting effects from the electricity.”  
“Right.” As she applied the stickers he stared off into space.   
“So, are you going to tell me what is on your mind so I can help you?” He looked into her green eyes as she attached the wires.   
“I dunno what I’m doing. I dunno know what to do about any of this.”   
“Well there’s an order to healing: you’re just started down the path. Don’t have to do everything at once.” He shrugged before he needed to be still, the machine running its scan on his chest. “For example, we’re making sure your body is ok, then we can focus on your mind.”  
Once he was disconnected, he pulled the shirt over his head, walking across the room to lay back down beside Cherish, feeling exhausted. 

“I don’t want to focus on anything.”   
Mary sat in the visitor chair and crossed her legs. “That’s normal. You don’t want to think about it.”   
“So why are you still here?” He muttered. After a moment he looked over at her serene face. “Sorry.”  
“That’s ok. I can leave if you want me to. I don’t think that’s a good idea though.”   
“Gotta be here in case we freak out.” He stated, scowling.  
“Partially yes. I’m also here because I need to do a follow up ECG on her. We did yours first because you were awake. Do you want me to do hers now while she’s still asleep, or did you want to try to wake her? We can also wait for her to wake up on her own. It’s up to you.”   
Goolsby glanced between the two women. He sighed, feeling bad that he was being rude, knowing she was actively trying to help them.  
“You, like, going out of your way to respect our boundaries?”  
“I am.” She looked back at him levelly. “A hospital is a terrible place for someone who has been through what you have."  
He sat up, rubbing his face and then leaning forward, elbows resting on his knees. "I can't decide if it pisses me off when I hear it danced around or if I never want to hear it out loud. Like if no one says it maybe it will go away. I for sure don't want anyone to know, outside of this."   
"Do you want to try and say it out loud?"  
"I dunno." He stared at his hands in his lap for a long time. Turning and looking at Cherish behind him he sighed. “Why hasn’t she woken up?”   
“Her condition was worse than yours: her temperature was much lower, her exposure to cold was longer, she was dehydrated, hadn’t eaten for a longer period. Her body is working hard, and rest is the best thing for her right now.”  
Picking at the blanket in one hand he stared at her closed eyelids, eyes tracing the features of her face. When he spoke it was slow. “Do you think… it’s also cause… she was... tortured for longer?”   
Looking at Mary he saw her face was soft. “Yes I do. Her mind needs to rest too.”   
Adjusting the blank more securely around her shoulder, he sighed. “Let’s wait until she wakes up, if you’re not worried. I wouldn’t want her to wake up while that was happening.”  
“Ok.”  
“What’s the plan?”  
“Wait for your results to come back to see if you have a concussion. Monitor your hearts and temperature. Check for muscle damage, sometimes exposure to electricity can cause numbness or tingling, ongoing pain. And then we’re going to do psych assessments.”   
“Is it possible to fail that?”  
“Yes.”   
“What happens then.”  
“Just means you would stay longer, either until you’re not dangerous to yourself or others, or until we have adequate resources to support you elsewhere.” She leaned forward in her chair, clasping her hands between her knees. “So far you’re doing really well. You’re accepting help. That’s a really good sign.”   
“Kay.”   
Silence stretched for several minutes, Mary sat back, just letting him think.   
“Is she getting better? Um, is her IV, giving her stuff?”   
“Yes. She’s getting warm fluids and nutrients.”  
“She lost some weight recently. From stress. I was trying to get her to eat more.”   
“Sounds like you were taking good care of each other.”   
“All for nothing.” He said darkly.   
“Try not to do that. Think about the fact that you’ve already proven you can support each other. And that’s a good foundation for now. You’ll need to lean on each other.”   
He rolled his eyes but almost smiled. “Very shrink sounding.”  
“Thank you.” She smiled at him, then her eyes flicked down. “Hello there.”  
Goolsby turned and looked down, seeing Cherish’s eyes blinking. He leaned over her to cup her cheek. “Hey…” Squinting, she looked away from Mary up at him, her face confused. “Can you hear me hun?” Slowly her eyes opened wider, looking around the room.   
Mary spoke quietly. “Say her name, let her know where she is.”  
Goolsby picked up her hand, rubbing her skin. “Hey Cherish, it’s me, we’re in the hospital. It’s ok.”   
“Hi.” Her voice was raspy.   
“Hey baby.”   
Mary stood up. “Do you want to sit up a bit? Have some water?” Cherish nodded so Goolsby adjusted the bed, taking the cup from Mary and guiding the straw to her lips. After swallowing a few times she stared at him, he looked at Mary, not knowing what to do.   
“Can you tell us how you’re feeling?”   
A moment passed before she answered. “I’m warm. It’s nice.”   
Goolsby smiled, leaning down to kiss her forehead. “Yeah, it is nice. We should go to Florida or something for the rest of the winter. Fuck the cold”   
Tiredly she lets out a breath through her nose. “Ok.” Blinking a few more times she looked around again. “What time… how long...how long was I out?”  
“Just one night. It’s still morning, so not too long. You woke up a little yesterday after they brought us here. What’s the last thing you remember?”  
“Being cold. Sitting in the water.”  
Mary spoke then. “Do you remember the ambulance ride?”  
Cherish shook her head. “No. Who are you?”  
“This is our nurse Mary, she’s stayed with us the whole time. We’ve been hanging out.”  
Mary smiled at him. “We’ve just been waiting to see how you are.”  
Cherish looked like she was thinking. “I’m hungry, I think.”  
Goolsby chuckled. “You think?”  
Cherish closed her eyes and let out a small sigh. “Don’t sass me.”   
Goolsby glanced over at Mary with a smirk. “She’s good.”   
“Let’s just make sure. Are you in any pain?” Cherish rolled her head over to Mary.  
“I feel like I have some bruises. Kinda have a headache.”  
“That might go away once you drink and eat.”  
“Yeah.” Goolsby saw her shift and moved the bed so she was sitting up even more. Cherish reached out for the water, holding it herself. “Did I miss anything?”  
“Um, well you missed us getting out, and getting help. And, I yelled at Wilson. Other than that it’s just been medical stuff.”  
“Are you ok?” She reached up to him, glancing over to Mary.   
“I’m going to give you two a few minutes. I’ll be right outside.” Cherish nodded and watched her leave.   
Her hand caressed his face, sliding down his neck to his bare throat.   
“I kept having to take it off to have scans done.” He turned and lifted their necklaces up off the side table. She nodded, dragging her hand down his chest. “Are you hurt? Are you ok?”  
He pressed their lips together softly, lingering close to her face. “I’ve been better. I might have a concussion, but after I warmed up that feels like the only thing.”  
“How did that happen?”   
“After you passed out, I was pretty much toasted too. It’s kinda hard to remember, but when they took me off the chair they pushed me and I hit my head on the floor. I have stitches.” He pointed to his gause covered wound.   
“What did you yell at Wilson about?”  
“I was really angry, I’m still pretty angry. He was there, I wanted someone to blame. I’ve been pretty pissy all morning. Mary has been getting the brunt of that.”   
“You’re allowed to be mad.”  
He kissed her forehead. “I know. I am. But right now I’m just glad to be talking to you.”   
Nodding, she searched his face, running her thumb over his jaw. “And how are you mentally?”  
“Pretty raw. It’s still kinda surreal.” He shrugged, “It’s all going to come out. Flashing through a lot of feelings. I don’t want to think about it. Rather think about you.”  
She smiled. “So what else happened?”  
“I was awake, I wasn’t letting anyone touch us. The doc’s have been going through me for everything while you’ve been out. So, no one has touched you without me being here. They put us in the same bed when we got here, that’s one thing I’ll give Wilson. You woke up for a little bit last night, but not really. This morning I got my stitches, got my MRI, another chest scan, and have been talking to Mary. That’s about it. She wants to do another one on you but we decided to let you wake up first.”   
“I’m glad you’ve had someone to talk to.”   
“I wasn’t at first.”   
“Feeling bratty?” Cherish raised an eyebrow, somehow pulling off a stern look.  
He smiled. “I guess.”   
“She put you in your place? Someone needs to.” Cherish smiled back.   
“I’d say she helped me get there on my own. That’s your job.” Bringing her hand to his lips he kissed her knuckles, relieved to see the half smile appear on her face.  
“Good. She seems nice, I’d hate to have to kick her ass.” 

***

The next week was a whirlwind. Between doctors, statements, counselling sessions, and lawyer visits, they had very little time to do nothing. Everything they had to do, they did together. They held hands through giving their statement, heard each other speaking through the ordeal with the counsellors and Mary, held the other’s eyes while tests were run. Cherish’s stitches were taken out a few days after she woke up, her arm finally safe to not be covered constantly. They had both asked for long sleeve shirts though, and he almost never saw it. Wilson had surfaced part way through their hospital stay, hat held in his hand. Goolsby watched as she hugged the man, not ready to forgive him, but said nothing. He updated them on the case, telling them not to talk to the press, that nothing had been released stating their names.   
They had a bad moment during one of these updates: the hospital had been on lockdown because some of the gang members had been injured, and were being kept two wards over from them. Cherish had screamed at Wilson, Goolsby physically holding her from behind to stop her from lashing out, although he had half a mind to clock him himself.   
Later Cherish had admitted to Mary it wasn’t his fault, that it was protocol and she recognized the protection they had been given. Goolsby just shrugged, personally happy that she felt the same way he did.   
Every night they laid together in the single hospital bed, the second bed completely ignored. Mostly they would whisper and debrief on the day. Sometimes they kissed, checking the other's bodies gently, but never did they venture into sensual territory. They talked about their plans, deciding to do everything they could to leave this behind them. 

Cherish wasn’t herself, not liking talking in front of people she didn’t know, especially more than one at a time. Privately she told him she would get over it, but having those faceless figures in the shadows staring at her while she was hurt had affected her deeply. More than once she woke in a fit, terrified, taking hours to calm down. Goolsby was having his own nightmares, but her night terrors were more physical. To his relief he would simply force himself awake, and had no other incidents of him lashing out.

On the second day Mary brought them towels, taking them to a private bathroom with a shower. Cherish took one look at the fully tiled room and balked, stepping backward into him. Embarrassed by her own reaction, she buried her face in his chest as he held her. He looked up at Mary in alarm, this proof of their different experience shoved into his mind roughly, and he was deeply sad for her. They talked her into staying in the room with him, sitting on the shower stool, watching him under the spray. Eventually she stripped, joining him cautiously. He made a point of letting her go at her own pace, promising her it was warm. Holding out his hand to her, she slowly came close and took it, feeling his hand was wet and warm, but he didn’t pull her forward, watching her stressed face. She admitted half of the problem was the sound, so taking the hose off the wall he adjusted the setting until she chose one that sounded different. He passed it to her, letting her wet herself as she wanted to, and once she was fully soaked and warm she looked up at him with tears in her eyes but determined resolve on her face. Kissing her, he brought the stool over and had her sit, washing her hair for her, happy to see that she closed her eyes and started to relax from his touch. Afterwards she thanked him, but stated she was looking forward to a tub and a long soak instead. 

She was almost silent when they sat in an office that the hospital was letting them use to speak with a real estate agent and lawyer, simply signing papers when Goolsby slid them to her.   
On the third day they separated for the first time, Cherish opting to go to therapy on her own and then visit with Mrs Lakes while he went to the attic. Wilson accompanied him, although the men barely spoke, just there to offer direction and answer questions. 

The only visitor they had was Mrs Lakes. Goolsby had successfully convinced his parents to let them be until they were ready, knowing it wouldn’t be long. Giving them jobs to do at his place had helped them to stay put, using tactics he had learned from Cherish.   
They were released four days after they had been admitted, taking Cherish’s car to a completely different rental house, finding the items they had left behind waiting for them. Both of them refused to wear new watches, an officer was always present in the adjoining apartment, the house wired for camera and sound. The authorities had been so accommodating that Cherish voiced they should sue, since it felt like they would win based on all the sucking up they’d experienced. He knew she wasn’t serious, knowing the last thing she wanted to do was draw this out. In the full sized bed, with the absence of hospital sounds, they finally got a decent night’s sleep, spending almost the whole day in bed, eating delivery pizza and reading. Sharing a bath together made the day almost perfect.

It wasn’t perfect. They slept with a light on every night, curled together under extra blankets. Getting cold, or feeling that the other was cold, just wasn’t an option for them. They would follow each other into rooms, sit close together on the couch, ate their meals with the kitchen chairs touching. It was excessive, voicing in therapy that they knew they would need space eventually but it was easier for now. Reaching to turn off the TV one night Cherish got a static shock: dropping to the ground she panicked and screamed, heart racing. Goolsby couldn’t get to her fast enough, gathering her into his lap to hold her tight, his body cold in fear. The intercom came on immediately, asking if they were alright, and somehow he managed to answer to stop someone from coming in. They stayed on the floor for a long time, crying together, before he finally lifted her up and carried her to bed, not letting go all night. Their dreams continued to wake them in cold sweats, requiring a shower or bath in order to feel warm enough to sleep. Neither complained about the interrupted sleep, under the unspoken agreement not to let each other face it alone. 

Goolsby called his work and band, cancelling everything for another two weeks, knowing they would need time. For the first week they went to therapy every day, the rest of their time taken up by administrative tasks that we’re tedious and painful. It was hard to predict when she would get upset about something or not, and he found himself worrying that she was repressing her emotions. They emptied her car and cleaned it, the police handling it’s sale and the transfer out of her name. She gave no signs of being upset by it, and he was watching carefully. They went together to buy another car and put it in his name temporarily, Cherish handing him the cash from her sale with no comment. He finally had to ask her about it, and she assured him it was ok. Alternatively, when she received her box of personal effects from her office she did cry, but asked for space. He sat in the kitchen and heard her sniffling in the living room as she went through it. Holding his head in his hands he shed a few tears for her, wondering if every box she would go through would be this hard for her, and hating himself for not having to do the same.

When the offer came she deferred to his judgement, having him handle the entire process, stating confidence in him since he had done this before and she hadn’t.  
It was a rainy afternoon when Cherish finally said something about it, waiting until he looked up from her laptop to speak.   
“I want to go see it.”   
“Ok, when?”  
“Can we go now? Before I change my mind?”  
Taking her hand he drove them to her street, parking in front instead of driving around to the lot. It took her a long time to open the door, but he just waited, letting her take her time. The door echoed through the empty apartment when it closed behind them. Turning to look up at him, she leaned him against the wall, where he stayed, watching as she walked around, her footsteps echoing. When she jerked her head he followed her to the bedroom. Empty, painted, and with a new floor it looked so different, but her mouth was still a hard line. On their way out after leaving their keys on the island, she led him to the outdoor patio where her garden was. She knelt and dug under a bush, pulling a wooden box from the ground, wiping the dirt off before setting it in the trunk of her car. He didn’t ask her about it: she would tell him when she wanted to. 

***

It was a full ten days until they started to truly relax and started trying to find normalcy. The house was temporary but it felt neutral, no longer strange but also not home. The days before they would leave counting down as more and more tasks were completed, which left them with an uncomfortable amount of time on their hands. Doing workouts together was something they found enjoyment in, and since it was new territory for them it wasn’t tainted by anything. On a walk they had ventured into a used record and media store, finding DVD seasons of Dark Shadows. Goolsby got her to laugh as he tried to get her caught on on the series, and she indulged him, happy to be introduced to something he enjoyed, the terrible acting lifting her spirits. Watching the bruises and cuts fade was helping as well, Cherish would smile up at him as they touched in the shower. They were finally able to kiss without it hurting and took advantage often.

Despite their constant togetherness, they hadn’t been intimate at all. Cherish admitted in therapy that it was the therapy holding her back: the constant reminder they were broken weighing on her mind. It was easy for him to reassure her, feeling the same, but he told her he knew when they felt better it would come back. Leaving the session, they held hands a little tighter, feeling closer in a new way.

***  
Cherish let out a huff, tossing the files onto the bed and flopping down beside him, groaning dramatically into the mattress. Despite her frustration, he smiled at her, marking his place and setting his book down.   
“What?”  
“I don’t want to do this.” Her voice muffled by the comforter as she spoke directly into it.  
“It’s to keep you safe.” He replied softly, rubbing a hand along her back in what he hoped was an encouraging way. She sighed and then turned her head over to him.  
“I’m aware. That doesn’t make it less shitty.” She propped herself up on the bed to look at him properly. “I’ve spent all this time making a brand for myself, and this is going to ruin that. I won’t have any connections, I can’t even go in person to meet up with contacts anymore.”   
He stared at the ceiling, feeling guilty all over again, trying to put himself in her shoes. “Was there anything you wanted to do, other than what you do now?”  
She sighed. “I guess I could think about it. I have no experience doing anything else.”   
He rolled to face her. “That’s exactly what I mean, either way it’ll be the same. What if you took a break, and took your time, you could even intern while you look for something you like.”   
“You’re talking to a workaholic.”  
“So? It doesn’t matter what you’re up to: you’ll give it your all. Even taking a break, you can focus on hardcore self care.”  
She giggled. “Just like, the most intense spa day. The super dedication to therapy, getting in some overtime meditation.”   
He laughed with her. “Or you could try to calm the fuck down.”  
“Yeah I know. Working on it.” Pulling her by the arm he fitted them together into a true snuggle.   
Kissing her forehead, he smiled against her skin. “You don’t have to decide right now. And honestly, I’m just going to keep calling you Angel.” She scoffed. In a more blaise tone he continued. “And, you know, maybe later on, you could have a different last name anyways.”   
She pulled her head back to glare at him. “You’re gonna have to do a hell of a lot better than that if you want to ask me.”  
He laughed. “Nah, not asking. Just suggesting. Food for thought.”  
Still grumbling, she settled back against his chest. “Good. I have standards.”   
“Oh I know.” Gently he pulled on her head to get her to look him in the eyes again. “So do I.”   
After kissing him she snuggled back in. “Ok good. Now shut up and just brainstorm with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They are still cute, despite everything. I hope you smiled.


	13. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving the trauma behind. Feels but mostly sex.

Cherish got quieter as they drove, though she would comment on the changing nature and scenery. He would point out things of interest to her, places he wanted to take her hiking, history he thought she would be interested in. Wanting to break her out of her thoughts he stopped and bought them fun coffee drinks at an oddities place he liked to stop at. Walking around he followed her as she touched the wares, hovering over an octopus ring.   
“Get it.” He said with a smile. “It’s cute. And maybe you’d want to have something to remember today by.”  
She let him take it from her, slipping it back on her finger when he’d paid for it.   
“Now when you flip someone the bird, it’ll be nautical.”   
Grinning seeing her laugh, he snapped a photo of her doing just that. He was able to keep her smiling for the rest of the journey, holding her hand in his lap.

As they pulled up to his place he locked the doors, making Cherish look over at him quizzically.   
“Stay right there.” He asked, so she nodded, waiting for him as he ran up the porch steps to unlock his house. Opening her door, he bent low and offered his hand to her, seeing her smirk up at him. As she took it he yanked her forward, throwing her over his shoulder and carrying her up the walk.   
She screeched in laughter, trying to prop herself up against his ass. “Gools put me down!”  
“Nah, you’re not hurt anymore. This was your idea.”   
“Fuck off put me down!” She beat against his back, but with her laughter it barely had any force behind it. His neighbour was watering his lawn, laughing at them. Goolsby nodded to him and tipped an imaginary hat.   
Once on the porch he stopped, “Alright fine.” He hiked her forward, keeping his hold on her, and swung her around, supporting her under her back and legs now.   
“Now you’re making it weird.” She said grinning as he stepped into his house.   
“Only if you think it is. Remember, I don’t bring girls home often. I gotta savour the novelty.”   
“Put me down please, you neanderthal.”   
Setting her on her feet he hugged her in close before letting go. Closing the door, he locked it and hung up his keys. Before she could walk away he grabbed her hand, turning her back around. He took the car keys from his pocket and opened the ring, sliding an extra set onto it and then handed it to her. Raising her eyebrows at him, she hung up the set next to his but didn’t say anything.

Smiling, he followed her into the kitchen and around the house. Cherish touched things that made no sense to him, but he smiled watching her go through the rooms. In the den she stopped then turned to him.   
“That’s my desk.”  
“Yeah, you’re all set up. Whatever you want to work on, all ready for you.” She stared at him incredulously as she went into the room. His stuff had been moved, the space reorganized into a two desk workspace. She touched her book shelf, cosily fit next to his and filled with her volumes.   
“How?”  
“The movers labelled all your stuff. Mom and Dad were here when they unloaded: I made some suggestions. It gave them something to do, kept them from coming to see me. We had a lot on our minds, I thought it would be nice if it felt like it was your place right away. Also, they are secretly ecstatic.”  
“I hope they didn’t find anything scandalous when they went through my stuff.” She trailed her fingers along the familiar spines, even pulled one out to smile at it.  
“Nah, I was there when it was packed. They only went through the ones I marked safe.”  
“Respectful.” She grinned at him  
“Come on.” Taking her hand he led her upstairs. In the bathroom he pulled out the drawers in the vanity, showing her the products from her bathroom with lots of space for more things. The little sugar skull from her trip to Mexico next to the soap dish, her own towels hanging on the racks, a new curtain almost exactly matched the pattern and colour.   
“They were nicer than mine. And apparently Mom hated the shower curtain enough to replace it.”   
“I like it.”  
“She’ll be thrilled.”  
The furniture in the bedroom had been completely rearranged. Her dresser was there, her jewellery case and photo of her family neatly set. The bed was only made up with sheets, which were black and clearly new. She turned and sat on it, looking up at him.   
“It’s too cold still for only sheets.”  
“I know. There’s about three sets for you to pick from, but if you don’t like them we can return all three and go shopping. We can return the sheets too if you don’t like black.”  
“Well, we can have more than one colour of sheets.” She said almost absently, trailing her hand on the cotton beside her.  
He knelt in front of her, waiting.   
“This is, I’m… touched?” Cherish smiled but it was small.   
He brushed hair away from her cheek. “It’s a lot to take in. Don’t worry about it right now. We aren’t going to go see them until you feel like it.” She nodded, grateful that he knew her so well.   
Leaning forward into his shoulder, she breathed him in, feeling his arms come up around her.   
“Thank you.” She said, his hair tickling her face.   
“You’re welcome.” He paused, wondering if he should say what he wanted to say, but decided against it. “I know it’s going to feel weird for a while. We’ll just... take our time.”  
Gently she drew him back to look at him. “What do you mean?”  
“You know... “ He looked up into her eyes, seeing her shake her head, so he swallowed. “For you to get settled, and feel comfortable. We can rearrange stuff, paint, I should get rid of old stuff anyways.”  
She cupped his face. “You mean for it to feel like home?”  
“I did… but I don’t want to rush you.”   
Before he could cringe she kissed him softly, lingering and pressing their lips together over and over. She still held his face when it ended, brown eyes calm and content.   
“Home is wherever you are.”   
Looking into her eyes, he felt himself melt a little. “I love you.”   
Pulling him back into her neck she hugged him tight. “I love you.”  
Her fingers started running through his hair, making him sigh when her nails scratched along his scalp.   
“Come lay down with me.”   
With a tug on his hand he sighed and let go, standing and watching her crawl up the bed. When she patted the sheet next to her he smiled, emptying his pockets onto the side table.   
Once they were tangled together on their sides, faces close, he searched her eyes, trying to get a sense of her mood.  
“Are you tired?”  
“A little, I’m glad to be out of the car. Glad to be here. Somewhere I know, instead of somewhere strange. How are you?”  
“Yeah, it’s really nice to be home. I missed my bed.”   
“Is it weird if I missed your bed too?”  
He chuckled. “No, it’s nice, you’re comfy here. Like you said, it’s familiar.”  
Cherish nodded but looked at him for a long moment. “Yeah…”  
“What?”  
“I’m thinking about it. That it’s your bed.”   
He frowned at her in confusion. She just shook her head, tucking under his chin. “I’m enjoying it. Can we nap?”   
“Sounds good.”   
He could tell by her breathing that she wasn’t asleep for a long time. Part of him was happy, having been worried she had been sleeping a lot when she was healing, but the other part wondered what was on her mind. Being still, holding her, in his own bed: it was too relaxing for him, and he drifted off before she did for once. 

***

He was waking slowly, feeling Cherish shift against him. Being wrapped around her had always made him feel good, but now it reassured him that they were safe. Still half asleep, he smiled against her hair, feeling her warm body pressed into his. Her hands were moving gently along his sides to his hips, and tentatively she smoothed a palm over his ass.   
“Hey.” He muttered, not annoyed at all, just teasing her, keeping his eyes closed.   
Teasing him back, she squeezed lightly, then moved her hands down his thigh until the top of his knee where she couldn’t reach lower. Putting her hand between them she moved her hand up, skimming the front of his leg, slowly up to where his inner thigh met his hip.   
She stopped there, lingering, pressing her fingers in a little.   
Opening his eyes he looked into her brown ones, seeing her watching him hesitantly.   
“Is this ok?” She whispered.   
Part of him wanted to answer like he normally would, with an “of course” or a joke. But seeing her concerned face made him man up and nod seriously.   
“Yeah.”   
She slid her hand over the two inches, feeling him over his pants. Not fully awake yet, he wasn’t hard much, though he was certainly headed that way from her hands. It was also the familiar smells and sounds, the feeling of his own house finally, breaking through the wall in his mind. He saw the same openness on her face.  
“You can tell me to stop.”   
“I don’t want you to stop.” He whispered back. He felt along her curves, tracing the shape of her upwards to the collar of her shirt. Feeling her fingers go under his shirt to lightly touch his stomach, he matched her, touching the skin of her chest. Holding his eyes, she undid the button of his jeans, waiting for him to stop her. He moved his hand under her shirt farther, tracing the edge of her bra. Cherish sat up, tugging on his arm to make him follow. She pulled the shirt over his head, and catching on to her train of thought he did the same for her. She undid her bra herself, tossing it behind her and reaching for him, made them lie down on their sides again. Carefully, they explored each other: they had been touching in the shower, had been naked together often enough, but this was different. Their touches until now had always been relaxing or comforting, rather than arousing. Now, he circled her nipple with his fingertips, watching it harden, seeing her pupils blow up, her mouth opening to let out a sigh. A shiver went down his spine as she caressed down his chest, needing to press their lips together. They hadn’t made out in so long, their kisses only to reassure, to enjoy closeness, and he had gotten used to not letting himself get too into it. So when she moaned into his mouth he wasn’t expecting it, abandoning the path he was tracing on her chest to hold her head in both hands. He wanted to hold onto this moment, where solace became seduction. She clutched at him as he kissed her deeply, wrapping her leg around his to press their hips together. Letting his hands slide down her body, brushing the skin of her back, he found the waistband of her pants, tucking his fingers in. She broke the kiss, rolling onto her back to undo them, shoving them down and kicking them off. With a smile he followed suit, rolling back to face her. He just watched as she trailed her hands down his body, the simple anticipation thrilling. She paused under his belly button, glancing up to meet his eyes, which were heavy lidded. Lightly, she brushed a finger along his length, teasing him with the feather touch. She traced every part of him before closing her hand around him, stroking him gently. He tilted her chin up to kiss her, snaking his arm between them to open her knees. As she touched him, he felt along her thighs, sighing at the softness under his hands, getting close to her heat but then changing direction. Seeing her bite her lip, he pushed his free arm under her neck to bring them closer, their faces almost touching. She changed her grip on him to what she knew he liked better, wanting to encourage him. He shivered, feeling her playing with just the head, finally bringing his fingers to where she wanted them, glancing over her lips. Feeling how wet she was for him made him groan, coupled with the way she was squeezing him, he was already flying high. They toyed with each other, focused completely on the other’s face, seeing every twitch, every breath. It was a slow build, not for lack of passion, but to savour it. Pushing his finger inside her, he watched her mouth fall open. He sucked in a breath when she licked her hand and stroked down his cock harder. Her head fell back as he rubbed her clit. 

Cherish threw her leg over his hip, shifting herself close. She moved his hand away, bringing his cock to her entrance. It took a few tries but he found the right place and rolled his hips up, her tightness almost difficult to push into.   
He opened his mouth when he saw her furrowed brow, but she brought a hand up, placing a finger over his lips and shaking her head, erasing his worry that he was hurting her. Kissing him, she tangled them together until he was flush against her, holding him close. For a moment neither of them moved, letting the kiss linger. 

It was a position they had never done before, but needing to figure it out together wasn’t something they minded. Rolling her hips was slow and tantalizing, making it easy for them to kiss, sighing from touches and feeling their breath mingle together. She ran her fingers through his hair, holding his eyes as she tilted her hips against him, sliding them together. 

Feeling down her back firmly, he dug his fingers into her ass, squeezing her, moaning feeling how she was moving herself into him. It made him thrust his hips up, changing their rhythm. Cherish nodded to him, so he took over, holding her ass and thrusting up into her. He was able to speed them up a little but it was nicer to let it stay slow and intense. Cherish was kissing every piece of skin she could reach.   
“I missed you.” She whispered to him. Letting go of her butt, he held her close, palms pressing into her back.   
“I missed you too.”   
He kissed her and then pulled back to see her face better.   
She smiled softly. “This is nice but it’s not really doing anything for me.”  
“Ok, what do you want hun?”  
She sighed, kissing him. “I don’t know. Feel you everywhere.” She ran her hands down his sides. Searching her face he saw uncertainty, and she shifted herself closer to him. Cupping her face in both hands he kissed her, feeling her press into him.  
“I’m right here. Do you want to be on top?”  
She shook her head. “No, I would feel…. I don’t know. Exposed? I can’t explain it.”  
Because he had to, he asked, “Do you feel safe?”  
“Yeah…I feel safe with you. Maybe that’s what I want more of?”  
Nodding to her, he tucked her hair behind her ear. “I have an idea we can try, but if you don’t like it we don’t have to.”  
When she nodded, he kissed her slowly, waiting until she was clutching at him. Hands on her hip he rolled her onto her stomach, shifting with her to be right next to her. He ran his hands down her back, tracing her curves. Getting to his knees, he kissed her cheek and then her lips, her face turned towards him on the bed. His lips made his way to his ear, feeling her shiver, he smiled, then continued to her shoulders, down her back. Gently, he settled on top of her, kissing into the crook of her neck where it was exposed.   
“You ok?”  
He felt her shift. “I’ve never done this before.”  
“I thought so. It’s like spooning except it’s easier. It feels really nice.”  
She laughed and hid her face for a moment. “I’ve never done that either.”  
He shifted himself to the other side to be able to see her, bringing their faces close. “I’ve got you, hun.”  
She nodded. “I know. I trust you.” A smile came onto her face. “I love you.”  
“I love you too.”   
Kneeling over her legs he held his cock to her, finding the right spot and pushing in, laying back down on top of her. He wrapped her in his arms, pressing her down into the mattress.   
“Ok?” He asked softly.  
“Yeah.” He felt her hips tilt to help him slide deeper, so he moved to meet her, loving the feeling of her ass against his hips. Building a slow rhythm, he rocked into her, kissing her ear and neck, feeling her sigh.   
Trying to go deeper he shifted his body, and on his next thrust Cherish let out a moan.   
“That feel good, baby?”  
“Yes…” She rose up to meet him and press harder against him. Her hands held his arms where he was holding her, all of her body under his. As he moved his hips against her she let out more noises, making him smile.   
“Good. I want it to feel good.” Kissing up her neck, he moved a hand to bring her chin over so he could kiss her, keeping his slow movements and matching the pace with his mouth.   
She broke away with a gasp. “Fuck.”  
“You ok?” He stilled, using his nose against her face to signal her to open her eyes.   
Her brown eyes opened, an almost worried look on her face.   
“I think I’m gonna be loud.” She bit her lip as she looked at him.  
A grin spread across his face. “Lemme hear it.”  
Capturing her lips, he squeezed her tightly, pressing down into her for a moment.   
Pulling out of her as far as he could without his skin leaving hers, he held there for a moment, just long enough for her eyes to ask for it. When he slid home, her mouth opened and her eyes closed, a cry coming from her. He did it again, but didn’t pause, making his strokes long and fluid.   
WIth every thrust noises poured from her. She clutched his arm around her, moving her hips with him as much as she could, which wasn’t much. Briefly, she felt the discomfort that would come from any lack of control.   
But then he kissed her cheek, hit her sweet spot again, and she threw it into the wind.   
“Oh fuck, Gools, it feels so good.”   
The breath he blew out moved her hair by her ear, and he squeezed her. “Want you to feel good.”   
She bit her lip and turned until she could see him: he shifted closer. “Harder.”   
He hesitated, so she kissed him. “Not faster, just harder.”  
Nodding while he held her eyes, he thrust using more of his body weight, pushing deeper.   
Her instant moan encouraged him to keep going, keeping his gentle pace but now his strokes had power behind them. He couldn’t help letting out a sigh of his own, feeling how she was squeezing around his cock, rising to meet him, loving feeling every inch of her skin.   
Her hips were meeting his off time now, and he knew she didn’t want to ask for it, but he sped up to match her, and her voice hitched, an airy gasp tearing from her throat. Driving deep pulled the best sounds from her, finding the rhythm of her body based on her reaction.   
It wasn’t long before he could feel her legs trembling beneath him. His own body was pleading for his release.   
Taking his arm back from around her, he pushed under her stomach, reaching down to find her clit. A shiver raced through him when he felt how wet she was. Pressing his fingers up into her made her groan, throwing her head up to look for him. Once he found his angles, he laid back down, sliding their skin together. 

Faces close, he watched her fall apart, hands clenching around his arm holding her. The shuddering grew until she was quaking all over, her mouth opened to form his name, and her eyes never left his. Her pussy contracted so tight around him, feeling the fluttering that meant she was cumming before he heard her. Pressing into her hard his legs came off the bed to power into her. She was writhing and he had to hold her tighter to keep a shred of his control. When her sounds reached a fever pitch he let go, groaning into her ear, feeling himself spasm. 

Not wanting to crush her, he rolled them to their sides, curling his body around hers. Their breathing calmed slowly, and he had to talk himself into letting go with his top arm to push his hair back out of his face. He did the same for her, tracing the edge of her hairline and seeing her lips pull to the side in a smile.   
“That was nice.” She said lamely, and then laughed at herself.   
He squeezed her in a hug, kissing her temple. “It was nice.”   
“I guess that was part of my education.”   
“What?”  
She chuckled. “You said you were going to show me couple stuff.”   
“Oh, right. Yeah, I guess it is, if that was a first. When sex is bascially a hug.” Turning her onto her back, he propped himself on his elbow to see her clearly. It soothed him to see her face so relaxed, smiling easily back at him.   
"I think we have to keep the sheets now."   
A laugh shook his frame. "Yeah, they're definitely our now." They shared a smile. He trailed his fingers along her neck. “I was surprised when you didn’t want to be on top.” He admitted.   
She shrugged. “I know. I guess I needed something different.” Blushing a little she looked at him under her lashes. “I liked that a lot. Once again, you’re good at this.” Kissing him to break the eye contact helped her nerves, happy to feel him smiling.   
“Thanks, I like that a lot...I had an ex that wanted doggy all the time, but I didn’t really like… everything about that. It was a good middle ground. I didn’t want to lead, or take, I wanted… to give. But not in a “give it to her” way… Makes sense that it didn’t work out.” He chuckled, smiling at her. “I needed you.”  
Happy to hear him open up, she smiled. “Well, I’m sorry we haven’t done that before, if you like it.”  
“Nah, I’m not complaining at all.” Finding her hand he brought it to his lips. “You’ve shown me plenty of things that I like, Angel.”   
She smiled back, but looked away. “Right. Well, should we test out that new shower curtain?” With a quick peck she got up, and he watched her walk away and disappear into the bathroom.   
Sitting up in bed he pushed his hair back, wondering what he had said. Hearing her clear her throat, he glanced up, seeing her leaning out of the doorframe and crooked a finger at him. Grinning, he rolled off the bed, joining her and sighing at the luxury of his own shower. That he was home, and she was with him to stay: he felt the water washing away the sweat from the road, and with it, some of his residual fear. He kissed her, holding her against him, part of him filling with contentment as the room filled with steam.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done :)


	14. Tied to you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter. Mostly Smut.

She was sitting on the back porch when he approached. Looking out across the lawn on the outdoor couch, her legs curled up on the seat beside her, she was completely idle. Stopping to watch her since she wasn’t looking, he studied her face: she was calm on the surface, taking in the green space. The books he had found for her about this region’s plants open on the glass table, her drawing of where she wanted to put gardens well on its way to completion. Mrs. Lakes was going to be taking cuttings of some of the plants that might survive in this zone and was going to ship them to her. He was happy she was doing something to make his place into their place, but he knew she felt like she didn’t have a purpose. Her processing wasn’t complete and she couldn’t look for a job until she was cleared: her assets were frozen, she couldn’t even drive. They had been able to take out a portion of money to tide her over in the meantime, and he had said many times she could use his if she needed to. But she said she didn’t need anything, her habit of making due coming in handy, she said.

With his tour starting in less than two weeks, he was worried for her. She had insisted she would be ok, stating that his absence would force her to do things on her own. And he certainly had to admit they were both better. They really were adjusting to living together, enjoying each other’s company. She said often it was nice not to have to say goodbye to him. Relaxing was easier, their nightmares less frequent, the feeling of safety no longer a struggle. A few days after they had arrived he’d had an alarm system installed, making both of them breathe more freely. Often they started the day just relaxing in bed, since they didn’t need to be anywhere most mornings; even when he went back to work his appointments usually didn’t start until after 10am. Picking up where they had left off in the first safehouse, they were building a new kind of intimacy, one that involved slow, tender sex. Cherish would blush when he referred to it as love making but would nod and then kiss him to shut him up.

But the one thing that he knew wasn’t fixed was her feelings of control. While he was working she would go through her boxes, often checking with him before moving things, or wanting his opinion on what to keep. Any time she did a task around the house or cleaned she had to ask him something: where the supplies were, or how he normally did things. Half way through a box she would give up, packing everything back into it, shoving it back into the garage and going for a walk. It wasn’t like her to do half jobs, or be so hesitant, and when it didn’t go away he knew he needed to do something. 

Helping her unpack, he had found their box of toys and gear. Opening it, he smiled looking at everything, feeling desire race through him. He carried it to the bedroom where she was organizing, and placed it on the bed, waiting for her to turn to see him. She smiled at him, coming over to see, and then the expression had slid off her face. He kissed her, and she kissed him back, but when it ended she just nodded and went back to the closet. Feeling rejected, he left, later telling her he was asking for it. She had apologized, and they ended up having sex that night, but it wasn’t what he was hoping for. 

It made sense to him that she had chosen this spot to sit: they had bought the outdoor couch together. It was something that wasn’t his or her, it was theirs. She looked beautiful in the bright light, the spring air was still a little cool, but she resolutely sat in the sun, her oversized sweater pulled low leaving her shoulders bare, trying to soak up the feel good chemicals. It was a small thing, opening herself to the potential to be cold, but for them it was a big step. He watched her for a moment longer before moving towards her. Turning at the sound of his feet she smiled up at him.   
“Hey. You ok?” He asked.  
“Yeah. It’s nice out. Are you done working?” When he nodded she patted the cushion next to her. “Gonna sit with me?” Slowly he shook his head. She frowned, looking concerned. “Are you ok?”  
Swallowing, he moved to kneel in front of her. She reached out immediately to cup his cheek.   
“What’s wrong?”  
Reaching behind him, he pulled the coil of rope from his waistband where he had hidden it, holding it out to her. Cherish’s eyebrows shot up, face changing from concern to apprehension.   
“Gools…” She dropped the hand from his face but leaned forward, uncurling her legs to sit straighter. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”   
He searched her face, eyes imploring, trying to find the spark of confidence he was used to before all the shit had hit them. It wasn’t there, uncertainty and disbelief reigning on her face.   
“Please,” He whispered. “I need you.”  
She let out a breath, holding his head in her hands again, still not touching the rope. “Tell me what you are thinking. What are you asking for?” 

Leaning into her hold, he looked up at her through his lashes. ‘There’s too much happening inside my head. I need to stop thinking. I need to give up control to you. I need you to take me down.” Letting go of the rope with one hand he touched the lock at his throat. “When I leave… I’m going to be wearing this still. And I don’t want to be unsure about what we mean to each other when I’m gone. I want to know… that I’m still yours.” 

She sighed, taking a hand off his face to touch the lock with him, thinking hard. It was her turn to search his face, taking so long his knees were starting to hurt.   
Whispering again, he held the rope a little closer to her. “Please, Angel.” 

Slowly she leaned in and kissed him; he pressed up into her, trying to convey his need to her. Looking into his eyes she held out her hand and he placed the rope in it, letting go when her hand closed around it, a hopefulness coming onto his face. 

She nodded finally, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”   
When he opened his mouth to dispute that, she put a finger on his lips and raised an eyebrow. It was there: her expectation of his obedience, and the small gesture washed through him. He kissed the finger, a small smile on his face. Trailing her finger along his face she inspected him, seeing that he had shaved and showered for her. “You got yourself all ready for me, did you?”

“Yes, Angel.”

“Tell me what else you did.” Her thumb ran along his smooth chin, keeping him from ducking his head. 

“I changed the sheets and made the bed. Umm, cleaned up in the bedroom. I didn’t take the box out, just the rope…”

“Because you weren’t sure I would say yes.” She stated, looking at him levelly. He just nodded, worried that she would change her mind. Letting go of his face she held her hand out to him. “Alright, show me your work.”

Getting to his feet he took her hand, happy feeling her use him to help herself stand. Though they were both in jeans when she did that it always made him think back to helping her get out of the town car at the gala, when she had been wearing a dress and tall heels. Looking at him expectantly to lead the way he blushed, keeping her hand in his and walking them inside. When the door closed behind them she stopped him, pressing him up against the wall. 

“So you wanted to do something with me, but you’re uncomfortable taking me to show me?” He flushed under her gaze, swallowing as he looked down at her. With a smile she caressed down his chest. “I forgot how cute you get when I notice things.”

Stepping back from him she took his hand again, seeing that he wished she would pull him forward but she didn’t, making a point of walking beside him, enjoying the redness in his ears. Getting to the bedroom she stood just inside the doorway, making a show of looking.   
“Did you know those are my favourite sheets?” She asked, seeing the bed turned down, the dark purple, extra soft cotton looking fresh and cosy.   
“Yes, Angel.” Hearing him say quietly behind her, and she heard him shift his weight. Reaching behind herself she grabbed his arm, moving him to stand in front of the bed.   
Waiting for her to say something he tucked his hair behind his ears and swallowed. They hadn’t done anything but he felt her control over him like the weight of a comfortable blanket. 

“Well this looks very nice.” He started to smile but she shook her head. “It’s not perfect though.”

Going tense he looked at her through his lashes. “What can I do Angel?”

“Not complete without my toy to play with. And I can’t see him: he’s all covered up.”

Standing straight, he pulled the shirt over his head, holding her eyes as he tossed it sideways to the hamper. Hugging around herself, she propped her arm up to lean her chin on it, her eyes leering. Letting himself smile, he opened his belt, draping it over the end of the bed, in case she wanted it, seeing her approving nod sent warmth through him. Undoing his pants, he heard her hum and ducked his head to hide his grin, shrugging out of them so they would join the pile with his shirt. Glancing back up his grin stayed: Cherish had removed her shirt and was holding his eyes as her pants dropped to the floor, kicking them sideways. 

Coming towards him she stepped close, pulling his head down and capturing his lips. He sighed into her mouth, her hands wandering over him, sliding into his hair and devouring him. Unable to help a groan escaping he felt her smile, and bringing a hand down she cupped him through his boxers, breaking the kiss to leer at him.

Cherish shoved him backwards onto the bed: he let himself flop backwards with a grin. Seeing her snap her fingers for him to move backwards sent him scrambling up the bed in excitement. She straddled his waist, and he stared up at her, his mouth open. Grabbing his chain, she towed him up so he was sitting, needing to brace his hands behind him from the difficult angle. Once she could tell he would stay there she let go, taking the rope in both hands she threw it behind his neck, using it to bring their faces close.   
“This is what you want?” Her voice was low and sultry.   
“Yes, Angel.”   
“You want me to tie you up and play with you? You want to suffer slowly, being teased and edged until I feel like you deserve release?”   
Even as he nodded a strange feeling came over him. The normal thrilling arousal was there, but under it was something he wasn’t sure about. “Yes, please Angel.”   
“Hands.” Shifting his weight onto one arm, he brought the other up to her, and she shook her head, raising an eyebrow and smirking. “Both hands. You have such lovely abs, are you telling me they can’t do anything?”  
Letting out a huff, he gritted his teeth and balanced himself. Briefly, she supported his head with the rope, kissing him, and then let go on one side. Caressing his arms, she trailed her fingers along them slowly before beginning to loop the rope around his wrists. Her movements were painfully slow, literally, as he held himself there for her. The weight of her on his hips helped but soon his muscles were screaming at him and he began to shake.   
“You going to tap out?” While her voice was light, he heard the challenge in it and shook his head.   
Grinning she finished tying her knot, raising an eyebrow at him, seeing he was committed until she let him relax. Holding his chin, she kissed him, pushing hard against his lips. A groan escaped him as his muscles shrieked. With a laugh she pushed him backwards and followed him as he fell.   
Gasping, he closed his eyes, feeling her arrange his arms up above his head so she could start kissing his chest.   
“Good job, glad to see those muscles can be put to good use.” Cherish kissed across his chest, feeling over the trembling skin of his stomach. “So very hot.”   
“Thank you.” He breathed, part of his mind slipping down into the safe space she created in his head. Feeling her so close, her lips against his skin, her hands skimming over him: it felt right.   
Her hands pressed him into the mattress, gliding over his arms, and as she moved her hands up him her lips found his. They kissed with a rough passion that they hadn’t felt in months. Her fingers laced into his and she pushed her hips into him. Taking the ends of the rope she threaded them through the wood, biting his lower lips to hear him hum. As her hands worked she moved his head to the side to kiss down his neck, sucking skin into her mouth hard. 

Goolsby thrust his hips up, chasing the feeling she was creating. Cherish sat up to smile down at him, seeing him panting and his face full of lust. Dropping her eyes to his stomach she watched the muscles move in a jerk, saw his breathing speed up, his arms moving and pulling against the rope, letting her fingers and gaze slowly move up his body to his face again. 

Instead of desire she saw fear. He was breathing hard, not in anticipation but anxiety, face drained of colour.   
Dropping to her elbows she got right in his face, cupping his cheeks. “Gools, hey, talk to me.”  
“I can’t do this.” He whispered.   
About to take her hand off his face to pull the release end of the rope, she stopped. “I need you to say it. Tell me for real. Do you want me to push you through this, was this what you needed? Or are you done?”   
His eyes closed, searching himself, feeling the panic start to make his limbs shake. “Red.”  
Letting go of his face she yanked on the rope and grabbed his hands, shoving her fingers under the coils and pulling them off as fast as she could. He was already sitting up as she finished, his arms crushing her against him and pushing his face into her chest.   
His breathing was rough and ragged as he clutched her closer. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I thought... it would be ok. Sorry.”   
“ Shhh. It’s ok. Breathe with me.” It wasn’t until his breathing had calmed, matched to hers, that she started moving the hair out of his face, putting her fingers under his chin, hoping he would look at her. Cautiously, he met her eyes, ready to apologize again but she kissed him. “I’m sorry,” She whispered to him, “I didn’t want to push you, but I would have if you needed it. I’m so happy that you used your safeword. That was so good. You did good.” With her fingers on his face she could make him look at her, waiting until he nodded. “But now I need you to tell me what you wanted: why did you ask me for this? You sounded so sure on the patio. Were you lying to me?” Defeated, he tried to drop his head, but her fingers tightened on his face, stopping him. “Look at me and tell me.”  
Swallowing hard he nodded. “Yes.”   
“Yes what?”  
“Yes... I lied to you.” His face was turning red, feeling ashamed and nervous.   
Cherish nodded. “Tell me why. Tell me all of it.” Her hands pushed him so there was a little space between them, allowing her to look at him straight on. Threading her fingers into his hair she tilted his head up, gently, but firm enough he knew she wouldn’t let him look down or away from her.   
“You haven’t been you. I wanted to play so that… you’d get that back.”  
“Is there a “but” in there?”   
He wouldn’t have shaken his head but her hands were stopping him. “No… I do want you to take over. I do need it. I thought that the rope would be different than cuffs… I just wanted… I just wanted you back.”   
The look on Cherish’s face made his pulse race, his mind wondered, starting to feel a strange fear. Her eyes were stormy, the fingers in his hair had tightened. The silence stretched between them as she thought about what he had said. 

Seeing what he was feeling she tilted her head. “What are you afraid of?”  
He swallowed, “That you don’t want this anymore.” With her holding his face he couldn’t hide the disquiet he felt. 

Finally, she reacted, nodding slowly. Taking his arms from around her she made him lean back on his hands again, then held his chin firmly. Her other hand came up to cup his cheek, the rope in her hand pressing against his skin.   
“Do you trust me?”  
Without hesitating he nodded, not wanting to speak. Letting go of his face, she sat up, finding the ends of the rope and coiling it back up around her hand. When she got to the middle of the length she stopped, finding the other end and doing the same, leaving her with two working ends. She draped them over his neck, raising an eyebrow at him. Not knowing what she meant he just stared back at her.   
“Do you want to try again? Or are you finished with playing?”   
Frozen, he stared up at her. That she was asking him sent a thrill down his whole body. “Yes, I want to try, if you want to.” Blushing as he said it, he tried to put even a tenth of the need he felt into his voice. Imploring but not begging, wanting her to want it too.   
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but what you like is the feeling of being bound.”   
Shifting a little, he nodded. “Yes… but it’s the… not being able to get out that’s messing me up.”  
“Thank you.” She leaned in and kissed him. “Who says there has to be something to get out of?”  
“I don’t understand.”   
“I think you will, if you let me show you. I think we can give you what you were craving without trapping you.”  
His eyebrows shot up. “Ok.”   
“Can you stay like this for a while? Do your wrists hurt?”   
He glanced down at himself, with her sitting on his legs, supporting himself on his arms, semi reclined. “I’m good like this.”   
“I’m going to tie you, but not up, not to anything. I’m going to go slow.” He nodded, and she sighed dramatically. “Excuse me?”   
The corners of his lips twitched. “Sorry Angel. Yes, green.”   
Cherish leaned forward to kiss him softly, with a tenderness that contradicted. Sitting up she made a knot in the middle of the rope, creating a loop that wouldn’t slip, and then made another a foot farther up the rope. Holding his eyes she parted the rope between the knots and draped it over his head, adjusting it so that neither knot touched his neck. Taking the two ends she reached under his arms, passing them each through to loop and his back. As she brought the ends back she slid the rope along his skin, watching him closely. Creating another knot at the front, she drew the ends through, the ropes dragging across his torso. Closing his eyes, he sighed: it was like when she would draw on him but with contact points that now stayed, held in place. 

She worked slowly, creating an intricate web around his body, enjoying touching him, and also the sight she was making. Before each knot she checked to make sure it wasn’t tight, only enough tension to maintain the shapes. Keeping a close eye on his mental state she could tell he was sinking into himself, staying in the moment, relaxed. 

The rope was a long one, getting to the very top of his pants she still had several feet left.   
Making a show of thinking about what to do she teased him with the ends, using them to trace the diamond shapes all over his chest.   
“Hold these for me.” She held the ends up to him, and savoured watching him open his mouth to take them from her. Getting off him she hooked her fingers in the waistband of his boxers. He lifted his hips for her, a little embarrassed that he wasn’t hard, but she smiled at him and he dismissed it. Taking one of the ends from him she tapped on his hip. “Lift up, and stay up.”   
Biting his lip in amusement, he got his feet under him. It ended up being almost a loose straight bridge from yoga. It hadn’t been bothering his arms much until this point, but now he knew he’d be working for it. 

Slowly she trailed the ropes across his thigh, wrapping it around the tendon at the uppermost part where his hip connected. Her hands brushed his balls as she made the passes, changing his relaxed mood into growing lust. Tucking her end in for a moment she did the same on the other side, smirking at him as his erection came to full mast. With a devious smile, she connected the ends of the rope in a knot between his legs. Roughly she pushed his hips down into the mattress and straddled his thighs. With his legs forced together the knot pushed up into his skin, lighting up the nerves there. He realized he wouldn’t be able to move without it shifting against him, sending little shocks of sensation through him. With a swift chop into his elbows she made him fall backwards into the bed, unable to catch himself. 

Cherish ran her hands over her work, tracing the lines and skin, moving up to the base of his neck.   
“You’re so gorgeous.” Laying down on top of him made the lattice work press into him, cementing the feeling into his skin. Kissing her way from his chest and up his neck she whispered in his ear. “How does this feel? Tell me.”  
Letting out a breath in a huff he tried to shrug. “Um, good. Comfortable.”   
“Glad to hear it.” She kissed him swiftly and got off him, tangling her fingers into the web over his chest she tugged, pulling him to stand with her. Right away he enjoyed how the ropes pushed and pulled him to her will. The mirror on the back of the door showed him the web around him and while he felt good from it, he didn’t think he was ready to see it.Feeling awkward, he shifted his weight and then froze: the knot pushed up into him under his balls. Seeing her smirk he knew she was fully aware of what it was doing to him.   
Cherish held up the black blindfold and raised her eyebrow. “I can’t reach, bend down for me.”  
Bending forward he was stopped as the ropes pulled unto his legs, so he bent his knees instead, which pushed the knot harder into his skin. As she slid the band over his head he sighed from the combination of the knot and the added symbol of her control. 

Moving him forward using the ropes she made him stand a little farther from the bed and let go. Walking in a circle around him, she let him feel her hands the first time and then walked another turn without touching him. She could tell he knew where she was from the wait he would adjust himself. Opening the closet, she pulled the box down, dropping it to the floor with a loud clatter. The corners of his mouth twitched even as it startled him. 

“You said something that bothered me.”  
“I’m sorry.” He said immediately.   
“Don’t interrupt me. You said you weren’t sure you were mine. You are absolutely mine. We’re going to make sure you’re reminded of that. Often.”  
“Thank you.” He breathed.  
“No, you don’t get to say thank you yet. I’m a little insulted. What do you think you deserve to get for insulting me?”  
Letting out a breath, relief and nerves running through his veins, a smile almost forming on his face. He knew exactly what he should say. “Whatever you think I do, Angel.”  
“Oh good, so you haven’t forgotten everything.” 

The sound of her searching in the box met his ears, sending a fizz through his veins. Technically everything in that box was a yes, but they hadn’t talked about it since before. Trying to remember what was in there he strained to hear, to guess what she might have in mind.   
“Hands. Palms down.”   
Not hesitating he held them out for her. She wrapped his fingers around leather, a belt, and did the same with his other hand, moving them apart until he held it about a foot past his shoulder width.  
“You’re going to hold this taunt above your head. It’s not going to move.”  
“Yes Angel.” Feeling her light push he did as she asked, raising it above his head.   
“Widen your stance.” Once he had placed his feet he felt a tickling on his feet. It was like many touches, cool and not fabric. Cocking his head he tried to think, feeling it moving up his leg.   
“Do you know what this is?”   
Slowly he shook his head, not wanting to speak. The soft touch came up to his torso, gently it flicked out, wrapping around his side, wide like a fan.   
Swallowing he nodded. “Yes.”  
Cherish kissed the center of his chest. “Yes, you know what it is?” Walking around him she draped it over his shoulder and let it slide off. “Or yes, you want it?”  
“Both.” A shiver was running through him. Of the things she could have picked, cat-o-nine tails was right in the middle of the road for them. Maybe even on the harder side, depending on how she used it. He had been wondering where she would lean, if she wanted to hold back or not.   
It was one of his personal favourites because it was a perfectly manageable level of pain since it was spread out, but it hurt enough for it to make it hard.   
It was a challenge but a safe one. The one she had chosen was technically more of a flogger, the braided pieces ending in soft leather tips, but she could use it anyway she wanted.   
And he knew she would. He bit his lip, not saying anything, nerves humming in anticipation already. 

“Ready? I don’t want you to move: don’t drop the belt, keep your arms up there, keep it straight.” Taking a second to adjust himself, he nodded, then felt the handle move his chin higher, then tap each one of his shoulders to remind him to not be tense. 

Standing in front of him, Cherish was biting her lip. Watching him be so willing was always so special for her, it was so obvious how much he wanted what she was offering. Still a feeling a little strange, she walked a circle around him, seeing his chin move the tiniest amount, following her.   
Casually, she let her arm cross her body, the leather knocking into his hips, curling around to his ass. She knew it didn’t hurt, it couldn’t have, but a smile came onto his face. Twisting the other way she hit the other side, a little harder, watching a smirk form on his face.   
Walking to the side she adjusted her grip and put her weight behind it, bringing it to his stomach.   
He clearly wasn’t expecting it, the sound muffled by the ropes across his skin, but he reacted, flinching forward, his arms coming down to keep his balance. While he immediately tried to right himself, her arm was already coming around to smack it into his ass.   
Overcorrecting, he took a step backward, the smirk off his face. With a hard smack, she let the leather curl around his calf, stopping him from moving his foot back to the right spot as his leg buckled in response.   
With her foot she pushed against his knee, seeing him answer by letting it slide to the correct spot on the floor. Throwing the tails over her shoulder she touched the diamonds of skin on his back, working her way back to his front.   
“These are going to make such a nice pattern for me.” Anywhere his skin was turning red she kissed slowly, smirking seeing him getting hard again. “Comfortable? Colour?”  
“Green.”   
“You look so good all tied up. I should do this to you every morning, hide it under your clothes.” She smiled seeing him blush thinking about that, biting her own lip. “Then when you got home I’d make you strip and show me.”   
Blushing even harder he pressed his lips together, not wanting to argue with her. “Awe does that embarrass you? I don’t know why it should. I love watching you take your clothes off. You’re so fucking sexy. Maybe we make a no shirt rule for you, so I can see you whenever I want.”  
Despite his reserve on doing what she was suggesting, her compliments washed over him like rain sweeping in after a long drought. Without warning she wrapped her hand around his cock, making him suck in a breath. “So needy. Do you know why I could make you do that?”  
The heat over his skin from the impacts and the softness of her hand was making it hard to concentrate enough to form an answer but he nodded. “Because I would.”  
Moving her hand along his length, she let the ends of the tail hit the floor to let him hear it. Keeping her hand on him she swung it around his back again, seeing him jerk. Letting go she walked around to his back again. “I know you would. You’d like it. But tell me why. I’ll let you think about it. In the meantime, count.”   
Gripping the belt harder he braced himself: she only made him count when it was going to be rough.   
Holding the handle In both hands, she started from behind her head, driving the tails down across his back.   
“One.”   
The leather cracked into him again, his body wanting to move away from it but he gritted his teeth.   
“Two.”  
By the fifth hit his entire back was red and his arms were trembling to keep the belt over his head. Everytime he jerked the ropes slid on his skin, the knot under him distracting, the fire across his skin would have made his eyes roll back if he could open them.  
“Five. Angel.”  
“Yes?”  
“You can make me because I want it.”  
Her fingers traced the skin between the ropes. “Hmm, good start. You do want it, I can tell. You like it. We know this. But that’s a by product.” Feeling her hands he knew she was coming around to his front. Cherish chuckled, touching a finger to the tip of his cock. “You really like it.” Her tongue flicked out to catch the pre cum that had gathered, surprising a groan from him. “Guess who’s not going anywhere until you answer correctly? You’re stuck.”  
His forehead creased in a frown and then it clicked: he wasn’t held in place by anything other than her words. “Because I want what you want.”  
“Ooo better. That’s true. But that’s not right either.” She tapped her fingers into his stomach. “Flex for me, I need your front to match your back.”  
Striking crossways into his stomach she watched him flinch forward, the belt coming lower as he fought the reaction to curl inwards. He straightened immediately. “Six.”

She repeated her hits until his front was red and he was gasping. Despite his desire for pain he did have a limit, and his erection was fading. “Twelve.”   
“No answer?” He shook his shead, breathing hard, toes gripping the floor. Cherish brought her body flush with his, pressing into him, hugging around his torso, lighting up his now tender skin. Kissing up his chest to his neck she sucked hard, leaving a path of hickies above where his shirt would cover. Her hands followed his arms up under she couldn’t reach, the touches making him sigh.   
“Think back. What are you getting these for? Why are we doing this? Why would you let me do this until you can’t take it? What is keeping you standing here?” Grabbing a fistfull of his hair Cherish kissed him softly, running her other hand down his stomach to cup his balls.   
When the kiss ended she lightly trailed her fingers across his dick. “Fuck.” He whispered, half out of his mind with desire.   
“Oh we will. But answer me.” Holding his hair tightly kept his lips touching hers as she spoke. “I can do all these things to you because….?”   
“Because I’m yours.”  
“That’s right. Finally. You really have forgotten.” Her voice purred, and he shook his head as much as her grip would allow. Letting go of his hair she held his chain. “You are mine. Do you understand?”  
Nodding to her he leaned down, hoping she would kiss him but she moved away. 

Holding the belt above his head was making his arms go numb, his shoulders starting to shake. Walking behind him she kissed the muscles. “Do you think you have to earn that?”   
“Yes Angel.”   
She chuckled. “Well you don’t. You’re doing this,” She tapped on his shaking arm, “Because you want to. You’re always mine. Because you want to be. And I want you.” Kissing the middle of his back, she tangled her fingers in the ropes. “Put your arms down.”   
With a gasp he dropped his arms, his head falling forward, the blood rushing down his veins. Coming back to his front she ran her hands over his skin, massaging the blood down.   
“That feel ok?” When nodded, she continued. “Don’t fight me.”  
As she put her hands on his chest his lips curled into a smile.   
“What?”  
“I’d never fight you.”  
Holding his chin she booped his nose. “You would too, cause you like acting out.”   
Fingers tangled in his ropes, she walked him backwards and pushed. He let himself fall onto the bed with relief, which lasted until his skin touched the bed and the heat made him hiss. Knowing not to move he laid still, feeling her climb on top of his legs again. The warmth of her body felt better than the most comfortable bed, the blindfold narrowed his world to only her, and his mind released the last threads of worry.  
Her fingers traced inside the diamonds on his skin, humming when he jumped and his abs went taunt.   
“Such a pretty toy. God, you look so perfect, all wrapped up.” She crooned to him, her voice soft. “And you’re mine. Always mine. Now that we’ve fixed that you had forgotten that, we’re gonna focus on that busy mind of yours. I’m going to have to turn your brain off. And I love doing that. You’re so fun to play with my love.” It was the first time she had used love in a play session, and it stunned him a little to hear it. It washed over him in a wave and it took a minute to answer her.   
“Thank you Angel.” Hearing how quiet his voice was, she smiled.   
“Are you headed down farther hun? Gonna stop talking on me?”   
Immediately, he nodded, relief at her being able to read him making him relax. Knowing he was headed there made a thought come into his head that he needed to tell her.   
“Tie me more.”  
She paused, watching him closely. “So that you can get out?” He shook his head and her brows raised. “Are you sure?”  
“Yeah. I want it. Please.”   
Leaning forward she kissed him hard, her hands on his biceps to hold him down. He pressed up to meet her, urgency in every line of his body, whispering please again. Still holding the belt, he felt her tugging on it, but not sure what she wanted he just let them pull his hands until her fingers made him let go. She made two loops and wrapped the leather around his wrists, creating cuffs that held his wrists together, keeping hold of the loose end. If she let go it would go slack, and she made a fist just under the loops after explaining it to him. Moving his hands out of her way she began kissing down his chest following the lines of the ropes while grinding herself down on his cock. Sliding to the side of him, she began to stroke his cock and kiss her way up his neck to his ear. The shivers it caused blew his brains out the other side and he was gone, fully wrapped into subspace. His body was floating, held together by her touch and the ropes that bound him to her. If she asked him to do something he would, when she asked a question he would nod, even if he didn’t understand what she said. She played with his body, chasing his reactions, his pleasure and hers. As she used her mouth on him, she moved his hands so he could touch her hair. It could have been a minute or ten before he was gasping and gritting his teeth, trying to hold back, his fingers clutching at her. She took him to the edge and left him there, her touches changing from too much to too soft, then starting the exquisite torture over again.

Her fingers touched him everywhere, her lips found the places on him that drew noises, and she guided him to do the things he loved to do. She kissed and sucked her way up his body, leaving purpling hickies all over him. He sighed in pleasure when she roughly moved his head to the side to kiss up his neck. Arms pinned under her knees he groaned into her flesh as he licked her, savouring the luxury of her soft thighs, her fingers grazing through his hair. Feeling her moving his head where she wanted him over her slit made him hum with pleasure. His senses were overwhelmed; his skin was hot from his lashing, the ropes hugged his body, her skin touching his, her taste on his tongue. Hearing her praising him as he tried desperately to please her, wishing he could see her but the darkness was so peaceful. When her fingers tightened in his hair and her thighs began to shake, he moaned from happiness even as his cock throbbed with need. 

He cried out feeling her tightness giving way to his cock, the sensations too much, but then felt her nails in his flesh, the pain helping him retreat from the edge. It felt amazing in its own way, the adrenaline racing through him. She held his bound hands to her chest, her other hand pressing him down into the mattress. He could hear her talking to him, and he would have smiled if he wasn’t lost in bliss. Every squeeze of her around his dick made his toes curl, every shift of her hips caused the ropes to press into him, and the knot between his legs pushed into his body, the extra sensation mind numbing. Suddenly his hands were over his head, her soft skin lying on his over the lattice work. She held his wrists into the mattress and kissed him deeply, swallowing his gasps and sharing his breath. Her hips sped up and then slowed, teasing him by lifting up almost off him and then sliding back down fully. 

Now she edged him with her body, changing her technique too often for him to lose himself in a certain groove. The roll of her hips changed to quick thrusts, then torturously slow thrusts. She kissed into his ear and whispered to him, and he chased her for her lips against his. Sitting up on him she brought his fingers to her clit, grinding down onto him until together they made her cum. He was too happy to be frustrated, even though his body was dying for a release he savoured every moment he knew she was at her peak. 

Through the haze in his mind she knew she had given him permission, but she wasn’t rushing him to the finish line. Her fingers traced inside the ropes, relaxing and satisfying his need for her attention as she rode him. Somehow she arranged his arms to be around her back, and he hugged her close. Her hands gripped his face and back of his neck, her lips finding his. The closeness, the intimacy of it was what pushed him over, holding onto her in the darkness and then there was nothing in his mind but a perfect fog. 

***

He wasn’t sure when he noticed that the darkness had changed. Instead of only blackness he saw brown in a circle around it. It was a while before he realized his eyes were open and he was looking into hers, lying on his side as she stroked along his skin. Inhaling he breathed her in, moving forwards for a kiss. Her hands in his hair kept him close, humming against his lips. When they parted he blinked and was able to focus on her entire face, half of him wanting to pull himself together and the other never wanting to leave the space. Despite that, he needed to stretch and this put space between them, which he immediately hated. His arms shot out and pulled her into him, wrapping his leg around her too, holding her to his chest.   
Feeling her hands caressing along his sids he sighed. “How long was I out?”  
He could hear the smile in her voice. “A while. I missed that.”  
Pulling back he tucked her hair behind her ear. “What?”  
“I love seeing you blissed out. I missed all of it. Getting you there, keeping you there, pushing you under, and being with you while you’re there, and now, when you’re not quite yourself.” Cupping his face, she pressed their lips together over and over. “You were right. I was missing something and it was this. Us, like this.”   
He was drowning in her brown eyes. “I missed you so much.”  
“I know. And I’m sorry about that. I was afraid.”   
“So was I.” Talking was bringing him up farther but as always the relaxed feeling stayed.   
“What were you afraid of? That I wouldn’t be your Domme anymore?”   
“Well, partly.” She nodded for him to go on, playing with his hair. “If we never… got back into it… then it would be like part of us had died. And I came so close to losing you twice. I didn’t want part of who you are to be gone. That was killing me.”   
Cherish was quiet, searching his face, finally nodding. “Come on.”   
Feeling her moving to get up, he frowned. “Where are we going?”  
“Well we’re not done. We’re going to check you in the bathroom and make sure you’re not hurt, except in the ways you like. Then we’re going to feed you and hydrate you, and then we’re going to eat junk food on the couch with a horror movie. Otherwise, half the experience is missing. I’m gonna aftercare the crap outta you. No sense risking a drop right?”   
She stood between his knees, smiling into his eyes as he looked up at her, shaking his head.   
He took her hand and lifted it to his lips, seeing her smile. “You’re so good. You’re so good for me, you know that, my love?”  
“Not as good as you are for me.”   
“I suppose we will have to argue about that. Often.” She pulled him to his feet. “Come, I’m not done with you.”  
Feeling happy deep in his bones he followed her out of the bedroom. “Yes Angel.”

***

Epilog 

She kept flipping her wallet open and closed, staring at the shiny new cards. Lifting a hand off the steering wheel he gently closed it, putting it in the back seat and taking her hand.   
“Are you nervous?”   
“Are you?”  
He shrugged. “Maybe a little. They are probably going to embarass me, but I think that comes with the territory.”  
“Did you tell them what to call me?”  
“Yes, but they might forget, we’re going to work on it. We can normalize anything, it’ll be ok.”  
“Are you okay with it?” She asked for the 20th time. He squeezed her hand.  
“Yes, it’s cute. And you’re embracing the possibility of a short form that ends in the y sound. That’s like, huge self improvement.”  
“Don’t shrink me.” She scoffed, turning to look out the window.   
“I wasn’t.” He said softly. “I’m actually trying to support you.”  
“Sorry.”  
He kissed her hand and then let go to make the turn onto the street he had grown up on. Pulling into the driveway he killed the engine and turned fully to cup her cheek.   
“Everything is different now. You’re adjusting to everything. I’m adjusting to everything. We can cut ourselves some slack.”  
She closed her eyes and leaned into his hand before nodding. Taking a deep breath, she opened them and winked. “You know that idiom is about ropes right? Got ropes on your mind hun?”  
“Don’t give me a boner right before we meet my parents. That’s rude.”   
“Just checking that I’ve still got it.”   
He kissed her. “You do.”   
She tangled her fingers in his collar, whispering to him. “I’ve still got you.”

Fin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for coming on this ride with me, hope you enjoyed it. :)


End file.
